Let's Talk Polyamory Podcast

In this episode we’re digging into the archives to bring you a conversation that originally aired live in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook group. Since Facebook now only stores live videos for 30 days, we’re working behind the scenes to download and share some of those gems here on the podcast.In this episode, we dive into a question we hear all the time: How do I attract (and keep) better poly partners?Whether you’re new to non-monogamy or have been dating for a while, this episode is full of insight, real stories, and practical tools. We talk about: How we might be perceived on dating apps when we list “non-monogamous” in our profileThe (hilarious) story of our first date and what our initial reactions wereWe also share how our Securely Polyamorous Framework—which we teach in our course and coaching program—applies directly to dating and the process of meeting and keeping great partners. We explore things like communication attunement, knowing what you want, setting personal boundaries, creating values-based agreements and nurturing connections that are built to last.And if you’ve ever found yourself attracting people who aren’t a fit (or who vanish after a great first date), we talk about the unconscious ways that might be happening—and what you can do to shift it.🎁 BONUS! This week, we’re sharing our Online Dating Guide which includes:✅ A list of our favourite dating sites for non-monogamous folks✅ Tips for writing a standout profile✅ An online dating checklist✅ Links to related trainings and podcasts👉Download it for free here: ⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/onlinedatingguide⁠💬 Want to connect with others who get it? Join our private Facebook group:🔗 ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpolyamory⁠⚡️ Curious about working with us through coaching or therapy? Sign up for a Pay What You Can Coaching Call with Tara at:🔗 ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/pwyccoachingsession⁠ ✨You can also explore other ways to work with us as well as access other great resources at:🔗 ⁠https://www.taraandandre.com⁠

At the time of recording this episode, it’s the Week of Visibility for Non-Monogamy — July 7–13, 2025. This global campaign and week of action, created by Open Love NY, celebrates the many ways people love, connect, and relate outside of monogamy—including polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, swinging, and more.The Week of Visibility exists to:Celebrate diverse relationship structures (because monogamy is actually the minority—both globally and across human history),Challenge stigma and misconceptions (we’re not perverts, immature, or avoidant, thank you very much),Promote inclusion in media, healthcare, education, and law,And Uplift marginalized voices, especially queer, trans, BIPOC, and disabled folks whose experience of non-monogamy is often erased or misunderstood.In this episode, we explore what it means to be visible as people who practice consensual non-monogamy. We reflect on our own experiences around coming out—Tara shares in detail what it was like to come out as non-monogamous to her family, why it mattered, how we prepared, what happened, and how it’s going now. André shares about coming out to his mother—and her  openness to the idea and her love. We also walk through each day’s theme from the Week of Visibility: History & Culture, Identity & Inclusion, Myths & Misconceptions, Public & Private, Law & Advocacy, and Integration & Reflection.For each, we offer personal reflections and suggest actions you can take to explore what visibility looks like for you—whether that means being out and proud, private and processing, or somewhere in between.💜 IMPORTANT NOTE:We’re offering visibility as an invitation, not a prescription.Visibility is powerful—but it’s not always accessible or safe. You are allowed to choose what’s right for you.🔗 Mentioned in the Show:Learn more and participate in the Week of Visibility:⁠https://www.weekofvisibility.com⁠Share your story anonymously (or publicly):⁠https://www.weekofvisibility.com/shareyourstory⁠Episode 7: How We Love: What Style of Non-Monogamy is for Me - ⁠https://open.spotify.com/episode/2wQiiMrHCFltYorI7bdEGs?si=TBCGeov_R1qUiuE2cEabsg⁠ (this has a link to download a free worksheet)Episode 40: Debunking Common Myths about Polyamory ⁠https://open.spotify.com/episode/0rst1t9Jv2x6xlgkJE2fYP?si=dOKRcCONQxW_k1E8xTdBCA⁠Learn more about our Poly Newbies Digital Course and get it for the special Week of Visibility price - ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠ Map of Non-Monogamy - Franklin Veaux - ⁠https://blog.franklinveaux.com/2017/12/an-update-to-the-map-of-non-monogamy/⁠ 📝 Connect with UsWe’re Tara & André—coaches, educators, and polyamory advocates helping people create secure, satisfying, and sexy non-monogamous relationships.📱 Instagram → ⁠https://www.instagram.com/taraandandre/⁠ ⚡️ TikTok →⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@letstalkpolyamory⁠ 🌐 Learn more about our programs and services or book a consultation call → ⁠https://www.taraandandre.com⁠

