Nope! We're Not Monogamous

How do you turn someone down romantically without creating awkwardness or burning bridges? In this episode, my partner, Danny, and I tackle one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: rejection. Inspired by a question from one of our Patreon supporters, we explore how to say "no" in a way that’s respectful, kind, and true to your own boundaries.Key Topics We Cover:Why Over-Explaining Hurts More Than It Helps: Learn how to set boundaries without feeling the need to justify yourself.Handling Social Dynamics After a Rejection: Discover strategies for maintaining positive connections in your community.Balancing Honesty with Kindness: Find out how to express your needs without hurting others unnecessarily.Practical Tips and Personal StoriesWe both open up about our own experiences with rejection, sharing valuable advice on how to:Stand firm in your boundaries and desires.Communicate with clarity and confidence.Handle rejection with grace when it happens to you.A Conversation Rooted in Self-WorthWe also discuss how to deal with the sting of being turned down. From navigating feelings of hopelessness to rebuilding self-worth, this episode provides actionable insights for building resilience and honoring your authentic self in all interactions."What I want matters more than what others want for me."Bonus Segment for Patreon Supporters:Want an extra does of insight? For our dedicated Patreon friends, we've included an exclusive "Just the Tip" segment with additional insights and a spicy tidbit you won't want to miss. Head over to patreon.com/notmonogamous to to unlock ad-free episodes, Q&A calls, and more perks.Whether you're new to non-monogamy or been on this ride for years, this episode offers tools for navigating rejection with confidence and compassion. Tune in for a conversation that will transform the way you approach saying—and hearing—"no."🎧 Don’t miss this episode. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts!Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are You Ready to Rethink How You Date?Tired of endlessly swiping on dating apps and feeling like you're spinning your wheels? In this episode, I sit down with Rozie Erlewine, a compassionate matchmaker and polyamorous community organizer who’s been helping people connect in the Seattle polyamory scene since 2017. Rozie, the founder of Seattle Inclusive Matchmaking and host of polyamorous speed dating events, brings fresh ideas to creating real, intentional connections outside the apps.  Here’s What We Talk About:✨ How Seattle’s polyamory scene has evolved over the years  ✨ Why polyamorous speed dating is changing the game for non-monogamous folks  ✨ The power of slowing down and dating with purpose  ✨ Honest tips for navigating jealousy and insecurity in non-monogamous relationships  ✨ How to build a solid support network within the polyamorous community  Why Rozie’s Approach Stands Out:💡 She takes the time to understand people’s unique relationship goals and styles 💡 Her events and services focus on shared values and long-term compatibility  💡 She’s all about fostering community and creating spaces where people can truly connect  If you’re new to polyamory, curious about alternative ways to meet people, or just looking to refresh your approach to dating, this episode is packed with practical tips and heartfelt insights.  "Finding that balance between commitment and independence in polyamory can be tricky, but it’s magical when you meet people who align with your values."  Join me for this fun and thought-provoking conversation, where we explore how to make dating more meaningful in the world of ethical non-monogamy.  Oh, and don’t forget to check out Rozie’s affordable, inclusive matchmaking services—you might just find your next connection waiting for you! https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61566891230288Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

 Are you ready to get an in-depth look into navigating kink and non-monogamy together? This episode is your ultimate guide to understanding the fascinating intersection of kink, polyamory, and non-monogamous relationships. I’m sitting down with Still, a veteran kink community organizer and co-host of Tasty!—South Seattle's monitored monthly kink night at The Lumber Yard Bar. Together, we unpack what it really takes to create safe, trusting, and authentic experiences in these diverse communities. What You’ll Learn:How Kink, Polyamory, and Swinging Communities Overlap: Discover the surprising similarities and shared practices that bring these communities together.The Power of Clear Boundaries and Pre-Negotiation: Why setting expectations before play is key to building trust and avoiding misunderstandings.Managing Jealousy and Embracing Compersion: Get practical tips on how to navigate the tricky emotions that can arise in non-monogamous dynamics.Safety Tips for Newcomers to Kink Events: From vetting events to understanding the role of dungeon monitors, learn how to make your first kink experience a positive one.The Role of Dungeon Monitors in Creating Safe Spaces: Explore how community support and safety protocols help protect everyone involved.About Our Guest: With over a decade of experience in kink organizing and event production, Still brings a wealth of knowledge to the table. As the co-host of South Seattle’s Tasty! Kink Night at The Lumber Yard Bar, they’re passionate about creating inclusive, educational, and safe spaces for exploring alternative relationship styles. If you’re curious about BDSM or interested in broadening your understanding of non-monogamy, this episode is packed with valuable insights and expert advice. Visit the Lumberyard bar in White Center every first Thursday of the month to attend the public monitored kink night event co-hosted by Still. Listen Now: This episode is for anyone, whether you’re new to the world of alternative relationship structures or a seasoned participant. Tune in for an honest, insightful, and judgment-free discussion that offers fresh perspectives on trust, communication, and self-discovery.Tune in now and subscribe to "Nope! We're Not Monogamous" so you never miss an episode!Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Curious about what it really takes to date in the non-monogamous world? In this episode, I’m joined by Shannon Whaley, an anti-hustle business coach and newly-out polyamorous explorer, as we dive into the challenges and breakthroughs of non-monogamous dating. Together, we break down the nuances of setting clear boundaries, asking the tough but essential questions, and finding self-worth after surviving toxic relationships.Shannon opens up about her journey and how embracing both non-monogamy and BDSM practices has transformed her approach to building healthy, authentic connections. Whether you’re navigating jealousy, learning to communicate needs, or just starting to explore ethical non-monogamy, Shannon’s insights offer a fresh and empowering take on healing, intimacy, and self-discovery.Here's what you'll discover in this episode:How to set and maintain boundaries in non-monogamous relationshipsThe importance of direct communication and asking tough questionsNavigating the complexities of dating while living abroadThe role of BDSM checklists in fostering trust and clear boundariesPractical tools for reclaiming your power and creating meaningful connectionsAbout Shannon Whaley:Shannon is an anti-hustle business coach living in Italy with her two bilingual cats. She's been coaching since 2015, helping service providers build sustainable online businesses. Now, she's navigating her own journey in polyamory and non-monogamy, sharing her insights and challenges along the way. www.shannonwhaley.comWhether you're new to non-monogamous dating or looking to refine your approach, this episode offers a refreshingly honest look at the realities of exploring relationships beyond traditional boundaries. Join us for a conversation that might just change the way you think about connection, communication, and personal growth in the world of ethical non-monogamy."Healing and growth are not only possible, they're powerful. Reclaiming your self-worth after toxic experiences is within reach."Don't forget to rate and review the podcast if you enjoy these conversations. It helps us reach more people and keeps the dialogue open – which is super important in the world of non-monogamous relationships!00:00:00 Introducing Non-Monogamous Dating and Healing After Toxic RelatSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever wondered what happens when kink and non-monogamy collide with trauma healing? In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Maeve McBride, a kink and ENM educator, erotic coach, and the Executive Director of Kinkfest 2025, to talk about how these worlds intersect—and it’s not just about the fun stuff (though there’s plenty of that too).Maeve takes us on a journey, from supporting polyamorous families through childbirth to becoming a powerhouse in the kink community. We dig into how kink can actually be a tool for healing trauma and building emotional resilience by providing a structured, consent-driven space for exploration.Here’s what we get into:How kink practices can build trust and create safe spaces for trauma survivorsThe importance of clear communication and consent in both kink and non-monogamous relationshipsPractical tools for managing triggers and building emotional resilienceThe healing power of choosing your own challenges in controlled environmentsHow herbal remedies can enhance intimacy and pleasure (yes, herbs have a place in the bedroom!)And we get into all things Kinkfest, the largest kink convention in the world, and how it creates a judgement-free zone for self-expression and play. Maeve’s ability to mix nurturing mom energy with badass kink educator vibes makes her perspective refreshing and super accessible for those new to the scene.Meet Maeve McBride:Maeve is not your average kink educator. She’s a clinical sexological herbalist and trauma-informed coach who blends her deep knowledge of kink, non-monogamy, and plant medicine into her work. Maeve’s personal healing journey from sexual trauma gives her a compassionate, real-world approach to helping others on their path.www.maevemcbride.comhttps://fetlife.com/users/13527208Whether you’re just dipping your toes into kink, navigating polyamory, or curious about how herbs can spice up your love life, this episode is packed with practical takeaways and new ways to think about consent, communication, and healing. Join us for a mind opening chat that pushes the boundaries of what healing, relationships, and self-expression can look like. You'll walk away with fresh tools and a whole new perspective on creating safe, consensual spaSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever wondered how sex educators navigate their own intimate encounters? In this candid and eye-opening episode, I sit down with renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for an intimate conversation about the intricacies of communication, consent, and safer sex practices.As we chat on a hotel bed (where else?), Reid shares his wealth of experience and practical wisdom on navigating hookups, casual encounters, and the complexities of intimacy in non-monogamous relationships. With his trademark humor and openness, Reid offers invaluable insights that will leave you feeling more equipped to have those important conversations, whether you're exploring polyamory or simply looking to make your casual encounters more enjoyable and consensual.Key Insights:The art of navigating consent in various contextsPractical strategies for handling unexpected emotions in casual encountersTips for managing disappointment when things don't go as plannedThe importance of clear communication in safer sex practicesHow to approach intimacy at conferences and eventsABOUT REID MIHALKO: As seen on NETFLIX' "Chelsea Does..." alongside Chelsea Handler, Reid Mihalko (he/him) of ReidAboutSex.com is an internationally known sex and relationship geek who threw an orgy for Oprah's OWN Network on Lisa Ling's "Our America." He has led thousands of workshops and play parties, and his work has been covered by media outlets across 7 continents. His charisma and easy to understand, pragmatic advice has helped people at virtual and in-person events. His workshops and college lectures have been attended by over 60,000 people from across the globe. Reid would also like you to know that, in early 2018, some very brave people came forward during #MeToo sharing harms that Reid had caused them. Reid stepped down from teaching and initiated a transformative justice-based accountability process to address his misconduct and make amends if and where possible. The formal, year-long process along with Reid’s apology and resources were shared publicly and can be found at TinyURL.com/reidaccountability. Follow @ReidAboutSex on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube.Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Navigating the complexities of non-monogamous relationships can be challenging, especially when it comes to dealing with jealousy. In this conversation, I sit down with Ann Russo, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist specializing in non-monogamous relationships, to explore the intricacies of love beyond traditional boundaries.Ann shares her unique perspective, having grown up in a non-monogamous household, and offers valuable insights into the world of ethical non-monogamy. We discuss the importance of communication, self-awareness, and authenticity in building healthy non-monogamous relationships.Key Insights You'll Gain:Understanding the fluid nature of non-monogamy and how it can evolve over timeStrategies for addressing jealousy and insecurity in open relationshipsThe importance of defining personal boundaries and communicating needs effectivelyHow to navigate societal expectations and overcome internalized biasesThe role of self-love and sexual empowerment in non-monogamous relationshipsWe also touch on the challenges of raising children in non-monogamous households and the importance of fostering open, shame-free conversations about love and relationships.Whether you're curious about non-monogamy, currently navigating open relationships, or simply interested in expanding your understanding of diverse relationship structures, this episode offers valuable perspectives and practical advice for creating authentic, fulfilling connections.Ann Russo is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist specializing in non-monogamous relationships. She runs a practice of therapists trained in working with non-monogamous individuals and couples. Ann also provides consulting and training for therapists on non-monogamy, sex-positive approaches, and the intersection of religion and sexuality.Connect with Ann:www.annrusso.orgwww.linkedin.com/in/annrussolcswSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Imagine a game that sparks deep conversations, fosters understanding, and strengthens your relationships. That's exactly what the brilliant minds behind The Non Monogamy Card Game have created. This innovative tool is designed to help you explore the complexities of ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships in a fun and approachable way.In this episode, I sit down with Ayala & Kristen, the creators of this game-changing resource. As professional psychotherapists from Northern California, they've poured their expertise into crafting 150 thought-provoking questions that encourage players to explore their values, desires, and needs within non-monogamous relationships.Discover how the Non Monogamy Card Game can help you:Initiate difficult conversations with ease and curiosityExplore your personal values and how they align with non-monogamous relationshipsCreate living agreements that evolve with your relationshipsFoster deeper understanding between partners and within polyculesNavigate the complexities of non-monogamy with more confidence and clarityJoin us for this eye-opening chat and learn how a simple deck of cards can open up a world of possibilities for your relationships. Whether you're looking to enhance your current non-monogamous partnerships or curious about exploring new relationship structures, this episode offers practical guidance and actionable steps. Get the game www.thenonmonogamycardgame.comSend us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with the incomparable Susan Bratton, a true pioneer in sexual wellness and non-monogamy. With decades of experience under her belt, Susan shares her wealth of knowledge on everything from STI testing to hormone replacement therapy, offering insights that could revolutionize your sex life.Susan's candid approach to discussing her personal journey, including her current throuple arrangement and experiences with over a thousand threesomes, creates a safe space for exploring the intricacies of non-monogamous relationships. Her expertise in sexual techniques, communication skills, and intimate health paints a comprehensive picture of what it takes to cultivate a fulfilling sex life at any age.Key Insights:• The importance of understanding female arousal and desire• Strategies for maintaining sexual health and pleasure as we age• The lowdown on STI testing and safe sex practices in non-monogamous relationships• How to navigate the emotional aspects of disclosing STI status• The potential benefits and risks of new sexual health technologies and treatmentsSusan's Top Tips for Better Sex:1. Embrace "non-negotiables" in the bedroom2. Prioritize relaxation for better arousal3. Explore regenerative therapies for sexual health4. Communicate openly about STI status and testing5. Continuously educate yourself on sexual wellness16:30 https://arousalsecret.com/21:45 https://orgasmiccrosstraining.com/29:30 https://personallifemedia.com/pump-guide/33:58 https://www.glownaturalwellness.com/products/glow-below38:30 http://pleasureprotocol.com/47:49 fullpaneltest.comhttps://gainswave.com/susan/https://betterlover.com/Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Let’s explore the complexities of living in polyamorous relationships with relationship coach Laura Boyle, author of Monogamy? In this Economy?Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory. We discuss the challenges and triumphs of shared living, finances, and parenting in multi-partner households.From cohabitation logistics and financial planning to co-parenting strategies and managing breakups, Laura offers practical advice and candid insights. We also dig into the social stigmas and legal challenges faced by polyamorous families.Discover how real people are navigating the intricacies of polyamory and creating fulfilling lives with multiple partners.Laura Boyle is a relationship coach, educator, and the voice behind the blog at readyforpolyamory.com and the accompanying podcast. She has been an expert voice on the topics of polyamory and parenting for the Boston Globe, the Economist, Parents Magazine, and Cosmopolitan, as well as being polyamorous herself for nearly 20 years. Her coaching practice is largely focused on helping non-monogamous folks through major life transitions, and she's based in New Haven, CT.Send us a textFLOW Nitric Oxide BoosterFLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark!  Support the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237