Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

When I come across an empowered woman who’s all about empowering others, I want to share her journey with you—which is exactly why I invited Brooke Mullen of Sapahn to the program. Recently, I randomly came across Sapahn when I noticed this gorgeous purse/backpack in the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar. The bag reminded me of one I’d admired several years ago in a boutique in Indianapolis. Apparently, I couldn’t get the bag out of my head even all these years later! 😉 So, I hopped on Sapahn’s website and found that not only are the purses, backpacks, cross-body bags, and wallets absolutely stunning, I also learned that Sapahn provides employment for women in Thailand. According to Sapahn’s website: “Our luxury leather bags and accessories not only look good— they’re helping make the world a more beautiful place by honoring the basic human rights of workers throughout our value chain. We’ve fully embraced a regenerative business model that prioritizes personal empowerment over charity—and human rights is at the heart of all we do.” And since I’m all about this “buy a beautiful bag and uphold human rights life,” I wanted to share Sapahn with you and hear from its founder, Brooke Mullen! Join us to learn how we can demonstrate our values and “carry forward” human rights through intentional, ethical consumerism! Brooke Mullen of Sapahn Website: https://sapahn.com/ 15% Off Promo Code: LOVEANDLIFE Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Recently, I appeared on aParently Speaking podcast with Miriam conner. Miriam asked me to speak about fear—specifically, how parents may inadvertently pass on anxiety to their children. We discussed humans’ typical responses to fear—building upon the Fight or Flight model we all learned in school, and we explored the profound power of how we frame fear i.e. do we consider it part of our identity? Do we say things to ourselves like, “My anxiety makes me do such and such” or “I have anxiety”? Or rather, do we see fear as a part of life, but not a part of our core sense of self. We can empower ourselves by considering the ways we manage our feelings and ask ourselves questions like: Did I learn this emotional response from my mother? Did I get “my anxiety” from my father? As an adult can I shed any generational patterns of managing fear that aren't serving me? We may have inherited anxiety from our families, but we don’t need to own it in adulthood! Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

You’re probably familiar with mindfulness, but how does it apply to dating? Marie Thouin, Ph.D. shares how a mindfulness practice can enhance our lives in myriad realms—and certainly when it comes to dating! Join us for a conversation surrounding: The science of mindfulness—there’s a TON of research on it! The self-knowledge mindfulness affords—even in the midst of heartbreak and loss. Why mindful dating brings out the best in you and your date! How mindfulness helps us move through rejection—including 3 tangible steps to become more resilient! The importance of being curious and compassionate with ourselves. Mindful swiping—it’s a thing! How to value our lives when our deep desires aren’t currently met. How mindfulness liberates us! If you’ve ever wondered what this mindfulness stuff is all about and how it might enhance your love life, this episode is for you! Citation: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/mindfulness/definition#why-practice-mindfulness  Dr. Marie Thouin  Website: https://www.loveinsight-dating.com/  Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin  Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

We all desire deep, genuine intimacy. But so often, it feels incredibly difficult to cultivate! Sometimes we’re so infatuated we rush things. Other times, we fear getting close because we’ve been hurt so many times before. In our first Love & Life Live, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me to speak to Judson University students about how to develop and cultivate deep, authentic, lasting romantic intimacy. Specifically, we discuss: What’s the definition of intimacy? How can we distinguish between intimacy and infatuation? Is there a concrete process for building intimacy? What do psychologists say about finding the “total package”? Is it possible? How clarifying your values—before you’re in a relationship—will help you build intimacy with your future partner. Can texting build true intimacy? What if I don’t have much relationship experience? Why spending time apart in the initial months of a relationship can actually enhance intimacy. Cultivating true intimacy—even if you have an anxious attachment and he has an avoidant one. Elliott provides concretes steps creating a loving, fulfilling, deeply intimate partnership! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Divorce is brutal. The wound it leaves is deep and lasting. Can we find restoration and redemption after the death of a marriage? Can we resuscitate a demolished heart? Leisse Wilcox and Elliott Anderson discuss the profound grief inherent to divorce. They hold space for the hurting. They honor the loss and pain. And simultaneously, they invite you on a healing journey. Specifically, they discuss: The primal wound vs. the divorce wound. Pain, shame, and blame surrounding divorce—and the gender differences Elliott has noticed in his work with couples. Leisse observes divorce can trigger the primal wound, causing us to swim in a “soup” of shame and pain. How divorce exacerbates the chronic “not enoughness” women feel. The parallels between divorce and death. The “zombie state” of divorce—the marriage is dead, but your ex is not. Elliott discusses how divorce leaves a spiritual wound and splits your psyche. Leisse compares divorce to cancer; she has endured both. We share strategies for dating a divorced man with children. Healing is a journey, not a destination. No one would pick the path of divorce. But restoration is possible; redemption is available. And, this road, though horribly painful, can help bring us home to ourselves. Leisse Wilcox Website: https://leissewilcox.com/ Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

