Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When you’re knee-deep in tantrums, sticky fingers, midnight wake-ups and endless “whys?” it feels like survival mode. But what if these exhausting, messy, maddening moments are the very ones you’ll ache for later? In this episode, Justin and Kylie reflect on the chaos they once wished away - and now find themselves missing. A heartfelt reminder to savour the small stuff, even when it drives you crazy. KEY POINTS The everyday frustrations parents secretly miss when kids grow up. Why sleepless nights, sticky floors, and endless questions carry hidden beauty. The bittersweet shift from chaos to quiet as kids get older. How perspective transforms what once felt like drudgery into cherished memories. The importance of soaking up the messy, noisy, imperfect moments while you have them. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "I wish I loved it more when I was in it, but I just didn’t have the perspective." RESOURCES MENTIONED HappyFamilies.com.au – for more parenting resources. You can read all of the comments on that Facebook post here. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause during the hard moments and remind yourself: one day, you’ll miss this. Reframe the daily frustrations—see them as signs of your child’s growth, curiosity, and connection. Build a “village” of support—whether through playdates, community, or online groups—so you don’t face the chaos alone. Capture the ordinary moments (photos, journals, voice notes) so you can look back with gratitude. Find us on Facebook Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy? Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory has gone viral for a reason—it’s simple, powerful, and life-changing. In this episode, Kylie shares her biggest takeaways from the book and why learning to say “let them” (and the equally powerful “let me”) could be the reset button parents desperately need. Discover how this mindset can protect your peace, strengthen your relationships, and stop the endless cycle of people-pleasing—while still showing up as the parent your kids need. KEY POINTS The Let Them mindset: stop wasting energy on what you can’t control. The crucial second step: Let Me—reclaim your power and choose your response. Why detaching from other people’s moods and opinions is freeing, not selfish. Stress hack: pause, breathe, and reset before reacting. Setting boundaries without guilt—why trying to please everyone leaves no one happy. How parents can balance “letting them” with still guiding and safeguarding kids. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“Other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.” – Mel Robbins RESOURCES MENTIONED "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins (New York Times bestseller) Mel Robbins Podcast  Happy Families website ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS The next time someone criticises or reacts negatively, pause and say to yourself: let them. Add the second step: let me—choose a calm, intentional response. Release the urge to manage other people’s emotions and focus on your own values and actions. Set boundaries without apology—someone will always be disappointed, and that’s okay. Model this mindset for your kids so they learn resilience, responsibility, and freedom from people-pleasing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if you could spark your child’s motivation without nagging or bribing? In this episode of the Happy Families Podcast, Dr Justin and Kylie reveal the four “happy brain” chemicals—dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin—and simple daily habits that naturally boost them. Discover how to create an environment where kids feel driven to learn, calm under pressure, and connected at home. These small shifts can transform study sessions, chores, and family time—no sneaky tricks required. KEY POINTS Dopamine – The Anticipation Engine: Break big tasks into small wins to fuel progress and keep motivation high. Serotonin – The Calm Conductor: Nature time, sunlight, and slow breathing help kids reset and regulate emotions. Endorphins – The Natural Painkiller: Movement, laughter, and a dash of safe risk-taking release powerful mood boosters. Oxytocin – The Connection Catalyst: Hugs, shared meals, and positive friendships build trust and belonging. Practical take-aways: chunk chores, go barefoot on the grass, encourage physical play, and prioritise warm, consistent connection. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Creating the right environment isn’t manipulation—it’s giving our kids’ brains the natural fuel they need to thrive.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Brain Chemistry Hacks for Better Learning [Article] #1195 - Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About ASD, ADHD and Executive Function With Andrew Guastella  [Podcast] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Chunk It Down: Turn daunting tasks into bite-sized steps for instant dopamine rewards. Get Outside Daily: Ten minutes of green space or blue sky calms the nervous system. Move and Laugh: Family dance party, backyard games, or silly jokes for a natural endorphin hit. Prioritise Connection: Schedule unhurried meals or bedtime stories to release oxytocin and strengthen bonds. Find us on Facebook Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your teen is bright, capable—and completely content to coast. Your partner’s in the kitchen… but lost behind EarPods. In this candid Q&A, Dr Justin Coulson shares calm, practical steps to spark a teen’s inner drive without pressure, and to bring a distracted spouse back into the family circle. Expect practical scripts, mindset shifts, and gentle strategies that keep relationships strong without force or guilt. KEY POINTS Force Creates Resistance: Pushing teens to “aim higher” backfires. Upside/Downside Chat: Explore pros and cons of choices together to inspire self-motivation. Model What Matters: Your habits and purpose speak louder than lectures. Chores Are Connection: Kitchen time is about relationship, not just clean counters. Collaborative Talk: Choose a neutral moment, use “I” statements, focus on positives. Set Clear Boundaries: Compromise on EarPod use or agree to device-free family tasks. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The task is the vehicle to connection—it’s not the purpose of the ride.” RESOURCES Ask your question here: happyfamilies.com.au/podcast #754 Why Doing Their Best Might Not Be the Best [Podcast] The Biggest Relationship Mistakes We All Make [Article] Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Invite a relaxed “milkshake chat” with your teen to explore upside and downside of their choices. Model curiosity and drive in your own life—kids notice consistency more than pep talks. Pick a calm moment to tell your partner, “I feel disconnected when we wear EarPods during chores—I miss our casual chats.” Propose a short nightly “all-in” kitchen clean-up with devices away to nurture effortless conversation. Revisit boundaries if disengagement persists, and consider professional support if communication stalls. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever feel like a broken record—“How many times do I have to tell you?” This episode is your lifeline out of the endless reminder loop. Justin and Kylie share nine proven strategies to cut through the noise, build connection, and get kids to follow through—without the yelling, nagging, or power struggles. Key Points Why repeating yourself trains kids to tune you out The 3-step “attention first” method: name, pause, eye contact Speak their language: short, clear, kind, one thing at a time Confirm understanding with questions (“What needs to happen before we leave?”) Read non-verbal cues and adjust your tone Validate feelings without caving to demands Practice patience—give them space to act Create a culture of respectful, safe communication Strengthen connection so cooperation comes naturally When all else fails, jump in and do it together Quote of the Episode “Repeating yourself doesn’t work. Connection does.” – Justin Coulson Resources What To Do When Kids Won’t Listen How to Get Your Kids to Really Listen [Ebook + AudioBook] Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Action Steps for Parents Choose one strategy from today’s episode and try it at your next “please put your shoes on” moment. Notice your own tone and pacing—slow down and connect before speaking. Reflect tonight: which approach helped your child respond best? Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever brushed off your child’s whining, anxiety, or fussy eating as “just a phase”? What if those small annoyances are quietly shaping big challenges for your family’s wellbeing? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the Region Beta Paradox — the psychology behind why we ignore little problems until they explode — and reveal how parents can catch the signs early, stay regulated, and protect their family’s mental health. KEY POINTS What the Region Beta Paradox is (and why it’s a parenting game-changer). How “little niggles” like whining or sibling squabbles can erode family harmony. The danger of waiting until problems hit crisis point. Why self-regulation and self-care aren’t optional for parents. Practical cues to know when a child’s behaviour needs professional attention. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Deal with the niggles before they become the drama. Your future family harmony depends on it.” RESOURCES Why small annoyances can harm us more than big disruptions   | PSYCHE How to Respond When Triggered by Your Child [Article] Self-Care Strategies That Really Work [Article] Overwhelm: Self-care Strategies for When Everything is Too Much [Webinar] Why Our Kids Need Us to Set Limits [Article] Unplugged Parenthood: Reducing Screen Time to Strengthen Family Connections [Article] Developmental Milestones: What to Expect From Birth to Adulthood [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Notice the “drip-drip” annoyances — don’t dismiss them. Reframe whining or misbehaviour as unmet needs, not defiance. Model self-regulation: pause, breathe, respond calmly. Build self-care into your week — connection > screens. If issues persist, track frequency, intensity, and duration — and seek help early. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever looked at your child’s friends and thought, “This is not going to end well”? You’re not alone. But new research shows that stepping in and steering kids away from certain friendships can actually make things worse — leaving your child less accepted by peers, more anxious, and even more likely to act out. In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie unpack the surprising dangers of interfering in your child’s friendships, why your good intentions can backfire, and how to guide your kids without damaging trust. KEY POINTS Why parental interference often increases risky behaviour and peer rejection. The “forbidden fruit” effect — why the more you disapprove, the closer kids cling. How criticism of a friend can sound like criticism of your child. The power of trust: letting kids figure it out leads to stronger, healthier friendships. What to do instead — shift from policing friendships to teaching what makes a good friend. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "When you say, ‘I don’t like who you are when you’re with that friend,’ what your child really hears is, ‘I don’t like who you are.’" RESOURCES Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study on parental interference in friendships.  