Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Most characteristics of depression—sadness, feelings of worthlessness, anhedonia—though undesirable, are fairly straightforward. But according to clinical psychologist, Dr. Margaret Robinson Rutherford, sometimes depression hides. In her book, Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression, Dr. Rutherford describes the underlying depression beneath many people’s perfectionism. According to Dr. Rutherford, deep-seated depressive symptoms such as shame and worthlessness often fuel and sustain the drive for perfection. Those with Perfectly Hidden Depression (PHD) feel many things—pressure, worry, self-reproach—but they don’t feel depressed. PHD isn’t obvious—to them or anyone around them—which is why it’s perfectly hidden. Join us to better understand Perfectly Hidden Depression, bring it to light, and find healing.

It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A! This week I address the following questions:1. “Hannah” met a guy about 2 months ago. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden, he stopped calling her every night and he texted less frequently. Finally, she called him and their conversation felt very awkward. Since then, he hasn’t contacted her and he’s not active on social media. Now she wonders what happened and if she should call one more time to see if he’s okay.2. “Tanya” was dating her bf for 7 months. He recently broke up with her because he felt he needed to focus on himself—he has Bipolar with mixed features and he now suspects he may have PTSD. Tanya has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and due to the breakup, she can’t eat or sleep, and has been feeling increased anxiety. Her psychiatrist prescribed a mood stabilizer and has now diagnosed her with ADD and Bipolar II. Two things concerned her about the Bipolar diagnosis—1) she’d watched an IGTV in which I discussed Bipolar II and diagnostic inflation and 2) her sister’s neurosurgeon had also mentioned that Bipolar II is often misdiagnosed. She was curious if I had any additional thoughts or suggestions.3. “Michelle” wants to know how to make things work with her bf. He was diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti-depressants in early adulthood, but he doesn’t take any medication now. He’s on disability and she worries he’s lost his purpose and enthusiasm for life. He’s emotionally detached from her, isn’t affectionate, and never tells her he loves her—all of which makes her feel insecure. He won’t even hug her—she has to force his arms around her. She’s mentioned maybe they should part ways, but when she brings up this topic, he doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s not sure what to do.Join us to explore these complex concerns and submit your question via my website: loveandlifemedia.com.

We’re living in an unpredictable and unprecedented time—in the midst of a global pandemic. No one knows what to think, or what to feel, or what to do. But we can navigate these uncharted waters by managing our mindset. To help us do so, I’ve invited mindset coach, Leisse Wilcox to the program. Leisse and I discuss:How to make radical shifts in your mindset and life—even during these chaotic times!Why we need to “feel it” to “heal it.”Challenges and the opportunities they hold!Why our mind wants us to stay negative—and how to tackle this.The power of “zooming out.”How anxiety and depression serve to protect us (despite the fact they’re undesirable).Masculine and feminine energy as they relate to sheltering in place.Tangible strategies for saving your marriage during this time—should it need saving.Bonus content: How to talk to our kids about the pandemic (wisdom from a former Montessori teacherLeisse puts it this way, “Whenever you feel you don’t have control of anything, remind yourself, ‘I actually always have control of one thing and one thing alone, how I’m choosing to respond.’” Join us to take charge of your mindset, which takes charge of everything else!

We’ve entered an unprecedented era—one for which none of us could have been prepared. Surging Covid-19 diagnoses and mandated social distancing heighten fear, stoke anxiety, and exacerbate loneliness and isolation. In our “new normal” we feel helpless—frankly, no one knows just what to do. So we do what we can, by sharing support in any way we’re able. Today on Love & Life, I highlight past episodes with supportive content for tackling anxiety and negative thinking. In the coming weeks, I’ll be posting additional podcast episodes featuring anxiety and mindset experts to help us manage the emotional vicissitudes of this uncertain time. Please join me on Instagram at @dr.karin where I’m hosting a weekly “Girls Night In” each Friday and additional Insta Lives to help us remain connected in the midst of social distancing. I’m here for you. Keep the faith. We’re all in this together. Music provided by HearWeGoArtist: Serein Title: ReconcileListen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/9WrfveQT2DY

What can Netflix’s Love is Blind teach us about our own relationships? SO much! In this final Love is Blind bonus episode, UK Dating Coach of the Year, Ané Auret, and I share the lessons we can all learn by analyzing the couples’ dynamics. We delve into:- Why Jessica saw Mark’s emotional availability as a “red flag.”- How sabotaging relationships—as several couples did—can be viewed as self-protection.- Why our heartaches, though painful, are never wasted!- The importance of feeling emotionally safe in our relationships—and how the lack thereof fueled - - Giannina and Damian’s fight on the boat in Cancun.- Is love at first sight possible? Or, as with Lauren and Cameron, love before first sight?- Why timing is everything.So many of us resonate with Love is Blind and see ourselves in the couples and their struggles. It’s an underlying theme of the show—and a truism of all relationships—we must embark upon self-understanding and introspection so as to enjoy healthy, fulfilling love!

