Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Three powerful takeaways from our Easter holidays—lessons about mindset, risk, and meaningful connection. From a life-changing mindset shift at the Easter Show to a serious accident that reinforced the importance of risky play, plus a week without screens that revealed what kids really crave, this episode is packed with insight and inspiration for every parent. KEY POINTS: Mindset shapes experience: The same event can feel completely different when approached with a different attitude and realistic expectations. Risky play matters: Children need opportunities to push boundaries and take risks—it builds resilience, courage, and learning, even when things go wrong. Time is everything: What kids really want from us isn’t perfection—it’s time. Unplugging from screens and slowing down creates space for meaningful reflection and connection. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“What our kids actually want and need… is just time.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Explore–Explain–Empower framework (Justin Coulson) happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Check your mindset before heading into family events—set realistic expectations and choose connection over control. Encourage age-appropriate risk-taking (e.g., climbing trees, riding bikes)—it builds confidence and independence. Unplug regularly—create time and space for quiet reflection and intentional connection with your children. Give each child individual attention—consider what they uniquely need from you right now. Practice being present—ditch the schedule and just be with your kids, without distraction. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it true that women speak far more than men—or is that just a stereotype? In this playful but thoughtful episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the latest research on gender and communication, challenge outdated myths, and explore what it means for raising connected, considerate kids. Plus, practical strategies for parents dealing with the infamous teenage grunt! KEY POINTS: Early studies suggested significant differences in the number of words men and women use daily—but newer research shows the gap is much smaller. Adult women speak slightly more than men (around 1,400 extra words per day), but the difference is not dramatic. Among adolescents and young adults, differences in word count are minimal. In older adults (65+), men actually speak more than women. Communication is essential to human connection and should be modelled intentionally in families. Parents should teach teens to communicate considerately, even when they prefer silence. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“To be human is to communicate.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Research study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray (mentioned critically) Happy Families website – happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Model open and frequent communication—let your kids see healthy conversation at home. Teach empathy and consideration—encourage kids to respond kindly, even when they don't feel like talking. Invite teens into connection without pressure—engage them in activities like walks, drives, or casual outings. Normalise different communication styles—some kids need space; respect that while keeping the door open. Dump the old stereotypes—focus on building genuine, respectful communication, not fitting into outdated gender norms. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if both punishments and rewards were doing more harm than good? In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson preview a powerful interview with renowned author and social critic Alfie Kohn, whose work challenges everything we thought we knew about behavior, discipline, and motivation. Discover why traditional approaches to parenting might be undermining your child’s moral development—and what to do instead. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"Punishment teaches power. It undermines the possibility of moral growth in children." — Alfie Kohn KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Punishments Breed Self-Interest: When children are punished, they focus inward on avoiding pain, not outward on the consequences of their actions for others. Rewards Are the Flip Side of Punishments: Offering incentives fosters compliance, not character—and undermines intrinsic motivation. Consequences ≠ Learning: Just because something causes suffering doesn’t mean it leads to meaningful growth or moral insight. Transactional Parenting Limits Growth: Using "if-then" tactics (do this, get that) stifles empathy and moral reasoning. What We Really Want: Kids who do the right thing because it’s right, not because of fear or bribery. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn Full interview with Alfie Kohn (airing Saturday on the Happy Families Podcast) Website: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reflect on Your Approach: Ask yourself—am I raising a rule follower or a morally grounded child? Minimise External Motivators: Reduce the use of punishments and rewards in everyday parenting. Focus on Conversations: Engage your child in discussions about values, empathy, and the impact of their actions. Model Moral Reasoning: Let your children see you making decisions based on principles, not payoffs. Tune in Saturday: Don’t miss the full conversation with Alfie Kohn for more transformative ideas. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when your teen pushes back on your tech boundaries—especially when they paid for the device themselves? In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson tackle two parent questions about teenage independence, screen use, and safety. They offer a practical, relationship-first strategy for navigating the tension between adolescent autonomy and parental responsibility, using their tried-and-tested "Three E's" framework to build connection and cooperation. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"Rules without relationship will lead to rebellion." KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Adolescents Seek Autonomy: Teens paying for their own devices often feel ownership equals full control—parents must acknowledge this growing independence. Confiscation Isn’t the Answer: Power-based strategies (like taking away devices) often fuel resistance and damage relationships. Use the Three E's: Explore, Explain, Empower is a proven method for having meaningful, collaborative conversations with teens. Set the Stage for Success: Food, comfort, and a non-threatening tone can make hard conversations easier and more productive. Trust Takes Time: Teens may resist at first, but consistency, humility, and genuine listening will eventually build mutual trust. RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Three E's of Effective Discipline framework by Dr. Justin Coulson Happy Families Podcast submission form: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create a Connection-First Environment: Use food or small comforts to set a positive tone before difficult conversations. Explore: Invite your teen to share their views. Reflect back what they say without judgment. Explain: Briefly share your concerns around things like sleep, safety, and relationships. Empower: Ask your teen to come up with solutions. Collaborate to find common ground that feels fair for both sides. Stay Consistent and Patient: If the first conversation doesn’t go well, try again. Building trust is a long game—but it's worth it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Justin and Kylie reflect on a broken promise many families made during COVID — to never return to the rushed, overscheduled lives we previously lived. They explore the concept of "Hurried Child Syndrome," first introduced by Dr. David Elkind, and discuss the troubling impacts of pushing children to grow up too fast. With honesty and humor, they offer practical insights and three powerful strategies to help families slow down and reclaim childhood. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"The number one way to unhurry childhood is to literally slow it down so the kids can be playing — especially with other kids, especially in unstructured activities." KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Hurried Childhood Defined: Accelerated academics, overscheduling, early exposure to adult issues, and perfectionist pressures can rob children of their childhood. Mental Health Impact: Being hurried can lead to anxiety, depression, low resilience, and feelings of unworthiness. The Competitive Parenting Trap: Fear of children falling behind — academically or socially — often drives overscheduling. Unstructured Play is Crucial: It builds cognitive, social, and emotional development and is one of the best antidotes to a hurried life. Support, Don’t Script, Their Dreams: Children thrive when they pursue self-determined goals — not the aspirations imposed by well-meaning parents. Balance is Everything: A well-paced schedule with space for rest and connection supports wellbeing for both kids and parents. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Dr. David Elkind's research on Hurried Child Syndrome Interview with Olympic swimmer Emma McKeon (available on a previous Happy Families Podcast episode) The book “Parental Guidance” (referenced in Season 1) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Prioritise Play: Make time for unstructured, child-led play — ideally with other children and without adult direction. Let Kids Lead: Encourage your children to set their own goals based on their passions and strengths. Create a Balanced Schedule: Limit extracurriculars and protect time for rest, relationships, and real connection. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The mental load in families isn't just about remembering school events or planning meals - it's an invisible, boundaryless, and enduring form of labour that impacts relationships, careers, and wellbeing. Join Professor Leah Ruppanner from the University of Melbourne as she unpacks groundbreaking research on how mental load affects modern families, why it's not just about task-sharing, and what couples can do to create more balance. Quote of the Episode: "The mental load is the emotional thinking work that we do to keep our households functioning." Key Insights: Women carry 71% of household mental load tasks. Mental load is invisible, boundary-less, and enduring. Both partners often duplicate mental load without realising. Schools generate nearly 3,000 WhatsApp messages per child annually. Men in equitable relationships report better health, sleep, and life satisfaction. Single parents (both mums and dads) share similar mental load levels. Work structures and social norms make it difficult for men to step into care roles. Mental load cannot be eliminated but can be better understood and managed. Resources Mentioned: Fair Play cards system Goldie app for managing school communications University of Melbourne research Misperceived podcast Professor Leah Ruppanner (@ProfLeah on Instagram) Action Steps for Parents: Start conversations about mental load without blame or past baggage. Consider how technology (like AI assistants) might help manage communications. Acknowledge both partners' different but equally valid mental burdens. Practice accepting help and taking breaks without guilt. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From dinosaur cartilage to gluten-free unicorn tears, the wellness industry has gone off the rails. Drawing from viral content creator Caitlin Murray's (@BigTimeAdulting) hilarious take on modern health advice, we unpack why women's health has become so complicated and offer practical alternatives to the supplement-heavy, social-media-driven wellness culture. Quote of the Episode: "The best health plan is the one that you can maintain long term." Key Insights: Modern wellness culture creates overwhelming and often contradictory advice Social media amplifies health anxiety and pressure The wellness industrial complex keeps adding complexity and cost Simple, sustainable changes often work better than extreme measures There's a difference between purchasing progress and earning it Family involvement can make healthy choices more sustainable Most health improvements require either time or money investment The basics (movement, whole foods, sleep) still matter most Resources Mentioned: BigTimeAdulting (Caitlin Murray) on Instagram Australian adult physical activity statistics Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Focus on