That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Self-care gets a lot of airtime these days, but I’ve started rethinking what it actually means, especially when you’re struggling with hoarding disorder. In this episode, I talk about why marketed, consumer-driven “self-care” just adds more pressure, and why nurturing yourself with compassion, connection, and practical routines is far more effective. Plus, I share some genuinely helpful, low-cost ways to support yourself without adding to the clutter - or your to-do list. Self-Care in Modern Times Evolution of the meaning of “self-care”: The older, practical definition (basic hygiene, nourishment) Current consumer-driven, extravagant interpretations Critique of modern self-care commercialisation Challenges of Hoarding and Mental Health Struggles Emotional toll of hoarding disorder Stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, grief The exhausting process of trying to “fix” things Daily stressors of living in a hoard Feelings of failure, constant reminders, adrenaline spikes from unexpected visitors, tripping over items The Real Purpose of Self-Care Balancing negative emotions (stress, grief, trauma) with activities that nurture the soul Evaluating popular self-care advice The problem with universal, commercialised recommendations Importance of individualised, inward-looking approaches Introducing the Concept of "Self-Nurture" How self-nurture differs from self-care Greater compassion, sustainability, and personalisation Emphasis on looking inwards for individual needs Practical examples of self-nurturing activities The Pitfalls of Commercialised Self-Care The “shoulds” culture and guilt surrounding unmet self-care standards Surface-level versus meaningful acts of care How marketed solutions often do not address real needs Guilt and shame when unable to practice recommended self-care (especially for those who hoard) Consumer Culture and Self-Care Self-care as a commodified experience: Encouragement to buy unnecessary products How this affects people who hoard Risk of exacerbating clutter by acquiring more as “self-care” Focus on external fixes rather than internal wellbeing The Benefits of Self-Nurture Self-nurture as inexpensive or free Focus on activities rather than acquisitions Finding joy or restoration in simple practices (e.g., using what you have, accessing the library, running without specialised gear) Compassionate Self-Nurture in Practice Asking internal questions about core needs (physical, emotional, psychological) Treating oneself as one would treat a person they love Emphasis on gentle, non-critical, incremental progress Drinking water for wellbeing rather than obligation Time in nature, connecting with friends, creativity, self-acceptance Building Emotional Security and Gentleness Establishing emotional security as a core need Managing self-criticism and reaching out for connection despite anxiety Celebration of small wins and progress Validating and acknowledging difficult feelings with compassion Evaluating and Choosing Nurturing Activities Key questions to ask: “Will this nurture me emotionally, psychologically, or physically?” Differentiating between genuine needs and justifying unnecessary purchases Avoidance of reinforcing negative patterns through acquisition Developing a Personal Toolbox for Self-Nurture Gathering and customising strategies that work Routines and coping mechanisms Taking stock of helpful techniques, personalising approaches Recognising and valuing unique sources of restoration Top Tip DIY, low-cost tip for cleaning the dishwasher with household items Encouragement to take any step, however small, towards self-nurture Links The "feeling your feelings" episode Episodes talking about the inner critic: with Steve Chapman; about the song that changed everything for me; and about making mistakes Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @ThatHoarder@mastodon.online TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ For Hoarding Awareness Week 2025, I’m focusing on executive function - the brain’s control centre for planning, starting, and finishing tasks - and the small, practical hacks that can make a genuine difference for people who hoard, whether or not we have ADHD or are neurodivergent. I talk about real-life tips for breaking the overwhelm, managing perfectionism, building momentum, and overcoming shame, all with the aim of making progress sustainable and achievable in your day-to-day life. This episode is all about honest advice that actually works, whether you’re in the thick of it or just looking for a few smarter ways to approach this. Hoarding Awareness Week 2025 and its theme: Hoarding & Executive Function Recognition that executive function challenges impact both neurodivergent and neurotypical people Executive Function and Hoarding Previous podcast episodes relating to executive function, ADHD, and hoarding Importance of using effective hacks and techniques, regardless of neurotype Emphasis on finding what works personally for each listener The Realities and Challenges of Tackling Hoarding Overwhelm and daunting feelings about dehoarding Breaking tasks into small, manageable parts Focus on actionable, day-to-day strategies rather than long-term, rigid planning Understanding Executive Function Explanation of what executive function is (control centre for planning, focus, and impulse control) Factors that can impair executive function (neurodivergence, mental health, stress, lack of sleep, etc.) Universality of executive dysfunction - everyone struggles at times Emotional Barriers: Perfectionism and Shame The cycle of shame and self-blame in executive dysfunction and hoarding Societal judgment around hoarding, and its paralysing effects Strategies for stepping back, naming emotions, and cultivating self-compassion Core Executive Dysfunction Tips and Hacks Breaking