Let's Talk Polyamory Podcast

In 1997, psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron published the results of a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin exploring how emotional intimacy between strangers could be accelerated through structured vulnerability. Their method? A series of 36 questions, divided into three sets that become increasingly personal—and it worked.The list became more widely known in 2015 when writer Mandy Len Catron shared her experience with the questions in her viral New York Times article, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” She tried the questions herself—and fell in love.But what happens after you fall in love?We recently revisited the original 36 questions as a couple, and while we loved the experience, we felt there were some essential conversations these questions didn't cover, especially if you’re planning to live together, share a life, or deepen a long-term relationship .The result...our own follow-up list: The Other 36 Questions You Need to Ask to Stay in LoveThese are questions we believe every couple (or triad, or quad!) should ask—regardless of how you identify across the spectrum of monogamy to non-monogamy.Here’s what we felt was missing—and what we intentionally added:🩺 Health & Safety: Physical and emotional safety, mental health, STI conversations, trauma history, and comfort with firearms in the home.💰 Money & Lifestyle: Attitudes toward debt, sharing finances, who pays for what, and what fairness looks like.💬 Communication & Conflict: Not just can you talk about hard things—but how you do it.❤️ Relationships, Intimacy & Vulnerability: Relationship style, love languages, attachment and honest💋 Sex, Desire & Kinks: Real talk about pleasure, fantasy, limits, and how sexuality evolves over time.🏡 Habits & Everyday Stuff: Morning routines, animals in bed, bodily quirks.👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family & Culture: Navigating traditions, holidays and family🌍 Life Experience & Growth: Travel, independence, firsts, and life lessons as a lens for compatibility.In this episode, we share our experience answering the original 36 questions together, highlight a few of our favourite prompts and how we answered them, and introduce you to our full list of additions—including why we believe they matter!📝 Free Resource: We created a downloadable one-pager with all 72 questions—the original 36 plus our “Other 36”—grouped by theme, so you can explore them at your own pace.https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/36plus36questionsWhether you're starting something new or rekindling a long-term relationship, these questions are a powerful way to build deeper intimacy, open honest conversations, and get to know your partner(s) on a whole new level.Show Resources:The 36 Questions that May Lead To Love + T&A’s Other 36 Questions You Need to Ask to Stay in Love Download - https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/36plus36questionsGottman: The 5 to 1 Relationship Ratio - https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ Looking for support but want to do it at your own pace? Check out our Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourseBook a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Jealousy… no one wants to feel it, and many of us hope if we ignore it, it’ll just go away. But like going to the dentist, it’s something that’s good for you—and like a cavity, jealousy has to be addressed.This episode is part of our T&A Alphabet Series, where we explore the big topics around non-monogamy, relationships, and sex—one letter at a time. Originally broadcast as a live training in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook community, we bring you J is for Jealousy!Whether you like it or not, you’re going to encounter jealousy—your own or someone else’s. How will you be affected by it? How will you handle it? That’s what we’re exploring in this conversation.We talk about what jealousy really is, and the deeper emotions that often fuel it—like insecurity, fear, lack of safety, and uncertainty. We might sense a threat that our partner could be “taken” from us, and that fear can lead to reactive behaviors that don’t serve us or our relationships.We also offer practical guidance for working through jealousy, including 7 strategies to shift your mindset, communicate better, and reconnect with what’s good in your relationship—rather than clinging tightly or spiralling into worst-case scenarios.And we remind you: jealousy isn’t all bad. It’s an internal alert system. It means there’s something worth paying attention to.This episode touches on one of the core modules of our Polyamory Mastery program—our deep dive signature group coaching experience for people ready to create secure, satisfying, and sexy non-monogamous relationships. We’ll be running a small-group spring cohort. If you’re interested, reach out to tara@hello.taraandandre.com and visit taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery for more details on the program.Show Resources:Looking for support but want to do it at your own pace? Check out our Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourseBook a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Almost a year ago and just shy of 7 years of being together, we made a decision to de-escalate our non-monogamous relationship. It was met with a lot of questions and concerns from close friends and family - are you breaking up? Do you no longer love each other etc. We even released a special podcast on this topic - (S1. Ep 16) Is It Time To Deescalate My Relationship - and yet there were still some skeptics!And now, over 365 days later, reflecting on this experience, we know it was the absolute right decision for us (even though there were some tough spots to navigate) and has in fact strengthened our connection!In this deeply personal episode we catch you up on what prompted the decision, how we felt at the time, how it went and how things are now! We also review what de-escalation means and how it differs from breaking up, and the types of situations that might prompt this kind of change in a relationship.And for those who don’t intend on de-escalating, or stop living together, we share examples of how you can breathe more life into your relationships by spending intentional time together and creating space and time to restore your own independence. Exciting news: As we announced in this episode we are considering running a Spring cohort of our Polyamory Mastery group coaching program—but we need at least 5 couples (or individuals) to commit to make it happen.This is our deeper dive group coaching experience for people who are looking for real transformation, and support that actually makes a difference in creating secure, satisfying and sexy non monogamous relationships!This program includes:8+ in-depth modules of training with brand new content, all of which will be recorded and added to the course siteDownloadable tools and exercises so you can actively apply the training to your unique relationship(s)And of course live coaching with us!You can find out more about the program here - https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery and to apply, drop us an email at tara@hello.taraandandre.com.To get a bit of background on where we were when we decided to do this we suggest you catch up on the podcast we recorded and listen to our Poly Diaries journal entries from last year! See links in the show resources below.Show Resources:Book a 15 minute call with Tara at https://go.taraandandre.com/15mincoffeechat to talk about Polyamory Mastery or email her at tara@hello.taraandandre.comSeason 1 Episode 16: Is It Time to De-escalate My Relationship?  https://open.spotify.com/episode/0MGkEmWemnQRg1fDNjFQtk?si=A6reBvLbRs-cCQft5GbLow Tara’s Poly Diaries entry -  ⁠https://youtu.be/NQvmI5WXIsE?si=DLSRQLA1K-Q7WvX⁠ Andre’s Poly Diaries entry -  ⁠https://youtu.be/AS8NkrKYj3A?si=OAlAPqCCEfEOo_A0⁠ Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠

We’re back with another episode in our T&A Alphabet Series, where we explore the big topics around non-monogamy, relationships, and sex—one letter at a time. Originally broadcast as a live training in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook community, this episode is all about the letter I: I is for Insecurity and the 3 Things You Can Do to Feel More Secure.Insecurity can show up as self-doubt, anxiety, or the sense that you're vulnerable to harm or rejection. In open or polyamorous relationships, it often feels like living on high alert—waiting for the next fire to put out.In this episode, we dig into the connection between insecurity and jealousy, and share three key practices to help you feel more grounded and secure:Introspection – exploring the roots of your jealousy and insecurityCommunication – both with yourself and with your partnersDetermining remedies – identifying what you actually need to feel safer and more supportedWe also explore:Why insecurity is often more about internal narratives than external realitiesHow to tell the difference between real concerns and the stories we tell ourselvesWays to shift out of recurring insecurity loopsHow limiting beliefs can feed insecurity—and how to build a “positive evidence stack”Powerful self-reflection questions to uncover the source of your insecurityExamples of real remedies that have worked for us and our clientsIf jealousy and insecurity are keeping you from feeling at ease in your consensually non-monogamous relationships, check out our self-paced Poly Newbies Digital Course https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourse or go deeper with our Open Relationship and Polyamory Mastery - https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery - program, which includes live coaching with us.Show Resources:Practicing Polyamory Podcast - Asking Questions Can Change Your Life with T&A episode - https://youtu.be/lpd_5FwDRxc?si=AqagOShSzkQeTCgt Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠

Non-monogamous relationships can offer joy, freedom, and deep connection—but they can also stir up intense emotional waves.In honour of Mental Health Week in Canada, this heartfelt and practical episode explores what it really looks like to care for your mental health while navigating non-monogamy.Whether you're facing overwhelm, burnout, comparison, or jealousy—or just want to feel less alone—this conversation is for you.In this episode we cover:Common emotional and mental health challenges in non-monogamyWhy you don’t have to be “fully healed” or “totally secure” to do this wellMental health-boosting habits: self-care, alone time, personal boundaries, check-ins, and restWhen and how to reach out for support—and what kind of support you might need (coaching, therapy, or DIY approaches)How we support each other through emotionally tough times💛 Special episode resource: Non-Monogamy and Your Mental Health: Worksheet + Action Planning Guide — a free tool to help you reflect, reset, and take practical steps toward improving your mental health and your relationships! Get it here 👇 https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/mentalhealthThis episode is your reminder: struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re human. Seeking support is a sign of strength.Please share this episode with someone who might need it.If you’re considering self-harm or harming others, please reach out to a local crisis line, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room. You are not alone.Show Resources:Free Download: Non-Monogamy and Your Mental Health: Worksheet + Action Planning Guide - https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/mentalhealth. You can download and print it and fill it in or use something like PDF Guru to upload and fill it in (https://pdfguru.com/app)  Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescueEmail André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: andreturcottepsych@gmail.com Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory - https://www.polyfriendly.org/Psychology Today - Search for Therapists, Treatment Centres and Support Groups - https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists - this is the Canada link but you change the country in the top upper right hand corner.

