The Art of Charm

Building a new habit can be difficult if you approach it with the wrong tools and misinformation, but what does the science tell us about forming new habits, what are the right tools you need when it comes to successful habit building, and what can you start doing today to make sure you’re not getting in your own way?What to Listen For Why is the community you surround yourself with so important to the development of new habits and the perpetuation of bad ones? Charles Duhigg explains why standard to-do lists are terrible for productivity and what an effective replacement looks like What is the habit loop and how can you use the knowledge of it to change any habit you want? How can you use the science of small wins to start making changes to your habits immediately? What are some tricks you can use to stay motivated when building a new habit or breaking an old one? How are intentional choices related to motivation when it comes to the psychology of routine and satisfaction? Why is it almost impossible to “break” a habit and what should we do instead if we want to get rid of bad habits? How can you determine the cues of bad habits so you can take them into account and prevent the bad habits from being triggered in the first place? Charles Duhigg explains the one thing ex-smokers do that stops them from relapsing What are mental models and how is our ability to create them directly related to our success in life? Many of us are led to believe the formation of new habits is accomplished through a brute force approach via willpower, aka that it is entirely internal. However, the science behind habit building says otherwise - our external environment and the people around us play a significant role.If you build an environment conducive to success it becomes infinitely easier to develop new habits and replace old ones. This can mean anything from identifying the cues that trigger bad habits and removing them, or replacing the bad habit with a good one. It can also mean surrounding yourself with a community that focuses on the habit you’re trying to build - for example, joining a weekly meetup group for writers instead of relying on your own willpower to sit down and write consistently. A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.Safe For Work is an advice show that reminds you that while your office may be crazy, you don’t have to be. Check it out at: https://wondery.com/shows/safe-for-work/Resources from this Episode"The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg“Smart Faster Better” by Charles DuhiggCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Building (or breaking) a new habit can effectively be broken into 3 different phases, each with its own challenge which can prevent you from reaching the next one - but what are the 3 phases, how can awareness of each one assist you, and is a new habit locked in once you reach the 3rd phase?What to Listen For What are the three phases of efficiently building new habits? How long is the “honeymoon” phase of building a new habit and what can you do to ensure you don’t fail immediately after? What is the “fight thru” phase of habit building and how can you use knowledge of it to your advantage? What 2 simple questions can you ask yourself everyday to keep you on track? Why are contingency plans vital to developing and maintaining strong habits? How do you make sure the success of building one habit doesn’t lead you to be lazy when it comes to maintaining it? AJ explains how you can actually revert back through the phases of habit building if you’re not careful and intentional about continuing to work on them Where does self-compassion enter the equation of habit building and how can the lack of it lead you to fail? How can habits impede progress toward your larger goals and what can you do to mitigate the interference? AJ and Johnny explain how to use regular goal setting, intentional novelty, and the celebration of small victories to compound your development of great habits Building new habits is an ongoing process that requires your daily attention and effort in order to succeed. When first starting a new habit it can be easy to get caught up in the immediate rewards of progress - notice by friends and coworkers and changes in mood and feeling to give a couple examples. After the first phase, however, it becomes more challenging and it can be easy to fail unless you set your mind to the process.Finally, once you push through the second phase into the last phase, your job is not over, because now you must work at maintaining the new habit. Set goals to keep challenging yourself, find friends or family to keep you accountable by challenging each other, and introduce novelty in whatever habit you’re trying to maintain to ensure it doesn’t get boring.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Molekule uses nanotechnology to break down pollutants on a molecular level. For $75 off your first order, visit molekule.com and at checkout enter CHARM.Resources from this Episode“Habit Formation: The 21-Day Myth” by Jason SelkSelf-esteem is Bullshit (Episode 729)Master Your Mindset with David Goggins (Episode 730)Goals: How to Pick ‘em & Achieve ’em | Chris Tye-Walker (Episode 732)“How Habits Can Get in the Way of Your Goals” by Catherine BennerHabits in Everyday Life: Thought, Emotion, and ActionCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Discover the science behind building habits that last. Learn why willpower is like a battery and how to use it wisely. Uncover why many fail their resolutions and how to avoid common pitfalls. Explore the role of self-compassion in habit development and the optimal number of habits to tackle at once. Understand the ideal practice frequency and how your morning routine can boost productivity. Dive into the truth behind the myth of the 21-day habit and the power of accountability in achieving your goals.

