Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Is having a favourite child real, or is it just perception? In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson dive into the research on parental favouritism, exploring why some children may seem more favoured than others. They discuss how personality traits, gender, and birth order play a role in parental preference and share practical strategies to ensure all children feel valued and loved. KEY POINTS: The concept of favouritism and how it manifests in families. Research findings on parental preference for daughters over sons. Why conscientious and agreeable children tend to receive more positive attention. The impact of favouritism on self-esteem and sibling relationships. Strategies to ensure children feel equally loved and valued. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: Kylie’s experience with favouritism growing up and her sisters’ perceptions. Justin reflecting on his own childhood as the eldest of six children. Parenting experiences in the Coulson household, including navigating teenage years. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"See their hearts. When you understand a child, you naturally connect with them more." KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Favouritism is often a result of understanding certain children more than others. Different children require different levels of attention at various times. Creating joyful, meaningful moments with each child fosters connection. Parents should be mindful of their body language and interactions to ensure all children feel valued. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Research study: Parents Favour Daughters: A Meta-Analysis of Gender and Other Predictors of Parental Differential Treatment (Published in Psychological Bulletin). ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reflect on your relationships with each child—who do you understand most and least? Make a conscious effort to connect with the child you understand the least. Create intentional one-on-one time with each child to build meaningful connections. Focus on understanding rather than just liking your child’s personality. Acknowledge that different seasons of parenting bring different challenges and strengths. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A shocking 90% of Australian baby and toddler foods fail to meet international guidelines, yet manufacturers employ deceptive marketing tactics to make us believe they're healthy choices. In this eye-opening episode, paediatric dietitian Kareena Savage reveals how "organic" labels and Health Star Ratings can mislead parents, with some toddler snacks containing more sugar than white chocolate. Learn practical strategies for decoding food labels, avoiding nutritional traps, and creating healthier, more affordable lunchboxes your kids will actually eat. Quote of the Episode: "We as parents in 2025 have it tougher than any other parent has ever had it in terms of trying to understand what is a healthy food choice for our child or for our family." Key Points: Food manufacturers use deceptive marketing, with 90% of Australian baby/toddler foods failing international guidelines. Many products marketed as healthy (like "97% fruit and yoghurt") contain more sugar than white chocolate. When reading food labels, check the ingredients list first—shorter is better. Avoid products with sugar in the top three ingredients. For packaged foods, aim for less than 20g sugar per 100g. Keep sodium under 350mg per 100g. The Health Star Rating system has significant flaws—companies know how to "game" the system. Packaged foods are typically more expensive and less nutritious than whole foods. Homemade treats are healthier than commercial versions, even with similar ingredients. Setting clear boundaries around packaged foods helps children develop better eating habits.   Resources Mentioned: Visit nourishwithkarina.com for free recipes and nutrition information. Nourishing Kids support program Black bean brownie recipe   Action Steps for Parents: Examine ingredient lists—choose products with shorter lists and recognisable ingredients. Check sugar content—aim for less than 20g per 100g in cereals and snacks. Monitor sodium levels—keep under 350mg per 100g. Be sceptical of Health Star Ratings, especially on highly processed foods. Limit children to 1-2 packaged items per day in lunchboxes. Buy in bulk to reduce costs of healthier packaged options. Batch-cook healthier versions of treats on weekends (using wholemeal flour and less sugar). Set clear family boundaries around packaged food consumption. Modify recipes by adding nutritious ingredients (extra egg, chia seeds, wholemeal flour).  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child struggling with empathy, social skills, or thinking beyond their own wants? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson tackle a question from a concerned parent about an 8-year-old who seems self-centred, struggles with friendships, and resists considering others' feelings. They break down key strategies to foster empathy, encourage connection, and navigate discipline without frustration. KEY POINTS: Why some children seem more self-focused than others. The role of personality, temperament, and developmental differences. The importance of listening over excessive explaining. Why "I don’t care" is often a defence mechanism. How to move from reactive discipline to problem-solving. The power of calm conversations outside of emotional moments. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: Justin and Kylie reflect on their own parenting experiences, discussing how their children perceive and react to situations differently despite growing up in the same household. Insights from psychology on why siblings raised in the same family can have vastly different emotional and social responses. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "High emotions equal low intelligence. When kids (and parents) are emotionally heightened, it's not the time for lessons—it's time for connection." RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Three E’s of Effective Discipline (Explore, Explain, and Empower) The Happy Families website for parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Observe and Listen—Instead of immediately correcting, try to understand why your child is acting this way. Create Calm Connection Moments—Have relaxed conversations over a treat to discuss social skills and feelings. Encourage Small Acts of Kindness—Model and praise thoughtful behaviour rather than just pointing out what's wrong. Use Open-Ended Questions—Instead of "Would you like it if someone did that to you?" Try "What do you think happened in that situation?" Be patient—growth in empathy and social awareness takes time. Stay consistent and supportive. It's easy to send us a question! Email podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au or use the super simple voice memo system at the Happy Families website. Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Science confirms what our grandparents instinctively knew—children who engage in risky outdoor play develop better motor skills, higher self-esteem, improved social behaviour, and greater problem-solving abilities. Counterintuitively, keeping kids at low heights doesn't prevent injuries, as most fractures occur close to the ground anyway. When we let children climb high, use sharp tools, play with dangerous elements, and occasionally disappear from adult supervision, we're not being negligent—we're helping them develop crucial life skills that no amount of supervised indoor activities can provide. Quote of the Episode: "When did injuring yourself become such a big deal? I mean, when we were kids, it was so exciting to walk in and see that somebody had a cast on their arm—the superhero in the classroom." - Justin Coulson Key Points: Risky play is different from hazardous activity—the child can assess the risk themselves and there's a clear benefit. Children who engage in risky play show improved risk detection, increased competence, higher self-esteem, and decreased conflict sensitivity. Research shows more developed motor skills, better social behaviour, greater independence, and improved conflict resolution in children with access to unsupervised outdoor play. Today's children spend less time outdoors and in unstructured play than ever before in history. Fracture frequency and severity is not related to the height of playground equipment—54% of arm fractures occur at low heights. Sharp knives are actually safer than blunt knives (they require less force and are less likely to slip). Types of risky play include activities involving heights, speed, dangerous tools, dangerous elements, rough-and-tumble play, and the possibility of getting lost. Play where children can disappear or get lost and risky play environments are positively associated with physical activity and social health. Rough and tumble play doesn't increase aggression and is associated with increased social competence. Risky play supports playtime, social interactions, creativity, and resilience.   Resources Mentioned: International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health (2015) meta-analysis on risky outdoor play Happy Families website    Action Steps for Parents: Distinguish between hazardous activities (where children can't assess risk) and beneficial risky play. Allow age-appropriate risk-taking, such as climbing heights, using real tools, or playing at speed. Step back and monitor from a distance rather than constantly supervising. Provide opportunities for unstructured outdoor play where children can make their own decisions. Remember that injuries are part of childhood development and rarely as serious as our fears suggest. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do so many girls and women feel like they’re never “enough” when it comes to their appearance? In this powerful episode, Dr. Renee Engeln, author of Beauty Sick, joins Justin Coulson to explore the deep-rooted cultural obsession with beauty that shapes how girls and women see themselves. From five-year-olds already worrying about dieting to teens tying their self-worth to their looks, we discuss how self-objectification, social media, and unrealistic beauty standards impact mental health and self-esteem—and, more importantly, how we can help the next generation break free from beauty sickness. KEY POINTS: How self-objectification starts young—why even five-year-olds worry about their bodies. The role of social media in reinforcing beauty standards and distorting self-worth. Why puberty makes body image issues worse for girls while often benefiting boys. The pressures of perfection on women—from “mum jeans” to Botox and beyond. The hidden costs of beauty obsession—lost time, lost opportunities, and lifelong insecurity. How parents unintentionally reinforce body image struggles (and how to change that). The power of focusing on what bodies can do, rather than how they look. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "We may no longer play dress-ups and pose in front of the mirror like young girls do, but I worry that’s only because we’ve internalised that mirror—we never actually left it behind." – Dr. Renee Engeln RESOURCES MENTIONED: Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women by Dr. Renee Engeln Dr. Engeln’s TEDx Talk The End of Average by Todd Rose Beauty Sick Website—More on Dr. Engeln’s research Happy Families Website—Parenting resources Enough: A Session for Young Girls [Webinar] The Miss-Connection Summit [On sale!] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create an “appearance-free” zone at home—focus conversations on interests, achievements, and values, not looks. Model self-acceptance—avoid negative self-talk about your own body in front of your kids. Encourage body functionality—celebrate what bodies can do, like running, dancing, creating, and learning. Audit social media—help your child follow diverse, inspiring accounts rather than beauty-focused ones. Talk about the beauty industry’s influence—help kids see how companies profit from insecurities. Give your teen a cause—channel their energy into fighting beauty standards, rather than succumbing to them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's episode is taken from the Happy Families Bringing Up Boys Summit. Dr Arne Rubinstein is the author of The Making of Men, and discusses with Justin the idea of a boys “rite of passage”.  Get the Bringing Up Boys Summit for $99 (50% off) until March 31st, 2025. The Miss-Connection Summit is also available for $99 until March 31st, 2025.   Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Netflix series Adolescence isn’t just gripping television—it’s a wake-up call about the hidden struggles of modern boyhood. In this episode, we unpack the toxic pressures shaping boys today, from social media’s influence to the outdated expectations of masculinity. How do we protect our sons from a system that fails them? What can parents do to guide them toward healthy manhood? Let’s explore the hard truths and actionable steps every parent needs to know. KEY POINTS: Adolescence forces us to ask not who committed the crime, but why? The "Man Box" and "Boy Code" are shaping boys in ways many parents don’t realize. Social media is accelerating boys’ exposure to toxic masculinity. Boys like Jamie aren’t born violent—this ecosystem shapes them. Schools, parents, and tech companies all play a role in this crisis. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: How watching Adolescence made me rewrite parts of my book on raising boys. My conversation with Rebecca Sparrow after losing my nephew to suicide. The moment in the show that left me heartbroken as a parent. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"Boys believe their eyes more than their ears. If we don’t like the versions of masculinity on offer, it’s up to us to fix that." — Richard Reeves KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Our boys are absorbing toxic messages about masculinity online every day. Shame, social rejection, and fragile identity can lead to devastating consequences. We must actively shape a healthier vision of masculinity for our sons. Prevention starts at home—monitor, guide, and connect with your boys. RESOURCES: Adolescence (Netflix series) Richard Reeves’ insights on masculinity The Bringing Up Boys Summit (half price!) Review of Adolescence [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Monitor your child's online activity and social influences. Have regular conversations about emotions, identity, and self-worth. Limit screen time and encourage real-world friendships. Foster strong adult mentorship in your child's life. Make sure your son hears these three words often: No matter what. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when the mirror moves from our wall to our head? In this preview of Saturday's interview with Professor Renee Engeln, discover how beauty sickness affects women and girls, why being "ladylike" might mean "stay small," and how to teach children to value their bodies for what they can do rather than how they look. Plus, understand why having two social media accounts might signal a deeper cultural problem. Quote of the Episode: "Bodies are super cool... teach your children about how cool they are, like all the amazing things they can do—not so they can look good to other people." Key Insights: Self-objectification develops when external scrutiny becomes internal. Beauty standards affect women disproportionately. "Ladylike" behaviour often teaches girls to stay small. Social media creates additional appearance pressure. Cultural expectations create exhausting beauty demands. Body appreciation should focus on function over appearance. Simple activities like hugging and smiling show body value. Cultural change is needed more than individual change. Resources Mentioned: Beauty Sick by Renee Engeln Northwestern University research Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Focus on what bodies can do rather than how they look. Avoid appearance-based conversations. Enable physical exploration and movement. Celebrate body functionality over aesthetics. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Getting enough sleep is the number one parenting hack, but what happens when your children won't cooperate? Historically, humans slept in groups, which explains why your child resists sleeping alone. Breaking free from bedtime battles requires giving children a voice in their routine, changing your perspective on this fleeting season, and doing whatever it takes to ensure everyone gets some rest—even if that means musical beds at 2 a.m. Key Points: Force creates resistance—the more you try to control bedtime, the more children push back. Giving children a voice through family meetings or one-on-one discussions about bedtime helps them buy into routines. Humans historically slept in groups—our desire for children to sleep independently is relatively recent. Changing your perspective to see this as a season that will pass can help reduce frustration. Sometimes the practical solution is simply "do what it takes"—even if that means musical beds at 2 a.m. Dental hygiene matters—parents should help children brush teeth until about age 8. Electric toothbrushes with timers can make tooth brushing more engaging for children. Having the dentist explain the importance of oral hygiene can remove parents from being the sole authority. What feels like an eternal struggle will eventually pass and may even be missed someday. You can give children more autonomy in some areas while maintaining boundaries in others (like dental care).   Resources Mentioned: Happy Families website Electric toothbrushes with timers   Action Steps for Parents: Have a one-on-one conversation with each child about their ideal bedtime routine, giving them a voice while maintaining reasonable boundaries. Change your perspective—recognize this difficult season is temporary and years from now you might miss these cuddles. Do what it takes to ensure everyone gets sleep, even if that means unorthodox arrangements temporarily. For dental hygiene, use engaging tools like electric toothbrushes and enlist the dentist as an authority figure. Submit your own parenting questions at happyfamilies.com.au or email podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Stop trying to control other people's moods, opinions, and behaviours—it's exhausting and impossible. Instead, try Mel Robbins' revolutionary "Let Them Theory" which teaches two simple words—"let them"—to reclaim your power and energy. When you stop obsessing over what others think or do, you finally focus on what matters: your own life. But that's only half the equation. The crucial second step is saying "let me" take action on what I CAN control. # Quote of the Episode: "The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them." - Mel Robbins   Key Points: The Let Them Theory consists of two parts: "let them" (accepting what others do) and "let me" (choosing your own response). When you stop trying to manage other people's emotions and behaviours, you reclaim your energy. "Let them" doesn't mean being a doormat—it means acknowledging you can't control others. Your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else's behaviour, opinions, or moods. Hacking your stress response by saying "let them" and taking a breath interrupts your reactivity. Trying to please everyone typically results in pleasing no one and exhausting yourself. The method works for handling difficult colleagues, judgmental family members, and stressful situations. This approach is primarily for adult relationships, not parenting young children who need guidance. Setting boundaries is still important—"let them" doesn't mean accepting harmful behaviour. People-pleasing often leaves you feeling empty and unappreciated despite your best efforts.   Resources Mentioned: "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins (New York Times bestseller) Mel Robbins Podcast Happy Families website   Action Steps for Parents: Next time someone upsets you, say "let them" silently to yourself, then take a deep breath Follow with "let me" and choose a response that serves your wellbeing Identify one relationship where you're trying too hard to please someone and practice letting go Accept that someone will always be disappointed by your decisions—and that's okay Remember that while you can "let them" with adults, parenting requires appropriate guidance and boundaries with children See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.