In the US alone, more than 300,000 couples over the age of 50 divorce every year and this trend is growing. If you include the adult children involved, between 900,000 and 1.2 million people are impacted by the dissolution of these marriages. In fact, the term “gray divorce” has entered the lexicon to describe couples who part ways later in life. Despite the number of people affected by gray divorce, few resources exist to provide support as adult children manage this unexpected and painful family division. Psychotherapists Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg join me to discuss their book, Home Will Never Be the Same Again:  A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce. So often, adult children of divorce feel invisible. Because they’re adults, others assume they’ll move through the divorce with ease. Their parents may even expect them to feel happy for them as they embark upon their new life. But adult children grieve the loss of their family and in addition to this pain, they’re faced with the challenges of visiting multiple homes for the holidays and navigating competing expectations for loyalty. Join us for an empathic conversation around the realities of gray divorce and its deep impact on all involved. Reference: https://academic.oup.com/psychsocgerontology/article/67/6/731/614154?login=false Carol & Bruce https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/carol-r-hughes-phd-lmft-and-bruce-r-fredenburg-ms-lmft  Book: https://www.amazon.com/Home-Will-Never-Same-Again/dp/1538135302  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Our families have a profound impact on us—not just in childhood, but throughout our lifetime! But, family dynamics can be tricky to sort out due to the intensity of emotions and because we lack the objectivity necessary to see ourselves and our connections clearly; it’s hard to observe a system when you’re part of the system. Furthermore, sometimes our families can unintentionally sabotage our efforts to find our person! Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson joins me for a deep dive into how connections to family members may impede our search for romantic partnership—unbeknownst to all involved! Specifically, Elliott and I discuss: The construct of individuation and its profound impact on not only your family life, but your love life! Why Elliott’s first question to the couples he counsels isn’t about them—rather, it’s always about their families. How we can be both close to and separate from our families! Your man’s lack of confidence as it relates to his individuation. How an adult daughter’s loyalty to her parents may keep her emotionally unavailable to romantic partners. How your parents’ “empty nest” marriage impacts your love life in ways you may not fully realize. Anxious attachment as it relates to enmeshed family systems. Why your brothers and sisters always hate your significant others. Spoiler alert: you need to individuate from your siblings, too! Individuation is an imperative process—one we work on throughout our lives. Though there may be struggles along the way, the differentiation process helps everyone in the family! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

In this final segment of our “Relationship Strain of COVID” series, psychotherapist Kate Lambie joins me again for a discussion on values and how they impact our individual responses to the various elements of the pandemic. Spoiler alert—it all goes back to safety and security! We also consider the reality that at times, we may share the same values yet choose to act upon them in different ways. We ask these questions and more! Are bodily autonomy and medical freedom selfish during a pandemic? Are mandates a violation of civil liberties? Or, do they make sense in an emergency? If friends seem unwilling to find common ground, might they be reacting in this manner because they feel unsafe? How does clarifying our values develop empathy and compassion for one another? Kate and I see the pandemic from opposing vantage points. We share our personal struggle to maintain intimacy and connection during these intense past two years. Join us to hear the inside scoop—including the arguments!—of how we’ve tried to remain close despite our discrepant positions. We hope our journey will help you navigate these most challenging times. Disagreements need not pull relationships apart. In fact, healthy conflict management can increase intimacy and authentic connection. Source: https://covid19.nih.gov/news-and-stories/covid-19-vaccines-and-menstrual-cycle Kate Lambie Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wild-hope-counseling-chicago-il/439158  Instagram: @kate_lambie_lcpc Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

In part two of our series on the relational strain of the pandemic, psychotherapist Kate Lambie joins me to share a trauma informed understanding of fear. No matter what stance we’ve taken regarding the pandemic, we’ve all felt scared at one point or another. Some of us fear the virus; others worry more about the government’s policies surrounding mandates. Either way, our sense of security has been shaken and it’s probably not hyperbolic to suggest we’ve all been somewhat traumatized. In this conversation, Kate and I discuss the ways humans manage fear and how our differing responses may have impacted our connections to those we love most. In particular, we discuss: Common reactions to fear—fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flock—and how these responses have polarized us over the last two years. Stress and empathy. Spoiler alert:  they can’t coexist—which is why we can be unkind when we’re freaked out! Self-regulation and how it helps us move through fear and maintain intimacy with those we love. How trauma and fear hijack our ability to reason. What’s actually at the root of all our pandemic relationship dissension. Kate and I see the pandemic from opposing vantage points. We share our personal struggle to maintain intimacy and connection during these intense past two years. Join us to hear the inside scoop—including the arguments!—of how we’ve tried to remain close despite our discrepant positions. We hope our journey will help you navigate these most challenging times. Disagreements need not pull relationships apart. In fact, healthy conflict management can increase intimacy and authentic connection. Citations:  - Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2007). The boy who was raised as a dog. Basic Books. - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-response?amp - https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14330237.2012.10874518 Kate Lambie Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/wild-hope-counseling-chicago-il/439158  Instagram: @kate_lambie_lcpc Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

The last two years have taken a toll on every area of our lives. One of the most painful elements of the pandemic has been the division it’s caused. Relationships have been strained and, in some cases, torn apart. How did we get here? How is it that friends and family members see the last two years from such different vantage points? In this episode, I talk about the beliefs we held before 2020 and how the confirmation bias has impacted our understanding of the pandemic. This episode is part one of a three-part series in which I share constructs from psychology to help us better understand our varying responses to the last two years and also, how to bridge the division we’re experiencing. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes