TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships

Trigger Warning.... sorta.... Not only is she Oxford trained smart, she's beautiful as well.  The talented Katarina Polonska is my guest today and she's talking about the most important relationship of all.  The relationship you have with yourself. She shares:the importance of trusting oneself how to start building a healthy relationship with yourselfthe pivotal role of attachment theory in understanding personal relationshipsthe significance of recognizing and setting boundaries to create trust and safety within oneself. We also discuss how mindfulness and discernment can help distinguish between past projection and present moment realization, and the impact of establishing boundaries for a healthier life and relationships. Katarina emphasizes the value of seeking help through relationship coaching to navigate trust issues and improve one's relationship with self and others. 00:00  Introduction to the Guest and Topic: Trusting Yourself01:46  The Journey to Focusing on Relationships05:44  The Importance of Trust and Self-Relationship09:18  Navigating Boundaries in Relationships15:32  Communicating and Respecting Boundaries22:10  Identifying and Setting Healthy Boundaries26:27  The Value of Relationship Coaching and Self-Work29:50  Conclusion and How to ConnectConnect with Katarina hereSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

In a world constantly bombarding us with images of youth and perfection, navigating getting older can sometimes feel quite frankly... sad.  Dr. Mary Alice Mina, a Harvard-trained dermatologist and I talk about the entire spectrum from changes in our bodies to shifts in our mindset, and how embracing all of it requires a balance of self-care and self-acceptance.She shares:her thoughts on cosmetic procedures vs. the fulfillment that comes from withinthe importance of prioritizing oneself covering the psychological impacts of aging, particularly on womenpractical skincare advice for various life stagesBUT... One of the most powerful parts of the discussion for me was when Dr. Mary Alice spoke about where you place value and the currency you hold on beauty.  Ah.. SO good.She also had to school me on what slugging was... I'm so not cool anymore.But dont worry, of course she gave us some amazing skin care tips for each phase of life 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and beyond and some really cool emerging trends in dermatology that may be coming your way.  Unless of course you live in the midwest like me and in that case we probably wont see it for another 5 years or so.  Snag Dr. Mary Alice Mina's pdf on how to create healthy skin habits here.00:00  Welcome and Introduction to Today's Special Topic00:46  Introducing Dr. Mary Alice Mina: A Deep Dive into Skin Care02:10  The Realities of Aging and Skin Care: A Candid Conversation06:11  Navigating Midlife Changes: Insights and Empathy12:14  Practical Skin Care Tips Across Different Life Stages25:52  Embracing Aging: Mindset and Maintenance28:15  Exploring New Frontiers in Dermatology30:51  ClosingSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Sizzle, sizzle!  This is a hot topic and one I hear a lot of drama around and it makes perfect sense of why the ex or mother of your partner's child might be a area of insecurity for you.I tackle the sensitive topics of dealing with ex-partners and the dynamics they play in your relationshiptry to get you to reconsider how much information needs to be shared about past relationshipsshare an exercise to boost the validation your partner has already given you throughout the relationshipbut my ultimate message is one of confidence, self-value, and the unnecessary nature of obsessing over a partner's past for a healthy, present relationship. 00:00  Navigating Past Relationships: Exes and Baby Mamas00:27  Welcome to Top Self: Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity01:38  Dealing with Exes: Setting Boundaries and Overcoming Jealousy06:05  Navigating Relationships: Setting Expectations and Finding Security13:29  Self-Validation: An Exercise to Boost Your Self-Worth16:31  Conclusion: Embracing Confidence and Security in RelationshipsSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Do you remember the last time you got ready to go somewhere, an event, or to work or to church, or just to hang out with your friends and you felt really good about the way you looked.  Like you maybe even said to yourself, I feel good, I look good?  It's not about how you look but about how you FEEL and today's guest is an expert at making women feel good about themselves both inside and out.  She is the founder of CSJ, a leading styling company and she has such a gift for being able to impact self-esteem and confidence from the outside in, through styling.Yes Jessica Papineau shares some really great fashion and styling tips with us like how women can enhance their image by focusing on the 3 F's;  fit, fabric, and fashionthe right way to try on jeans and the reason it's important to steer clear of the cheap onestips for cleaning out your closetBut I think the real bomb shell is when she reveals the really interesting and really sad thing all women do when they look at themselves in the mirror and she really goes deep into the psychological aspects of dressing, like the role of self-reflection in personal styling,This episode is not only going to help you learn how dress like the person you want to become but also how to be happy with the person you already are.  00:00 Welcome to Top Self: A Unique Episode Awaits00:13 Introducing Jessica Papineau: Fashion as a Tool for Confidence00:35 The Power of Perception: Fashion, Confidence, and Self-Improvement09:33 Jessica's Journey: From Backwoods to Fashion Expert16:47 The Transformational Approach: Styling from the Inside Out24:46 The Three Fs of Fashion: Fit, Fabric, and Fashion36:46 Final Thoughts and How to Start Your Styling JourneyBook a FREE Styling Call with JessicaFREE Wardrobe Edit Blueprint available hereSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