Chris Niemiec (University of Rochester) research on “forbidden fruit” friendships. How do I Keep my Daughter Away from her Boyfriend? [HF Article] Supporting Autistic Children Course [NDIS approved] #1103 I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Good Things Matter [HF Podcast episode on helping kids identify qualities of a good friend] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before interfering — unless there’s bullying or real harm, stay out. Have general conversations about what makes a good friend, rather than targeting specific friendships. Trust your child’s ability to grow — most “bad” friendships naturally fade or transform with time. Model positive relationships so your child sees what healthy friendship looks like. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au Become a Happy Families Member todaySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when a mum posts a video of tidying her teenager’s messy bedroom? Internet outrage. Some called it enabling. Others said it was love. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie cut through the noise and answer the real question: should parents be tidying their teens’ rooms - or teaching responsibility another way? You’ll discover what really matters when it comes to chores, gratitude, and raising kids who contribute at home without constant conflict. KEY POINTS: Why social media turned a simple act of love into a war of opinions The difference between helping your teen and enabling them How chores build gratitude, contribution, and teamwork Why kids don’t always see what parents do—and why that’s normal Practical ways to reset chores without the constant nagging The surprising truth: sometimes it’s okay to just tidy up QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“The most important principle isn’t who cleans the room—it’s that everyone contributes.” RESOURCES: Mom tidies teen's room each morning, prompting a fascinating debate  | Upworthy I am Not the Maid – How to get 5 Star Service from the Kids at Home | HF Article My 13-Year-Old Doesn’t Pick up a Single Thing| HF Article Developmental Milestones [Introduction] | HF Article ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Call a short family meeting to reset chores and responsibilities. Use the explore–explain–empower method to get kids involved in deciding tasks. Focus on gratitude and contribution—not perfection. And if you tidy their room sometimes? That’s okay. Just don’t post it on social media. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever come home from work to a house that looks like a bomb went off—while your partner relaxes? Today Justin answers a listener who’s furious at a husband who won’t pull his weight. Is it laziness, “feigned incompetence,” or something deeper? Justin shares the tough-love steps every parent needs to hear to reclaim balance without a shouting match. Plus: a second listener asks for help with a 12-year-old facing anxiety, insomnia, and no friends—Justin’s practical roadmap will give you hope tonight. KEY POINTS Why “feigned incompetence” is a relationship killer—and how to call it out with compassion. Three steps to stop enabling: drop the martyr act, have the hard conversation, and set clear expectations. Family meetings as a secret weapon for shared responsibility. Supporting a tween with severe anxiety and sleep struggles: routines, medical checks, and delight-driven activities. How better sleep restores calm for the whole household. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “You deserve a partner, not a project.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Couples meeting [Podcast Episode] The Importance of Sleep: How I Work Crossover [Podcast Episode] #452 Weaponised Incompetence [Podcast Episode] Parenting On The Same Page [Webinar] We Need to Talk About Parent Wellbeing [Webinar] A Grown Up’s Guide to Worry Stacking (and how to help kids kick it!) [Download] Riding the Waves: Tools for Taming Anxiety [Course for kids & teens] #310 Bedtime is the Right Time [Podcast Episode] #990 Mental Health Challenges with Anne Hollonds [Podcast Episode] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Name the Load – Write down every daily task you’re carrying; share it with your partner without blame. Set a Couple’s Meeting – Weekly 15-minute check-ins to agree on chores, schedules, and support. Prioritise Sleep – Create predictable bedtime routines for kids and adults. Find Delight – Help your child discover activities that light them up to ease anxiety and improve sleep. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are we protecting our kids too much? Today we tackle the controversial topic of risky play — climbing trees, speeding down hills, roughhousing, even handling tools. The things that make parents anxious might actually be the very things kids need most. Discover why risk is essential for resilience, confidence, and courage — and how to give your child the freedom to play without pushing them too far. KEY POINTS Why “risky play” isn’t dangerous play — it’s just play the way we grew up. The Canadian Paediatric Society’s 9 types of risky play (and how to try them at home). Why broken arms aren’t the worst thing, but bubble-wrapping kids might be. The surprising link between risky play and lower anxiety in children. Five simple ways to say yes to risk while keeping things developmentally appropriate. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“You want your kids to be as safe as necessary — not as safe as possible.” RESOURCES & RELEVANT LINKS Jonathan Haidt, After Babel Substack Healthy childhood development through outdoor risky play: Navigating the balance with injury prevention  | Canadian Paediatric Society Roald Dahl quote on kids and risks Playing It Safe May Be The Biggest Risk Of All [Article] Resilience: Developing strength, calm and kindness in our kids [Webinar] #50 Risks and Rolling Down Hills [Happy Families Podcast] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Say yes more often when your child wants to try something new. Get kids outdoors — nature is the best playground. Encourage rough-and-tumble play and sports. Ditch screens when possible; real play builds real skills. Step back — give your kids space to take age-appropriate risks. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.