According to the 2018 U.S. Census Bureau, 19.5 million children (more than 1 in 4) live without a father in the home. These children are 47% more likely to grow up in poverty. Sadly, in addition to financial hardships, fatherless children suffer socially, emotionally and academically. Conversely, psych research demonstrates the myriad benefits of a consistent and close father/child relationship—boys evidence fewer behavior problems and girls are less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior. Clearly, dads matter! To further explore the importance of fathers—both in the lives of their children and for society at large—I invited Emily Hibard, writer, director, and producer of The Honor Project documentary, to the program. In our conversation, we cover:- The inspiration for a documentary about good guys being great dads!- What Emily has noted when working with women in the sex industry as it pertains to their relationships with their fathers. - The reality that honoring fathers does NOT take away from mothers.- Men and masculinity (spoiler alert: Many are scared to talk about it!)- The different ways fathers show love.- How a man’s definition of masculinity and strength changes as he becomes a husband and father.- The reservations many men feel when stepping into fatherhood—especially if their fathers weren't around when they were young.- The importance of forgiveness—forgiving our father for any “father wound” we may have experienced. Fathers and fatherhood impact us all throughout our lifetimes. Join Emily and I as we discuss the complexities of fatherhood and honor the good guys doing a great job of it! (For part 1 of the Dads Matter series, please check out episode 24, “Dads Matter: The Father Effect with John Finch.”)Citations:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5007216/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201106/the-importance-fathers

After 21 years of dating, serial monogamy, breakups, and periods of feeling miserably alone, Leslie Kaz was over it! Tired of what she calls “The Endless Search” for a man, Leslie decided to take a 6 month break from dating. During those 6 months, Leslie completely redefined herself and her life—so much so, that she abandoned “The Endless Search” and stepped into a brand new way of living! She shares her philosophy in her book, Single Girl Bliss: How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive. In our conversation, Leslie and I talk about:· The lies we tell ourselves that make us miserable—and how to tackle them!· What it means to be alone—and how to manage it emotionally.· How to choose a partner (should you decide to choose one) from a position of strength!· What saved her in her darkest hour (I promise, you’ll never guess what it was!)· The power of how we present ourselves—and our single life—to others.· How to create new, empowering—and TRUE—beliefs about being single.When I came across Leslie’s work and read her book, I knew she was Love & Life material! Join us to hear how Leslie lives blissfully single, and learn how you can, too!Dr. Karin’s Website: www.loveandlifemedia.comLeslie’s Website: www.lesliekaz.com/ Leslie’s Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1734277807/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=single+girl+bliss&qid=1574356446&s=books&sr=1-1

If you’re interested in dating, relationships, love, and marriage you’re likely caught up in the Love is Blind hype! So am I! In part 2 of my response to the series, Kate Lambie, LCPC, provides a psychotherapist’s perspective on the experiment and the couples’ relationships. Join us as we dish on:· How connecting in the pods amplified their vulnerability—in this age of fast paced swiping, maybe we should all start dating in pods!· Leaving the pods engaged—the impact of moving so quickly!· Kelly’s dilemma: She wanted to fall for Kenny, but ultimately couldn’t. How do we know if we’re emotionally unavailable to partners who are good for us?· Mark’s dilemma: When to fight for a relationship, and when to give your partner a little space—what therapists call Approach/Avoidance dynamics.· Giannina’s dilemma: Four things we must NOT do if we hope our relationship will go the distance! Kate shares research from psychologists John and Julie Gottman that can help ALL of us protect our healthy relationships while remaining aware of when we might need to exit an unhealthy one!Please join us and let us know your thoughts on the program and our response to it! You can find me on Instagram @dr.karin!

The hottest new Netflix series, Love is Blind, touches on a myriad of Love & Life themes i.e. attraction, intimacy, dating, relationships, engagement, and marriage. Obviously, I had to weigh in! What does psych research have to say about this “experiment?” Is it actually possible to fall in love without laying eyes on each other? Even if a bond forms, will it survive in the real world? My husband, Dan, joins me (because despite his initial skepticism, I got him hooked on the series, too) to hash out these questions and delve into the following:· Gender differences and attraction.· The role of scent in attraction—specifically how scent was absent when participants were in the pods!· How much is too much? Should Carlton have told Diamond about his past? We discuss what we share in our marriage (and what we don’t!) about our past.Every once in a while, a TV show captures worldwide attention AND provides compelling material for discussing the psychology of dating, love, and marriage. With SO much goodness to unpack, this episode will be the first in a Love & Life Love is Blind series. Please join us and join in the conversation on Instagram. I’m at @dr.karin!

During Lent, many people give up things to create space for contemplation, prayer, or to break a bad habit. One year, Kacie Main decided to give up men! Why? As she explains in her book, I Gave Up Men for Lent, “By most definitions, I lived a social, fulfilling life. I had a good job, great friends, and a solid family. Aside from the 30-something-and-single combination, my life was picture perfect. But that was just a filter, like how the right Instagram filter can hide the circles under your eyes. The unfiltered me was restless, uninspired, uncomfortable. Something had to change—a drunken make-out with my not-single good friend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So, I gave up men for Lent—a 40 day cleanse in an attempt to figure out why I felt unhappy in my happy life.”Kacie and I discuss how to:· Discover yourself apart from your relationships.· Handle shame and regret.· Make choices for yourself—even when your family pushes back i.e. what developmental psychologists call “individuate” from your family of origin.· Manage the dueling messages women receive—i.e. Be strong and independent! But also, snag a husband and have babies!In giving up men for Lent, Kacie created space for introspection, reflection, and clear-headed decision-making. Join us to hear her empowering story and learn how you, too, can gain clarity, insight, and self-direction.