715: The Art of Compelling Conversations

In this episode, AJ and Johnny share stories of how they’ve built connections with others and improved upon them — then explore them from a scientific perspective. In their quest to reach the perfect balance, they talk about how vital opening up the door of introduction is without prying into someone’s life or personal space. AJ and Johnny explain the power of the invite, creating an emotional connection and ultimately helping us all understand the kind of person we’re interested in. As best stated by Dr. Jack Shafer (Ep #712), “The sense of closeness increases if the disclosures are emotional rather than factual.”

CHEAT SHEET

• We live in a time when technology gives us instant satisfaction for almost everything: food, transportation, running errands, dating, keeping track of… well, almost everything! It’s easy to expect connections to be created just as instantaneously. We hit a button and, BAM, a new best friend. But, it rarely happens that way. Why? How come? How does technology change our assumptions and expectations when interacting with someone new?

• What’s the best way to instantly connect with a stranger? Trick question: you don't. Connection takes time.

• Think of this: Your next business mentor, romantic interest or long-term friend may be sitting right next to you! And how would you know? These moments may be passing you by in your everyday life?

• What practical ways can you give more people the ability to connect on an emotional level with you? By showing emotion, mirroring their body language.

• What are emotional bids and how can we use these to understand others? Emotional bids are humor/play/affection, and they’re used to hook the other person into also sharing emotion. It’s the emotion that creates a connection.

• AJ and Johnny refer back to their interview with Dr. Jeffrey Hall (our guest on AOC podcast #712) about how long it can take to move from acquaintance to true friend. Where in your daily interactions can you apply this patience as you get to know someone? Example: By trying not to push myself onto the new girl at the coffee shop. She seems nice, but I don’t know her well enough.

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