Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

It’s our 200th episode—time to reflect on where we’ve been and where we’re headed! My first thought is how grateful I am for the opportunity to share with you and our community. Your comments, emails, and dms mean everything to me. They let me know you resonate with Love & Life’s mission:  “Conversations grounded in psych research to help us thrive in love and life.” On Love & Life, we’re all about the research–which is why we’re so dismayed by the degeneration of science we’ve recently witnessed. In this episode, we discuss 3 cases of faulty science which have just come to light, starting with an umbrella study by Joanna Moncrieff and colleagues which finds no connection between depression and serotonin levels. Although many psychiatrists have doubted the “chemical imbalance” explanation of depression for years, pharmaceutical companies continue to promulgate this unsubstantiated theory because it has, obviously, greatly boosted sales of antidepressants. We examine two other instances of manipulated science including a shocking revelation that the last 16 years of Alzheimer’s research has been based on falsified brain images. And, the third example surrounds the bizarre and utterly unscientific response to the COVID pandemic over the last 2 ½ years. We look to science to help us explore and uncover truth. When findings are misrepresented, it shakes our confidence, but it also reminds us we need to be discerning and savvy when consuming information—even information coming from sources we once believed we could trust. What does all this mean for Love & Life? Ultimately, it reinforces our commitment to pushing back against Big Pharma and its efforts to medicalize our every emotion! I’m so grateful for your support over these last 200 episodes. Thank you SO MUCH for being a part of the Love & Life family! https://www.bmj.com/content/378/bmj-2021-067606 https://www.commonsense.news/p/tgif-debunked-edition Moncrieff, J., Cooper, R., Stocmann, T., Amendola, S., Hengartner, M., & Horowitz, M. (2022). The serotonin theory of depression: A systematic umbrella review of the evidence. Molecular Psychiatry. Whitaker, R. (2015). Anatomy of an Epidemic. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

As many of you know, my book, Single is the New Black:  Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right, resulted from my experiences as a single woman who read all the other books for single women and found them, in my estimation, to be lacking. I resisted other books’ theses—that something must be inherently wrong with me and that’s why I was still single. Also, so many self-help books for single women morph into dating “how to’s.” Which, I was never a really big fan of dating do’s and don’ts because I believe we need to date as our authentic selves. Sure, we can—and should—present the very BEST version of our authentic selves. We absolutely want to date with confidence, emotional maturity, kindness, and mutual respect—for those we date and for ourselves. So, I wrote my own book about how to stay true to ourselves while dating, and how to manage the single shaming comments you likely hear from time to time. It’s a word of encouragement and empowerment and a reminder that you’re strong and courageous because–it’s easy to settle, but you’re not about that life! One of the single shaming comments I often heard was, “Karin, don’t you think maybe you’re too picky?” This comment drove me crazy. I know people meant well, but they clearly didn’t understand how insulting a comment like this is! Were they suggesting that everyone else gets to marry someone they’re crazy about, but since I’m over 35, now I need to just settle for someone mediocre? It was infuriating! So, I devoted a chapter in my book to the topic and it’s here for you in this week’s episode! For more of Single is the New Black, you can listen to chapter 1 and chapter 11 in episodes 90 and 145 of Love & Life or, grab your copy on Audible or iTunes. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

A little while ago, I received an email: “Hey there! My name is Jenny Mallard and I’m a Canadian singer-songwriter and also a huge fan of your podcast. I actually just released my debut single, partially inspired by the themes of some of your podcast episodes and your book. Basically, I’ve always wanted a man to write me a love song. Then one day, I realized, I’m a singer songwriter. I’ll just write one for myself. It’s called, “I Do: The Self Love Song.” This is a shot in the dark, however, I’m just a huge fan and I’d be honored for you to take a listen. Thanks!” As you can imagine, I was so touched to receive this email. So, I immediately replied telling Jenny how honored I was to know she felt inspired by my work. I knew the Love & Life family would resonate with Jenny’s journey, so I invited Jenny to share the themes of her song with all of us. Join us as Jenny discusses how clarifying her values brought her life into focus. She left a 3 year relationship, got serious about her music career, and wrote a love song to herself! Jenny Mallard Instagram: @jennymallard Listen to "I Do" on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3HNn46tj9Uzb1zeGLNtWY5?si=t_TJR3RAQmS2EeGcSg9uTQ  Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