Tasks Down Setting realistic micro-goals The concept of “towards” vs. “away” moves in progress Tracking Progress Counting bags/items leaving the house Caution against tracking becoming burdensome for some Using Timers Setting short (e.g., 5-minute) timers to help with task initiation Use of voice assistants to avoid distraction Reverse-timer technique to use end of music/podcast as a cue for action The Two-Minute Rule Limitations and personal adaptations of rule Identifying Motivations Creating visual or written reminders of why you want to dehoard Acceptance of some tools working only temporarily, and switching when necessary Reward Systems Small, non-material rewards for completing tasks Linking listening to desired media (like the podcast) with decluttering activities Non-Negotiable Rules Creating routines to reduce decision fatigue (e.g., charity bags leave home immediately) Body Doubling Doing tasks alongside others (physically or virtually, like in the host’s Zoom sessions) Emotional/moral support of parallel accountability Alternative ways to body double if group support isn’t accessible Time Blocking and Scheduling Using calendars and reminders to schedule decluttering sessions Flexibly adapting this strategy based on personal response Habit Stacking Linking a new task to an established routine (e.g., unloading dishwasher while kettle boils) Using “add-ons” for frequently-visited spaces (e.g., clearing five things each time you enter the bathroom) Links Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Podcast ep 162: From Fibble to Focus: Defibble your executive dysfunction with Jo Cavalot Podcast ep 112: Executive function, executive dysfunction and hoarding with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 149: ADHD, hoarding and clutter with Susie Boutal, ADHD and Declutter Coach Podcast ep 107: Things that look like hoarding but aren’t: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more Podcast ep 40: ADHD and hoarding with Dr Sharon Morein Podcast ep 82: Dehoarding when you’re drowning with KC Davis of Struggle Care Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 184: What if we actually felt the feelings? An honest conversation about trauma, hoarding, and allowing yourself to feel Podcast ep 28: Avoid analysis paralysis by having ‘systems’ Arielle and Ned's Daily Tips That May or May Not Help You Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @ThatHoarder@mastodon.online TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  In this episode, I’m with Dr Jan Eppingstall, a Melbourne-based counsellor and hoarding expert extraordinaire. We unpack the concept of engaging with our belongings - actually seeing, touching, and using the things we tend to accumulate, rather than letting them fade into the background. Jan shares insights from her work, explains why we often feel safer just owning stuff instead of interacting with it, and offers practical ways to build a healthier, more intentional relationship with what we own. There are some genuinely enlightening moments, and plenty of ideas for anyone looking to break free from an excess of stuff. Defining "Engaging with Our Stuff" What it means to actually engage with possessions (seeing, touching, using) Comparison to possessions fading into the background The idea of using versus just possessing objects Patterns of Engagement Among People Who Hoard Sense of safety from being surrounded by possessions without interaction Only the "top layer" of possessions typically being used Loss of intention behind keeping sentimental or useful items The psychological comfort of having versus using objects Emotional and Psychological Aspects of Compulsive Hoarding Emotional connection to the potential of objects rather than actual objects Avoidance of decision-making by not engaging/touching items Security and reassurance derived from the mere presence of items Defeatism and pointlessness associated with searching for or using objects Barriers to Engaging with Possessions Overwhelm from the sheer volume of stuff Active resistance and avoidance behaviours Feelings of incompetence and adaptation through purchasing duplicates Guilt associated with over-accumulation Benefits of Actively Engaging with Possessions Rediscovering useful or wanted items when sorting Increased awareness of what is owned and where it is Neurological and psychological benefits of tactile interaction Insights gained from using and trying on items (e.g., clothing) Decision-making as a muscle that strengthens with practice Realisations about unnecessary duplicates (e.g., multiple ladles in the kitchen) Emotional and practical hurdles in finding homes for items Perfectionism and rigidity around item placement and organisation Moving, Arranging, and Re-organising Possessions Resistance to moving items from "their place" due to tradition, attachment, or perfectionism Fear of forgetting where things are if organisational changes are made Multi-step decision fatigue when organising The importance of flexible, evolving systems for item placement Confronting Avoidance and Overwhelm The value of small steps, e.g., simply looking into an avoided bag or space The myth of a “good reason” for keeping certain items, often dispelled when items are revisited Developing Healthier, More Intentional Relationships with Stuff Introducing intention and ritual to everyday interactions with possessions “Rotation stations” and seasonal evaluation/rituals Benefits of conscious handling, organisation, and maintenance Cultural Perspectives and Practices Japanese concepts: Te Ate: hand-care, tactile connection as a ritual Mushiboshi: seasonal airing and assessment of items Ma: meaningful emptiness/space as a source of tranquillity Contrasts between Western consumerism and other cultural approaches to possessions Challenges and Solutions in Organising and Letting Go The