Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Elliott is back to answer your questions in Part 2 of our conversation about Avoidant Attachment style. We start with a question from a listener who wrote in after hearing episode 165 about Anxious Attachment in which Elliott mentioned that “oneness” takes years to develop. Her question was: 1. What’s the difference between intimacy and oneness? We then get back to Avoidant Attachment and address the following questions from listeners: 2. I’ve recently left an abusive relationship and started dating an old friend. He was initially very attentive but then he started to pull away which caused me to begin to chase him. We’ve been on again/off again and I think I may have Anxious Attachment, while he’s likely Avoidant. Is it possible for us to make this work? 3. I’ve been on 7 dates with a guy and he’s talking to me about being exclusive but he’s still updating his Bumble profile. I confronted him about it and he said his friend updated it for him. Also, he tells me he hates confrontation. Does he have Avoidant Attachment style? Can I trust him? 4. After I’m intimate with someone, I want to push him away. Do I have an Avoidant Attachment style? 5. How do I give a relationship a chance? After 3 months, I find myself wanting to bolt! I must have an Avoidant Attachment style. Elliott and I field your questions and, because we’re siblings, we definitely don’t agree on every answer! Join us for a fun Q&A session about Avoidant Attachment styles! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to continue our series on Attachment Styles. This week we unpack Avoidant Attachment and consider the question, “Is it actually possible to have a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style?” Specifically, we address: Why avoidant men may initially appear very excited about the relationship and interested in commitment, but then later, they pull away. The internal struggle of Avoidant Attachment. The Pursuer-Distancer cycle—if you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you’ve likely experienced this, especially if you have an Anxious Attachment style. When he marries you, but is still avoidant! Why it’s imperative to maintain your self-respect—and how to do so! Ways to bring up concerns about emotional intimacy with an avoidant partner. How to figure out if his Avoidant Attachment is something you can work with or if he’s completely emotionally unavailable. How to determine if you’re experiencing Avoidant Attachment yourself or, if you’re simply with the wrong person. Cultivating intimacy with someone with Avoidant Attachment—it is possible! If you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you know how confusing it can be. Join us to gain clarity around attachment and acquire specific strategies to help build a healthy connection! Rev. Elliott Anderson, M.A. Work with Elliott: https://loveandlifemedia.com/work-with-elliott-anderson Instagram: @pastorelliottanderson Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

As Love & Life listeners know, psychologist Dr. Duana Welch, author of the Love Factually book series, encourages us to date as “high status” women. In this episode, as always, she provides the science behind HOW to date high status and WHY it’s imperative we do so—especially when it comes to major decisions like whether to live together before getting married. Specifically, Dr. Welch addresses the following: If I present myself as high status, won’t he think I’m being manipulative and playing hard to get? How do I get him to view me as high status—what specific behaviors will show him this? What if I don’t feel high status? I have an anxious attachment style, how can I ever date high status? Everyone seems to think living together before marriage is a great idea. Do high status women cohabitate before getting married? Dr. Welch provides concrete, science-based answers to these questions and much more! Join us to acquire a high status, empowered approach to dating! Dr. Duana Welch Website: http://www.lovesciencemedia.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Money is such a touchy topic. We’re told never to talk about it in polite company. And for many of us, it’s a subject we don’t ever bring up—even to ourselves! But ultimately, finances are all about values—just like the rest of life! When I was single, I valued living to the fullest and I also valued being fiscally responsible. At times, these values were in conflict. Emily Burnett knows all about this dilemma. She grew up in a home where fiscal responsibility was valued. Yet as a single woman in her thirties, she was $50,000 in debt. Ouch. But one day Emily had had enough. As she put it, “I make too much money to feel this broke!” Emily is here to help us get in the driver’s seat with our money! Join us for a conversation about: Dating when you’re in debt. Enjoying nice things when you can’t really afford them. Living paycheck to paycheck. Why you don’t need to feel bad about not having a budget. And also, why constructing a budget is empowering, liberating, and exciting! How planning for special purchases allows us to enjoy things twice! How to lose the guilt that often accompanies splurges! Why creating a budget enables you to get in touch with your values, see yourself more clearly, and become more authentic. How to get out of debt—even $50,000 worth of debt! Emily says, “A woman who is ‘on purpose’ can do so much good in the world!” Listen to our conversation to get “on purpose” regarding your finances, and watch this intentionality generalize to other realms of love and life! Emily Burnett Website: https://www.mosomoney.com/  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

We often think it takes big behavioral changes to impact our mental health, but according to psych research simple daily habits and choices make a huge difference on our emotional well-being. In this “best of the podcast” episode, we discuss two simple practices anyone can implement at any time to enjoy a boost in mood. Specifically, we discuss: The connection between social media usage and depression and anxiety. The fact that social media interactions don’t provide us with the same support IRL interactions do. The variable at work in “Facebook Depression.” A concrete plan for creating a gratitude practice and why it makes all the difference! It’s completely normal to feel a wide array of emotions—that’s part of being a human. But, help is here! Join us to learn simple, practical research-based strategies we can all utilize to level up our mental health and wellness. Reference: Steers, M. N., Wickham, R. E., & Acitelli, L. K. (2014). Seeing everyone else's highlight reels: How Facebook usage is linked to depressive symptoms. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 33 (8). https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/10.1521/jscp.2014.33.8.701 Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

