Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Are you ready to challenge everything you thought you knew about relationships? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with Annie Undone, a writer, artist, and relationship anarchist who's been through it all - from monogamy to swinging, polyamory, and now relationship anarchy. Together, we unpack the raw truth about opening up relationships and why it might just lead to the end of your current partnership... but that's not necessarily a bad thing.The Uncomfortable Truth About Opening UpWhy most people are terrified of opening their relationships (and why they might be right)The challenges of taking it slow when you're excited about new possibilitiesHow to embrace relationship transitions without letting fear hold you backBeyond the Binary: Redefining Love and ConnectionThe beauty of tailoring relationships to fit the people in them, not societal expectationsWhy relationship anarchy isn't just for the polyamorous crowdHow exploring different relationship styles can accelerate personal growth and self-discoveryA Peek into Annie's Upcoming WorkAnnie teases her new ebook, "On Polyamory," coming out in February. It's a collection of 11 essays chronicling the emotional peaks and valleys of her journey through polyamory and the end of her marriage. Find her work on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/annie_undone website - https://ko-fi.com/annieundone/shoppatreon - https://www.patreon.com/annieundoneSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when your partner laughs a little too hard with someone new? Or that tightness in your chest when they're excited about a fresh connection? Jealousy can be an unwelcome guest in our emotional landscape, especially in non-monogamous relationships. But what if I told you that this intense feeling isn't your enemy, but potentially one of your most powerful allies?In this episode, I'm sharing a perspective that completely changed my approach to jealousy. We're looking deep into why jealousy feels so primal, what it's really trying to tell us, and how we can transform it from a source of pain into a tool for growth and deeper connection.Key Insights:Understanding the evolutionary roots of jealousy and why it feels so intenseDecoding the three core messages jealousy typically carriesPractical strategies for working with jealousy instead of against itHow to communicate about jealousy without creating conflictTransforming jealousy into an opportunity for personal growth and stronger relationshipsLearn how to recognize jealousy as a signal from your nervous system, and discover a three-step process to turn that gut-wrenching feeling into a powerful tool for growth. We'll discuss the importance of curiosity, self-reflection, and open communication in navigating these intense emotions."Jealousy isn't about being irrational or dramatic. It shows up because it touches on things that matter to us really, really deeply. Our sense of love, connection, belonging, trust, and safety."Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you tired of jealousy hijacking your relationships? Imagine stepping into 2025 with the power to transform those uncomfortable feelings into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. In this episode, I'm sharing three powerful tools to help you navigate jealousy in non-monogamous relationships with confidence and grace.What You'll Discover:How to identify jealousy in your body before it spirals in your mindThe art of uncovering hidden triggers that fuel jealous thoughtsA game-changing approach to reframing jealousy as a helpful signalKey Insights:Why suppressing jealousy only makes it strongerThe surprising connection between curiosity and relationship growthReal-life examples of transforming jealousy into deeper intimacyWhether you're new to non-monogamy or an old pro, this episode offers practical strategies to help you create lighter, more loving relationships. Learn how to turn jealousy from your enemy into your ally on the path to personal growth.As a relationship coach with over a decade of experience in non-monogamy, I bring both personal insights and professional expertise to help you navigate the complexities of open relationships. My approach combines practical tools with deep emotional work to foster genuine connection and personal growth.Ready to make 2025 the year you finally break free from jealousy's grip? Tune in now and take the first step towards more fulfilling, confident non-monogamous relationships.Get on the waitlist for Beyond Jealousy today. www.elleciapaine.com/jealousySend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you grappling with jealousy in your non-monogamous relationships? Curious about the differences between solo polyamory and relationship anarchy? In this eye-opening episode, I'm joined by the legendary Kathy Labriola, a counselor, nurse, and author with decades of experience guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous folks.Mastering JealousyUnderstanding why jealousy arises and how it differs from envy or covetingPractical strategies for addressing the root causes of jealousySolo Polyamory vs. Relationship AnarchyExploring the nuances between these relationship stylesHow different approaches impact emotional dynamicsBuilding Trust and CommunicationTechniques for creating more honest, deep communication in your relationshipsStrategies for emotional growth and embracing opennessComing Out as PolyamorousKathy's unique "platform release strategy" for navigating this processBalancing personal authenticity with potential consequencesAbout Kathy Labriola:Kathy Labriola is a counselor, nurse, and author with extensive experience in guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous individuals. Her recently updated book, Love and Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships, offers a wealth of wisdom gained from decades in the field.www.kathylabriola.comWhether you're dealing with feelings of insecurity, navigating new relationship dynamics, or simply curious about the intricacies of non-monogamous relationships, this episode provides valuable perspectives to enhance your understanding and practice of ethical non-monogamy.Join us for this thought-provoking discussion that challenges conventional notions of love and relationships, encouraging listeners to explore what authenticity and connection truly mean to them in the context of non-monogamy.Don't forget to leave a review if you enjoy this episode – it's the best way to help the podcast grow and reach more people interested in exploring non-monogamous relationships!Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

How do you turn someone down romantically without creating awkwardness or burning bridges? In this episode, my partner, Danny, and I tackle one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: rejection. Inspired by a question from one of our Patreon supporters, we explore how to say "no" in a way that’s respectful, kind, and true to your own boundaries.Key Topics We Cover:Why Over-Explaining Hurts More Than It Helps: Learn how to set boundaries without feeling the need to justify yourself.Handling Social Dynamics After a Rejection: Discover strategies for maintaining positive connections in your community.Balancing Honesty with Kindness: Find out how to express your needs without hurting others unnecessarily.Practical Tips and Personal StoriesWe both open up about our own experiences with rejection, sharing valuable advice on how to:Stand firm in your boundaries and desires.Communicate with clarity and confidence.Handle rejection with grace when it happens to you.A Conversation Rooted in Self-WorthWe also discuss how to deal with the sting of being turned down. From navigating feelings of hopelessness to rebuilding self-worth, this episode provides actionable insights for building resilience and honoring your authentic self in all interactions."What I want matters more than what others want for me."Bonus Segment for Patreon Supporters:Want an extra does of insight? For our dedicated Patreon friends, we've included an exclusive "Just the Tip" segment with additional insights and a spicy tidbit you won't want to miss. Head over to patreon.com/notmonogamous to to unlock ad-free episodes, Q&A calls, and more perks.Whether you're new to non-monogamy or been on this ride for years, this episode offers tools for navigating rejection with confidence and compassion. Tune in for a conversation that will transform the way you approach saying—and hearing—"no."🎧 Don’t miss this episode. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are You Ready to Rethink How You Date?Tired of endlessly swiping on dating apps and feeling like you're spinning your wheels? In this episode, I sit down with Rozie Erlewine, a compassionate matchmaker and polyamorous community organizer who’s been helping people connect in the Seattle polyamory scene since 2017. Rozie, the founder of Seattle Inclusive Matchmaking and host of polyamorous speed dating events, brings fresh ideas to creating real, intentional connections outside the apps.  Here’s What We Talk About:✨ How Seattle’s polyamory scene has evolved over the years  ✨ Why polyamorous speed dating is changing the game for non-monogamous folks  ✨ The power of slowing down and dating with purpose  ✨ Honest tips for navigating jealousy and insecurity in non-monogamous relationships  ✨ How to build a solid support network within the polyamorous community  Why Rozie’s Approach Stands Out:💡 She takes the time to understand people’s unique relationship goals and styles 💡 Her events and services focus on shared values and long-term compatibility  💡 She’s all about fostering community and creating spaces where people can truly connect  If you’re new to polyamory, curious about alternative ways to meet people, or just looking to refresh your approach to dating, this episode is packed with practical tips and heartfelt insights.  "Finding that balance between commitment and independence in polyamory can be tricky, but it’s magical when you meet people who align with your values."  Join me for this fun and thought-provoking conversation, where we explore how to make dating more meaningful in the world of ethical non-monogamy.  Oh, and don’t forget to check out Rozie’s affordable, inclusive matchmaking services—you might just find your next connection waiting for you! https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61566891230288Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