Discover the secrets to thriving in non-monogamous relationships! Explore the crucial differences between rules, boundaries, and agreements, and why collaborative approaches win over punitive ones. Learn about the Values-Based Agreement™ Model and how it cultivates trust and communication. The hosts share personal examples and tools for active listening and handling feedback. Plus, delve into the importance of mutual respect in setting healthy boundaries and navigating sensitive topics like STI awareness. It's all about building resilient and fulfilling connections!

We’re back with another episode in our T&A Alphabet Series, where we tackle big topics around non-monogamy, relationships, and sex — one letter at a time. Originally broadcast as a live training in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook Community, this episode is all about the letter H - H is for Sexual HEALTH and HAIR! While it can be an uncomfortable subject for some (at least until you get used to it), being open about sexual health and regular testing is crucial — especially when you have multiple sexual partners. For us, getting tested regularly has become a badge of honour, not something to be embarrassed about.In this episode, we break down the difference between an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) and an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection), and why the shift in terminology matters. We talk about removing the stigma around testing, STIs, and sexuality — and how to navigate those conversations with partners in a way that’s honest, caring, and responsible.We share the kinds of tests you should ask for (because not everything is included by default), and discuss ways to reduce or prevent the incidence of STIs. Yes, we talk about condoms and barriers — but also about vaccines (like HPV and Hepatitis), rinsing your mouth and washing your hands between partners, and even bringing our own safer sex kits to parties and clubs.And then we shift gears — but stay close to the skin — with a chat about HAIR ... especially the hair down there. We unpack how history, pop culture and media have influenced how we feel about hair, and how that connects to our sense of self, body image, self-worth, and how we show up in intimate moments.Some people love it, some hate it, some wax it, some grow it — and some braid it if they’re feeling fancy. Whatever your vibe, we’re here to say: there’s no “right” way to be hairy… or not. What matters is choice, consent, and comfort — just like every other part of your sexuality.Oh — and yes, we throw in a few bonus “H” words along the way. 😉As always, there’s some laughter, some real talk, and important info for anyone who is sexually active — no matter your relationship style.Show Resources:Need support in having wildly successful, secure and sexy non-monogamous relationships? Join us for the Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialofferLet’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠Looking for therapy? Reach out to host André Turcotte and book a consultation call at andreturcottepsych@gmail.comLooking for coaching support?  Book a consultation call with Tara - ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠ 