sustainable, long-term health habits rather than quick fixes Reduce social media consumption for better mental and physical health Make healthy choices a family activity rather than an individual burden Choose whole foods and regular movement over complicated supplement regimens See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do our kids lose it over the smallest things—and how can we help them hold it together? In this insightful episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what emotional regulation really means and share a simple 3-step framework to help kids (and parents!) handle big feelings more effectively. Whether it's tantrums, sibling fights, or homework meltdowns, these tools will help your family build emotional resilience—without losing your cool. KEY POINTS: Emotional regulation is about expressing or suppressing emotions appropriately to achieve long-term goals. Most children develop consistent regulation skills by age 9, but they still need support along the way. Regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about processing them constructively. Parents must model regulation themselves, not just expect it from their kids. Three powerful parenting tools: Support, don’t solve – Be present and connected without taking over. Offer hints – Gently guide children through overwhelm with small, manageable steps. Read the room – Check for physical or emotional needs that might be driving big reactions. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Support, don’t solve—it builds competence, autonomy, and connection all at once.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment Self-Determination Theory HappyFamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Pause before reacting—check your own emotional state before helping your child regulate theirs. Name the emotion and offer empathy—validate your child’s feelings without fixing them. Break big tasks into chunks—help your child manage overwhelm one step at a time. Create a regulation-friendly environment—watch for hunger, fatigue, or stress that may fuel dysregulation. Model emotional regulation—let your child see you process your emotions calmly and respectfully. Resources Mentioned: Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment Self-Determination Theory HappyFamilies.com.au See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Consent isn’t just a conversation for teens—it starts from birth and evolves with every stage of childhood. In this important episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack how to teach kids about consent from zero to adolescence. From tickle fights to tricky teen moments, this is your guide to raising respectful, confident kids who know their rights, understand boundaries, and feel empowered to speak up. KEY POINTS: Consent starts early: young children can learn body autonomy through everyday routines like bath time and tickling. Children should be taught they have a voice and their boundaries matter—even with trusted adults and relatives. From ages 6–12, focus on body language, verbal/non-verbal cues, and respect in friendships. For teenagers, conversations shift to romantic relationships, digital safety, and clear, enthusiastic consent. Consent is not a one-off talk—it’s an ongoing conversation based on empathy, safety, and empowerment. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“If the person you’re with won’t be excited about what happened tomorrow, that’s not consent.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Consent Can’t Wait – National campaign with age-appropriate, inclusive resources. Happy Families website – happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start early: Give your child opportunities to express preferences about hugs, play, and physical affection. Use everyday language to explain consent during routines like dressing or bathing. Teach kids to read body language and respect “no”—even when it's non-verbal. Give your teens the tools to navigate peer pressure, digital safety, and intimacy with clarity and confidence. Remind your children that they owe no one access to their body—ever. Have open, ongoing conversations about boundaries, empathy, and healthy relationships—at every age. RELATED LINKS: #217 The Age of Consent with Rebecca Sparrow #226 More Than Consent Education with Melinda Tankard Reist Sex, Consent & Staying Safe [Webinar] #1071 - Body Boundaries With Jayneen Sanders Find us on Facebook  Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when a high-achieving mum, running two businesses and parenting three kids, discovers that the chaos in her life isn’t just “normal”—it’s undiagnosed ADHD? In this powerful and relatable conversation, Justin chats with former psychologist and ADHD advocate Jane McFadden about her late diagnosis, parenting in a neurodiverse family, and why understanding is the first step towards connection. KEY POINTS: Jane McFadden was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood—after years of burnout, high-functioning chaos, and parenting struggles. ADHD can often be masked by achievement, especially in women. Many children and adults use “scaffolding,” or complex routines, to hide difficulties with executive function. Diagnosis isn’t about labels—it’s about understanding and unlocking connection. Neurodiverse families can thrive when support and insight replace shame and confusion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“If you don’t want to label your child, they’ll label themselves—and it’ll be far worse than any diagnosis.” RESOURCES: ADHD Mums podcast by Jane McFadden Happy Families Membership – happyfamilies.com.au Help For the ADHD Parent [Article] Parenting ADHD [The Course] Parenting an ADHD Child [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: If you suspect neurodiversity in yourself or your child, seek a qualified assessment—it can offer clarity and hope. Explore resources and communities like ADHD Mums to connect with others on a similar journey. Approach parenting with empathy—ask your child why something is hard instead of assuming they’re being defiant. Recognise the signs of burnout in yourself and prioritise support. Focus on connection first—diagnosis is a tool to deepen relationships, not define them. Find us on Facebook Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.