Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Words are powerful. Sometimes, it’s that one phrase, that bit of encouragement, or that motivational quote—reminding us we CAN make it through the dark days and we CAN find our joy again! Because there will be dark days. They’re part of life; we can’t avoid pain, but we can dig deep. We can persevere! As Tracey Janowitz puts it, “Life is sweaty. Work it out.” Tracey created her apparel line, SweatySwag, in the wake of grief and struggles. In this third segment of our Women Making it Happen in Their Careers series, hear how Tracey took her pain and turned it into an inspiring brand encouraging women to believe in themselves, know their worth, and remember that when life gets sweaty, they can work it out!

We say it every week on Love & Life, “Take charge of your thoughts, take charge of your life!” And, we touch on strategies for doing so in almost every episode. But this week, I wanted to devote the entire conversation to negative thoughts—and what we can do about them! Psychotherapist Kate Lambie, LCPC, joins me to share therapeutic techniques from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). Join us to learn the counterintuitive process of accepting negative thoughts in order to move through them!

Recently a listener asked me, “What if subconscious beliefs are affecting my love life and I don’t even know it?” Great question! Our beliefs—even those we’re unaware of—absolutely impact our relationships in profound ways. To explore this topic in depth—and to examine how beliefs affect couples, too—I’ve invited marriage therapist, Elliott Anderson, M.A. (aka my brother), to share what he’s learned from 30 years of working with couples. Join us to delve into:· How our negative beliefs about relationships can inadvertently manifest exactly what we fear!· The power in identifying the meaning beneath beliefs, and how to reframe this meaning in a positive direction.· The importance of examining beliefs passed down from our family of origin—and how our single adult years facilitate this process.· Why we MUST keep our standards high in dating and in marriage!· What to do if we don’t truly believe we’re worthy of love.· How a therapist’s belief in a couple’s potential provides hope and emboldens their relationship.When it comes to beliefs, what we don’t know CAN hurt us! But through introspection—and therapy when needed—we can uncover subconscious beliefs, challenge them if necessary, and choose ones that best serve us in love and life!

Happiness—it’s about doing all the fantastic, fulfilling, fabulous things, right? Or maybe, it’s about NOT doing all the fantastic, fulfilling, fabulous things! As a thirtysomething writer and podcast host living in Manhattan, Jacqueline Raposo had fantastic friends, a fulfilling career, and she lived in a most fabulous city. And sure, she felt happy-ish, but something was amiss. In a counterintuitive move, Jacqueline decided her malaise might best be addressed by eliminating some of the things. Throughout the next year, she removed elements from her life for designated periods of time e.g. social media, sugar, shopping, negative thoughts, waste. What started as a personal quest for clarity morphed into a book, The Me Without: A Year Exploring Habit, Healing and Happiness. Join us to hear what Jacqueline learned by living without!

It’s easy to get discouraged if we’re single and we don’t want to be. We worry we’re wasting time—time we could be building into a fantastic marriage. But science shows we can actually work on our future marriage while we’re still single! Join Dan and me as we share psych research from Tara Parker Pope’s book, For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed. We dish on the following research-based strategies:· How keeping your standards high when you’re single sets you up for a stellar marriage!· Why communication is not necessarily the key.· Habits—establishing good ones and avoiding bad ones.· Sex, sex, and more sex.· The importance of creating excitement.· How the emotional work you do as a single adult prepares you to be a better, more loving spouse once you do get married.Even if you’re single for much longer than you hoped to be (as I was), know that no experience is ever wasted! Take a listen to learn tangible steps you can take today to build a solid foundation for your future marriage!

www.loveandlifemedia.com If you’ve been on the dating scene for long enough, you’ve definitely heard this one, ”It’s not you, it’s me.” Maybe it was the explanation he gave when he broke up with you. Or perhaps it’s the reason she says she can’t commit. Either way, it’s confusing and unsatisfying—of course it’s not you! You did nothing wrong! And also, you’re awesome! Then again, part of you worries that maybe you did mess things up. Is it possible you said or did something to ruin the relationship? Well, yes and no. . . Join me to learn how our best intentions often work against us and actually increase the likelihood of us hearing, “It’s not you, it’s me.” I also examine psych research which reveals the one thing we should NEVER do if we hope to keep a relationship moving forward.