Feeling disconnected or depleted in your long-term relationship while totally lit up by someone new? You're not broken—and neither is your relationship. This is a natural progression of relationships, but it doesn't have to be the death knell!In this episode of the Let’s Talk Polyamory Podcast, we explore what happens when burnout shows up in your long-term relationship—often the one where you share a home, kids, responsibilities or calendar—while you’re riding the high of New Relationship Energy (NRE) somewhere else. Inspired by a recent CNN article and relationship expert Esther Perel’s insights, we unpack the real causes of burnout: emotional labor, domestic imbalance, identity loss, over-functioning, and the exhaustion of being the constant container for your partner’s emotions.We also share our own personal stories about what helps us keep our long-term relationship feeling playful, connected, and fresh—even while managing real-life stressors. From RAADAR Relationship Reviews and quality time rituals, to creating intentional transitions around new connections, we’ll walk you through practical ways to rekindle the energy you crave—including simple habits backed by research, like the Gottmans’ 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions that helps relationships stay strong and emotionally resilient.In this episode, we cover:💡 What burnout really looks like in long-term relationships🧯 The top causes of relationship fatigue (hint: it’s not just about desire)💘 Why NRE feels so good—and how to channel that energy intentionally into other relationship🛠️ Tools for making LRE feel exciting again (without pretending it’s brand new)👫 Our own practices for keeping long-term love feeling alive💌 Ready for deeper support? Check out our Poly Newbies Digital Course or join us in the next round of our Polyamory Mastery Program. Links in the show resources below👇Show Resources:CNN Article about Relationship burnout: https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/03/health/relationship-burnout-wellness Want to know more about NRE? Check out the episode, New Relationship Energy: The Awesome & The Awful - https://open.spotify.com/episode/6IbCK3XZ1louXULbFvAwyR?si=pvkCoL8XRJCKBXjhZ-_fqg  How Can I Hit the Reset Button and Free Myself From Resentments (YouTube) - https://youtu.be/au6-N8qZTDU?si=PZknyyGE8r_15ASp Looking for therapy? Reach out to host André Turcotte and arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at andreturcottepsych@gmail.comBook a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠Want to have wildly successful, secure and sexy non-monogamous relationships? Join us for the Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialofferWant a deeper dive, customized program with more direct support from T&A, join us in Polyamory Mastery - https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery 

Re-released in honour of Toronto Pride!June is 🏳️‍🌈Pride Month in many parts of the world, including here in Toronto, where we've proudly participated in both official and unofficial Pride events over the years—including walking in the parade.One question that often sparks lively debate is: Should relational identities like polyamory be included in Pride?Some argue that Pride is about celebrating sexual and gender identities, and that polyamory and other relational identities don't belong under that umbrella. Others believe that polyamory is a valid identity that deserves visibility—especially when legal recognition, social support, and relationship rights are still lacking.In this episode, we make an intentional effort to explore both sides of this discussion—sharing different perspectives on where polyamory fits within the broader 2SLGBTQIA+ movement. We also touch on the history of how Pride began and the deeper roots of what this celebration represents.We’re revisiting a conversation originally recorded in our private Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook group. At the time, we had been running our weekly livestream series Mondays with Tara and André there —something we started during the pandemic as a way to stay connected, offer support, and spark real conversations. You’ll hear us share a little bit about how that came to be at the beginning of the episode.This particular livestream was recorded just before the 2022 Toronto Pride Parade, when we organized a walking float with members of our community. We did it again in 2023, that time in collaboration with Polyamorous Living Toronto!⭐️ The sound and video quality isn’t studio-perfect (neither are we!), but we’ve done our best to clean it up. We hope this episode sparks meaningful dialogue—because that’s what Pride is all about.Let us know in the Comments what you think:Should polyamory be part of Pride celebrations?And share your PRIDE stories and photos in our Let's Talk Polyamory group - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠⁠Show Resources:Toronto Pride - https://www.pridetoronto.com/Fierté Montréal (Montréal Pride) - https://fiertemontreal.com/enLooking for support but want to do it at your own pace? Check out our Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourseBook a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

