PsycHacks

"Have to" is a phrase that I have tried to eliminate from my vocabulary. Irrespective of what I'm doing, whenever I think that I "have" to do something, that something becomes onerous, aversive, and unpleasant. Instead, I try to replace the phrase "have to" with the phrase "choose to," and to connect the duty, responsibility, or assignment with one of my personally-relevant goals. It's a small change that makes a big difference.

In this episode, learn about the importance of believing in yourself even when you have no reason to. Discover how to approach self-confidence like a halftime pep talk from a football coach, strategize for a comeback, and cultivate unwavering belief for personal growth.

Delving into the concept of obstacle in romance, the podcast examines how barriers intensify passion in love. It draws parallels from historical tales like Tristan and Isolde to shed light on the effects of challenges in modern relationships.

Discover the tragic nature of romantic love as the podcast explores why it often ends in heartbreak. Delve into the concept of pursuing a perfect union with the beloved, culminating in mortality.

Exploring the historical roots of romantic love through chivalry and the pursuit of unattainable love interests. Discovering how the unobtainability of the adored enhances the purity and excitement of romantic relationships.

"Catastrophic thought cascade" is a term I coined to described the cognitive phenomena that generally precede any immediate and intense emotional reaction. It's a series of imagined events linked by an apparent causality that only holds true when viewed through the lens of the emotion that created it. The trick to overcoming these events is to practice mindful awareness to slow down the subjective experience of time and to disrupt the causal chain by offering reasonable counter-factuals. I provide an example of how to do this in this episode.

As its name suggests, a covert contract is a quid pro quo agreement that is not disclosed to the other party. At first blush, it seems absurd that anyone would engage in this practice. After all, if you don't explicitly negotiate terms, how can you reasonably expect to get what you hope to receive from the transaction? However, people engage in covert contracts in their personal and professional relationships, every day of their lives. In this episode, I'll discuss what that might look like, and what you can do about it.

Everything has an origin, and that includes romantic love. While people have apparently been falling in love since the beginning of recorded history, the notion that this is a desirable state is actually fairly recent. In this episode, I'll discuss the origin of romantic love as it emerged in the South of France in the 11th or 12th Century AD. This origin story might be surprising, but it helps to account for a lot of otherwise inexplicable facets of romantic love.

Discover the intriguing concept of attraction imbalance in romantic relationships. One person often likes the other more, creating a dynamic of 'adorer' and 'adored.' This balance can shift day-to-day, but patterns often emerge. Explore how these dynamics influence emotional connections and the unique strengths each role brings. Delve into the nuances of how love is not always a perfect balance, leading to deeper insights into relationship dynamics.

Can you imagine a basketball team could remain competitive in the NBA if it made an organizational commitment never to commit a foul? They would be decimated by teams of comparable talent and ability that didn't restrict themselves so unnecessarily. The truth is that the top players both know the rules of their game intimately and know when to break those rules strategically. Too much obedience can be just as detrimental as too much disobedience.