impact of spatial processing or organisational difficulties Accepting that resistance to change is sometimes due to overwhelm Personalisation and Flexibility in Managing Possessions Tailoring organisation and engagement to one’s own needs, routines, and neurodiversity Maximalism and the need for varying levels of stimulus—distinguishing between maximalism and chaos Allowing spaces to be intentionally clear, embracing the benefits of emptiness The ongoing journey of developing intentionality with possessions The importance of kindness and patience with oneself in making these changes Links Podcast ep 146: Where Dragons Live and what we leave behind Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live How to watch Where Dragons Live Podcast ep 53: The Endowment Effect and hoarding – How this cognitive bias makes you feel the need to keep everything Podcast ep 124: How the little-known Hummingbird Method can help you to dehoard the areas you’ve been avoiding Podcast ep 74: Couples and hoarding: An interview with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Podcast ep 140: How to cope with – or help – a partner who hoards, with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Elis James and John Robins podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Dr Jan Eppingstall at Stuffology https://www.facebook.com/stuffologyconsulting/ https://twitter.com/stuff_ology https://www.instagram.com/stuff_ology/ Dr Jan Eppingstall on Pinterest Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @ThatHoarder@mastodon.online TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast  

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  This week, I talk about what happens when I actually let myself feel the tough emotions instead of shutting them down - a pattern that's shaped my life and my struggles with hoarding, self-harm, and eating disorders. After a thought-provoking conversation with Anna Sale on Death, Sex & Money last year, I started questioning whether avoiding feelings has helped or hurt me in the long run and have been trying to process that ever since! I share what it’s like to sit with big emotions, experiment with messy ways to cope, and why feeling the feelings might just be a way forward. Avoiding Feelings Realisation that I tend to do anything rather than feel difficult emotions. Recent personal reflection and processing feelings over the past few months. Impact of mental health and a PTSD flare-up on my ability to manage feelings. Connecting Coping Mechanisms to Avoidance Experience with PTSD, self-harm, anorexia, and bulimia as different forms of not feeling or avoiding emotions. Insights from an interview with Anna Sale on Death, Sex & Money that linked these coping together as forms of avoidance. Acknowledgment that these strategies were more than just avoidance - also punitive, protective, and multifaceted. The Cost and Pattern of Emotional Avoidance Compartmentalising as a lifelong coping skill and its negative long-term consequences. Difficulty breaking the habit of not feeling and the impact on my sense of identity. Recognition that suppressing feelings can be as damaging as (or more damaging than) the feelings themselves. Actively Facing and Processing Feelings Engaging in therapy, journaling (both resentful and creative/collage style), and reading poetry to access emotions. Talking more openly with friends as a supportive measure. Forcing myself to do enjoyable activities (like getting outside), which helps counteract avoidance. Community, Connection, and Support Impact of Trauma and Suppression on Daily Life How PTSD and unprocessed sadness began affecting sleep, revealing that suppressing feelings is no longer effective. Discusses the challenge of letting oneself feel emotions, both by choice and when overcome involuntarily. The risks of being overwhelmed and the delicate balance between feeling and avoidance. Learning and Conversations About Emotional Acceptance Revisiting lessons from previous podcast guests about the counterproductivity of suppressing or over-intellectualising feelings. The concept that suppressed emotions may “come out sideways” through other behaviours, like self-harm or hoarding. Nuanced view of coping mechanisms - not labeling them as purely negative since they served protective purposes. Vulnerability, Shame, and Deepening Relationships Gradual willingness to share deeper, more distressing moments with friends. Examining the reasons behind the instinct to hide intense distress. How vulnerability leads to stronger, more meaningful connections. Positive Effects of Feeling the Hard Stuff Discovering that feeling hard emotions increases the capacity to feel positive emotions more deeply. Finding deeper love, joy, and beauty in everyday experiences. Recognising the importance of support systems when exploring difficult emotions. Reflection and Encouragement for Listeners Encourages listeners to be curious about their own patterns of avoidance and coping. Cautions that intentionally feeling emotions is difficult and requires support. The hopeful observation that allowing feelings can be cathartic, gratifying, and healing—even if it’s uncomfortable. Links My interview on Death, Sex & Money Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 169: Compassion-focused therapy for grief and hoarding with Dr Chia-Ying Chou Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live Declutter Hub podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @ThatHoarder@mastodon.online TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast  

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/   

