Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

Growing up doesn't end at 18—it's just beginning. Dr. Sara Klein, Vice President for Student Affairs at Stevens Institute of Technology, delivers a powerful message about the college transition that resonates far beyond freshman year: parents need to back off.After decades of helicopter parenting from preschool through high school, many parents struggle to step back when their children enter college. We've become accustomed to tracking every aspect of our children's lives—from daily school reports to real-time location apps. But this well-intentioned involvement can sabotage the very independence our adult children need to develop.Dr. Klein shares several specific strategies for parents navigating this transition. She recommends avoiding campus visits during the critical first six weeks, allowing students to manage homesickness and roommate conflicts themselves, and establishing clear communication boundaries instead of expecting constant contact. When students call upset, parents should listen without immediately solving problems—empowering young adults to develop their own solutions.What makes this conversation so valuable is how these principles extend beyond college. Whether your child is 18 or 38, the fundamental challenge remains the same: how do we support without suffocating? How do we love without controlling? As Dr. Klein eloquently puts it, "Allow your child to grow into the adult that you want them to be... the way that you love them as an adult is different."The most profound gift we can give our adult children isn't solving their problems or protecting them from discomfort—it's believing in their capacity to navigate life's challenges independently while remaining a steady, supportive presence in their lives. Ready to transform your relationship with your adult child? Start by biting your tongue and taking a step back.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Dr. Lawrence Steinberg sheds light on the evolving relationship between parents and their adult children in today's challenging economic landscape, offering practical advice on when to speak up and when to bite your tongue. He explains how the elongation of adolescence and unprecedented financial pressures have transformed traditional parent-child dynamics.• Housing costs have risen five times faster than salaries, creating barriers to independence for young adults• Living with parents is now the most common arrangement for Americans in their 20s• Financial support creates complex dynamics about expectations and boundaries• Follow the "40-70 rule": discuss finances before parents turn 70 or children turn 40• Only offer unsolicited advice when your child faces potentially irreparable harmful consequences• Frame concerns as questions rather than directives to preserve your child's autonomy• Adult children experience a "third autonomy crisis" around age 30• When grandparenting, recognize that parenting advice changes generationally• Focus on making your adult children feel confident and competent as parents• Stop judging your child's progress by the timetable you followed at their ageHuge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the showSupport the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Emotional maturity transforms our relationships with adult children, but what exactly does it look like in practice? In this powerful conversation with Dr. Lindsay Gibson, clinical psychologist and author of The New York Times bestseller "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," we discover that emotional maturity exists on a continuum that shifts with our stress levels and resources.When our adult children challenge our memories or share perspectives that differ from our own, our defensive instincts kick in automatically. But Dr. Gibson offers a revolutionary approach: temporarily set aside your need to be right and focus instead on understanding their emotional experience. This shift from "courtroom thinking" to empathetic listening creates space for authentic connection.We're experiencing a profound cultural transition from what Gibson calls the "family age," where identity came from roles and external markers, to the "self-awareness age," characterized by greater psychological understanding and individual consciousness. This explains why so many parents feel caught between outdated expectations and new relationship dynamics with their adult children.The most transformative insight? The very phrase "adult children" contains problematic contradictions. "My child" suggests ownership over another autonomous human being while failing to acknowledge their full adulthood. Instead, Gibson suggests approaching our adult children more like valued friends whose company we enjoy and whose autonomy we respect.Self-awareness (recognizing our thoughts and feelings in the moment) and self-knowledge (understanding the patterns behind our reactions) form the foundation of emotional maturity. Together, they allow us to separate our defensive responses from our deeper desire for connection. When an adult child sets a boundary that feels hurtful, these skills help us recognize our feelings without reacting impulsively.Have you noticed shifts in your relationship with your adult children? Share your experiences and continue the conversation by following us on social media or visiting biteyourtonguepodcast.com. The journey toward more authentic family connections starts with understanding ourselves.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Pride Month gives us the perfect opportunity to expand our understanding of the LGBTQIA+ community, especially for those of us navigating relationships with our adult children. This heartfelt conversation with Emmy-nominated Matthew Rodriguez, host and executive producer of "It's Okay to Ask Questions," offers exactly what many parents need—permission to learn without judgment.Rodriguez creates a safe space for curiosity, admitting that even as a gay man himself, he once struggled to understand terms like "non-binary" or aspects of transgender experience. "Just because I'm gay and we're kind of on the same side of the street didn't mean I knew everything there was to know," he explains. This honest acknowledgment sets the tone for a conversation where no question feels too basic or inappropriate when asked with genuine care.Rodriguez elaborates on how society builds these metaphorical closets brick by brick through subtle messaging about acceptable behaviors and interests until a child "can't see out of all the things they've been told they shouldn't be."For parents whose adult child has just come out, Rodriguez offers compassionate advice: "If you need to and you can't say anything in the moment, I would hug your child, kiss them, say I love you and say I just need a moment to process this...because I want to say the right things to you." Rodriguez's reminds us to reminder to "dream wider" for our children beyond traditional expectations. "All the ways you can grow and be in this world—there are many, and being open to that, as long as it brings love and joy and no harm, why not?"Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Sally Harris shares her emotional journey through a decade of estrangement with her adult daughter, revealing how she transformed her pain into a mission to help other parents facing similar struggles.• Sally became an alcoholic and extremely unhealthy while her daughter's life was spiraling• After eight years of sobriety, she's now reconciled with her daughter who returned to the family four years ago• Sally believes "we are best positioned to serve the person we once were"• Many therapists advise adult children to cut off family rather than work toward reconciliation• Parents should honor their adult child's perception of events even when they disagree• When values differ, loving your child where they are creates space for potential reconciliation• Ask "do you want me to just listen or do you want my advice?" before offering guidance• Self-care isn't selfish but essential for maintaining healthy relationships with adult children• Take care of yourself first and "stay in your own lane" by focusing on what you can control• Remember that many phases adult children go through are temporary as they establish their identityVisit sally-harris.com to connect with her resources or find her YouTube channel with helpful videos for parents navigating relationships with adult children.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Dr. Charles Fay, CEO of Love and Logic, delivers a masterclass in parenting adult children with the perfect balance of love and accountability. Drawing from decades of experience and his family legacy in developing the Love and Logic approach, Dr. Fay shares transformative strategies that shift our focus from control to influence.At the heart of his message lies a powerful truth: "We can never consistently work harder on somebody else's life than they are." This principle challenges us to examine our enabling behaviors masked as care and instead embrace practices that foster true independence. Through relatable scenarios—like the adult child who needs $17,000 for a truck payment or returns home to play video games on the couch—Dr. Fay demonstrates his practical five-step approach that maintains connection while respecting autonomy.The approach begins with genuine empathy, followed by the crucial question: "What do you think you're going to do?" This simple query hands responsibility back to adult children while communicating your belief in their capability. When establishing boundaries with adult children living at home, Dr. Fay suggests focusing on two fundamentals: ensuring their situation doesn't interfere with their growth, and making sure their presence remains enjoyable for everyone. These boundaries, communicated with empathy and firmness, create the conditions for mutual respect and continued development.Dr. Fay offers this memorable wisdom: "The more words I use when things are going wrong, the less effective I become." Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This was our very first Mother''s Day episode.  I interview my two favorite moms -- Doria and Sharon, two mothers of adult daughters and now both have several grandchildren.  I watch as they continue to share with their grandchildren their magical parenting skills.They share with us their wisdom on creating joyful, respectful relationships with grown children in this special Mother's Day episode. Their insights reveal how bringing a spirit of fun, maintaining connections across distances, and knowing when to offer advice (and when to bite your tongue) creates lasting bonds that evolve beautifully over time.