The Art of Charm

Positive psychology is a relatively new area of study and it’s garnered a ton of attention over the last few years - but what exactly is positive psychology, how is it connected to the relationships we have, and what can you start doing today to find more fulfillment, happiness, and success in life?What to Listen For What are the core teachings of positive psychology and how can you implement them to get through the lows of life? What is the danger of identifying yourself with work or hobbies or relationships and if those are not ideal, where should you draw your identity from? Rob Mack touches on cognitive agility and emotional regulation and why those two ideas help explain why so many people suffer from addiction Why is it unhealthy to perceive relationships as something to “complete” you and how should you look at them instead? What can you say to someone who is clearly playing the victim and help them move beyond it? What is the one thing we know about the effective therapies around the world and how can you use it to ensure you don’t push people away? Why can comparing yourself to others be detrimental to your happiness and how can you avoid the comparison trap? What can you do to make life cooperate with you and make those challenging times more manageable? How can you interact with toxic people in a manner that allows you to maintain your positive attitude? Happiness is both a choice itself, as well as the result of choices you make in various areas of your life. To be as happy as you want to be, you must take full responsibility for everything in your life, and that includes everything that happens to you. The more blame you try to shift onto other people and things, the more power you give away, and that power is what enables you to choose your happiness.On top of that, the people you spend time with absolutely have an influence over your ability to choose your happiness, making it harder or easier to make that choice. You can be happy and fulfilled around toxic people, but if it’s easier to be happy when you’re around people who support and encourage you and choose to engage you in positive conversations, why would you want to spend your time with anything but?A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Go to untuckit.com or visit one of UNTUCKit’s 50 stores across the US and Canada. Use promo code CHARM for 20% off your first purchase.Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/CHARM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain”Joybird is premium quality furniture, customized exactly how you want it. Go to joybird.com/CHARM and receive an exclusive offer for 25% off your first order by using the code CHARM.Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.Resources from this EpisodeHappiness from the Inside Out: The Art and Science of FulfillmentRob MackCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating expert Evan Marc Katz discusses the importance of compatibility vs. chemistry in long-term relationships. He provides tips for establishing good connections on dating apps, understanding women's preferences, and breaking off a relationship. Katz also explores the challenges of online dating and how to view it in a way that is not a waste of time and energy.

Smartphones and the apps that exist on them have blown the doors wide open when it comes to creating options in your dating life as well as giving you the (sometimes false) perception of keeping in touch with friends. But what are the drawbacks of relying on all these algorithms to meet new people, how can you ensure you’re actually nurturing the personal and professional relationships you already have, and what does the science tell us about the current state of our social lives?What to Listen For Are you more likely to meet your significant other on your own or through friends, and what does this mean for you? How have dating apps both improved and damaged the world of dating? Why can information overload have a negative impact on your love life and what can you do to control it? What are emotional bids and how can you use them to improve the relationships in your life, both platonic and romantic? What are Glue Guys/Girls and how do they hold teams together in a corporate/work environment, and what can you do to become one, reducing your chance of getting laid off and increasing your chance of getting that raise/promotion? How do gratitude and asking for help play an important role in the formation of strong bonds, and how can you start using both today to improve your relationships? Why is the act of validating others’ feelings so powerful, whether in a personal or professional setting, and why should you start doing it immediately? What one thing can you do to defuse gossip on the spot when someone can’t seem to stop gossiping to you about someone? At a surface level, romantic and professional relationships couldn’t appear more different: the intimacy, the way you speak to one another, the activities you engage in, etc.But the beauty of human connection is on a fundamental level we all want the same things. We want to be appreciated, we want to be valued, and we want to feel as if our thoughts and feelings matter.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Go to greats.com and use CHARM at checkout!Live a healthier, happier, more well-rested life in just a few minutes a day with the Headspace app. Sign up now at headspace.com/CHARM to get a free month trial.Resources from this Episode“The National Survey of Health and Social Life” aka The Chicago Sex SurveyWhy Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship Episode 719Turning Toward Emotion Episode 720How to Improve Your Workplace Communication Episode 721What Matters Most in a Difficult Conversation Episode 722Wall Street Journal: Baseball’s Winning Glue GuysBeyond Reciprocity: Gratitude and Relationships in Everyday LifeSocial Isolation in AmericaPsychopath, Sociopath, or Idiots:Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Filtering the right people into your life is a skill that can set you on the path to success if you can do it well, and failure if you do it poorly - but how do other people have such a strong influence on your life and what can you do to make sure the people in your life aren’t leading you down a road to failure and discontent?What to Listen For How do the people you surround yourself impact your ability to be happy and accomplish your goals? How can your life be influenced by the friends of friends you don’t even know and what can you do to mitigate the harm they cause? What are “value vampires” and how can you recognize them early on so they don’t waste your valuable time and energy? What does it mean to be a high value individual and how can your pursuit of it help you avoid pain, suffering, and massive hits to your confidence? What do high value individuals do that set them apart from others and lead them to be pursued by everyone else? What is a “friend audit” and how can you perform one to ensure you’re not spending time with the wrong people who are bringing you down or holding you back? Can you avoid the influence people around you have (especially when you work with them all day)? What is the difference between gossiping and venting and why is one dangerous while the other is healthy? What one question can you use to disarm people who try to gossip with you and shift the conversation into a constructive direction? When you allow a low value people into your life, you don’t just bring them into your life, but their friends, their problems, baggage, low value behavior, and values and beliefs. We as humans are influenced by our surroundings more than we think, and it can be a scary thought to confront the possibility that the people closest to you are doing the most harm when it comes to your ability to move forward in life and be happy. As scary and as hard as it might be, performing an audit of your social circle could be the first step in helping you achieve your goals and/or get unstuck if you feel your progress has stalled for a while.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/CHARM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domainResources from this EpisodeEpisode 693: Identifying Low Value BehaviorsEpisode 694: Becoming High ValueEpisode 719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a RelationshipEpisode 738: What Defines HappinessEpisode 739: The Key to HappinessEpisode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term HappinessEpisode 741: Train Your “Happy” | Q&A w/ Christoph Schnedlitz of hiMomenthiMoment AppCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happiness is not a destination, but what does it mean to enjoy the journey, especially when the journey is bound to have rough patches, and what daily habit can you start doing now to make the journey a happy one?What to Listen For How can journaling improve your overall happiness and what one question can you use as a prompt everyday to get you started on the right track? Why do the big moments we look forward to (graduation, wedding, promotion, etc) have little to no impact on our overall happiness? Is the difference between happy people and unhappy people the events in their lives or the way they perceive the events? If happiness is a choice, what can you do to maximize that choice? How do your friends, family, and coworkers influence your ability to be happy? If you’re going through a break up, what can you do to help mitigate the pain and sadness you feel so you don’t get stuck? How can striving for success for the wrong reasons lead to you failing to be happy? What is contributing to all of the misinformation about happiness? How do you deal with the endless potential comparison forced upon us by social media? Your happiness is like a muscle, one that needs regular training in order to get stronger and one that can atrophy if it is left alone for too long. You’re not going to get stronger if you train once or twice a year, so when it comes to your happiness, you’re not going to get happier if you rely on the occasional event throughout the year.The biggest difference between happy people and unhappy people is not the events in their lives, but the way they perceive the events in their lives. If you allow the events to determine how happy you can be, you’ll never be as happy as someone who decides to be happy regardless of the events in their lives.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Go to untuckit.com or visit one of UNTUCKit’s 50 stores across the US and Canada. Use promo code CHARM for 20% off your first purchase.Resources from this EpisodeEpisode 738: What Defines HappinessEpisode 739: The Key to HappinessEpisode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term HappinesshiMoment AppCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Russ Harris debunks myths about happiness and explains the importance of facing negative emotions for long-term happiness. He emphasizes defining values for a rich and meaningful life, tackling challenges with awareness, and translating values into goals to avoid stagnation.

Happiness is one of those ideas that has an endless number of quotes about where it comes from (and where it does not). We’ve heard many of them so many times we just wave them off and roll our eyes before jumping back on the hamster wheel and chasing the next piece of cheese, completely unaware of the trap we put ourselves in, but what does science say about what makes us happy, what do you need to start focusing on today in order to achieve your happiness, and what must you be aware of in order to give yourself the best chance of a long, healthy, and happy life?What to Listen For Why is it so difficult for us as humans to determine what makes us happy? AJ explains why reaching milestones in life or attaining your goals does not equate to overall happiness How has technology seemingly put happiness further out of reach? Johnny explains how cognitive biases keep us from achieving true happiness What is “miswanting” and why do we constantly sabotage ourselves by doing it? What is the Harvard Study on Adult Development and how can you use the findings to achieve your own happiness? How are happiness & health connected and what can you start doing today so you don’t lose both? AJ explains why our focus on achievement as a society can be detrimental to our development when we’re young Why are relationships so beneficial to our health and how can you determine whether or not yours are? If you are lonely, why can it be more difficult to find the resources to build the connections science has shown to be so vital to our long term health and happiness? Why is rejection and the handling of it so valuable in today’s society, especially if you don’t want to be lonely and unhappy? What are the physiological benefits of spending time with people you care about? There is an obvious reason reaching your goals or buying the next great thing does not bring you happiness - if only one thing in your life changes, the other 99% of your life is still the same. You can’t change one thing or achieve one thing or buy one thing and think it’s going to improve every other part of your life. Even if you could “upgrade” every part of your environment you’d still be the same person but with different surroundings, so if you’re not happy now, all those upgrades aren’t going to change who you are inside.