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  In this episode, I chat with Carrie Lagerstedt, a professional home organiser specialising in working with neurodivergent people in New Zealand. Carrie, diagnosed with ADHD herself, shares insights on managing clutter and executive dysfunction by creating home systems that work for us. We challenge the very idea of laziness and explore the potential of “may as well”. Buy your copy at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Carrie's background and transition from teaching to organising Neurodivergence and Clutter Common issues linking neurodivergence with clutter Out of sight, out of mind Sensory overwhelm and its effect on executive functioning Challenges faced by those with executive dysfunction Carrie's Experience with ADHD Benefits of having ADHD when working with clients with similar challenges Building trust through lived experiences and understanding Moral neutrality and Organising KC Davis' influence on Carrie's philosophy Moral neutrality and functionality in organising Debunking the concept of laziness Challenges of living up to capitalist expectations Systems for Neurodivergent Individuals Making the home work for individuals Difference between aspirational thinking and functional changes Importance of practical systems over willpower Executive Functioning and Organisational Strategies Tools used to aid working memory and organisation (e.g., Post-its) Cognitive flexibility and overcoming 'all or nothing' thinking Understanding blocks and identifying actionable solutions Personal Experiences and Adjustments Personal stories and realisations regarding household tasks Impact of habituation and changing perspectives on tasks Tools and Hacks for Developing Systems Categorising as key to organisation Using visual reminders and structured systems

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/   

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Today, I'm joined by Dr Jan Eppingstall to unpack "towards moves" and "away moves" in the context of hoarding. These terms might sound unusual, but they're crucial for understanding behaviour in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and how they relate to our values. It's all about recognising whether our actions are leading us closer to what matters or pulling us further away, and we'll be exploring how to identify and pivot those choices. Introduction to Towards Moves and Away Moves Definition and explanation of the concept. The relevance of these moves in dealing with hoarding disorder. Initial thoughts on the impact of small actions. Examples in a Hoarding Context Away moves (e.g., keeping craft supplies, avoiding recognising chaos). Towards moves (e.g., donating supplies, acknowledging home environment issues). Explanation of how values influence these moves. Role of Values in Decision Making Importance of determining personal values. How values affect choices and provide motivation. Impact of materialism and societal pressures on values. Cognitive Fusion Explanation and examples of cognitive fusion. The effect of tightly held beliefs on reality and actions. Discussion of accuracy vs. helpfulness of thoughts. Flexibility vs. Rigidity and Perfectionism Psychological inflexibility and societal expectations. The struggle between personal values and societal pressures. The concept of emotional flexibility and its importance. Recognising Towards and Away Moves Strategies for acknowledging and reflecting on these moves. Importance of awareness in decision-making processes. Dopamine and Pleasure vs. Meaning The role of dopamine in pleasure and motivation. Discussion on short-term pleasure vs. long-term meaning. How these insights influence approach and avoidance behaviours. Making Changes and Addressing Moves Creating “if-then” plans to anticipate moves. Reflecting on decisions and their outcomes. Recognising patterns and using past experiences to guide future actions. Role of Helpers in Towards and Away Moves Identification and importance of helpers like goal setting and values clarification. Challenges faced by individuals with attentional deficits. Votes for the Person You Want to Be Connection between choices and self-identity. Concept of actions as votes for future selves. First Steps to Take More Towards Moves Starting with value clarification exercises. Questions to help determine what’s important personally. Encouragement to explore inner motivations and experiences.

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Podcasthon Mind, the mental health charity Support Mind During a recent drive with a perfectly curated playlist, I had a revelation about cause and effect, particularly how our past behaviours and experiences contribute to both our challenges and our successes. I talk about having a compassionate understanding of how we've arrived at our current situation and how small, mindful actions today can shape a more positive future. The episode also features a discussion on Podcasthon and highlights the UK mental health charity Mind. Explanation of Podcasthon: A week where podcasts highlight a charity. Mind Charity: Focus on the mental health charity Mind in the UK. Audio Clip: Sharing a video of Mind's work, with a translation of a Welsh sentence. Cause and Effect Discussion Insight through Music: Personal anecdote about creating a playlist for a long drive. The role of personal actions in positive outcomes. Life and Hoarding: Exploring causes of both positive and negative outcomes in life. Factors influencing hoarding: Trauma, scarcity, and mental health challenges. Behaviour evolution: Hoarding behaviours becoming normal over time. Impact of Life Experiences Examining past experiences and their contributions to current behaviours. Considering past without judgment as a way to understand hoarding. Facing Reality Objective Assessment: Evaluating the current state of living conditions. Navigating feelings like anger, sadness, and bitterness. Future Implications Positive Actions: How they can shape a better future. Accountability and Responsibility: Recognising the impact of present actions.