Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast Setting Them Free: Parenting Adult Children with Love and Logic
Dr. Charles Fay, CEO of Love and Logic, delivers a masterclass in parenting adult children with the perfect balance of love and accountability. Drawing from decades of experience and his family legacy in developing the Love and Logic approach, Dr. Fay shares transformative strategies that shift our focus from control to influence.
At the heart of his message lies a powerful truth: "We can never consistently work harder on somebody else's life than they are." This principle challenges us to examine our enabling behaviors masked as care and instead embrace practices that foster true independence. Through relatable scenarios—like the adult child who needs $17,000 for a truck payment or returns home to play video games on the couch—Dr. Fay demonstrates his practical five-step approach that maintains connection while respecting autonomy.
The approach begins with genuine empathy, followed by the crucial question: "What do you think you're going to do?" This simple query hands responsibility back to adult children while communicating your belief in their capability.
When establishing boundaries with adult children living at home, Dr. Fay suggests focusing on two fundamentals: ensuring their situation doesn't interfere with their growth, and making sure their presence remains enjoyable for everyone. These boundaries, communicated with empathy and firmness, create the conditions for mutual respect and continued development.
Dr. Fay offers this memorable wisdom: "The more words I use when things are going wrong, the less effective I become."
Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
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