017: Forgiveness: Terms and Conditions Apply

Ah, forgiveness—the gold standard of healing, right? Well, not so fast. When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, the usual “forgive and move on” advice hits differently (read: doesn’t apply). In this episode, we get into why survivors often feel pressured to forgive before they’ve even processed what the hell happened—and why prioritizing your own healing is way more important than rushing to absolve someone who’s never taken accountability in their life. 

We swap stories about our own forgiveness struggles, including Megan’s unexpected wake-up call and Elizabeth’s go-to advice when people ask, “But don’t you think you should just forgive?” (Spoiler: No, not necessarily.) We also get into the difference between acceptance and forgiveness, why self-forgiveness is non-negotiable, and the reality that some things are, in fact, unforgivable. And of course, we round it out with a “Mini Crazy Mom Off” that perfectly demonstrates why narcissists will never, ever take responsibility—but sure, let’s talk about our forgiveness issues. If you’ve ever wrestled with this topic, pull up a chair. We’re right there with you. 

We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you  haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  H2Bterrible@gmail.com! 

What We Cover In This Episode:  

• Why victims of narcissistic abuse often use forgiveness as a coping mechanism [6:01] 

• What Elizabeth often tells others asking them about forgiveness and a reminder that your healing must always remain as your priority [8:52] 

• A profound experience that Megan had and the surprising advice she was given at that time about forgiveness [13:13] 

• Why forgiving a narcissist requires a unique approach compared to typical interpersonal situations [23:48] 

• The crucial role of self-forgiveness in healing from narcissistic abuse and practical steps for achieving it [27:36] 

• The subtle but significant differences between acceptance and forgiveness in the context of narcissistic relationships [31:11] 

• Why offering compassion doesn't necessarily mean forgiving a narcissist [38:35] 

• Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” and a story that illustrates a narcissist's inability to take responsibility for their actions [42:13] 

• The tools that helped us this week, including an activity Megan started doing that gave her a powerful metaphor for life [51:18] 

Links & Resources:  

Blue Velvet (1986) – IMDb  

Maurice Sendak’s Books for Children