Physical fitness can play a significant role in rebuilding your confidence, but what all goes into achieving a desired level of fitness, how do you set goals to ensure steady progress, and how does the pursuit of health and fitness improve your life overall?What to Listen For What is Barry’s Bootcamp and is it for you? How are fitness & confidence related and how can you rely on exercise to strengthen your confidence? Why is there no single best diet for everyone and how do you figure out what foods work best for your goals? How important are habits when it comes to working out and what can you do to avoid failure? Chris explains why goal setting is important and how you can set goals conducive to success instead of failure How important is it to have an accountabilibuddy and how can you find one if your friends aren’t interested? What is the value of having a coach versus working out with friends or on your own and how can it stop you from failing? How do you reframe small failures to further motivate you toward your goals rather than allowing them to cascade into falling off the wagon? How do you develop resiliency in the face of strong self-doubt? Achieving your fitness goals - whether that means getting in shape, training for a race, or just feeling healthy - is about more than just spending 30 minutes in the gym a few times a week.First, you must eat food that is conducive to your goals. Are you trying to gain muscle or burn fat? Are you training for a marathon or a powerlifting meet or a bodybuilding competition? How well does your body respond to dairy, sugar, gluten, etc. Know your body and understand the caloric/nutrient requirements of what you’re trying to achieve.Second, you must train in a way that allows you to track your progress. Use a journal to track your workouts and set goals for subsequent workouts. You’re not always going to have incremental progress but the key is to be able to identify a positive trend over time.Third, your habits are crucial to making gains and keeping your sanity. We only have so much willpower in one day and the easier we can make it on ourselves to make the right decisions, the easier it will be for us to hit our goals. Go to bed early. Get enough sleep every night. Prepare your meals ahead of time each week. Reserve alcohol for one night a week or special occasions. A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Go to podium.com/charm for 10% off your monthly subscription. Become the obvious choice online. Go to podium dot com slash CHARM to get started and save 10%Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.Resources from this EpisodeChris Tye-WalkerChris on InstagramThe Tread Series - Use code CHARM to get 20% off!Sweatflix Master Your Mindset with David Goggins (Episode 730)Self-esteem is Bullshit (Episode 729) Steven Hayes, Ph. D.Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As we progress further down the path of technology and electronic communication, digital marketing is playing a bigger role than ever, so what is it, how does it affect you in today’s world, and what can you do to make sure you’re using it to help you instead of hinder you.What to Listen For What makes the present the most disruptive time in human history? Why is it important to develop relationships first and then work on marketing second? How do you find alignment with your customer’s values? What are the three R’s Phillip uses to achieve success in business and politics? What are most people doing wrong in their branding strategies? How do you stand out as someone people should pay attention to? Phillip explains how to improve digital communication and develop rapport using technology How do you deal with friends who respond poorly to your emotional bids? Phillip touches on how important vulnerability is in politics What do you do when someone uses vulnerability to control a conversation? We now live in a world where everyone has a voice and a platform to be heard from. As a result, there is a considerable amount of noise which means you either have to be loud enough to be heard above the noise or your message must be clear and strong enough that it pierces through the noise to reach your audience.Rather than being loud and obnoxious in order to grab attention, you can find the proper alignment between your values and your customer’s values, ensure your branding is on point, and place an emphasis on relationship building instead of just forcing people to listen to what you have to say.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Resources from this EpisodeFire Them Now by Phillip StuttsPhillip Stutts on TwitterCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are all capable of more than we think because many of us don’t push ourselves beyond the limit our mind tells us we have - so what does it mean to master your mindset, why is it so beneficial to externalize your insecurities and fears, and how can you change your relationship with suffering in order to live the life you want.What to Listen For Who did David Goggins have to invent in order to change his life and how can you do the same thing right now? What excuse are you likely to make when you listen to stories like David’s and how is it stopping you from living the life you want? How do you flip the switch when you’re having an off-day so you can be ON IT whenever you need it? Why is it crucial to change your relationship with suffering if you want to lead the life you dream of? David Goggins explains what the 40% rule is and how it limits us from achieving our potential Why do you revert to old habits when you start taking steps to change your life and what can you do make lasting changes? David Goggins explains why he declined lucrative offers from the top 5 publishing houses to instead self-publish his book Can’t Hurt Me What do you do when you start working on yourself and the people around you don’t support you? For most of human history, we lived in an environment that pushed us to our physical limits in order to survive. We had to excel at being human and cooperating with other humans in order to ensure each successive generation could continue on.Modern society, however, has decreased the need for that physical capacity and as a result, many of us do not know what it means to push ourselves to the limit and beyond, and the benefits which arise from such a pursuit.It’s time to change that.Pushing yourself physically is not just about exercise and getting sweaty. It’s about returning to what made us human, and to do that you must be willing to embrace pain. You must be willing to develop a positive relationship with suffering. You must be willing to master your mindset.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Save 15% by entering CHARM at checkout at greats.com.Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Resources from this EpisodeLiving With a Seal by Jesse ItzlerCan’t Hurt Me by David GogginsDavid on InstagramDavid on FacebookDavid on TwitterCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Many of us grew up in a world that praised the idea of having high self-esteem - but what exactly is self-esteem, why have we been wrongly focused on it for so long, and what do we need to focus on moving forward?What to Listen For Why is artificially inflating self-esteem dangerous and how can you avoid doing it to yourself and your kids? What is that self critical voice we all hear and how does it affect our self-esteem? What is imposter syndrome and how does artificially inflated self-esteem contribute to it? Dr. Hayes explains the root of the word confidence and why many people who appear confident actually are not How is social media making it difficult for people to be self compassionate and true to themselves? What are the three components of self-compassion and how can you implement them today to improve your confidence and quality of life? Dr. Hayes explains how to strip your inner critic of its power Is there such a thing as too much self-compassion? Why is it important to determine your values and how can they help you navigate through daily life and the biggest challenges we all face? Artificially inflating someone’s self-esteem is never advisable. On one end it can lead to a collapse of the person’s identity the moment he faces significant stress because there is no foundation for that view he holds of himself. On the other end it can lead to arrogance and entitlement when a person expects the world to be handed to her simply because she thinks she’s “the best.” We all face challenges in life that push us to our limits and beyond, so why not equip ourselves with the tools necessary to endure the resulting pain and move forward with our lives?One of those tools is self-compassion, a term not many of you might not be familiar with just yet. There are 3 components to self compassion: (1) be kind to yourself, (2) realize everyone is dealing with these struggles, and (3) be present with what you feel - don’t exaggerate your feeling or play them down. If you can cultivate self-compassion you will accept that your life will not always be rainbows and butterflies, your thoughts and feelings can’t always be positive, and you can be patient with yourself during stressful times..A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!When it comes to growing your business, PayPal is your payments partner for today and tomorrow • Visit PayPal.com/Growth to set up a business account today!Resources from this EpisodeIs Self Compassion More Important Than Self Esteem by Steven Hayes, Ph. D. Alex Banayan EpisodeThe Third Door by Alex BanayanSelf-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample by Sarah MarshallSteven Hayes TED TalkCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you want to want to flourish no matter what life throws at you, you must develop a solid foundation of resilience - but what is resilience, why is it so important to our overall happiness and success in life, and how do we make sure we have enough of it to get through the unavoidable blows to our confidence and self-esteem we all take throughout our lives?What to Listen For What three myths do we hear about in every Art of Charm Bootcamp? Johnny touches on why it’s important to never get too comfortable about your own level of confidence Why is a heavy focus on self-esteem dangerous for your confidence and what is the science that backs that up? How does bullying start and what can you do to mitigate it in your children? Why is resiliency more important than self-esteem and what can you do to cultivate resilience in yourself and others? What is the operating manual for running our lives and how do we rewrite it to empower us? What do you need to do before you can start feeling confident? How much of your confidence is determined by your genetics and what does this mean for your ability to build confidence? What two consequences are guaranteed when you step outside of your comfort zone and how can you prepare for them? How do you build a healthy outlook on failure and what can it do for your future potential? What is the proven CAKE equation and how can you use it to work on your confidence every day? Why can coaching help you bring your confidence to a level you didn’t think possible? If your existence in this world was a skyscraper, the beautiful mirror finish would be your self-esteem, the strong internal structure would be your confidence, and the unbreakable foundation would be your resilience. Without the internal support of your confidence, your “shiny” self-esteem is a fragile shell waiting to buckle at the first sign of stress. And building confidence without a solid foundation of resilience is asking for trouble. Something is eventually going to shake your confidence, so why wouldn’t you want a solid foundation in place to ensure you don’t have to rebuild your confidence from the ground up every time life throws another curveball your way? A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Go to podium.com/charm for 10% off your monthly subscription. Become the obvious choice online. Go to podium dot com slash CHARM to get started and save 10%Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan. Resources from this EpisodeSugar Ray Leonard Episode Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Some People Are Genetically Wired To Be More Confident Brene BrownSean StephensonDr. Steven HayesArt of Charm BootcampCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on FacebookJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sugar Ray Leonard is regarded as one of the greatest boxers of all time, but did you know he battled social anxiety and substance abuse during his career? We all face obstacles in life on our individual paths to success, so how can we take a solid inventory of our strengths and weaknesses, surround ourselves with people who support and encourage us, and outwork everyone around us to ensure we achieve the success we want in life regardless of the hand we’ve been dealt?What to Listen For How did Sugar Ray know he was going to win or lose a fight before it even started and how can you apply that knowledge to the challenges in your life? Sugar Ray’s approach his training compared to his competition Why is it important to remain adaptable throughout your professional and personal lives? When did Sugar Ray realize he was hooked on boxing and why was it related to his brother’s broken nose? How life is similar to a boxing match What can we all learn from getting punched in the face? How do you maintain perspective and groundedness when you start seeing success and why is it important to your future success? Sugar Ray discusses his morning routine and why it’s so conducive to increased productivity and focus during the day How did Sugar Ray overcome his social anxiety both inside and outside the ring to become one of the greatest boxers of all time? Why are mentors critical to your success in any line of work? What boxing lessons did Sugar Ray strive to instill in his children and what can we all learn from those lessons? The path to success for anyone is never a straight shot. Often it is plagued with challenges, struggle, blood, sweat, and tears. In addition, we all have weaknesses to contend with as well. However, we can either use the hurdles in our path as excuses for why we can’t finish the race, or we can learn to jump over them. We can let life knock us off our feet and stay there, or we can keep getting back up and take the next punch with a smile.Life is in many ways like a boxing match. We all go through different rounds, we’re not guaranteed any certain number of them, we win some and lose some, and no one will hit you as hard as life does. Stories like that of Sugar Ray exist to inspire us and show us what can be accomplished when your heart is in the right place, you believe in yourself, and you surround yourself with people you can count on to propel you to the top.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Honest guidance to get the right vitamins. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, visit TakeCareOf.com and enter CHARM.Resources from this EpisodeSugar Ray LeonardSugar Ray Leonard FoundationCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oscar Trimboli, an executive coach and author of "Deep Listening, Impact Beyond Words," reveals fascinating insights about the art of listening. He discusses the importance of mastering silence in conversations and shares the four villains of listening that hinder effective communication. Trimboli introduces the 125-400 rule and explains why 86% of people struggle with deeper listening levels. Discover how body language enhances your listening skills and learn actionable tips to transform your interactions at work and home.