• Creating fun, joyful experiences forms lasting connections that continue into adulthood• Modern technology like WhatsApp enables daily connection even with children living far away• The best conversations focus on daily life details rather than major decisions or judgment • Offering opinions rather than judgments by asking "What do you think?" after sharing your perspective• Shifting from leader to supporter as children become adults requires patience and trust• Wedding planning requires openness, support, and recognition that it's their special day• Grandparenting brings immense joy while requiring respect for the new parents' choices• The most important message to consistently convey is unconditional love and acceptance• Our hearts remain our children's home no matter where we all physically liveHuge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In today's episode, Dr. Gene Beresin, Executive Director of the Clay Center for Young and Healthy Minds, explores the complexities of adult children returning home and maintaining healthy relationships during life transitions. Based on four decades of experience with youth and young adults plus his personal journey as a father of four whose adult children all boomeranged at some point, he offers practical wisdom for navigating these delicate family dynamics.Drawing on revolutionary brain science, Dr. Beresin challenges our traditional understanding of development, revealing that neurobiologically, adolescence doesn't end at 18—but continues until age 26. This critical insight reshapes how we approach relationships with young adults who are still developing the neural connections between emotional impulses and rational decision-making.For parents navigating the return of an adult child, transparency becomes essential. Conversations about finances—typically avoided in most families—need prioritization alongside discussions about household expectations, timelines, and mutual support. "The rare family that speaks openly about money," Dr. Beresin notes, "is better equipped to navigate these transitions without resentment building." The key lies in balancing empathy for the challenges young adults face with appropriate boundaries that foster continued growth.He also reminds us of what he calls the "oxygen mask principle"—the essential reminder that both parents and adult children must attend to their own emotional regulation and self-care before attempting to help each other. When both generations put on their metaphorical oxygen masks first, they create the foundation for authentic communication, mutual respect, and relationships that continue evolving through life's inevitable transitions.Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today we rewind and delve into the much overlooked topic of sibling relationships.  We speak with Fern Schumer Chapman author of the book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers.  Siblings are the longest relationship we will have in our lives - and our children's.  Whether you're navigating your own sibling estrangement or watching it develop between your children, this conversation offers both validation and practical wisdom for one of life's most painful but least discussed family challenges.  It also makes you question: "Do you have a favorite child?"Chapman shares her personal life story that led her to write this book and highlights a number of key points:• Sibling relationships can last 80 years, making them our longest connections• Estrangement often occurs during "perilous moments" like marriage, having children, or parental illness• Parental favoritism significantly contributes to sibling rifts• The "dignity model" approach to reconciliation requires genuine listening without challenging each other's stories• Some relationships are too toxic to repair, especially with narcissism or mental illness involved• Birth order affects sibling dynamics and relationships• Estrangement ripples through families as relatives often align with one sibling• Strong sibling connections are cornerstone of emotional health, according to Harvard's longest study of well-beingHuge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

We are doing an episode rewind today on our most downloaded episode - Mothers and Daughters.  This relationship carries a unique intensity that often follows us well into adulthood. When does healthy involvement cross into control? How do we navigate the painful territory when our adult daughters push us away?Certified life coach and mother/daughter expert Pam Tronson joins us to unravel the complicated dynamics of mother-daughter relationships with refreshing honesty. Drawing from her professional expertise and personal struggles with her own adult daughters, Pam gets straight to the heart of what makes these relationships simultaneously precious and challenging."We were expected to be in control," Pam explains, pinpointing why the transition to parenting adults feels so disorienting. "That was part of our job description." The expectation to curate, orchestrate, and manage gradually gives way to a new reality – watching from the sidelines as our children build independent lives. This transition feels like "jumping off a bridge" for many mothers who've built their identities around active parenting.Most powerfully, Pam encourages mothers to take responsibility without shame: "When you own the problems, you have the power to do something about them." Her advice to ask better questions like "what else could be true?" offers a path away from defensiveness toward genuine connection.Whether you're navigating a challenging relationship with your adult daughter or working to improve communication as an adult daughter yourself, this episode provides compassionate guidance for the journey. Subscribe and share your experiences with us – when was the last time you had to bite your tongue?Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Send all ideas to biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com. Remeber to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Support US!  Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US.  You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.