In her early twenties, Liz Forkin Bohannon identified an “integrity gap” between what she claimed she cared about—issues facing women living in extreme poverty—and how she conducted her daily life. So, she quit her job and bought a one-way ticket to Uganda. Fast forward to 2019, Liz is the CEO of Sseko Designs, a fair-trade, fair-wage fashion brand employing and empowering women in Uganda and the U.S.! In this segment of our Women Making it Happen in Their Careers series, you’ll hear how Liz’s “beginners pluck” helped her “actively co-create the world she wanted to live in” and how YOU can support Sseko’s mission! Spoiler alert: supporting Sseko’s missions involves shopping for gorgeous bags, jewelry, and shoes—what a fantastic way to help empower women! P.S. In our conversation, Liz and I realized we’re reading the same book at the moment so we meandered into a few psychological and sociological topics just for fun e.g. how comparing ourselves to others objectifies them, why risk taking is essential for building self-esteem, and how an inadvertent indoctrination of cognitive distortions is related to the rise in depression and anxiety in the U.S.

Sports anchor Laura Behnke had it all—high-powered career in NYC, fantastic friends, and amazing travels. The one thing she didn’t have? A husband. In fact, at 35 Laura had never been in a long-term relationship. And everyone wanted to know why. How could a bright, beautiful, successful woman like her be single? Over the years, Laura experienced her fair share of “single shaming” and frankly, she still experiences it, even though she’s now happily married—which is why Laura created her platform, Life Actually and its slogan, #OwnYourTimeline!Join us to discuss:Ways to deal with invasive questions about your love life—or lack thereof.How to reframe your experiences to take charge of your thoughts!Being a strong, independent woman who still wants a husband and kids.How Laura integrated what she learned in therapy to embrace her “life actually!”As Joseph Campbell put it, “We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that’s waiting for us.” Laura did exactly this and she’s here to help you do the same!

It’s definitely complicated in today’s dating scene—can we learn to date smarter, not harder? Of course, we can! In this Q&A episode, I respond to 3 questions from listeners striving to navigate the disorienting and often demoralizing dating landscape:1. “Danielle” wants to know if she should go on a second date if she’s not feeling sparks during the first date.2. “Sarah” wonders if after 5 ½ years of dating “Chris” on and off, should she tell him her true feelings? And furthermore, is a legitimate, committed relationship with him even possible after so much back and forth?3. “Lily” and her ex-boyfriend, “John,” have remained friends for years. He visits (from overseas) once or twice a year and financially supports her and her children (although they aren’t his). John is in love with Lily and though Lily loves him as a friend and appreciates his years of commitment to her and her kids, she doesn’t have romantic feelings for him. Then again, he’s such a good guy, she wishes she could fall for him and wonders if there’s a psychological block that keeps her from cultivating romantic feelings with a man who loves her so much as is deeply committed to her.I give in-depth responses to these in-depth questions—and Dan provides a male perspective for question 2! Join us to learn how to date smarter, not harder! MusicTrack Name: 'Good Day'Music By: Low Frequency Music @ https://soundcloud.com/user-551516820License for commercial use: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported "Share Alike" (CC BY-SA 3.0) License.Track Name: "Time Flies"Music By: "KaizanBlu"Licence: Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0)Track Name: 'Opportunity'Music By: Low Frequency Music @ https://soundcloud.com/user-551516820License for commercial use: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported "Share Alike" (CC BY-SA 3.0) License.

When a relationship breaks down, we want answers—especially when things end abruptly or we get ghosted. We feel hurt and confused, and we hope getting “closure” will somehow help us process our grief and move on. But will it? And perhaps the question most central to this conversation—is closure actually a thing? In this episode I delve into the concept of closure, addressing these questions and sharing two circumstances from my dating history—one time when I was looking for closure, but didn’t get it; and another instance when my ex asked me for closure, but I struggled to provide it. Join me for a deep dive into closure, as we examine why it’s so hard to get—and sometimes even harder to give.