You know that feeling when you get a new car? It’s shiny, exciting, full of possibilities—and your imagination runs wild. But then reality hits: taxes, car payments, insurance, maintenance… and suddenly, the fantasy doesn’t quite match the day-to-day.Opening up a monogamous relationship can feel the same way. The excitement of exploring non-monogamy can cause folx to skip over some crucial steps—only to find themselves overwhelmed or unprepared.In this episode, we break down three essential things to do before (or even after) you start dating others:Determine your ideal relationship style, what you value, and your personal boundariesGet clear on what works for you based on your needs for emotional and sexual exclusivity, your core values, and the limits that help you feel secure.Have essential conversations with your partner(s)Talk about what you each want, share boundaries, co-create what works for you as a unit, and build a Values-Based Agreement™ to guide you forward.Check in regularly and revisit your agreementsKeep communication open and honest as things evolve. Your relationship is a living thing—it needs maintenance to thrive.Whether you're just beginning your journey or already navigating the waves of non-monogamy, these steps can help prevent common pitfalls and keep your connection strong.Think of our Poly Newbies Digital Course as the “insurance policy” for your open relationship journey. And if you’ve already hit a few bumps in the road, it’s the perfect tune-up to get you back on track. Find out more here - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer🎧 Related episodes to check out next:How We Love: What Style of Non-Monogamy is For Me? - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2wQiiMrHCFltYorI7bdEGs?si=3DfvnJG9StK_3Pnmo6kq_gPardon Me But You're Stepping on my Boundaries - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2WMeYiXfpLXqYLrJbGlG7S?si=APZQLOTPQ2-wOqseXMDi3QHow to Start in Polyamory and Not Totally Suck at It - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7F9IsYAqghAgxdd86i60s9?si=raAvjd37QeuBQw-UfB6l6g Show Resources:Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠Looking for sex+ psychotherapy? Reach out to host André Turcotte and book a consultation call at ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠Looking for poly-friendly coaching support?  Book a complimentary consultation call with co-host Tara - ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠ Book by Dr. Liz Powell - Building Open Relationships - https://drlizpowell.com/buildingopenrelationshipsbook/Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the polyamory words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussions about discrimination, bullying, aggression, and suicide. Trans and non-binary people continue to face widespread hostility, including physical and verbal attacks, online harassment, exclusion in schools and workplaces, and restrictive laws that limit their rights. If you need support, please reach out to:The Trevor Project (U.S.) – www.thetrevorproject.orgTrans Lifeline (U.S. & Canada) – www.translifeline.orgEgale Canada – www.egale.caLGBT YouthLine (Canada) – www.youthline.caMarch 31 is International Transgender Day of Visibility, a day to celebrate trans and non-binary people while recognizing the challenges they continue to face. In this important episode of the podcast - Polyamory & Transgender Inclusion, Visibility & Allyship - we cover:Understanding Identity – The differences between biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, and relational identityWhy Visibility Matters – How representation influences acceptance, mental health, and societal changePolyamory & Inclusion – The role of identity in relationships and how to create more inclusive polyamorous spacesThe Current Climate for Trans People – The rise of anti-trans rhetoric, policies, and restrictions around the worldHow to Be an Ally – Actions we can all take to support trans people in personal life, workplaces, and communitiesTrans people are facing increasing threats to their rights, from healthcare restrictions to limitations in schools, sports, and public spaces. Many also experience harassment, violence, and exclusion, making visibility and allyship more important than ever. It’s crucial for all of us—especially in polyamorous communities—to stand up, advocate, and create spaces where everyone belongs.Listen now and let’s work together to build a world where everyone has a place. Please comment with your favourite trans voices to follow! 📢 Share this episode to spread awareness, uplift trans voices, and help create a more inclusive world.Learn more. Be visible. Be inclusive. Be an ally. Show Resources:GLAAD - https://glaad.org/tdov/ and https://glaad.org/transgender PFLAG - ⁠www.pflag.org⁠ and https://pflag.org/transgender-day-of-visibility/Egale Canada - ⁠www.egale.ca⁠The 519 (Toronto-based LGBTQ+ support) - ⁠www.the519.org⁠Contact legislators to support trans rights - Canada - https://www.ourcommons.ca/members/en and United States https://www.usa.gov/elected-officialsLet’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠Looking for therapy? Reach out to host André Turcotte and book a consultation call at ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠Looking for coaching support?  Book a consultation call with Tara - ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠ Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourse

We're back with another T&A Alphabet Series episode, where we break down big topics in non-monogamy, relationships, and sex—one letter at a time! Originally aired as live trainings in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook Community and on YouTube, this episode is all about the letter G—and trust us, it’s a GREAT one!We start with ⚡️GGG - Good, Giving, and GameDan Savage coined this term, and we break it down with a special clip from him (link in show notes!).Good 🛏️—Being skilled in bed (yes, it’s a learnable skill!).Giving 🎁—Offering pleasure without expecting it in return. We also sneak in a definition of sexual communal strength.Game 🎲—Willing to explore your partner’s desires (within reason!).We also share how to invite feedback so you can become good, practice being giving, and embrace being game in both polyamory and sex.Then it’s all about the💥 G-AREA, unpacking it’s history, why it’s not just a spot, and share hot tips (plus handy diagrams!) to help you find it—along with other fun zones like the O and A spots!💦 And then there’s GROOL… If you’ve never heard of it, you’ll definitely want to tune in! Plus, we discuss GSERD, GANGBANGS, and even the different types of ejaculate from people with vulvas. (Yes, we go there!)Want to go from GRRR… to GREAT in your open or polyamorous relationships? Our Poly Newbies Course is here to help—it's truly the GIFT that keeps on GIVING 🎁🔗 ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠Show Resources:If you want to learn more about how to join our group program, check out this link - https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery  Dan Savage clip on the meaning of GGG - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjavnXMQnHQ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the FUN words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠Looking for therapy? Reach out to host André Turcotte and book a consultation call at ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠Looking for coaching support?  Book a 15 minute chat with Tara - https://go.taraandandre.com/15mincoffeechat