“Part of what it means to be human is to suffer, but there’s a way to move through it that brings joy and goodness to both you and the world around you.” Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel. We all endure trauma—either Big T or Little T. We all seek healing. Yet all too often, the defense mechanisms we constructed to survive trauma, now keep us constrained. Join us to consider: Who we are meant to become in the midst of our heartaches. That we’ve all been orphaned, estranged, and widowed due to trauma and loss. How we can bring goodness and joy to others as we move through pain. According to Dan, “Every one of us suffers, yet our suffering is never meant to be only ours—we’re meant to not only join our own transformation, but also in the privilege of being able to join in others’ transformations.” If you’re hurting, you’ll feel a balm of empathy in Dan and Cathy’s words. Please join us for a tender, loving, healing conversation. Allender Center Website: https://theallendercenter.org/  Instagram: @allendercenter Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Naturopath Dr. Diana Lipford joins me again—this time to talk about the one topic we’re absolutely NOT supposed to discuss! Join us as we delve into the following questions and concerns surrounding the most pressing and controversial issue of our generation. How did Americans lose bodily autonomy? Where there is risk, there must be choice! What happened to second opinions? How did we get to the point where doctors’ legitimate questions were silenced by social media? Who are these “fact checkers” and why do they get to control the discourse? The lack of logic regarding mRNA experimental gene therapy mandates for children. Why an mRNA experimental gene therapy does not inoculate in the same manner as traditional vaccines. What the jab actually does in your body. The tyranny of forced compliance of a “vaccine” that doesn’t stop transmission or confer immunity. Why the phrase “trust the science” is a contradiction in terms—and every legit scientist knows it. How censorship has destroyed the possibility for informed consent regarding an experimental treatment—which violates medical freedom. The billions and billions of dollars Pharma has made via this warp speed rollout and mandates. Who politicized all this? How mass “vaccinations” drive mutation when implemented during high viral activity. Antibody dependent enhancement and pathogenic priming. The reason you’re at a greater risk of having an adverse reaction if you get the jab after you’ve already had the virus. No matter your stance on these concerns, I hope you’ll find our conversation thought-provoking and empowering. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

If you’ve been single for any portion of your adult life—and especially if this solo season has lasted longer than you hoped it would—you’ve felt the ache of loneliness. You’ve watched happy couples and wondered when you’ll meet your partner. You’ve likely slipped into fear—what if you never meet your person? What if you never “belong” to anyone? Leisse Wilcox gets it. She’s felt these feelings—deeply. And, at 40, she continues to wrestle with a post-divorce, post-cancer diagnosis life that looks nothing like she expected it would. As a writer, Leisse has unpacked this struggle in her new book, Alone:  The Truth + Beauty of Belonging. Our conversation today can be summarized by my review of Leisse’s book. “Part memoir, part self-help guide, part love letter to anyone aching with loneliness, Alone:  The Truth + Beauty of Belonging assures us that though we may not choose to be alone, we absolutely choose the meaning we ascribe to our solitude. Through potent reframes e.g., What if self-care became soul care? and It’s the feeling you want, not the thing you want, Leisse emboldens us to embrace the truth that ‘when you belong to yourself, you are never really alone.’” Spielmann, S., MacDonald, G., Maxwell, J., Joel, S., Peragine, D., Muise, A., & Impett, E. (2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105, 1049-1073. Leisse Wilcox Website: https://leissewilcox.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Jess Ekstrom started a headband company in her college dorm room—but even as a young entrepreneur, her goal wasn’t to make money, but to give back. For each headband purchased, Jess donates a headband to a child experiencing cancer or another illness.  As Headbands of Hope grew, Jess looked for silver linings despite the challenges and struggles inherent to building a business. As she began sharing her journey, she found joy in writing and speaking about “chasing the bright side.” She wrote a book with this title and now helps other women “tell and sell” their stories so they can “make a living and a difference at the same time.” Jess Ekstrom - Headbands for Hope Website: https://www.headbandsofhope.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Narcissists are charming. They’re slick. They come on strong and sweep you off your feet. Oftentimes they keep up this charade for months—even years!—before you realize the truth about who they actually are. I hear from so many of you that you’ve found yourself in this scenario—stuck in an emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically abusive relationship. How did it happen? And more importantly, how do you leave? Won’t he escalate the abuse? And, how do you coparent with a narc if there are children involved? High Conflict Divorce Coach, Tina Swithin, joins me to share her journey of dating, marrying, and finally divorcing a narcissist. She discusses the red flags she unfortunately ignored when dating, how she ultimately recognized her husband was a narc, and what she did to extricate herself from the marriage while protecting her daughters. Tina not only survived marriage to a narcissist, she’s absolutely thriving! She’s taken the wisdom she gained through this horribly painful season of her life and now provides consultation and care for others via her “High Conflict Divorce” coaching. The need for her services was so vast, she now trains others to become high conflict divorce coaches! Tina Swithin Website: https://www.onemomsbattle.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes