Crafting Solutions to Conflict

The ZOPA is the Zone of Possible Agreement. It’s usually considered in the context of business or sales negotiations.  The Zone is the overlap between, for example, what a seller is willing to accept for a car and what a buyer is willing to pay. Or what an employer is willing to pay and an employee is willing to accept. I think the ZOPA idea can be useful in other contexts, too: it is practical and simple to grasp. It's one more concept to consider when thinking creatively about addressing conflicts.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Beth Fisher-Yoshida has a new book, New Story, New Power: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiation. We discuss culture, stories, patterns, and habits. And practical tools to help you move away from what holds you back and reinforce what helps.You can learn more about Beth’s work and contact her here: https://bethfisheryoshida.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Humility is a concept that is misunderstood at times.Some believe that it suggests a low opinion of yourself, that it is a sign of weakness. In fact, the more accurate understanding is that humility is a character strength. It is an indication that you have confidence in your abilities and – better still – you lack the need to brag about yourself. You don’t need to be arrogant. Humility allows you to have better interactions with others – to have no need to show that you think you are better in some way.If I come at you with arrogance and a lack of humility, your first reaction may be to resist and fight your obnoxious opponent. Imagine how different the interaction can be and how much better the relationship can be if humility is exercised. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

My last two guests touched on the idea of using a personal mantra to handle conflict more effectively. Pattie Porter shared that, inside her head, she has several phrases that she has created to help her achieve centering and stabilization when she feels triggered in a conversation. Treena Reillkoff spoke of a mantra of gratitude, a daily acknowledgement of things large or quite small to be grateful for and to build resilience. Creating your own? Be positive, short, and personal.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

Treena Reillkoff works as a Trauma Informed Conflict Management and Resiliency Specialist. We discuss how specific tools, practices, and perspectives can allow us to recognize and nurture resiliency in ourselves and others. Treena is one of 106 co-authors, from 27 countries, and 11 languages who share their insights in the book Grief & Fatigue: Families & the Pandemic: Stories of Struggle and Hope, with proceeds from sales supporting Ukrainian refugees.You can learn more about Treena and contact her here: https://tlrsolutions4conflict.ca/or https://www.linkedin.com/in/treenareilkoff-tlr-solutions4conflict/You can purchase the book - for yourself and to share - here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0B6T8YYQ8https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B6T8YYQ8 Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

At this time of year, Major League Baseball teams are engaged in Spring Training. What could baseball’s Spring Training have to do with conflict?  I see a few lessons to learn about conflict prevention. There’s the very basic idea that practice makes us better – at virtually everything. Probably even improvisation. Definitely in handling conflict well.These games don’t count in the regular season standings. They are an opportunity to practice.They are a chance for the whole team, and parts of the team, to gel. Interpersonal bonds, especially between pitchers and catchers, can be built and nurtured. And, experimentation carries little risk, because the games don’t count in the regular season standings.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

My guest last time, Pattie Porter, talked about Verbal Akido. One point that Pattie made is that something that feels like an “attack” may not be intended to be one. As is true with so much in communications that don’t feel comfortable, I would do well to take a beat, pause for a moment, gather myself…. And think. First, why do I feel attacked? What is it in me that was struck? Next, it is a legitimate criticism?  Is it valid? Now, how can I react?  If it does hit the mark, can I acknowledge that to the other person? Can I learn something here?  Can I resist becoming defensive and rejecting the idea? At the other extreme, can I resist descent into beating up on myself so much that I can’t absorb the benefit of the criticism?Of course, sometimes the speaker could be more thoughtful. If we want it to have a desirable impact, we should make the effort to choose our words carefully.And let’s not forget the tone. Our tone of voice – in spoken language or written – carries at least as much weight as our words and usually more.  Our facial expressions, our body language --both speak volumes.We can be benefit by being more careful in the messages we send and in how we receive them.  Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.  

For nearly thirty years, Pattie Porter  has helped people get better at handling conflict through her work as a coach, trainer, academic, and other roles. And her podcast, the Texas Conflict Coach, shared some of her wisdom. In the last few years, Pattie has become a student and practitioner of Verbal Akido. She shares with us its three steps – in theory and in practice. You can learn more about Pattie and her work, and contact her, through her company website,  https://www.conflictconnections.com.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Usually battles of attrition are associated with violent clashes in wartime. One side tries to wear down the other, to wear them down, exhaust them. But these battles can appear in interpersonal relationships, too.  In those situations, there can be a dynamic effect that can alter the relationship. The one who is being worn down can feel not just defeated, but resentful. If you think you are going to give in, maybe you should do that right away!Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

It’s not unusual to hear the admonition “Don’t get emotional” in the context of conflict. What poppycock. We are humans and we have emotions. It’s far better to recognize that fact, to acknowledge our emotions, and to think about what they are telling us. We should, of course, avoid being ruled by our emotions. We tend to think that only negative emotions can come up in conflict. In fact, positive emotions can be present, too. It’s best to think about our own emotions with some care – and to avoid telling someone else to ignore or simply shut down their own.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.