In 1997, psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron published the results of a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin exploring how emotional intimacy between strangers could be accelerated through structured vulnerability. Their method? A series of 36 questions, divided into three sets that become increasingly personal—and it worked.The list became more widely known in 2015 when writer Mandy Len Catron shared her experience with the questions in her viral New York Times article, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” She tried the questions herself—and fell in love.But what happens after you fall in love?We recently revisited the original 36 questions as a couple, and while we loved the experience, we felt there were some essential conversations these questions didn't cover, especially if you’re planning to live together, share a life, or deepen a long-term relationship .The result...our own follow-up list: The Other 36 Questions You Need to Ask to Stay in LoveThese are questions we believe every couple (or triad, or quad!) should ask—regardless of how you identify across the spectrum of monogamy to non-monogamy.Here’s what we felt was missing—and what we intentionally added:🩺 Health & Safety: Physical and emotional safety, mental health, STI conversations, trauma history, and comfort with firearms in the home.💰 Money & Lifestyle: Attitudes toward debt, sharing finances, who pays for what, and what fairness looks like.💬 Communication & Conflict: Not just can you talk about hard things—but how you do it.❤️ Relationships, Intimacy & Vulnerability: Relationship style, love languages, attachment and honest💋 Sex, Desire & Kinks: Real talk about pleasure, fantasy, limits, and how sexuality evolves over time.🏡 Habits & Everyday Stuff: Morning routines, animals in bed, bodily quirks.👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family & Culture: Navigating traditions, holidays and family🌍 Life Experience & Growth: Travel, independence, firsts, and life lessons as a lens for compatibility.In this episode, we share our experience answering the original 36 questions together, highlight a few of our favourite prompts and how we answered them, and introduce you to our full list of additions—including why we believe they matter!📝 Free Resource: We created a downloadable one-pager with all 72 questions—the original 36 plus our “Other 36”—grouped by theme, so you can explore them at your own pace.https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/36plus36questionsWhether you're starting something new or rekindling a long-term relationship, these questions are a powerful way to build deeper intimacy, open honest conversations, and get to know your partner(s) on a whole new level.Show Resources:The 36 Questions that May Lead To Love + T&A’s Other 36 Questions You Need to Ask to Stay in Love Download - https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/36plus36questionsGottman: The 5 to 1 Relationship Ratio - https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ Looking for support but want to do it at your own pace? Check out our Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourseBook a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Jealousy… no one wants to feel it, and many of us hope if we ignore it, it’ll just go away. But like going to the dentist, it’s something that’s good for you—and like a cavity, jealousy has to be addressed.This episode is part of our T&A Alphabet Series, where we explore the big topics around non-monogamy, relationships, and sex—one letter at a time. Originally broadcast as a live training in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook community, we bring you J is for Jealousy!Whether you like it or not, you’re going to encounter jealousy—your own or someone else’s. How will you be affected by it? How will you handle it? That’s what we’re exploring in this conversation.We talk about what jealousy really is, and the deeper emotions that often fuel it—like insecurity, fear, lack of safety, and uncertainty. We might sense a threat that our partner could be “taken” from us, and that fear can lead to reactive behaviors that don’t serve us or our relationships.We also offer practical guidance for working through jealousy, including 7 strategies to shift your mindset, communicate better, and reconnect with what’s good in your relationship—rather than clinging tightly or spiralling into worst-case scenarios.And we remind you: jealousy isn’t all bad. It’s an internal alert system. It means there’s something worth paying attention to.This episode touches on one of the core modules of our Polyamory Mastery program—our deep dive signature group coaching experience for people ready to create secure, satisfying, and sexy non-monogamous relationships. We’ll be running a small-group spring cohort. If you’re interested, reach out to tara@hello.taraandandre.com and visit taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery for more details on the program.Show Resources:Looking for support but want to do it at your own pace? Check out our Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourseBook a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Almost a year ago and just shy of 7 years of being together, we made a decision to de-escalate our non-monogamous relationship. It was met with a lot of questions and concerns from close friends and family - are you breaking up? Do you no longer love each other etc. We even released a special podcast on this topic - (S1. Ep 16) Is It Time To Deescalate My Relationship - and yet there were still some skeptics!And now, over 365 days later, reflecting on this experience, we know it was the absolute right decision for us (even though there were some tough spots to navigate) and has in fact strengthened our connection!In this deeply personal episode we catch you up on what prompted the decision, how we felt at the time, how it went and how things are now! We also review what de-escalation means and how it differs from breaking up, and the types of situations that might prompt this kind of change in a relationship.And for those who don’t intend on de-escalating, or stop living together, we share examples of how you can breathe more life into your relationships by spending intentional time together and creating space and time to restore your own independence. Exciting news: As we announced in this episode we are considering running a Spring cohort of our Polyamory Mastery group coaching program—but we need at least 5 couples (or individuals) to commit to make it happen.This is our deeper dive group coaching experience for people who are looking for real transformation, and support that actually makes a difference in creating secure, satisfying and sexy non monogamous relationships!This program includes:8+ in-depth modules of training with brand new content, all of which will be recorded and added to the course siteDownloadable tools and exercises so you can actively apply the training to your unique relationship(s)And of course live coaching with us!You can find out more about the program here - https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery and to apply, drop us an email at tara@hello.taraandandre.com.To get a bit of background on where we were when we decided to do this we suggest you catch up on the podcast we recorded and listen to our Poly Diaries journal entries from last year! See links in the show resources below.Show Resources:Book a 15 minute call with Tara at https://go.taraandandre.com/15mincoffeechat to talk about Polyamory Mastery or email her at tara@hello.taraandandre.comSeason 1 Episode 16: Is It Time to De-escalate My Relationship?  https://open.spotify.com/episode/0MGkEmWemnQRg1fDNjFQtk?si=A6reBvLbRs-cCQft5GbLow Tara’s Poly Diaries entry -  ⁠https://youtu.be/NQvmI5WXIsE?si=DLSRQLA1K-Q7WvX⁠ Andre’s Poly Diaries entry -  ⁠https://youtu.be/AS8NkrKYj3A?si=OAlAPqCCEfEOo_A0⁠ Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠

We’re back with another episode in our T&A Alphabet Series, where we explore the big topics around non-monogamy, relationships, and sex—one letter at a time. Originally broadcast as a live training in our Let’s Talk Polyamory private Facebook community, this episode is all about the letter I: I is for Insecurity and the 3 Things You Can Do to Feel More Secure.Insecurity can show up as self-doubt, anxiety, or the sense that you're vulnerable to harm or rejection. In open or polyamorous relationships, it often feels like living on high alert—waiting for the next fire to put out.In this episode, we dig into the connection between insecurity and jealousy, and share three key practices to help you feel more grounded and secure:Introspection – exploring the roots of your jealousy and insecurityCommunication – both with yourself and with your partnersDetermining remedies – identifying what you actually need to feel safer and more supportedWe also explore:Why insecurity is often more about internal narratives than external realitiesHow to tell the difference between real concerns and the stories we tell ourselvesWays to shift out of recurring insecurity loopsHow limiting beliefs can feed insecurity—and how to build a “positive evidence stack”Powerful self-reflection questions to uncover the source of your insecurityExamples of real remedies that have worked for us and our clientsIf jealousy and insecurity are keeping you from feeling at ease in your consensually non-monogamous relationships, check out our self-paced Poly Newbies Digital Course https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiescourse or go deeper with our Open Relationship and Polyamory Mastery - https://go.taraandandre.com/polyamorymastery - program, which includes live coaching with us.Show Resources:Practicing Polyamory Podcast - Asking Questions Can Change Your Life with T&A episode - https://youtu.be/lpd_5FwDRxc?si=AqagOShSzkQeTCgt Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠Email André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: ⁠andreturcottepsych@gmail.com⁠ Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠⁠

Non-monogamous relationships can offer joy, freedom, and deep connection—but they can also stir up intense emotional waves.In honour of Mental Health Week in Canada, this heartfelt and practical episode explores what it really looks like to care for your mental health while navigating non-monogamy.Whether you're facing overwhelm, burnout, comparison, or jealousy—or just want to feel less alone—this conversation is for you.In this episode we cover:Common emotional and mental health challenges in non-monogamyWhy you don’t have to be “fully healed” or “totally secure” to do this wellMental health-boosting habits: self-care, alone time, personal boundaries, check-ins, and restWhen and how to reach out for support—and what kind of support you might need (coaching, therapy, or DIY approaches)How we support each other through emotionally tough times💛 Special episode resource: Non-Monogamy and Your Mental Health: Worksheet + Action Planning Guide — a free tool to help you reflect, reset, and take practical steps toward improving your mental health and your relationships! Get it here 👇 https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/mentalhealthThis episode is your reminder: struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re human. Seeking support is a sign of strength.Please share this episode with someone who might need it.If you’re considering self-harm or harming others, please reach out to a local crisis line, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room. You are not alone.Show Resources:Free Download: Non-Monogamy and Your Mental Health: Worksheet + Action Planning Guide - https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/mentalhealth. You can download and print it and fill it in or use something like PDF Guru to upload and fill it in (https://pdfguru.com/app)  Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescueEmail André to arrange a complimentary therapy consultation at: andreturcottepsych@gmail.com Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory - https://www.polyfriendly.org/Psychology Today - Search for Therapists, Treatment Centres and Support Groups - https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists - this is the Canada link but you change the country in the top upper right hand corner.

Discover the secrets to thriving in non-monogamous relationships! Explore the crucial differences between rules, boundaries, and agreements, and why collaborative approaches win over punitive ones. Learn about the Values-Based Agreement™ Model and how it cultivates trust and communication. The hosts share personal examples and tools for active listening and handling feedback. Plus, delve into the importance of mutual respect in setting healthy boundaries and navigating sensitive topics like STI awareness. It's all about building resilient and fulfilling connections!