Lessons from a Quitter

On this podcast episode I want to share something that changed the way I think about certain emotions. I’ve noticed that there are some emotions that we tend to indulge in, even though they don't actually feel good. These are emotions like confusion, worry, and overwhelm. It's like your brain keeps going back to those emotions over and over again, almost on autopilot, which can create a cycle of being stuck.  What’s interesting is that when we’re in this cycle, it feels like we’re being productive. Our brain convinces us that we're solving a problem by constantly thinking about it. We believe that gathering more information, seeking others' opinions, and waiting for certainty will lead us to the right decision. But the truth is, 100% certainty doesn't exist. We need to be aware of when we're simply indulging in confusion out of fear rather than genuinely needing more information.

In this episode of Lessons from a Quitter I talk about the different mindsets people have towards their jobs and how those mindsets can affect their overall experience. I want to help you look at your job as a means to an end, which can free up mental space and energy for other aspects of your life that you want to focus on.  I want to encourage you to make the most of your job, even if you find it boring or unfulfilling, by using any extra time to work on a side hustle, passion project, or new hobby. I also spend some time talking about people who hate their jobs and are making their situation worse by constantly ruminating on negative thoughts about their job. I go over how our thoughts about our jobs can create suffering and energy that take up mental space and prevent us from taking action to change our situation. That’s why I suggest treating your job as an investment in your business. So let’s start focusing on what we can do to make the most of our situation, whether it's finding a new job, starting a side hustle, or simply changing our perspective.

In this episode on Lessons from a Quitter we talk about vulnerability and how the ability to show vulnerability can be hindered by fear. Over time we develop fears about what others will think, fear of being judged, fear of being seen as imperfect. This fear often prevents people from fully showing up and being themselves. We have been conditioned to believe that we should only show up if we are perfect, which is unobtainable, so we are constantly hiding half of ourselves. We need to understand that we are human beings and we are going to be 50% good and 50% bad. We need to learn to embrace our imperfections and not be afraid to show our vulnerable side. Vulnerability is the key to true connection with others. We have been taught to hide our negative emotions or struggles, but this only creates a group of people who are putting on an act. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable we create deeper connections and can live a more authentic life.

I've been coaching more and more people on the issue of layoffs as it's been coming up frequently in my membership, the Quitter Club. In this episode, I talk about the practical and emotional aspects of dealing with layoffs. While the practical steps like updating resumes and networking are important, a significant source of pain and anxiety comes from our thoughts and emotions surrounding the idea of being laid off. It’s important to understand how our thoughts about potential layoffs, dread, anxiety, and uncertainty can add so much unnecessary drama and suffering to an already difficult situation. Learning how to process our emotions, and not solely focus on trying to control the uncertainty of the situation, can help us navigate this difficult time. I share strategies and techniques for managing the emotional impact of layoffs, drawing on my experience coaching clients in similar situations. Tune in to learn how to navigate the challenges of layoffs with resilience and self-compassion.  

Today, we’re going to talk about choosing one goal. Every time I talk about this, I get the most responses that I get to really anything that I talk about. People are upset and they want to explain to me why they should have more than one goal, why it's different for them, why they need to do so much more. And there's a lot of misconceptions of what this one goal rule is. It's perfect timing for this episode as we finished the first quarter of the year, and it’s time to check in and see how you did on your goals. How did that work? If it didn’t work out the way you wanted I want you to maybe suspend your concerns or your skepticism of this concept for quarter two. Just try it. You can always go back. You can have all your goals in Q3 if you want, but just try for the next three months. If I just choose one goal to focus on, let's see how I do.  

In this episode of Lessons from a Quitter, I talk about accepting what is. Sometimes we create so much drama around discomfort that, which only adds unnecessary suffering to an already stressful situation. Today we talk about one of the biggest skills you can have, which is accepting what is and accepting the circumstances in your life. Coming to the realization that you don't control and can’t control everything can free up so much more space to problem solve. Then going about your life not adding all of the unnecessary drama to it, which we’ve discussed before as dirty pain. You can learn to take care of yourself and your needs despite the uncontrollable and ever-changing variables in your life.

In this episode of Lessons from a Quitter, we talk about the importance of taking vacation time. I emphasize on the fact that taking a break is not a luxury, but a necessity. The capitalist system has conditioned us to believe that productivity equals worth, and as a result, many of us struggle to take time off work. We need to change our mindset around vacation time and stop equating rest with laziness. The Puritan work ethic, combined with the capitalist system, has led to the idea that hard work equals godliness. This narrative has been ingrained in us for decades, and it can be hard to break free from it. However, taking time off is essential for our mental and physical health. Tune in to this episode to check in on your thoughts around taking a break. Are you able to enjoy your vacation without feeling guilty or trying to maximize that time to do more?!

Do you know the difference between the problems you were hired to handle and your employer’s problems? I’m assuming you don’t. Because the vast majority of my clients are burned out and exhausted taking on the problems that have nothing to do with their jobs. Corporate America loves to take advantage of employees' perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies to pile on extra work that they are not paid to do. If we’re ever going to maintain our sanity, let alone a work/life balance, we have to get really clear about what we are hired to do. Our jobs are transactional relationships and we get paid for performing a specific set of tasks. That’s it.  In this episode I encourage you to evaluate the tasks you were hired to do and what you are doing that is beyond your pay grade, figure out when you agreed to take on extra work, and how you can change this situation. There are four common problems that arise from employees taking on work they are not paid to do, including doing more work than we are paid for, taking on someone else's responsibilities, working beyond regular hours, and fixing other people's mistakes. Listen in as I encourage you to set boundaries, advocate for yourself, and give back work that is not your responsibility.  

This week, I’m replaying an episode I did in 2019 with Dave Hollis. Unfortunately, Dave unexpectedly passed away last month from heart failure. I wanted to replay this episode as a tribute to him. But, more importantly, I wanted to replay it because there is so much we can learn from Dave and how he lived his life.  In this episode, I dive into what I learned from Dave during our brief interaction on the podcast, how focusing on the fact that life is short can help drive you towards the life you want, and why tragedies like this really put into focus how little it matters what other people think about you and your choices. 

This week, I’m sharing a podcast that I LOVE and had the pleasure of being a guest on: The Get Paid Podcast with Claire Pelletreau.  Claire has a way of asking all of the questions we want to know but are usually afraid to ask: How much money do you make? What do you spend it on? How did you get here (literally step by step)? If you want to hear my entire journey and get the juicy details of every step, make sure to check out this episode.