As a leader, people want to know where you stand. Learning how to do this in a healthy way creates the possibility for conversations that can lead to effective change. Show Notes: Gun Reform: Speaking Truth to Bullshit, Practicing Civility, and Effecting Change by Brene Brown Trump's Chaos Theory by Lance Morrow What’s Wrong with Donald Trump’s Chaos Theory of Power? by Michael A. Genovese Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

The healthy way to stand up for yourself is to take a non-anxious emotional stand. Avoid reactivity by not arguing and not agreeing. Understanding family systems theory will help you do this. Show notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Remaining a non-anxious presence when someone unleashes their anxiety on you is a challenge. The best response is don't argue, don't agree. This requires the ability to self-regulate your own anxiety. This episode explores the best way to do this. Show Notes: Glossary of Family Systems Terms from The Center for Family Systems Theory of Western New York Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts--Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Marshall Goldsmith Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Pain is not something to be avoided. It is a part of life and can help us grow. Research on physical pain shows that there can be positive consequences. The same is true for emotional pain.  Show Notes: The Positive Consequences of Pain: A Biopsychosocial Approach by Brock Bastian, Jolanda Jetten, Matthew J. Hornsey and Siri Leknes Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

On our deathbed, most of our regrets will be things we left undone. Four of the top five are so-called regrets of inaction. Looking at them from a family systems perspective will help to avoid them. Show Notes: This article from Cornell summarizes Tom Gilovich's work on regret. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed by Bronnie Ware Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Food is a proxy for culture, and culture is a system with its own set of unwritten rules that can create surrounding togetherness pressure. Getting outside of our own culture can help us to better self-differentiate. Show notes: Here is a recipe using turmeric marinated tofu. The egg I described in this episode is called a Century Egg. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

The overnight success is a myth, or at best a rarity. The rest of us have to work at it. Regardless of what you do, there is a proven approach to making an impact. Show Notes: Domino Chain Reaction, a YouTube video by Stephen Morris. It's only 2-1/2 minutes, and well worth watching. The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan Drip by Drip and the Thunderclap by Seth Godin Fear of Shipping by Seth Godin Episode 5: Procrastinating Smartly and Moving Quickly, which explains the concept of the minimum viable product. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Engaging in a difficult conversation takes preparation to enable one to be a non-anxious presence. These techniques will help you to prepare, get started and remain a non-anxious presence. Show Notes: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

There are three potential conversations that go on in our heads when we are having a difficult conversations: What happened, feelings and identity. Understanding how these work and what to do about them is essential to being a non-anxious presence in challenging interactions. Show Notes: This podcasts references material from Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.

Remaining a non-anxious presence, especially in anxious situations, is the key to effective leadership. This is hard to do. You will feel anxious inside. Learning to regulate your own anxiety can help you be your most effective. Subscribe to my weekly ⁠Two for Tuesday⁠ emails.