In preparing for part 2 of our series called Empowered Evolving, I reflected on my own life—when have I evolved? How have I grown and changed—even when in doing so, I lost relationships and connection and security? Of course, calling off my wedding came to mind… When you break an engagement, you’ve evolved in a way that’s unexpected—unexpected to your fiancé, obviously, and also to your friends, your family, and even, yourself. And it’s hard. Very, very hard. Then again, we become stronger and empowered as we evolve in the direction we’re supposed to move—when we step toward authenticity, toward truth, toward hope, toward joy. And, step away from FEAR. As I thought about Empowered Evolving, my friend Kiley Schmitz kept coming to mind. Kiley also broke off an engagement. She’s in her 30s. Her life looks nothing like she once envisioned it. And, she couldn’t be happier. Join us to discuss empowered evolving as it pertains to dating, engagement, marriage, and relationships in general. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

“Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.”—Robert Palmer  Are you addicted to relationships? Many of us—even strong, independent women—feel unsettled, lonely, and anxious when we don’t have a partner.  Life coach Nazra Peterson believes single shaming is to blame—and often, we’re single shaming ourselves!  In our conversation, we dive deep into the following topics:  The 4 key relationships you have with YOURSELF!  How to desire partnership without appearing desperate.  How to determine if your beliefs about relationships are yours or if you’ve internalized them from others—and how to change them if they’re limiting.  The power in being blissfully dissatisfied.  Relationship addiction as evidenced by how we break up with someone—staying long past the expiration date.  Loyalty vs. commitment.  Freedom in intimacy i.e. When you’re in a relationship you CAN do whatever you want to do!  When your friends might be leading you astray when it comes to love!  Join us to determine if you’re addicted to relationships and if so, how to “kick the habit!”  Nazra Peterson Website: https://www.heartmindfitnesstraining.com/ Instagram: @heartmindfitnesstraining / @iamnazramarie Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/  Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin  Single is the New Black:  Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

In this week’s mini episode, I’d like to share a few thoughts about the Empowered Evolving series we kicked off last week. I knew my conversation with Isabella would generate some feedback and I’ve received both positive and negative responses to it.  How do we remain connected with those we love, even when—or especially when!—we disagree. We want to live empowered, we want to grow and evolve, and we want to maintain intimate relationships with those we love.  Is this even possible?  I share the strategy I’m currently using myself in efforts to do all of the above. Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Welcome to Love & Life’s occasional series—Empowered Evolving. We talk about empowered living all the time on Love & Life. We look to psych research and techniques from psychotherapy to help us, as former Love & Life guest, Dr. Steven C. Hayes founder of ACT puts it, “take committed action in the service of our chosen values.” We live empowered by living out our values—clarifying what they are and then taking committed action toward them.  Sometimes, as we clarify our values, we realize we’re moving away from where we’ve been. We’re stepping into uncharted territory. We’re leaving comfort and certainty behind.  But, if we’re committed to maintaining an open mind and considering various viewpoints, it’s not surprising that sometimes, we change our mind.  We’re evolving.  Empowered evolving entails honesty and commitment—a commitment to our principles. And, it takes courage; it takes a lot of courage to speak out when your community expects you to adhere to its belief system.  Isabella Malbin knows about evolving. Her evolution began when as a doula, Isabella witnessed abusive practices in hospital delivery rooms. She moved into hypnobirthing and rejected euphemisms such as “belly births.” Eventually, her mentor asked her if she wanted to be a reformist or a radical.  She chose the latter.  Today Isabella hosts the Whose Body is It? podcast on which she raises consciousness around how women are harmed by transgender ideology, porn, and prostitution. She coaches women to help us wake up and speak out.  Isabella Malbin  Website: https://www.whosebodyisit.com/social  Instagram: @whosebodyisit  Dr. Karin  Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook  Instagram: @dr.karin  Single is the New Black: Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

We all desire deep connection. We’re wired for intimacy. But searching for it is difficult and even when we find our person and we’re caught up in the excitement of falling in love, our journey to intimacy has really only just begun. Throughout partnership and marriage, our connection ebbs and flows. Sometimes we feel extremely close; at other times, we feel estranged and distant from the person with whom we want to feel most intimately connected. How do we restore deep, authentic intimacy? Dr. Steve Call and his wife, Lisa Call, address this question in their book, Reconnect:  Insights and Tools for Cultivating Meaningful Connection in Your Marriage. In today’s episode we discuss the following and more! Needing connection and the shame that often accompanies this need. Shame in relationships—judging ourselves and our partner. How discussing need, shame, and judgment minimizes their power and their negative impact on our connections. The healing power of relationships, connection, and community. Attachment styles and how they influence our intimacy. How to be gentle with ourselves and our stories. The lies of shame e.g. “If I told my partner this, I’d be rejected. The “story” we tell ourselves about our worth, needs, and what it means to be in partnership. Conceptualizing empathy as “feeling into” instead of “fixing.” The power of what Steve and Lisa call a “right brain to right brain” response—what this is and how it builds connection. How a fear that empathy isn’t enough actually blocks intimacy. The essentials of connection! The importance of rituals of connection—including play! The Calls’ insight and wisdom provide crucial tools for relating—whether you hope to deepen intimacy with your partner or build connection to friends and family members. Dr. Steve & Lisa Call Website: https://www.thereconnectinstitute.com/ Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black Audiobook:  Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible  iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

One of the questions I’m most often asked surrounds masculine and feminine energy. How can independent, empowered women embody feminine energy? Isn’t this essentially a contradiction in terms?  Are we able to inhabit the fullness of ourselves—including our ambition and drive—without presenting ourselves in a masculine manner and thereby attracting men who lead with feminine energy? Teacher, writer, speaker, and the creator of Everyday Starlet, Sarah Blodgett, joins us to consider these questions and more. Specifically, we speak to: The difference between masculine/feminine energy and traditional gender roles. The difficulty in trusting our partner’s protective masculine energy—especially if we’ve been in a controlling, abusive relationship in the past. When to resonate in your juicy feminine flow—and when we may NOT want to be in our feminine flow! Birth control pills and feminine energy. Body image and feminine energy. How our distrust of men may actually reflect a distrust of ourselves. What men with high masculine energy want—spoiler alert:  it’s NOT passive women! Sarah’s Everyday Starlet blog and YouTube channel inspire women to embody their femininity and sensuality, and be the star of their own life! She shares methods for leaning into the fullness of our feminine energy! Pro tip:  we can be fully empowered AND fully feminine! Sarah Blodgett Website: http://everydaystarlet.com/ Instagram: @sarahblodgett Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Christine Coen was a registered dietitian and fitness professional. She guided and encouraged clients toward their nutrition and exercise goals. She didn’t think too much about mental health—until she had to. When Christine fell into depression, she panicked. It was her job to motivate others, but she was struggling to even get out of bed in the morning herself! She started researching and soul searching. Christine realized she’d been focused on the exterior. It was time to look inward. She began pursuing eating and exercise with a new mission—it was no longer about the external. Now, it was about the internal. Through her own battle, Christine discovered natural methods to overcome anxiety, depression, and emotional eating. She joins us today to share these strategies with us! Citation: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/11/numbers https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/astounding-increase-in-antidepressant-use-by-americans-201110203624 https://www.drugwatch.com/ssri/prozac/ Breggin, P., & Breggin, G., (2021). Covid-19 and the global predators:  We are the prey. Lake Edge Press. Christine Coen Instagram: @christine.coen Dr. Karin Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin Single is the New Black - Audiobook Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes