Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Struggling to feel deeply connected in your non-monogamous relationships? Whether you're navigating polyamory, open relationships, or casual connections, meaningful intimacy doesn’t have to take hours of deep conversations or elaborate date nights. In fact, it can start with just five minutes a day.In this episode, I’m sharing five powerful yet simple practices from my Beyond Monogamy 4CNM Method that can help you build stronger, more intimate connections — no matter how complex your relationship landscape may be.✨ Mindful Presence — Give your undivided attention for deeper connection. ✨ Mirrored Breathing — Sync your nervous systems to feel calm and close. ✨ Intentional Touch — Use non-sexual touch to foster warmth and trust. ✨ 5-Minute Check-Ins — Prevent disconnection with short, meaningful chats. ✨ Micro-Appreciations — Boost relationship resilience through daily gratitude.Tune in now and discover how just 15 minutes a week can lead to 13 extra hours of intentional connection every year.Want deeper insights? Visit www.elleciapaine.com to explore my Beyond Monogamy program.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

The dinner party where your partner's other partner shows up. The wedding where you're trying to explain your relationship structure to curious relatives. The community gathering where you're juggling attention between multiple partners.Social events in non-monogamous relationships present unique challenges that most relationship advice completely ignores.In this raw and practical episode, I sit down with Danny to unpack exactly how to navigate these complex situations with confidence. Drawing from our combined experiences, we share the strategies that actually work when theory meets reality.What You'll Learn:Proven pre-event communication strategies that prevent misunderstandingsReal-world techniques for managing jealousy when it hits unexpectedlyHow to balance attention between partners without keeping a mental scorecardPost-event reconnection rituals that strengthen all your relationshipsReal Stories, Real SolutionsWe don't just share theory - we open up about our own awkward moments, painful lessons, and eventual breakthroughs. From Danny's first swinger party anxiety to my own experience navigating family gatherings with multiple partners, we offer the kind of honest insights that only come from lived experience."The goal isn't to never feel uncomfortable," I explain. "It's to have tools to handle the discomfort when it inevitably shows up."Communication is Key: We discuss why talking about your fears and expectations before an event can make all the difference. It's not just about setting rules in your non- monogamous relationships – it's about understanding each other's needs and concerns.Navigating Different Dynamics: From swinger parties to polyamory gatherings, we explore how to handle various social situations with multiple partners. Learn how to balance attention and manage different relationship structures in public settings.Building Confidence: Discover how each social event is an opportunity to grow more secure in your open relationships and yourself. We share personal stories of overcoming anxiety and building resilience.Want the Non-Monogamy Card Game? Get your discount with coupon code NOPE10 https://www.thenonmonogamycardgame.com/products/the-gameRemember, feeling nervous about these situations is completely normal. The key is learning how to work through those feelings and create positive experiences for yourself and your partners.Join us for an honest, sometimes humorousSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's version of a "good" relationship? That moment when you realize you've been checking boxes you never actually chose for yourself? I've been there, and it's time we talk about moving from relationship "shoulds" to relationship "coulds."In this episode, I'm sharing my journey from living a picture-perfect life on the outside while hiding a painful reality behind closed doors. Together, we'll explore how to break free from inherited relationship scripts and create connections that truly honor who you are.What You'll Discover:How to identify relationship "shoulds" that were installed in you like unwanted softwareWhy giving yourself permission to want more isn't selfish—it's essentialA step-by-step process for creating your authentic relationship visionPractical tools to transform your vision into living, breathing realityKey Insights:Uncovering Inherited Beliefs: I share how I felt threatened when my husband's girlfriend made him lunch - not because I wanted to make lunch, but because I'd absorbed the belief that "good partners feed their partners." We'll explore where these beliefs come from and how to choose which ones actually serve you.The Desire Inventory: Learn how to conduct a judgment-free exploration of what you truly want in relationships, without apology or explanation.Designing Your Authentic Relationship: Explore dimensions like power dynamics, attention needs, and personal boundaries to craft connections that energize rather than drain you.Making It Real: Discover practical tools including "connection conversations" that focus on the quality of relationships rather than labels or hierarchy.Remember: Your perfect relationship doesn't look like anyone else's - and that's exactly how it should be.Resources Mentioned:Free Guide: "Let's Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations"Book Reference: "Unbound" by Kasia UrbaniakBeyond Monogamy Program: elleciapaine.comJoin me as we challenge conventional notions of what relationships "should" be and explore the endless possibilities of what they "could" be. It's time to create connections that feel like coming home to yourself, not leaving yourself at the door.Ready to dive deeper? Download my free guide, "Let's Talk About It: Your Guide to Ethically Non-Monogamous Conversations" at elleciapaine.com/conversations and start builSend us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you trying to navigate ethical non-monogamy through trial and error? In this episode I reveal why the DIY approach to non-monogamy often leads to unexpected emotional and relationship costs.Episode Highlights: • Understanding the hidden costs of unsupported non-monogamy • Real stories from couples navigating ethical non-monogamy • Practical solutions for common non-monogamous relationship challenges • Expert strategies for building successful non-monogamous relationshipsThe Real Price of DIY Non-MonogamyI break down five often-overlooked costs that can derail your non-monogamous journey:Trust Bankruptcy: How small mistakes create lasting damageEmotional Debt Spiral: The compound interest of unprocessed feelingsCommunity Isolation: Why going it alone increases riskTime Lost to Recovery: The true cost of preventable mistakesRelationship Wear and Tear: Understanding cumulative damageEach of these can silently erode the foundation of your relationships, often before you even realize what's happening.From Struggle to Success: Practical SolutionsBut don't worry – I'm not just here to paint a gloomy picture. I offer three powerful steps you can take right now to protect your relationships and set yourself up for success in non-monogamy:Assess and build your support systemIdentify your knowledge gapsCreate a relationship safety netPlus, I share a bonus tip on establishing success metrics that most people overlook."Working with Ellecia gave me more clarity in eight weeks than I found in two years of trying to figure it out alone."If you're tired of stumbling through the dark and ready to illuminate your path in non-monogamy, this episode is your beacon. Learn how to avoid costly mistakes, build a strong foundation, and create the fulfilling, authentic connections you've been seeking.Ready to stop paying the hidden costs of DIY non-monogamy? Visit elleciapaine.com/call to book your clarity chat and discover how we can work together to transform your non-monogamous journey.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

🎉100 episodes! Can you believe it? Three years ago, I was terrified to be on video, worried about getting it all "right." Now, this podcast has become a thriving space for deep, unfiltered conversations about non-monogamy—and it’s all thanks to you! 💜To celebrate this milestone, I’m joined by Aly Moon, a polyamory community leader with 15+ years of non-monogamous experience and 7 years of hosting events in the Pacific Northwest. Aly is all about creating intentional, inclusive spaces where polyamorous folks can connect, learn, and grow together.   In this episode, we dive into:✅ How Aly discovered her identity as an asexual relationship anarchist✅ Finding & building polyamorous community (even if you’re new to it!)✅ Kitchen table vs. parallel polyamory—what’s the real difference?✅ Navigating cohabitation & co-parenting in a polycule✅ The hidden financial perks of non-monogamous living✅ Why serial dating is so common in polyamory—and what it means  💬 Aly’s Hot Take: "Monogamy in this economy? Are you kidding?" Aly shares how shared housing and polyamorous support networks offer real financial & emotional stability.   🌈 Live in the Pacific Northwest? Check out Poly Prom & other upcoming events at polypulse.events and meet your local polyam crew!   Listen now to get inspired & start building your own polyamorous support system!✨ Special Episode 100 Celebration!💜 I couldn’t have done this without you! Whether you’ve been here since day one or just joined, I’m so grateful for this community. Want more behind-the-scenes convos & bonus content? Join me on Patreon → www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 💬 Comment below: What’s your biggest challenge in building polyamorous community?  📢 Let’s Connect!Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Feeling lost in non-monogamy? Struggling with unclear boundaries? Without clarity, your relationships can feel uncertain and chaotic. In this episode, I break down why clarity is EVERYTHING when it comes to thriving in open relationships. 📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:✅ How to define your North Star for relationship clarity✅ The importance of non-negotiables & why they shape your boundaries✅ How to break free from harmful relationship patterns✅ Why shared goals are essential for relationship success✅ How to set clear, actionable boundaries that actually workWant deeper support? Join my 8-week group coaching program, Beyond Jealousy!Get expert guidance on overcoming jealousy, setting boundaries, and building confidence in your non-monogamous relationships.🔗 Sign up now → www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy (Spots are limited!)Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you navigating the emotional landscape of non-monogamy? In this episode, I chat with Lola Phoenix, author of "The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy", "The Non-monogamy Journal", and host of the "Non-Monogamy Help" podcast. We chat about the complexities of open relationships and how to build a toolkit for managing the intense emotions that often arise.Key Insights:The importance of having a personal "anchor" in non-monogamous relationshipsCreating a self-care emergency protocol for challenging emotional momentsWhy traditional advice like "just go on a date night" might not always workHow to approach STI discussions and boundaries in open relationshipsThe value of community support in navigating non-monogamous lifestylesWe explore the concept of an "anchor" - a personal reason for choosing non-monogamy that goes beyond just keeping your current relationship intact. Lola explains why this is crucial for weathering the inevitable emotional storms that come with opening up a relationship.A Peek Into the Episode:"I think that anxiety is actually a pretty normal reaction for most people to their relationship opening. And I don't think that you necessarily have to be an anxious person to be super anxious when that's happening." ~Lola PhoenixLola challenges the notion that you can simply "research your way out of feelings" and offers practical advice for creating a self-care plan. We discuss the importance of writing down your strategies for managing difficult emotions, as your brain might not be in a learning state when you're feeling activated.We also touch on the sometimes heartbreaking situations Lola encounters in their advice column, where non-monogamy isn't the real issue, but rather a symptom of deeper relationship problems.Whether you're new to non-monogamy or a seasoned explorer, this conversation offers valuable perspectives on building healthier, more authentic relationships. Join us as we unpack the emotional complexities of open relationships and discover tools for creating more fulfilling connections.Check out Lola's books and resources at nonmonogamyhelp.com, and stay tuned for their upcoming course on practical non-monogamy skills.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever tried to brush off jealousy, hoping it would simply fade away? In this eye-opening episode, I uncover the hidden costs of ignoring this powerful emotion in non-monogamous relationships.Uncover the truth about jealousy:Why avoiding jealousy actually intensifies its impactHow unaddressed jealousy erodes trust and emotional safetyPractical steps to prevent jealousy from damaging your connectionsWe'll uncover the subtle ways jealousy can take root, even when you think you're "handling it." Learn how to recognize the early signs and address them before they escalate into relationship-threatening issues.Discover strategies for healthier relationships:Creating emotional safety through open communicationTransforming jealousy into a tool for self-awareness and growthBuilding resilience and security in your partnershipsWhether you're new to non-monogamy or been at it for years, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate the complexities of jealousy with grace and intention.Don't miss out on:Real-life examples of how ignored jealousy impacts relationshipsTechniques for addressing jealousy before it spirals out of controlInformation on the "Beyond Jealousy" program for deeper healingReady to stop letting jealousy control your relationships? Tune in now and take the first step towards creating more authentic, secure connections in your non-monogamous journey.As a relationship coach specializing in ethical non-monogamy, I bring years of experience and a compassionate approach to help you transform jealousy from a source of conflict into an opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you tired of swiping endlessly on dating apps, feeling like you're getting nowhere? In this episode, I sit down with Julie and Yue, the dynamic duo behind the Dateable podcast and authors of "How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love." These dating experts are here to shake up your approach to modern romance, whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between.We dive deep into why non-monogamous dating often leads to better sex, the importance of DIY-ing your relationships for ultimate happiness, and strategies to overcome dating app burnout. Plus, Julie and Yue share their game-changing insights on:The power of defining your own relationship rulesUnderstanding your dating archetype and how it impacts your love lifeThe secret behind the 24-hour rule in datingHow to connect authentically with potential partnersJulie Krafchick & Yue Xu are active daters turned dating insiders, and top influential voices of modern dating, relationships, and connection in the digital world. They’re the authors of How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love and the co-hosts of the hit podcast Dateable, which has been named one of the top podcasts about modern dating and relationships by the New York Times, The Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, and more. They’re also the hosts and executive producers of the dating experiment show Exit Interview. Julie brings her background in human-centered design and research, while Yue shares her experience as a dating coach. Together you can find them at dateablepodcast.com and @dateablepodcast.  Ready to revolutionize your love life? Don't miss out on Julie and Yue's book, "How to Be Dateable," and take their dating archetype quiz at howtobedateable.com to uncover your unique approach to love and relationships.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever found yourself caught in the grip of jealousy, promising that next time will be different, only to find those familiar feelings resurface? If you've been trying to tackle jealousy on your own without success, you're not alone. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on why DIY approaches to managing jealousy often fall short, and why deeper work is crucial for lasting change.I'll explore the hidden complexities of jealousy, moving beyond surface-level solutions to uncover the root causes that keep us stuck. I'll share insights on why willpower alone isn't enough and how attempting to suppress or avoid jealousy can actually intensify its grip on our relationships and self-esteem.Key Insights:Why jealousy isn't just an emotion, but a signal pointing to deeper issuesThe common pitfalls of DIY jealousy management and how to avoid themThe importance of structured guidance and professional support in overcoming jealousyHow to recognize when you're ready for real change in your approach to jealousyJoin me as we challenge the notion that we should handle jealousy alone and explore a path towards more peaceful, confident, and connected relationships. It's time to move beyond DIY solutions and embrace a more effective approach to managing jealousy in non-monogamous contexts.Ready to take the next step? Visit elleciapaine.com/jealousy to learn more about the Beyond Jealousy program, an 8-week group coaching experience designed to help you find freedom from jealousy and create more fulfilling relationships.Send us a texthttps://elleciapaine.com/callSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237