I know you have a million thoughts going on in your head right now so before you click "play" on this episode really commit to listening to it with as little amount of distractions as possible because in this episode of the Top Self Podcast, I am talking with  wellness practitioner Heather Lillico about strategies for managing anxiety, particularly for overthinkers, perfectionists, and people pleasers. Sound like someone you know?  Here's a quick snapshot of just some of the things you might find interesting and sometimes you might feel like we're talking about you.  The biggest mistake when managing anxietythe challenges of perfectionism0 to 100 spiral and the deeper belief being activatedthe impact of limiting beliefs from childhoodthe link between how we're eating and how we're feelingwhat daily practice can improve your mental healthAlso, Heather shares some really easy foods to eat that actually help with anxiety.  We tend to overeat when we're upset and anxious anyway... why not eat stuff that's good for your anxiety right.  00:00  Introduction 00:47  Understanding Perfectionism and Anxiety01:37  The Role of Food and Exercise in Managing Anxiety01:37  Exploring Overthinking and its Roots01:43  The Impact of Limiting Beliefs on Anxiety02:23  The Connection Between Anxiety and Fear of Abandonment03:04  Reprogramming Limiting Beliefs04:09  The Role of the Subconscious Mind in Anxiety07:03  The Importance of Identity in Managing Anxiety09:38  The Impact of Food on Mood and Anxiety17:43  The Role of Exercise in Managing Anxiety21:25  The Power of Meditation in Reducing Anxiety27:19  Conclusion and Final ThoughtsTry Heather's Cultivating Calm App here Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

A couple weeks ago, my guest Dr. Corey Allen dropped 2 mind-shifting, bombs on the podcast and I was worried that maybe you were in anxiety mode with a swirl of thoughts running through your mind as you were listening and might have missed them.  So, I decided to do a whole episode on the 2 nuggets so this time, you really need to concentrate and let it sink in.Here's a run down of the highlights in this episode:self-validation and looking at your jealous moments as opportunities to show up as your best self, in the absence of any other validation. getting yourself from one state of mind to another, feeling your worth and telling yourself its understandable why you might be jealous and doing it all by yourself, without the help or assurance from your partner.the significance of accepting your own internal experiences and managing your emotions constructivelythe tight grip you have on your partner.  You may think the two of you are too far apart but nope, it's quite possible you are too close together.  an invitation to the new membership called Self Improvement Society or SIS for short.00:00  Unlocking the Power of Self-Validation02:05  The Journey to Self-Validation: Embracing Your Emotions07:34  Navigating Jealousy and Insecurity: A Path to Self-Improvement14:44  The Surprising Truth About Relationship Dynamics20:55  Introducing the Self-Improvement Society: A New Way to Grow28:07 Invitation to Join SISSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

I have a major crush on what today's guest is doing.  She is working on a treatment module for trust.  Thank goodness for people like clinical psychologist. Shannon Sauer-Zavala.  She talks about understanding the function of behavior and that there's a reason you're thinking the way you do.Because people think about trust in a black and white way, she shares a trust exercise called Dimensions of Trust where you look at the facts of the people you're in a relationship with now because we're operating from things in the past.One of my favorite parts in the episode is when Dr. Sauer-Zavala explains that you have to  give people the opportunity to show you that they're not your mom, not your ex, not your alcoholic father because as long as you don't, that old narrative sticks because that's still the only evidence you have.This whole episode is an outline of the approach to building trust, which focuses on understanding the function of protective behaviors, cognitive reframing, and behavior change through exposure, and mindfulness. 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome01:37 Choosing the Topic of Trust02:01 Understanding Trust in Relationships03:31 The Role of Behavior in Trust04:12 Understanding the Function of Behavior04:56 The Impact of Past Experiences on Trust07:20 The Role of Self-Validation in Trust07:48 The Importance of Testing Trust09:37 Understanding the Nuances of Trust22:05 The Role of Mindfulness in Trust24:32 Conclusion and Contact InformationSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

