726: 5 Hacks to Improve Your Listening | Q&A w/ Oscar Trimboli
Oct 22, 2018
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Oscar Trimboli, an executive coach and author of "Deep Listening, Impact Beyond Words," reveals fascinating insights about the art of listening. He discusses the importance of mastering silence in conversations and shares the four villains of listening that hinder effective communication. Trimboli introduces the 125-400 rule and explains why 86% of people struggle with deeper listening levels. Discover how body language enhances your listening skills and learn actionable tips to transform your interactions at work and home.
Effective listening is a multi-layered skill crucial for meaningful communication, yet most people only engage superficially in conversations.
Recognizing and overcoming the four villains of listening can significantly enhance conversational interactions and foster genuine understanding.
Utilizing techniques like maintaining body language and treating silence respectfully can transform listening skills and deepen relationships.
Deep dives
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The Importance of Listening Skills
Listening is often underestimated as a skill, yet it accounts for a significant portion of our daily communication. Most people spend a majority of their time listening but rarely receive formal training to enhance this ability, which is crucial in personal and professional relationships. The conversation emphasizes that effective listening can significantly impact how we connect with others, fostering deeper and more meaningful interactions. Understanding the nuances of listening can lead to improved communication and stronger relationships.
Four Villains of Listening
Oscar Tromboli highlights four archetypes known as the villains of listening: the dramatic listener, the lost listener, the interrupting listener, and the shrewd listener. Each type exhibits specific behaviors that can hinder effective communication, such as a dramatic listener diverting attention to their own experiences or an interrupting listener cutting off the speaker. Recognizing these traits in oneself and others is the first step toward improving listening skills, as it helps identify the barriers that prevent genuine understanding. By addressing these listening 'villains,' individuals can enhance their conversational interactions.
Five Levels of Listening
The podcast introduces five levels of listening, with the aim of moving from superficial engagement to deeper understanding. The levels include listening to oneself, listening to content, listening for context, listening for meaning, and listening for what's unsaid. Most people operate at the second level, focusing only on the spoken content, but true connection and communication occur when one can engage at the deeper levels. Skillfully navigating these levels can lead to richer dialogues, allowing for a more profound understanding of the speaker's intentions and feelings.
Practical Tips for Better Listening
Several techniques are shared to enhance listening capabilities, such as maintaining proper body language, treating silence with respect, and asking insightful questions. One suggestion is to breathe deeply to clear mental distractions, thereby enabling a more focused listening experience. Also emphasized is the importance of eliminating distractions, such as turning off mobile devices, to offer full attention to the speaker. By incorporating these strategies into daily interactions, individuals can transform their listening skills and foster deeper relationships.
Many of us take listening for granted because we do it all day every day, but did you know there are multiple layers to listening and many of us only focus on one of them - so what does it mean to listen in color versus black and white, how can you vastly improve your listening skills with a few tips you can start using today, and why is effective listening such a powerful skill to have?
What to Listen For
How can you use silence in conversation to improve your listening skills?
What are the four villains of listening and how can you avoid becoming each one?
What is the 125-400 rule and why is it so important when it comes to effective communication?
What tips can you implement today to become a better listener at work and at home?
How can you use body language to improve your listening ability?
What does listening for patterns in what people say teach you about what’s important to them?
What is the difference between listening with your head and listening with your heart?
What are the five levels of listening and which one do 86% of people zero in on?
The one question you can use at any networking event to connect with anyone
Listening is the most important skill we can develop as humans because we primarily communicate using spoken language. In addition, one could argue the only reason we have made it this far as a species is our ability to work together in large groups, so where would we be if we never developed language and therefore the ability to listen to and understand what others want us to know?
Technology has since replaced many of the reasons we initially developed and used spoken language for (oral history, traditions, business, transactions, etc), but it is still the most effective method we have to build deep meaningful relationships with our fellow humans. Also, because of our increasing reliance on technology, attentive listening (aka not getting distracted by our mobile devices every time we hear something vibrate) is not a skill that is being adequately cultivated in the current and subsequent generations. It’s time to change that.
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