So We’ve Been Told with Sahaj Kaur Kohli

As a couples therapist, Sahaj Kaur Kohli talks about sex all the time with clients. But the truth is, she still struggles to talk about it in her own life. Sahaj and many other children of immigrants grew up with silence, shame, and secrecy around sex and desire. In this episode, Sahaj explores the cultural narratives that shape pleasure and sexuality with kink-affirming, anti-oppressive therapist Kimmy Wu. Listeners also share personal stories of shame and self-discovery in their sex lives. Together, Sahaj and Kimmy offer insights and tips for feeling more liberated in your body, decolonizing your relationship with pleasure, and reclaiming sexual agency on your own terms. Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

We’ve all heard we need boundaries to protect our peace, but what does that really look like in collectivist cultures? In this episode, therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli challenges Western ideas of boundaries, unpacks common misconceptions, and explores what it means to go low or no contact with loved ones. We’ll hear real-life stories from people navigating boundary-setting in immigrant families – some successful, some not – and others who’ve ultimately chosen to go no contact. Sahaj also shares practical tips for setting culturally-responsive boundaries, and answers your most pressing questions about estrangement.  Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

Do you feel guilty all the time? Or worry about abandoning where, and who, you come from? You’re not alone! Guilt is one of the main emotions therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli sees adult children of immigrants struggle with. In this episode, Sahaj unpacks the idea of immigrant guilt — how it differs from everyday guilt — and offers practical tools to help you navigate its complexities. She also explains what it really means to “sit with your feelings” (yes, actually), and we hear powerful stories from listeners on emotional suppression, anger, and the conflicting cultural messages they’ve received about how to feel. Plus, Sahaj talks to Dr. Batja Mesquita, a Dutch social psychologist and author of “Between Us: How Cultures Create Emotions”, to explore how culture and language shape the way we understand and express feelings – and they’ll leave you with tips for starting these conversations in your own immigrant family.  Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

What does duty mean to you? For many of us, especially children of immigrants, duty is complicated. It can look like showing up for loved ones (even when it’s inconvenient), preserving cultural traditions, or fulfilling unspoken expectations. Sometimes duty feels like love, gratitude, and pride. Other times, it carries the weight of pressure, guilt, and grief. In this episode, therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli helps us reflect on what we truly owe our families and communities — and how to navigate duty when it conflicts with our own needs and desires. You’ll hear from listeners whose sense of duty is shaped by cultural values, birth order, and their parents’ sacrifices. And we’ll leave you with tips to examine when duty is a form of love, and when it’s a tool for control.   Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

Dr. Judith Joseph, a board-certified psychiatrist and author of 'High Functioning: Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy', dives into the complexities of narcissism in immigrant families. She unpacks how cultural dynamics contribute to narcissistic behaviors among parents, looking at the impact on mental health. Listeners discover essential communication strategies for navigating relationships with narcissistic parents and learn the importance of self-healing and establishing healthy boundaries to foster personal growth.

Discover the rollercoaster of intercultural love as personal stories intertwine with societal challenges. Hear the heartfelt struggles of navigating family expectations and cultural traditions within relationships. Dive into the issues of colorism, internalized racism, and the quest for identity that many face as children of immigrants. This conversation blends humor with vulnerability, celebrating the beauty found in bridging cultures and offering insights that encourage understanding and acceptance in love.

This discussion dives into the complexities of authenticity for children of immigrants, highlighting how this well-intended concept can be more harmful than helpful. It offers fresh perspectives on what it means to be 'real' when navigating multiple cultures. Additionally, the impact of cultural code-switching is explored, especially regarding the tension between home life and workplace expectations shaped by gender norms. Real stories from the community illustrate the need for self-defined identities in the bicultural experience.

Dr. Mariel Buqué, a Columbia-trained holistic psychologist and author of "Break the Cycle," dives into the emotional complexities of family secrets. She discusses how these hidden truths can act as a protective barrier while simultaneously creating feelings of isolation. Delving into intergenerational trauma, Mariel shares insights on the impacts of childhood secrets and cultural silences that hinder healing. Listeners are encouraged to confront these legacies, explore their emotional responses, and begin the journey toward recovery and authenticity.

Explore the fascinating world of bicultural identities and the weight of family expectations. Discover personal stories of navigating life between two cultures, including the unique challenges faced by queer individuals within immigrant families. Learn about self-compassion and the importance of building community support as you embrace your dual identity. This insightful discussion dives into the emotional complexities of living a double life and offers practical advice for bridging the gap between cultural norms and personal authenticity.

Delve into the intricate dance of cultural identities and personal wellness. Explore the tension between family expectations and self-discovery. Unpack generational trauma and societal pressures in a supportive space. Challenge mainstream wellness narratives that overlook unique experiences. This thought-provoking dialogue invites listeners to redefine their understanding of identity and mental health.