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.Resources from this EpisodeEpisode 738: What Defines HappinessHarvard study, almost 80 years old, has proved that embracing community helps us live longer, and be happierSocial Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two DecadesCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s fair to say that happiness is one of the most important goals we can pursue in life because not much else matters if you’re not deriving some happiness from this journey we are all on - but how do we define happiness, what can we do to improve our overall happiness, and how might we be sabotaging ourselves in the pursuit of it?What to Listen For What is the definition of happiness? What is the difference between contentment and pleasure with how they relate to your pursuit of happiness? How does having meaning in your life weave into your ability to be happy? AJ and Johnny explain the significance of being present and how it demands regular practice in order to make it stick What are the three primary influencing factors in your happiness? How important are the circumstances in which you live when it comes to your overall happiness? Are your genetics the biggest or smallest contributor to our happiness? Why are your mindset and actions the most important factor of happiness even though they’re not the biggest contributing factor? If happiness comes down to leading a good, meaningful life then how do you design such a life to maximize your happiness? What is the Vice-Joy-Dedication Gradient and how does it relate to your ability to find purpose and meaning in life? What do all the successful individuals we look up to have in common and how can you implement it immediately? How can you find meaning in your work if you hate what you do? On average, what percentage of our waking lives do we spend daydreaming and how does it impact our ability to be happy and successful? Attaining and maintaining happiness in life is about much more than the simple joy we feel when we engage in acts and events that bring us pleasure. Much of it comes down to the why behind our actions and goals.If we don’t have a deeper motivation for our day to day lives we can struggle to find happiness in the sometimes seemingly insignificant things we do, like a job you hate but one you need in order to get to the one you want, or suffering through brutal workouts in order to maintain your health and achieve your fitness goals.Always be willing to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” until you can get to a point where there is no deeper answer.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Go to squarespace.com/charm for a free trial and use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.GREATS designs classically inspired sneakers for men and women using luxury high quality materials and construction. Go to greats.comResources from this Episode736: How to Rewire your Brain for Success | w/ Lisa Wimberger735: The Best Ways to Rewrite Bad Habits w/ Charles DuhiggHappiness: it’s not just your genes, stupid!Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela DuckworthSo Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal NewportCheck in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You asked and we answered! We took the three highest rated interviews from 2018 and put them into a special New Years Eve episode just for you! We kick it off with the powerhouse David Goggins, the former Navy SEAL, ultramarathon runner, and author of “Can’t Hurt Me.” We think he’s the best voice to listen to when you can’t get your ass out of bed. He has a lot to say about committing to yourself.Next up is our interview with Dr. Steven Hayes, the leading clinical psychologist in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - which is all about authentically accepting who you are and working on the best parts of you. Dr. Hayes dispels the “boosting self-esteem myth” and then offers a great alternative that helps everyone (including us!) work through life’s challenging moments. Finally, we leave you with the crazy conversation we had with power investor and entrepreneur Oren Klaff. He’s going to take you into the “Croc” brain and explain why it has an iron grip on your behavior in social settings - he’ll even let you know how to use it to your advantage.We loved having you join us this year as the Art of Charm Podcast tried out some new things. Don’t forget to chime in and tell us what YOU want us to explore in 2019. We love your feedback and your questions, so drop us a line at www.theartofhcharm.com/questions.Happy New Year! - AJ, Johnny, and the entire Art of Charm TeamA Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Netsuite takes growing businesses and organizations to new heights. Get NetSuite’s guide “Crushing the Five Barriers to Growth” when you go to netsuite.com/charm Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Building new habits is typically not as simple as doing something different each day - sometimes we need to rewrite the stories we tell ourselves, and that’s where neurosculpting comes in, but what is neurosculpting? how can we use it to our advantage? and what can we start doing today to begin removing the barriers in our minds that stop us from developing the habits for the success?What to Listen For Lisa tells the story of how her experience with seizures led her to dive headfirst into neurosculpting What is neurosculpting and how can you use Lisa’s methods to develop healthy habits and rewrite the stories in your life that are holding you back from success and happiness? How can one simple act dissipate the stress & tension throughout your body and allow you to roll with the punches of life? What does it mean to “orient to safety” and how can you use it to help prevent failure in building a new habit? How can you train yourself so fear no longer stands in your way? What are the 5 steps to rewriting the stories that are stopping you from building new habits? Lisa explains the best way to develop a morning routine by approaching the bedtime routine first How can you take advantage of neuroplasticity to amplify the reinforcement of new habits? What can you do if building a new habit is encroaching on your partner’s routine and/or expectations? Neurosculpting is a 5-step meditation process developed to take advantage of neuroplasticity, defined as the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust activities in response to new situations or to changes in an environment.When it comes to building new habits, you can use neurosculpting to reinforce the building of new patterns in your brain. Using neurosculpting in place of a brute force approach allows you to rewire your brain much faster and more efficiently, giving you more control over your life, happiness, and success.A Word From Our SponsorsShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!Netsuite takes growing businesses and organizations to new heights. Get NetSuite’s guide “Crushing the Five Barriers to Growth” when you go to netsuite.com/charm“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Resources from this Episode“Neurosculpting: A Whole-Brain Approach to Heal Trauma, Rewrite Limiting Beliefs, and Find Wholeness” by Lisa Wimberger“New Beliefs, New Brain: Free Yourself from Stress and Fear” by Lisa WimbergerThe Neurosculpting InstituteCharles Duhigg | Smarter Faster Better (Episode 552)Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on InstagramJohnny on Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices