How To Be a Terrible Daughter

This week, we’re tackling one of the most unsettling and deeply confusing questions many of us face: Was it abuse? And let’s be honest—if that question keeps showing up like 3 raccoons in a trench coat whispering cryptic messages outside your window at 2 a.m., you might want to investigate. In this episode, we dig into why psychological and emotional abuse are so much harder to recognize than physical or sexual abuse—and why so many of us spend years trying to convince ourselves it wasn’t “that bad.” Narcissistic family systems are masters at looking shiny on the outside while quietly dismantling your sense of reality. Honestly, it’s cult behavior—but with better potlucks and passive-aggressive throw pillows.  We explore how the most abusive part is often the pattern, not the individual incidents. That chronic, low-grade cruelty, the constant invalidation, the feeling that love only comes when you abandon your own needs? Yeah, that. We share tools to help you recognize these dynamics—including what to notice, how to start documenting patterns, and why fear itself can be a flashing neon sign that something is seriously off. Plus, we answer a surprisingly common question: What if I'm the narcissist? (Short answer: if you’re self-aware enough to ask, you’re probably not the one we’re worried about.)  Of course, we still find time for a Mini Crazy Mom Off—this one includes listener nightmares and a brief but unsettling cameo by Hannibal Lecter. We also talk about how movement helped us get through the week—because sometimes a walk around the block is less about getting your steps in and more about preventing a full existential spiral in the canned goods aisle. If you’ve ever wondered whether your experience “counts,” this episode says: yes, it does. And you’re not alone in wondering.  Thank you for listening to season two of the podcast! If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get the season 3 episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com!  What We Cover In This Episode:    The tremendous difficulty in recognizing psychological and emotional abuse compared to physical or sexual abuse [1:33]  How narcissistic family dynamics compare to being in a cult and the internal conflict caused by the contrast between internal experiences and external perceptions of a "perfect" family [5:43]  Practical tools we recommend for recognizing abuse and the importance of documenting experiences and recognizing patterns of abuse [11:11]  The significance of emotional cues, particularly fear, as indicators of abuse [14:01] How to know if you are being a victim, or if you are displaying narcissistic behaviors yourself [27:53]  Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” – how Elizabeth’s mother is even giving nightmares to our listeners and a cameo by Hannibal Lector [36:55] How incorporating movement into our daily routines helped both of us through this week [43:12]   Links & Resources:   Red Dragon by Thomas Harris  Hannibal (TV Series)  Monk and Robot Series by Becky Chambers   The Good Place & Ted Lasso (TV Shows)  

Anger. The emotion we were taught to fear, suppress, or avoid entirely—especially if we grew up under the reign of a narcissist. In this episode, we rip up the old rulebook on anger and talk about why it’s actually one of the most sacred, transformative forces we have. Turns out, anger isn’t the enemy—it’s a signal, a boundary, a fire that can be channeled into power instead of destruction. But when you’re raised by a narcissist, anger isn’t just discouraged—it’s dangerous. We explore how narcissistic parents manipulate anger to maintain control, the twisted triumph they feel when they break their children emotionally, and why asserting your needs can instantly turn you into “the selfish one.”  Elizabeth shares how embracing anger as fire—something sacred and elemental—helped them reclaim personal agency after years of emotional erasure. Meanwhile, Megan unpacks a pivotal realization: anger isn’t something to fear, but a necessary part of healing. We also take a look at the relentless nature of narcissistic rage versus the healthy, human expression of anger (hint: one of these is terrifying and the other is actually useful). Plus, we swap some Mini Crazy Mom Offs—this time with a laundry-related theme, because of course our mothers found a way to make even clean clothes traumatic.  Finally, we wrap up with the tools we used this week that reminded us of the importance of creativity, self-expression, and creating a space that actually feels safe. Because if we weren’t nurtured growing up, you bet we’re going to learn how to nurture ourselves now.  We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you  haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com!  What We Cover In This Episode:   How anger can actually be a healthy signal of unmet needs and violated boundaries and why this topic is so relevant for this podcast [4:04]  The disturbing "triumph" felt by narcissistic parents when they emotionally break their children and the core power dynamic it highlights [8:46]  A look at the distorted perception of anger in narcissistic households and the relentless, destructive rage versus healthy anger expression [20:26]  A powerful analogy that illustrates the constant fear of being emotionally "disappeared" or abandoned by a narcissistic parent [26:26]  How Elizabeth connects with the raw, transformative power of anger, symbolized by fire, as a tool for healing and reclaiming personal agency after narcissistic abuse [44:36]  Megan's pivotal epiphany about anger as the most sacred emotion and the role it has in pushing us forward [49:10]  Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” - laundry-themed edition [57:51]  The tools we used this week that demonstrate the importance of using our creativity and creating a safe and nourishing environment in which to live in [65:59]    Links & Resources:   017: Forgiveness: Terms and Conditions Apply  A Kiss of Shadows by Laurell K. Hamilton   Twilight Zone “It’s a Good Life” Episode   The Police – Every Breath You Take (Official Movie Video)   Frozen (2013) IMDb  Mommie Dearest (1981) IMDb  CapCut     

Not everyone has the luxury of going no-contact with a narcissistic parent, and if that’s your situation, congratulations—you’ve unlocked the expert-level difficulty setting on f*ed up family dynamics. In this episode, we break down why no-contact isn’t always an option (hint: the whole “just cut them out of your life” advice isn’t as simple as it sounds). Whether it's family obligations, financial ties, or just the logistical nightmare of trying to dodge them at every holiday, we get it. The good news? There are strategies to help you survive.  We cover practical ways to manage interactions, from setting boundaries that actually work to using mental escape hatches when you’re stuck at a family function. We also share a guided visualization technique that can help you keep your cool when the narcissist is in full performance mode. Plus, we’ve got another round of “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” (because apparently, there’s no limit to the absurdity) and an exciting update about podcast merch that you’ll soon be able to get your hands on.  As always, we wrap things up with our weekly tools—this time, it’s about finding music that speaks to both the toddler and the angsty teen inside us. Because honestly, sometimes the only way to get through family drama is by blasting a song that makes you feel like you just stormed out of your childhood bedroom. If you’re stuck navigating a relationship with a narcissist, we’re here with you. Let’s figure it out together.  We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you   haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com!   What We Cover In This Episode:   The specific challenges faced by those who can't go no-contact with narcissistic family members [1:47]  Some of the common reasons why no contact may not be an option [3:24]  Practical tips that can help you survive difficult situations with the narcissist in your life [10:16]   A practical visualization exercise you can use to keep your sanity at the next family function you attend [15:49]  What to keep in mind in order to steer the conversation with the narcissist when it just can’t be avoided [23:35]  More unbelievable “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” from our past and an exciting update about podcast merchandise that you’ll soon be able to purchase [40:59]  The weekly tools that made our life easier, including listening to music that connects with both the toddler and the teenager sides of us [45:49]   Links & Resources:   007: 3,2,1… No Contact!  011: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide   IBP Breath work video (Integrative Body Psychotherapy) Relax Calm Focus  Way to the Well: A Trance Journey for Empowerment  Sesame Street: Will.i.am Sings "What I Am"  Lilith Fair 

Forgiveness isn't always as simple as it seems, especially for survivors of narcissistic abuse. The hosts explore the pressure to forgive before fully healing and share their personal struggles with this topic. They highlight the crucial difference between acceptance and forgiveness, stressing that self-forgiveness is essential. Insightful anecdotes reveal why some actions are truly unforgivable. The conversation also touches on emotional boundaries, the imbalance in relationships, and the journey to find calm amidst chaos. A humorous 'Mini Crazy Mom Off' illustrates the challenges of accountability in toxic dynamics.

In this episode, we wade through the debris of self-esteem left in the wake of growing up with narcissistic parents. It’s not a pretty picture. From the relentless cycle of love bombing to the casual demolition of what little self-worth we managed to scrape together, we unpack the chaotic dynamics that leave us questioning our value. It’s not just the mixed signals, either—narcissists thrive on keeping their supply unstable, ensuring those around them feel isolated and off-kilter. Sound familiar? You’re in good company.  We also tackle the unique social stigma that comes with narcissistic mothers—because apparently, calling out bad parenting is still a no-go in polite society. But it’s not all heavy-hearted realizations. Elizabeth shares how discovering witchcraft gave their self-esteem a much-needed boost, while Megan recounts the bond with a childhood pet that became a lifeline of unconditional love. And, of course, we can’t forget the “Mini Crazy Mom Offs,” where we swap gut-wrenching stories of the times our mothers managed to make even the most precious moments a dumpster fire.  As always, we wrap up with a dose of weekly grounding and empowerment tools. Elizabeth shares a strategy for reconnecting to the present moment, while Megan reflects on embracing both her inner villain and princess—because hey, why not claim the whole damn castle? Whether you’re here for the camaraderie, the coping strategies, or just to laugh so you don’t cry, welcome to the club.  We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you  haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com!  What We Cover In This Episode:   Why a lack of self-esteem is commonly a major issue faced by those of us raised by narcissists [6:30]  The role that the constant cycle of love bombing and derision by the narcissist plays in this erosion of self-esteem [10:09]  The difference in growing up with a narcissist versus having a narcissist as a partner later in life [14:24]   A look at the concept of “narcissistic supply” and how the narcissist thrives by having people around them who are unstable and feel isolated [15:57]   A social taboo that exists with narcissistic mothers who are horrible to their children [21:38]   How finding “The Craft” took Elizabeth’s became a total game-changer for Elizabeth’s self-esteem [37:02]   The bond Megan formed with a pet that allowed her to feel safe and loved growing up [41:29]   Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” and heartbreaking stories of our mothers destroying what was precious to us [45:07]   What Elizabeth did this week to ground themselves and how Megan embraced being both the “villain” and the “princess” in our weekly tools segment [59:01]    Links & Resources:   Grimms’ Fairy Tales  Grounding Tools Mentioned:   https://sharonknight.bandcamp.com/track/take-your-spirit-down   http://www.campusactivism.org/server-new/uploads/groundcenter.html  

Parenting is hard enough without the baggage of a narcissistic childhood, but add that to the mix, and it’s like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with a blowtorch—messy, confusing, and likely to leave you questioning your life choices. In this episode, Elizabeth gets real about the emotional booby traps of raising kids after surviving narcissistic parenting, sharing the moments that have both wrecked and rebuilt them. Megan dives into the fine art of breaking toxic cycles, offering tools for collaboration and repair that make parenting slightly less like being a contestant on Survivor.  We unpack everything from the stark contrast between narcissistic and gentle parenting to the myth of the “good enough parent.” Plus, a reality check on why shadow work is unavoidable when you’re raising humans and why it’s okay to start small—like the size of a Goldfish cracker crushed into the carpet. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re screwing up your kids or breaking the cycle, this episode promises dark laughs, raw truths, and the reassurance that parenting is less about perfection and more about persistence.  We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!   What We Cover In This Episode:   How the “childless by choice” movement has been gaining steam over the last decade or so [4:02]  What’s behind the narcissist’s desire to have children and the complicated emotions Elizabeth felt around becoming a parent [8:07]  The key differences between narcissistic parenting and gentle parenting [15:27]  The single most important message that Elizabeth has always held front and center for their child [21:37]  Some of the big realizations that Elizabeth has come to during their time raising a child [23:05]  What we mean when we say that parenting is really a way of looking at your shadow [27:15]  Powerful tools around collaboration that Megan uses and recommends to the people she works with and how this can be applied specifically to parenthood [29:50]  A reality of parenting and what to keep in perspective about disagreements and the ability to repair relationships [37:27]  The problem with the concept of the “Good Enough Parent” in this week’s “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” [40:19]  How we’ve been using movies as a tool to get through our weeks and one specific movie that Elizabeth highly recommends watching [51:18] Megan’s hobby that demonstrates the need to be gentle with ourselves and to start small when beginning something new [52:27]     Links & Resources:   Pilot keeps composure after his helicopter has an engine failure over the mountains (Reddit)  Dr. Ross Greene’s Website    Good Enough Parent: A Book on Child-Rearing by Bruno Bettelheim  Velvet Goldmine (1998) - IMDb  How ‘Velvet Goldmine’ Captured the Glam-Rock Era Like No Other (Rolling Stone) 

We’re off to the movies this week! On How to Be a Terrible Daughter, we’re diving into the 1987 cult classic The Lost Boys. Vampires, family drama, and a killer soundtrack—what’s not to love? But beneath the stylish leather jackets and fangs, this film holds surprising insights for anyone unraveling the complexities of childhood trauma.  Join us as we unpack the movie’s themes of found family, gaslighting, and rebellion. We explore why vampires and narcissists have more in common than you’d think. From Megan’s coming-out parallels to Elizabeth’s high school obsession with The Lost Boys poster (hung in the closet—literally), we’re peeling back the layers of this nostalgic favorite.  Whether you’re here for the homoerotic undertones, the family dynamics, or just a good old-fashioned vampire flick, get ready. Let’s embrace the darkness, dodge the garlic, and laugh your way through the blood-soaked memories!  We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!   What We Cover In This Episode:   Some background on The Lost Boys and why we both love the tag line from the movie so much [3:59] How the movie was similar to Megan’s coming out process in so many ways and why she felt conflicted inside when watching it [8:58] Scenes from the movie that now reveal subtle gaslighting tactics used by certain characters [17:03] The parallels between narcissistic abuse and the characteristics of vampires, including the difficulty of disconnecting from both [23:18] How science fiction films like The Lost Boys can serve as a powerful reflection for those who have experienced or are currently experiencing narcissistic abuse [34:48] Some of the homoerotic themes and undertones that we see now in this movie and others from the 1980’s [39:28] Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs”, including a movie-themed story from Elizabeth’s past [49:08] A major realization we’ve both made about self-care in our look at the tools that helped us through this week [59:02]    Links & Resources:   The Lost Boys (1987) - IMDb    Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008) - IMDb  Lost Boys: The Thirst (2010) – IMDb   011: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide  Becky Chambers (author)   The Lost Boys: Critical Readings 

This week, we’re tackling the high-stakes scavenger hunt of finding the right therapist, especially for those of us recovering from narcissistic abuse. Let’s face it—finding a therapist isn’t just about picking the one who looks the least like they’d start a cult. We break down the whole process, from roping in friends and former therapists for recommendations (because why do all the work yourself?) to nailing those 15-minute consultation calls to see if they’re worthy of your copay. We’ll also walk you through the serious (and seriously uncomfortable) considerations that come with embarking on deep healing work—you know, the kind where you’re basically signing up to face your emotional nightmares, but hopefully with a guide who isn’t more terrifying than the dreams.  Not into traditional therapy? No problem. We’ve got the lowdown on complementary healing modalities too, from energy work to body-based approaches, and what to watch for so you don’t accidentally end up in a drum circle wondering how you got there. Megan shares why it’s okay to toss out what doesn’t work for you, while Elizabeth heaps praise on Megan’s energy healing skills—seriously, she might start a fan club. And, of course, no episode would be complete without our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs,” because healing from toxic mothers takes more than therapy—it takes humor. We close with the weekly tools that kept us grounded, including sunset beach walks and one delightfully strange way to complete nature’s circle.   We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!   What We Cover In This Episode:   How to enlist the help of friends, previous therapists, and other resources to find the best therapist for your needs [2:47]  The unique challenges and needs of people recovering from narcissistic abuse [6:49]  A step-by-step process for researching and selecting a therapist, along with helpful questions and prompts [8:34]  Our insights into important considerations for embarking on a deep healing journey through therapy [13:49]  Various complementary modalities that can support your recovery from narcissistic abuse and what to keep in mind with each of them [17:37]  The benefits of energy healing and why Elizabeth considers Megan the best energy worker they've ever worked with [46:24]  Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs”: Two more stories about the impact of toxic mothers and our strategies for healing from these wounds [53:53]  The weekly tools that helped us get through the week, including sunset beach walks and a transformative way to complete nature’s circle [64:00]  Links & Resources:   Learn More About Megan’s Energy Healing   Psychology Today  No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD   Curvy Yoga 

What happens when the place that's supposed to feel the safest—your childhood home—turns out to be the source of your deepest stress? Your nervous system does what it’s designed to do: it kicks into survival mode. In this episode, inspired by Megan’s viral blog post, we explore the four common stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the lesser-known (but all-too-familiar) fawn. If you’ve ever felt like making yourself small was the only way to keep the peace, you’re not alone. We’re unpacking how these responses show up in daily life, especially for those of us raised by narcissistic parents. Why do you freeze in conflict or feel like every interaction requires you to earn your worth? It’s not you—it’s a pattern handed down from the narcissist in your life, and we’ll examine it with our signature mix of candid insights, a little sarcasm, and a lot of empathy. This episode is your reminder to approach yourself with the love and care you didn’t get as a kid. Your nervous system isn’t broken—it’s been working overtime to keep you safe. Together, we’ll learn how to support it in a healthier way, one step at a time. Healing isn’t something we do alone, so let’s figure it out together. We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!  What We Cover In This Episode: • A rundown of the four common stress responses and some of the scientific jargon behind this topic [4:50]  • Some examples of the fight response and an example from Elizabeth’s childhood that demonstrates this [6:40]  • When the flight response that you use to get out of a situation can get problematic [8:03]  • The most commons ways that people experience the freeze response in modern society [18:30] • What fawning or appeasing is, examples of this type of response and the reasons why people do it [21:24] • Which of these responses tend to become developed in children of narcissists [26:12] • Why it’s so important to become aware of these responses and to do your best to remain in a state of self-compassion throughout [32:32] • Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs”: how Megan’s freeze response was completely misunderstood and used by her mom and a recurring dream/nightmare that Elizabeth had when younger [39:48] • The tools that got us through this week, including pancakes and win-win dog play [57:12]  Links & Resources:  Megan’s Blog Post  Penny's Instagram

The holidays are coming in hot (and so are the guilt trips), but fear not—we’ve got your back. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever gathering your narcissistic family insists is mandatory, this time of year can feel like an emotional minefield. That’s why we’re kicking off Season 2 with The Holiday Survival Guide.  This isn’t your typical advice about bringing a nice dish and avoiding politics at the dinner table. No, no. We’re breaking down what to do before, during, and after the family event, so you can survive while keeping your self-preservation, boundaries, and mental health intact.  And here's our favorite holiday mantra: If your family's going to cast you as the villain in their story because you chose self-preservation over their picture-perfect fantasy... own that role! Embrace your status as the terrible daughter (or son)! After all, if you're going to be talked about anyway, you might as well be comfortable while it's happening.   Remember: You don't have to RSVP 'yes' to every emotional guilt trip your family sets along your path.   🎙️ Tune in for tips, tales, and truth bombs, because your well-being is the real gift this season.  Let us know what part of the holidays you dread most in the comments. Or better yet, tell us how you’re planning to be the villain – we’re taking notes.  We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!   What We Cover In This Episode:   A litmus test you can use to recognize the difference between abusive family practices or those that are just unpleasant [6:31]   What to do before your holiday visit, including specific things to put in place and actual wording for anticipating and handling situations that may arise [11:28]  Personal boundaries we recommend you consider and the ultimate purpose of taking these pre-emptive measures [19:10]  Simple things you can do to nurture yourself, including the clothing you wear during the visit [24:28] What to do while you’re there with your family that can make it easier for everyone and to avoid potential issues [27:41]  An important reminder that you are indeed allowed to leave and that they probably will still talk about you, regardless of what you do [38:03]  After-care strategies that will allow you to rest, relax and recharge after the holidays conclude for another year [43:58]  Our first “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” of the new season with a flashback to 1980’s and Megan’s very first dance [48:13]  The tools we’re using: How Elizabeth is improving the ecosystem of their neighborhood and Megan’s recent adventures in the kitchen [56:55]     Links & Resources:   Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 Episode 11, featuring John Ritter