Nope! We're Not Monogamous

🎉100 episodes! Can you believe it? Three years ago, I was terrified to be on video, worried about getting it all "right." Now, this podcast has become a thriving space for deep, unfiltered conversations about non-monogamy—and it’s all thanks to you! 💜To celebrate this milestone, I’m joined by Aly Moon, a polyamory community leader with 15+ years of non-monogamous experience and 7 years of hosting events in the Pacific Northwest. Aly is all about creating intentional, inclusive spaces where polyamorous folks can connect, learn, and grow together.   In this episode, we dive into:✅ How Aly discovered her identity as an asexual relationship anarchist✅ Finding & building polyamorous community (even if you’re new to it!)✅ Kitchen table vs. parallel polyamory—what’s the real difference?✅ Navigating cohabitation & co-parenting in a polycule✅ The hidden financial perks of non-monogamous living✅ Why serial dating is so common in polyamory—and what it means  💬 Aly’s Hot Take: "Monogamy in this economy? Are you kidding?" Aly shares how shared housing and polyamorous support networks offer real financial & emotional stability.   🌈 Live in the Pacific Northwest? Check out Poly Prom & other upcoming events at polypulse.events and meet your local polyam crew!   Listen now to get inspired & start building your own polyamorous support system!✨ Special Episode 100 Celebration!💜 I couldn’t have done this without you! Whether you’ve been here since day one or just joined, I’m so grateful for this community. Want more behind-the-scenes convos & bonus content? Join me on Patreon → www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 💬 Comment below: What’s your biggest challenge in building polyamorous community?  📢 Let’s Connect!Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Feeling lost in non-monogamy? Struggling with unclear boundaries? Without clarity, your relationships can feel uncertain and chaotic. In this episode, I break down why clarity is EVERYTHING when it comes to thriving in open relationships. 📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:✅ How to define your North Star for relationship clarity✅ The importance of non-negotiables & why they shape your boundaries✅ How to break free from harmful relationship patterns✅ Why shared goals are essential for relationship success✅ How to set clear, actionable boundaries that actually workWant deeper support? Join my 8-week group coaching program, Beyond Jealousy!Get expert guidance on overcoming jealousy, setting boundaries, and building confidence in your non-monogamous relationships.🔗 Sign up now → www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy (Spots are limited!)Send us a textSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you navigating the emotional landscape of non-monogamy? In this episode, I chat with Lola Phoenix, author of "The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy", "The Non-monogamy Journal", and host of the "Non-Monogamy Help" podcast. We chat about the complexities of open relationships and how to build a toolkit for managing the intense emotions that often arise.Key Insights:The importance of having a personal "anchor" in non-monogamous relationshipsCreating a self-care emergency protocol for challenging emotional momentsWhy traditional advice like "just go on a date night" might not always workHow to approach STI discussions and boundaries in open relationshipsThe value of community support in navigating non-monogamous lifestylesWe explore the concept of an "anchor" - a personal reason for choosing non-monogamy that goes beyond just keeping your current relationship intact. Lola explains why this is crucial for weathering the inevitable emotional storms that come with opening up a relationship.A Peek Into the Episode:"I think that anxiety is actually a pretty normal reaction for most people to their relationship opening. And I don't think that you necessarily have to be an anxious person to be super anxious when that's happening." ~Lola PhoenixLola challenges the notion that you can simply "research your way out of feelings" and offers practical advice for creating a self-care plan. We discuss the importance of writing down your strategies for managing difficult emotions, as your brain might not be in a learning state when you're feeling activated.We also touch on the sometimes heartbreaking situations Lola encounters in their advice column, where non-monogamy isn't the real issue, but rather a symptom of deeper relationship problems.Whether you're new to non-monogamy or a seasoned explorer, this conversation offers valuable perspectives on building healthier, more authentic relationships. Join us as we unpack the emotional complexities of open relationships and discover tools for creating more fulfilling connections.Check out Lola's books and resources at nonmonogamyhelp.com, and stay tuned for their upcoming course on practical non-monogamy skills.Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever tried to brush off jealousy, hoping it would simply fade away? In this eye-opening episode, I uncover the hidden costs of ignoring this powerful emotion in non-monogamous relationships.Uncover the truth about jealousy:Why avoiding jealousy actually intensifies its impactHow unaddressed jealousy erodes trust and emotional safetyPractical steps to prevent jealousy from damaging your connectionsWe'll uncover the subtle ways jealousy can take root, even when you think you're "handling it." Learn how to recognize the early signs and address them before they escalate into relationship-threatening issues.Discover strategies for healthier relationships:Creating emotional safety through open communicationTransforming jealousy into a tool for self-awareness and growthBuilding resilience and security in your partnershipsWhether you're new to non-monogamy or been at it for years, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate the complexities of jealousy with grace and intention.Don't miss out on:Real-life examples of how ignored jealousy impacts relationshipsTechniques for addressing jealousy before it spirals out of controlInformation on the "Beyond Jealousy" program for deeper healingReady to stop letting jealousy control your relationships? Tune in now and take the first step towards creating more authentic, secure connections in your non-monogamous journey.As a relationship coach specializing in ethical non-monogamy, I bring years of experience and a compassionate approach to help you transform jealousy from a source of conflict into an opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.Send us a textSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you tired of swiping endlessly on dating apps, feeling like you're getting nowhere? In this episode, I sit down with Julie and Yue, the dynamic duo behind the Dateable podcast and authors of "How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love." These dating experts are here to shake up your approach to modern romance, whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between.We dive deep into why non-monogamous dating often leads to better sex, the importance of DIY-ing your relationships for ultimate happiness, and strategies to overcome dating app burnout. Plus, Julie and Yue share their game-changing insights on:The power of defining your own relationship rulesUnderstanding your dating archetype and how it impacts your love lifeThe secret behind the 24-hour rule in datingHow to connect authentically with potential partnersJulie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. They’re also the hosts and executive producers of the dating experiment show Exit Interview. Julie brings her background in human-centered design and research, while Yue shares her experience as a dating coach. Together you can find them at dateablepodcast.com and @dateablepodcast.  Ready to revolutionize your love life? Don't miss out on Julie and Yue's book, "How to Be Dateable," and take their dating archetype quiz at howtobedateable.com to uncover your unique approach to love and relationships.Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever found yourself caught in the grip of jealousy, promising that next time will be different, only to find those familiar feelings resurface? If you've been trying to tackle jealousy on your own without success, you're not alone. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on why DIY approaches to managing jealousy often fall short, and why deeper work is crucial for lasting change.I'll explore the hidden complexities of jealousy, moving beyond surface-level solutions to uncover the root causes that keep us stuck. I'll share insights on why willpower alone isn't enough and how attempting to suppress or avoid jealousy can actually intensify its grip on our relationships and self-esteem.Key Insights:Why jealousy isn't just an emotion, but a signal pointing to deeper issuesThe common pitfalls of DIY jealousy management and how to avoid themThe importance of structured guidance and professional support in overcoming jealousyHow to recognize when you're ready for real change in your approach to jealousyJoin me as we challenge the notion that we should handle jealousy alone and explore a path towards more peaceful, confident, and connected relationships. It's time to move beyond DIY solutions and embrace a more effective approach to managing jealousy in non-monogamous contexts.Ready to take the next step? Visit elleciapaine.com/jealousy to learn more about the Beyond Jealousy program, an 8-week group coaching experience designed to help you find freedom from jealousy and create more fulfilling relationships.Send us a textSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you ready to challenge everything you thought you knew about relationships? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with Annie Undone, a writer, artist, and relationship anarchist who's been through it all - from monogamy to swinging, polyamory, and now relationship anarchy. Together, we unpack the raw truth about opening up relationships and why it might just lead to the end of your current partnership... but that's not necessarily a bad thing.The Uncomfortable Truth About Opening UpWhy most people are terrified of opening their relationships (and why they might be right)The challenges of taking it slow when you're excited about new possibilitiesHow to embrace relationship transitions without letting fear hold you backBeyond the Binary: Redefining Love and ConnectionThe beauty of tailoring relationships to fit the people in them, not societal expectationsWhy relationship anarchy isn't just for the polyamorous crowdHow exploring different relationship styles can accelerate personal growth and self-discoveryA Peek into Annie's Upcoming WorkAnnie teases her new ebook, "On Polyamory," coming out in February. It's a collection of 11 essays chronicling the emotional peaks and valleys of her journey through polyamory and the end of her marriage. Find her work on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/annie_undone website - https://ko-fi.com/annieundone/shoppatreon - https://www.patreon.com/annieundoneSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when your partner laughs a little too hard with someone new? Or that tightness in your chest when they're excited about a fresh connection? Jealousy can be an unwelcome guest in our emotional landscape, especially in non-monogamous relationships. But what if I told you that this intense feeling isn't your enemy, but potentially one of your most powerful allies?In this episode, I'm sharing a perspective that completely changed my approach to jealousy. We're looking deep into why jealousy feels so primal, what it's really trying to tell us, and how we can transform it from a source of pain into a tool for growth and deeper connection.Key Insights:Understanding the evolutionary roots of jealousy and why it feels so intenseDecoding the three core messages jealousy typically carriesPractical strategies for working with jealousy instead of against itHow to communicate about jealousy without creating conflictTransforming jealousy into an opportunity for personal growth and stronger relationshipsLearn how to recognize jealousy as a signal from your nervous system, and discover a three-step process to turn that gut-wrenching feeling into a powerful tool for growth. We'll discuss the importance of curiosity, self-reflection, and open communication in navigating these intense emotions."Jealousy isn't about being irrational or dramatic. It shows up because it touches on things that matter to us really, really deeply. Our sense of love, connection, belonging, trust, and safety."Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you tired of jealousy hijacking your relationships? Imagine stepping into 2025 with the power to transform those uncomfortable feelings into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. In this episode, I'm sharing three powerful tools to help you navigate jealousy in non-monogamous relationships with confidence and grace.What You'll Discover:How to identify jealousy in your body before it spirals in your mindThe art of uncovering hidden triggers that fuel jealous thoughtsA game-changing approach to reframing jealousy as a helpful signalKey Insights:Why suppressing jealousy only makes it strongerThe surprising connection between curiosity and relationship growthReal-life examples of transforming jealousy into deeper intimacyWhether you're new to non-monogamy or an old pro, this episode offers practical strategies to help you create lighter, more loving relationships. Learn how to turn jealousy from your enemy into your ally on the path to personal growth.As a relationship coach with over a decade of experience in non-monogamy, I bring both personal insights and professional expertise to help you navigate the complexities of open relationships. My approach combines practical tools with deep emotional work to foster genuine connection and personal growth.Ready to make 2025 the year you finally break free from jealousy's grip? Tune in now and take the first step towards more fulfilling, confident non-monogamous relationships.Get on the waitlist for Beyond Jealousy today. www.elleciapaine.com/jealousySend us a textSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you grappling with jealousy in your non-monogamous relationships? Curious about the differences between solo polyamory and relationship anarchy? In this eye-opening episode, I'm joined by the legendary Kathy Labriola, a counselor, nurse, and author with decades of experience guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous folks.Mastering JealousyUnderstanding why jealousy arises and how it differs from envy or covetingPractical strategies for addressing the root causes of jealousySolo Polyamory vs. Relationship AnarchyExploring the nuances between these relationship stylesHow different approaches impact emotional dynamicsBuilding Trust and CommunicationTechniques for creating more honest, deep communication in your relationshipsStrategies for emotional growth and embracing opennessComing Out as PolyamorousKathy's unique "platform release strategy" for navigating this processBalancing personal authenticity with potential consequencesAbout Kathy Labriola:Kathy Labriola is a counselor, nurse, and author with extensive experience in guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous individuals. Her recently updated book, Love and Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships, offers a wealth of wisdom gained from decades in the field.www.kathylabriola.comWhether you're dealing with feelings of insecurity, navigating new relationship dynamics, or simply curious about the intricacies of non-monogamous relationships, this episode provides valuable perspectives to enhance your understanding and practice of ethical non-monogamy.Join us for this thought-provoking discussion that challenges conventional notions of love and relationships, encouraging listeners to explore what authenticity and connection truly mean to them in the context of non-monogamy.Don't forget to leave a review if you enjoy this episode – it's the best way to help the podcast grow and reach more people interested in exploring non-monogamous relationships!Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237