 Are you ready to get an in-depth look into navigating kink and non-monogamy together? This episode is your ultimate guide to understanding the fascinating intersection of kink, polyamory, and non-monogamous relationships. I’m sitting down with Still, a veteran kink community organizer and co-host of Tasty!—South Seattle's monitored monthly kink night at The Lumber Yard Bar. Together, we unpack what it really takes to create safe, trusting, and authentic experiences in these diverse communities. What You’ll Learn:How Kink, Polyamory, and Swinging Communities Overlap: Discover the surprising similarities and shared practices that bring these communities together.The Power of Clear Boundaries and Pre-Negotiation: Why setting expectations before play is key to building trust and avoiding misunderstandings.Managing Jealousy and Embracing Compersion: Get practical tips on how to navigate the tricky emotions that can arise in non-monogamous dynamics.Safety Tips for Newcomers to Kink Events: From vetting events to understanding the role of dungeon monitors, learn how to make your first kink experience a positive one.The Role of Dungeon Monitors in Creating Safe Spaces: Explore how community support and safety protocols help protect everyone involved.About Our Guest: With over a decade of experience in kink organizing and event production, Still brings a wealth of knowledge to the table. As the co-host of South Seattle’s Tasty! Kink Night at The Lumber Yard Bar, they’re passionate about creating inclusive, educational, and safe spaces for exploring alternative relationship styles. If you’re curious about BDSM or interested in broadening your understanding of non-monogamy, this episode is packed with valuable insights and expert advice. Visit the Lumberyard bar in White Center every first Thursday of the month to attend the public monitored kink night event co-hosted by Still. Listen Now: This episode is for anyone, whether you’re new to the world of alternative relationship structures or a seasoned participant. Tune in for an honest, insightful, and judgment-free discussion that offers fresh perspectives on trust, communication, and self-discovery.Tune in now and subscribe to "Nope! We're Not Monogamous" so you never miss an episode!Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Curious about what it really takes to date in the non-monogamous world? In this episode, I’m joined by Shannon Whaley, an anti-hustle business coach and newly-out polyamorous explorer, as we dive into the challenges and breakthroughs of non-monogamous dating. Together, we break down the nuances of setting clear boundaries, asking the tough but essential questions, and finding self-worth after surviving toxic relationships.Shannon opens up about her journey and how embracing both non-monogamy and BDSM practices has transformed her approach to building healthy, authentic connections. Whether you’re navigating jealousy, learning to communicate needs, or just starting to explore ethical non-monogamy, Shannon’s insights offer a fresh and empowering take on healing, intimacy, and self-discovery.Here's what you'll discover in this episode:How to set and maintain boundaries in non-monogamous relationshipsThe importance of direct communication and asking tough questionsNavigating the complexities of dating while living abroadThe role of BDSM checklists in fostering trust and clear boundariesPractical tools for reclaiming your power and creating meaningful connectionsAbout Shannon Whaley:Shannon is an anti-hustle business coach living in Italy with her two bilingual cats. She's been coaching since 2015, helping service providers build sustainable online businesses. Now, she's navigating her own journey in polyamory and non-monogamy, sharing her insights and challenges along the way. www.shannonwhaley.comWhether you're new to non-monogamous dating or looking to refine your approach, this episode offers a refreshingly honest look at the realities of exploring relationships beyond traditional boundaries. Join us for a conversation that might just change the way you think about connection, communication, and personal growth in the world of ethical non-monogamy."Healing and growth are not only possible, they're powerful. Reclaiming your self-worth after toxic experiences is within reach."Don't forget to rate and review the podcast if you enjoy these conversations. It helps us reach more people and keeps the dialogue open – which is super important in the world of non-monogamous relationships!00:00:00 Introducing Non-Monogamous Dating and Healing After Toxic Relationships00:02:27 Shannon's Journey into Non-Monogamy and Self-Discovery00:06:07 Setting Boundaries and Communicating Effectively00:23:54Navigating Non-Monogamous Dating and Setting Boundaries00:28:00 NaSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever wondered what happens when kink and non-monogamy collide with trauma healing? In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Maeve McBride, a kink and ENM educator, erotic coach, and the Executive Director of Kinkfest 2025, to talk about how these worlds intersect—and it’s not just about the fun stuff (though there’s plenty of that too).Maeve takes us on a journey, from supporting polyamorous families through childbirth to becoming a powerhouse in the kink community. We dig into how kink can actually be a tool for healing trauma and building emotional resilience by providing a structured, consent-driven space for exploration.Here’s what we get into:How kink practices can build trust and create safe spaces for trauma survivorsThe importance of clear communication and consent in both kink and non-monogamous relationshipsPractical tools for managing triggers and building emotional resilienceThe healing power of choosing your own challenges in controlled environmentsHow herbal remedies can enhance intimacy and pleasure (yes, herbs have a place in the bedroom!)And we get into all things Kinkfest, the largest kink convention in the world, and how it creates a judgement-free zone for self-expression and play. Maeve’s ability to mix nurturing mom energy with badass kink educator vibes makes her perspective refreshing and super accessible for those new to the scene.Meet Maeve McBride:Maeve is not your average kink educator. She’s a clinical sexological herbalist and trauma-informed coach who blends her deep knowledge of kink, non-monogamy, and plant medicine into her work. Maeve’s personal healing journey from sexual trauma gives her a compassionate, real-world approach to helping others on their path.www.maevemcbride.comhttps://fetlife.com/users/13527208Whether you’re just dipping your toes into kink, navigating polyamory, or curious about how herbs can spice up your love life, this episode is packed with practical takeaways and new ways to think about consent, communication, and healing. Join us for a mind opening chat that pushes the boundaries of what healing, relationships, and self-expression can look like. You'll walk away with fresh tools and a whole new perspective on creating safe, consensual spaces in your life.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever wondered how sex educators navigate their own intimate encounters? In this candid and eye-opening episode, I sit down with renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for an intimate conversation about the intricacies of communication, consent, and safer sex practices.As we chat on a hotel bed (where else?), Reid shares his wealth of experience and practical wisdom on navigating hookups, casual encounters, and the complexities of intimacy in non-monogamous relationships. With his trademark humor and openness, Reid offers invaluable insights that will leave you feeling more equipped to have those important conversations, whether you're exploring polyamory or simply looking to make your casual encounters more enjoyable and consensual.Key Insights:The art of navigating consent in various contextsPractical strategies for handling unexpected emotions in casual encountersTips for managing disappointment when things don't go as plannedThe importance of clear communication in safer sex practicesHow to approach intimacy at conferences and eventsABOUT REID MIHALKO: As seen on NETFLIX' "Chelsea Does..." alongside Chelsea Handler, Reid Mihalko (he/him) of ReidAboutSex.com is an internationally known sex and relationship geek who threw an orgy for Oprah's OWN Network on Lisa Ling's "Our America." He has led thousands of workshops and play parties, and his work has been covered by media outlets across 7 continents. His charisma and easy to understand, pragmatic advice has helped people at virtual and in-person events. His workshops and college lectures have been attended by over 60,000 people from across the globe. Reid would also like you to know that, in early 2018, some very brave people came forward during #MeToo sharing harms that Reid had caused them. Reid stepped down from teaching and initiated a transformative justice-based accountability process to address his misconduct and make amends if and where possible. The formal, year-long process along with Reid’s apology and resources were shared publicly and can be found at TinyURL.com/reidaccountability. Follow @ReidAboutSex on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237