Is Duty a Form of Love, or Control?

What does duty mean to you? For many of us, especially children of immigrants, duty is complicated. It can look like showing up for loved ones (even when it’s inconvenient), preserving cultural traditions, or fulfilling unspoken expectations. Sometimes duty feels like love, gratitude, and pride. Other times, it carries the weight of pressure, guilt, and grief. In this episode, therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli helps us reflect on what we truly owe our families and communities — and how to navigate duty when it conflicts with our own needs and desires. You’ll hear from listeners whose sense of duty is shaped by cultural values, birth order, and their parents’ sacrifices. And we’ll leave you with tips to examine when duty is a form of love, and when it’s a tool for control.  

Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough. 

Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios.

For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast. 

Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy. 

So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms.

The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex.

This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).