So We’ve Been Told with Sahaj Kaur Kohli

Boundaries, Low Contact, or Estrangement: What’s Right for You?

22 snips

Jun 18, 2025

Explore the intricate world of boundary-setting within immigrant families. The conversation challenges Western norms and highlights personal experiences with low contact and estrangement. Real-life stories reveal the emotional complexities of balancing family ties and individual needs. Practical tips for culturally-responsive boundary-setting are offered, alongside insights on navigating the fallout from estrangement. The discussion emphasizes the importance of prioritizing personal well-being amidst challenging family dynamics.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

ANECDOTE

Young Adult Chooses Herself

At 19, Sahaj chose herself by refusing to go home for a weekend despite family pressure.
This moment marked her beginning to set personal space in her immigrant family context.

INSIGHT

Boundaries Protect You Not Others

Boundaries protect your own emotional, physical, and mental well-being rather than controlling others.
They are clear limits focused on your behaviors and needs, acting as bridges between people, not walls.

INSIGHT

Boundaries vs Rules Confusion

People often confuse 'rules' with 'boundaries,' expecting others to change rather than changing their own behaviors.
Boundaries focus on your limits and actions; rules demand others to behave differently.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

We’ve all heard we need boundaries to protect our peace, but what does that really look like in collectivist cultures? In this episode, therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli challenges Western ideas of boundaries, unpacks common misconceptions, and explores what it means to go low or no contact with loved ones. We’ll hear real-life stories from people navigating boundary-setting in immigrant families – some successful, some not – and others who’ve ultimately chosen to go no contact. Sahaj also shares practical tips for setting culturally-responsive boundaries, and answers your most pressing questions about estrangement.

Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.

Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios.

For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.

Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.

So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms.

The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex.

This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).