As most of us Jealousy Junkies are clinging on to our partners.   Marriage and Sex Therapist Dr. Corey Allen says... a couple's problems could be a result of them being too close.  Not leaving room for individuality.  I thought this was a really important message I wanted you to hear because it isn't smothering in the way we make it out to be... it means there is too tight of a grip for growth and change and THAT is what lands you on Corey's couch and gives him and his wife material for their amazing podcast Sexy Marriage Radio.In this episode of Top Self,  Corey talks about the natural progression of a relationship from passionate beginnings to confronting everyday realities.  Which by the way this usually about the time we freak out because the hot and heavy is slowing down and of course we make it us.  But Dr. Allen says we have to understand the role of assurance in the relationship and he breaks it down in a way I hadn't thought about before through self-validation.  I know that's going to be a huge aha moment for you when you hear it.And the conversation gets a little spicy when I ask him some questions about sex like which gender is usually the microwave and which is most likely to be the oven when it comes to sex drives and he shares what he and his wife say to each other if the other turns them down that might just change their mind so there's a little heat at then end, so you may have to sit in the parking lot at work to make sure you hear the whole episode. 00:00 Introduction and Guest Background02:53 Understanding the Evolution of Relationships03:38 The Science Behind Falling in Love04:48 The Transition from Infatuation to Reality06:59 The Role of Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships09:05 The Role of Assurance in Relationships10:09 The Impact of Change and Growth in Relationships10:57 The Importance of Self-Development in Relationships11:28 Addressing Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships14:28 The Importance of Self-Validation in Relationships18:43 Understanding the Dynamics of Relationships20:20 Dealing with Betrayal in Relationships20:20 Embracing Emotions and Healing20:20 Understanding Trauma and Its Impact20:20 The Cycle of Healing and Growth20:20 The Role of Sex in Relationships24:45 Navigating Sexual Dynamics in Long-Term Relationships28:55 The Power of Self-Confidence in Sexuality32:46 Final Thoughts and ResourcesConnect with Corey on his website Sexy Marriage Radio FMSchedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

It's so good to be back in the swing of things and to do a solo episode with you.  The exercise I share with you in today's episode is one I did as I was starting to notice improvements in myself with my jealousy and I wanted to share it with you.  You have to DO the work not just hear about it so make sure to go the show notes or to topself.com/evaluation and download the worksheet to use.  You can save a blank one as a template and then just copy a new one for each time you have a jealous moment or meltdown and you want to make improvements.  Send me an email and let me know your WINs, your WTFs, and your FIXs (you'll get the reference once you see the worksheet.00:00 Introduction and Personal Covid Experience00:42 Traveling and Covid Complications02:01 Returning Home and Dealing with Aftermath04:25 Introducing the Situation Evaluation Exercise06:09 Understanding the Importance of Taking Action06:56 How to Use the Situation Evaluation Worksheet09:39 Breaking Down the Situation Evaluation Worksheet17:18 The Importance of Recognizing Wins and Flops19:39 Implementing Changes for Future Growth20:34 Conclusion and Encouragement to Use the Worksheet  Snag the Situation Evaluation Worksheet here.Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.

Ever wanted to get inside the mind of a couples therapist and ask questions?  Well, in today's episode, I took full advantage of having the great couples therapist, Dr. Bruce Chalmer on and I asked some burning questions for you like:How to get your partner to go to therapy when they don't want toWhat's the first thing you would do if you were working with a couple with jealousy in the relationshipWhy couples get it wrong when they say their biggest issue is communication Bruce shares the idea that couples often choose stability over intimacy and this is what he calls the "death spiral" of passion in a relationship.  I loved this topic as it just brings to light how often we push away our true authentic self because we are too afraid of what someone else, in this case our partner, might think.He also compares couples therapy to improv so you'll have to tune in to hear why. 00:02 Introduction and Guest Presentation00:42 Overcoming Reluctance to Attend Couples Therapy04:03 Choosing the Right Therapist: A Discussion05:43 Communication vs. Content: A New Perspective07:51 Understanding Jealousy in Relationships10:17 The Role of Attraction in Relationships17:00 The Death Spiral for Passion: Stability vs. Intimacy20:50 Restoring Intimacy in Relationships20:54 Dealing with Jealousy and Insecurity21:36 Seeking Reassurance and Self-Validation22:43 Understanding the Value of Your Partner24:41 The Role of Fathers in a Daughter's Life25:40 Couples Therapy and Improv Comedy31:14 Navigating Arguments in Relationships32:06 The Magic Key to Relationship Problems34:20 Closing Remarks and Contact InformationConnect with Dr. Bruce Chalmer Schedule your FREE, 30-minute Discovery Call to see how I can help.Grab the 5 Must-Haves To Overcome Jealousy DisclaimerThe information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.