How To Be a Terrible Daughter 019: No, YOU need to manage my anger!
Anger. The emotion we were taught to fear, suppress, or avoid entirely—especially if we grew up under the reign of a narcissist. In this episode, we rip up the old rulebook on anger and talk about why it’s actually one of the most sacred, transformative forces we have. Turns out, anger isn’t the enemy—it’s a signal, a boundary, a fire that can be channeled into power instead of destruction. But when you’re raised by a narcissist, anger isn’t just discouraged—it’s dangerous. We explore how narcissistic parents manipulate anger to maintain control, the twisted triumph they feel when they break their children emotionally, and why asserting your needs can instantly turn you into “the selfish one.”
Elizabeth shares how embracing anger as fire—something sacred and elemental—helped them reclaim personal agency after years of emotional erasure. Meanwhile, Megan unpacks a pivotal realization: anger isn’t something to fear, but a necessary part of healing. We also take a look at the relentless nature of narcissistic rage versus the healthy, human expression of anger (hint: one of these is terrifying and the other is actually useful). Plus, we swap some Mini Crazy Mom Offs—this time with a laundry-related theme, because of course our mothers found a way to make even clean clothes traumatic.
Finally, we wrap up with the tools we used this week that reminded us of the importance of creativity, self-expression, and creating a space that actually feels safe. Because if we weren’t nurtured growing up, you bet we’re going to learn how to nurture ourselves now.
We’re so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!
What We Cover In This Episode:
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How anger can actually be a healthy signal of unmet needs and violated boundaries and why this topic is so relevant for this podcast [4:04]
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The disturbing "triumph" felt by narcissistic parents when they emotionally break their children and the core power dynamic it highlights [8:46]
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A look at the distorted perception of anger in narcissistic households and the relentless, destructive rage versus healthy anger expression [20:26]
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A powerful analogy that illustrates the constant fear of being emotionally "disappeared" or abandoned by a narcissistic parent [26:26]
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How Elizabeth connects with the raw, transformative power of anger, symbolized by fire, as a tool for healing and reclaiming personal agency after narcissistic abuse [44:36]
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Megan's pivotal epiphany about anger as the most sacred emotion and the role it has in pushing us forward [49:10]
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Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” - laundry-themed edition [57:51]
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The tools we used this week that demonstrate the importance of using our creativity and creating a safe and nourishing environment in which to live in [65:59]
Links & Resources:
017: Forgiveness: Terms and Conditions Apply
A Kiss of Shadows by Laurell K. Hamilton
Twilight Zone “It’s a Good Life” Episode
The Police – Every Breath You Take (Official Movie Video)