The Art of Charm

Cultivating empathy is crucial in developing solid relationships in our personal and professional lives -- but what exactly is it, how is it different from sympathy, why did Michael Ventura found a company based on it, and what steps can we start taking today to work on it?What to Listen For Why getting it wrong is human and how it can enable you to embrace making mistakes. How does being vulnerable help to motivate those around you? What is the core principle of empathy? The seven archetypes of empathy as described in Michael Ventura’s book, Applied Empathy, and how knowing them can improve your relationships inside and outside the office. What one exercise can you start doing right now to be more present? How a severe injury and Eastern medicine altered the course of Michael Ventura’s life to lead him to found Sub Rosa and writing Applied Empathy. What empathy is NOT. Empathy versus sympathy and why sympathy leads to disconnection instead of connection. How do sociopaths use empathy against us and the red flags to look for. Michael Ventura explains how to cultivate empathy in larger groups. What one tip does Michael Ventura recommend to everyone to start improving their listening skills NOW which he also uses himself? Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another person in order to understand WHY that person is feeling a certain way. While it often gets mixed up with sympathy, the effects they have are polar opposites: empathy allows you to connect with others while sympathy leads to a disconnect.Fortunately, once empathy is clearly defined and you understand the variety of examples as well as start taking steps to work on your ability to empathize, you will quickly notice the relationships in your life grow and strengthen.PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCESShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.comRXBAR wants to build things the right way. RXBAR believes in the power of transparency, and lets the core ingredients do all the talking with all of them listed on the front of the packaging. For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/aoc AND ENTER PROMO CODE: AOC AT CHECKOUT.Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.Resources from this EpisodeApplied Empathy by Michael Venturahttps://appliedempathy.com/Sub Rosa - Michael Ventura’s companyhttps://wearesubrosa.com/Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ajharbingerJohnny on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/john.dzubak Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Technology in the digital age has made it easier than ever to form new connections and stay in touch with old ones, but it’s also led to increased loneliness and flakiness as people rack up more screen time and less face time, so why is this, why is showing up so important in deepening your connections with others, and what does showing up actually mean?Unfortunately, you may be paying the price of not knowing what that balance looks like if you’re not making a conscious effort to make new connections, deepen your existing ones, and actually show up for the people in your life.What to Listen For: Why is digital communication made to make you feel good and not the person you’re talking to? Why do people flake and how do we overcome that flakiness? How can we deepen the connections we already have? Why do we tend to lose friends over time? The value of getting comfortable saying NO What does “showing up” for your friends actually entail? The tools to turn acquaintances into true connections and salvage friendships that might be drifting away Why is it more important to be there for the defeats rather than the victories? What one thing can you say to someone going through a tough time when you don’t know what to say Share your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity for everyone — both men and women — to create accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today theartofcharm.com/challenge.Sponsors: Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you’ll love!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.Warby Parker has prescription eyeglasses starting at $95 Fast, free shipping both ways. Go to warbyparker.com/aoc to get started with your free at-home trial.Resources from this EpisodeIf you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why by Jackie LuoA More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends by Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Anna Borges, Terri Pous, Gyan YankovichJaron LanierTrust and Betrayal - by Jillian Raftery, based on research by John GottmanTrust and The Marble Jar Video - Brene BrownNever Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) wrap up September’s month of Emotional Bids. Before answering listener questions, they speak with Andrea Lee (andreajlee.com), an accomplished coach, successful author, and violence prevention expert. From difficult personal conversations to work-related challenges Andrea believes that the RIGHT use of power - “emotional leadership” is crucial as we try to navigate. Without it, we end up with the abuse of power and interactions that can lead to emotional abuse. Andrea draws on her personal experience with difficult conversations from both ends of the spectrum - as both a victim and perpetrator of abuse. She shares what it takes to redeem yourself and rebuild any fractured relationship. Throughout their discussion, AJ, Johnny, and Andrea go in-depth into these moments, discussing the critical turning points in their lives and how they were able to overcome them. And we answer listener questions about emotional bids and personal relationships. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR How can someone break the pattern of abuse in his/her life? Trigger Warning: this episode does contain a discussion about abuse. If this is a trigger for you please be aware. What is the first step to fully understanding a conflict with someone? Saying “yes” is important, but why saying “no” can be even more powerful, and how we can do it with compassion towards others. The Delta model - a 3-point tool that can be universally applied to the toughest conversations. How can you prepare for a conversation you’re afraid of having with a loved one, partner or colleague. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.MeUndies are The World’s Most Comfortable Undies, 3x softer than cotton, and made from sustainably sourced fiber.To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: meundies.com/charmHoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.com“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!RESOURCES* Andrea J. Lee - https://andreajlee.com* “We Need to Talk: Your Guide to Challenging Business Conversations” by Andrea J. Lee - https://amazon.com* “The Power of the Positive No” by Dr. William Yuri - https://amazon.comKEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIA IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharmWanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm. Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this episode of the Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) take emotional bids to the next level by speaking with an expert on validation - one of the most important parts of human connection. That expert is Michael Sorensen, a marketing executive, personal-development junkie, and the author of the best-selling book “I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships. Michael shares his own experiences on the job and in his personal life that led him to writing his book and understanding just how important validation is in creating strong bonds with others. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FORAt the end of the day, it’s all about relationships. So, why is validation such a great tool for managing the important relationships in your lifeWhere is one of the best places to start fostering good validation skills?What are some examples of something meaningful to say to someone that’s seeking validation?Why being silent can indirectly push someone away from youWhat is one of the most effective ways to understand someone seeking validation and emotional attention?When do you know it’s the right time to give someone advice?After taking a listen to this episode, take a moment to think of the best ways for you to make connections with those around you. Are you finding yourself opening up or closing off to those who seeking emotional attention from you? By becoming more aware of these hidden opportunities, we can take better advantage of them and create meaningful relationships. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!eero is the world’s first whole home wifi system that delivers hyper fast, super secure wifi to every room in your home. For free overnight shipping to the US or Canada, visit eero.com and at checkout select overnight shipping then enter CHARM to make it free!Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home. Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Calm includes guided meditations and Sleep Stories to help you reduce anxiety, lower stress and sleep better. AoC listeners can get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/charm. Get started today at calm.com/charm.Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you'll love! RESOURCES* Michael Sorensen - www.MichaelSSorensen.com* “I Hear You” Book: https://amazon.com* The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.com KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIAIG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharm Wanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !! ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm.Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) continue the theme of Emotional Bids by discussing practical ways to deepen and strengthen the connections with the people in our lives. Their source for this week’s discussion comes from a Gottman Institute article by Zach Brittle:https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/Whether it’s reciprocating feelings, talking about your day, or even better understanding physical touch, emotional bids help develop human-to-human connection and build long-lasting relationships. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR* How can the use of emotional bids help us make better connections with the people?* What is the best way to react to an emotional bid?* We might not always be able to respond to someone’s emotional bid right away. How can we respond to someone to still show that we care? *What role does humor play in emotional connection?* What’s an example of an emotional bid that can be easily overlooked?* We know that being too vulnerable can often put someone off. What ways can you think of that can create this tension?Johnny and AJ share their own experiences with missing emotional bids over the years.Whether it's getting to know someone for the first time or diving into the deepest parts of a romantic relationship, knowing how to spot an emotional bid and how to react is crucial to creating a true bond with someone we care about. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Art of Charm listeners can get ANY PREMIUM INDOCHINO suit for just $379 + FREE Shipping when entering “CHARM” at checkout. This is 50% off the regular price for a made-to-measure premium suit. Incredible deal for a suit that will fit you better than anything off-the-rack ever could.HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.comRESOURCES* The Ben Franklin Effect - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect* The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.comKEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIA IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharmWanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm. Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, AJ and Johnny speak on the importance of “emotional bids,” and how to successfully identify and respond to them to create a deeper connection with the people around you. We start with a look at the clinical researcher, Dr. John Gottman and the study he conducted that helped define what an emotional bid is and why it is so important. Then, AJ and Johnny describe how we can positively or negatively respond to a whole array of emotional bids – and how that can make or break a relationship. We also learn how you don’t have to tell all of your deepest and darkest secrets to feel like someone truly understands you.WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR* What is the simplest way to show vulnerability to someone we’re trying to connect with?* Are emotional bids always easy to spot?* How can you be more actively present in your relationships?* In the moments after you put down your phone, are you truly disconnected from it?* What is “turning towards”, and how can you create more of these positive interactions in your life?* What is one of the most important ways to connect yourself to someone else’s emotional bid?NOTES ON DR. JOHN GOTTMANBy watching a couple interact for just 3 minutes, Dr. John Gottman could predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether the couple would eventually separate, remain unhappy, or continue as a happily couple for several years. AJ and Johnny share examples of their own lives to better understand how vital emotional bids are in connecting with others and in creating value in a relationship.A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.Search free scholarships, browse course reviews, get 24/7 study help and rent textbooks for a fraction of the cost of your bookstore – all in one big education-redefining student hub. For $5 off your first month’s subscription, go to chegg.com/charm and use promo code CHARMCheck out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training!The Art of Charm Bootcamp / theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcampRESOURCESDr. John Gottman’s 1999 study on coupleswww.gottman.com/about/research/couples/KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIAIG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharmWanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm.Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christopher “Drama” Pfaff (@drama) is an entrepreneur, producer, and reality TV star. He is best known for his roles in the MTV reality shows “Rob and Big” and “Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory”. In addition, he has founded “Young & Reckless Clothing” as well a music production company and a podcast, “Short Story Long”. In this episode, AJ and Johnny ask Drama about his methods for overcoming social anxiety and how to reset people’s first impressions. and how to take advantage of opportunities to expand upon them to create your own entrepreneurial endeavors. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR How can you effectively get over social anxiety? After hearing about how Drama had the courage to skip college entirely and take a chance on LA, how can you transform a burning desire into purposeful action? One of Drama’s biggest tips: Don’t ever be afraid to ask! You never know who will say yes. How can you take this mentality into your life to find success in the career and dating world? What’s one of the best questions to ask yourself if you truly want to make an impact on the world? How do you create a day where you’re on the offense in your work life instead of the defense? How do you not seize up during conversations? How do you resist from taking charge over a room? How can you actively create adventures in your life? Through practice, courage, and just doing it, we learn how to create change in our lives and foster a connection with the people around us. This formula is incredibly important to build the foundation of The Art of Charm through each and every bootcamp. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.Browse the largest selection of audiobooks anywhere with Audible. Start your 30-day trial today audible.com/charm or text ‘CHARM’ to 500500 - and get your first audiobook for free.Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you'll love!Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training!The Art of Charm BootcampResources“Short Story Long” podcast by DramaKeep up with The Art of Charm The Art of Charm Challenge The Art of Charm Insiders The Art of Charm Bootcamp Best of The Art of Charm Podcast The Art of Charm Toolbox On social media: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook Want to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, AJ and Johnny interview Alex Banayan (@AlexBanayan), author of “The Third Door” about his 7-year journey to interview some of the most successful people in the world. Alex shares detail about his struggles to reach his dream and the personal social barriers he had to break down to get there. Alex also shares advice, wisdom, and tricks of the trade from the people he interviewed, Bill Gates, Tim Ferriss, Larry King, and many more.What To Listen Out For What is the “third door”, and how can you create one in your life? Having a great working relationship with your own fear and weakness can become a powerful tool to stop fighting with your insecurities, and to instead embrace them. In what way can you become more assured of yourself by letting go? As Larry King told Alex, technology has changed but people haven’t. How can you break through the barriers of technology to create a real connection with someone? Where do you see “the flinch” taking over in your life? As Alex can attest to, Tim Ferriss teaches us that persistence is not always going to get us what we want. What are a few key insights to be sure we don’t scare away the person we’re trying to get in front of? What’s a great way to create a relationship organically with someone online? AJ and Johnny discuss with Alex the parallels between their experiences and what they’ve learned through teaching at the AoC Bootcamp. A Word From Our Sponsors!DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.MeUndies are The World’s Most Comfortable Undies, 3x softer than cotton, and made from sustainably sourced fiber. To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: meundies.com/charmBAKblade 2.0 – a DIY back shaver includes a curved ergonomic handle to reach all those hard-to-reach areas. Use discount code CHARM20 for 20% off youer first order over $30 on bakblade.com.Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal training!The Art of Charm BootcampResourcesThe Third Door, written by Alex BanayanWhen Things Fall Apart, by Pema ChödrönKeep up with The Art of Charm The Art of Charm Challenge The Art of Charm Insiders The Art of Charm Bootcamp Best of The Art of Charm Podcast The Art of Charm Toolbox On social media: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook Want to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover how to elevate your conversations with eight essential tips. Learn the secrets behind active listening, asking the right questions, and remembering names. Unpack the role of body language in building connections and the importance of genuine interaction. Explore strategies to break the ice and develop rapport while moving beyond superficial small talk. Delve into the significance of appreciation and how community can enhance your social experiences. Embrace the challenge of fostering real-life connections in a digital world.

In this episode, AJ and Johnny share stories of how they’ve built connections with others and improved upon them — then explore them from a scientific perspective. In their quest to reach the perfect balance, they talk about how vital opening up the door of introduction is without prying into someone’s life or personal space. AJ and Johnny explain the power of the invite, creating an emotional connection and ultimately helping us all understand the kind of person we’re interested in. As best stated by Dr. Jack Shafer (Ep #712), “The sense of closeness increases if the disclosures are emotional rather than factual.”CHEAT SHEETWe live in a time when technology gives us instant satisfaction for almost everything: food, transportation, running errands, dating, keeping track of… well, almost everything! It’s easy to expect connections to be created just as instantaneously. We hit a button and, BAM, a new best friend. But, it rarely happens that way. Why? How come? How does technology change our assumptions and expectations when interacting with someone new?What’s the best way to instantly connect with a stranger? Trick question: you don't. Connection takes time.Think of this: Your next business mentor, romantic interest or long-term friend may be sitting right next to you! And how would you know? These moments may be passing you by in your everyday life?What practical ways can you give more people the ability to connect on an emotional level with you? By showing emotion, mirroring their body language.What are emotional bids and how can we use these to understand others? Emotional bids are humor/play/affection, and they’re used to hook the other person into also sharing emotion. It’s the emotion that creates a connection. AJ and Johnny refer back to their interview with Dr. Jeffrey Hall (our guest on AOC podcast #712) about how long it can take to move from acquaintance to true friend. Where in your daily interactions can you apply this patience as you get to know someone? Example: By trying not to push myself onto the new girl at the coffee shop. She seems nice, but I don’t know her well enough. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR!Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices