The Private School Leader Podcast

Mark Minkus

The Private School Leader Podcast exists to help you go from SURVIVING to THRIVING as you lead your school. Do you ever feel lonely and isolated in your role as a private school leader? Do you wish that you could get back to what really energizes you (making a difference in the lives of your students)? Do you want to have a long AND fulfilling career in private school education? Are you an aspiring Head of School and you want to accelerate your leadership growth? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions then the Private School Leader Podcast is for you!

Your host, Mark Minkus, has been a private school leader for over 30 years. He’s been where you are. He’s been in the hospital with ulcers. He’s had his daughters ask, “Dad, when do we get to see you instead of the back of your laptop?” About 10 years ago, Mark went from surviving to thriving and he is here to help you do the same! You will learn step by step strategies to effectively deal with difficult parents, overcome burnout, change your school’s culture, increase your productivity, improve teacher morale and more! Most importantly, you will learn how to effectively lead your school while still taking care of your mind, body and spirit. Sounds impossible, right? It’s not!

Mark knows how incredibly busy you are. That's why he created a weekly podcast that you can listen to while driving to school, working out or running errands. Think of this podcast as your weekly dose of inspiration, motivation and PD, all while doing something else! If you want to get out of “survival mode” and start thriving at school, then tune in every week to the Private School Leader Podcast!

Episodes

Mentioned books

Sep 21, 2024 • 37min

Episode 101: The 5 Steps To Managing Unrelenting Stress

Unrelenting. It means, “not letting up or weakening in vigor or pace” and it’s synonyms are: unforgiving, unsparing, ruthless, cruel, unyielding, merciless Stress. Stress is anything that requires our internal systems to burn energy to maintain some kind of internal balance. Unrelenting stress? For private school leaders it includes: upset parents, needy teachers, struggling students, facilities, finance, fundraising, athletics, curriculum, the board, transportation, retention, budget, admissions, marketing, payroll, discipline issues…. And the list goes on and on. On today’s episode of the PSLP, we are going to discuss The 5 Steps To Managing Unrelenting Stress I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast! Thanks for making a difference, Mark Minkus If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible. I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1. Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode101 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks! TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to the private school Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the private school leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Menkes. • • So I want to • start today's episode by • • • defining the word • • • • unrelenting, • • • • because the title of today's episode is the five steps to managing unrelenting stress. • • And I feel strongly that private school leaders • • • are in a very unique position where you not only have stress in your life, • • • • but you have unrelenting stress in your life, at school and outside of school. • • And so unrelenting means • • not letting up. The definition is not letting up or weakening in vigor or pace. • • • Some synonyms for unrelenting are unforgiving, unsparing, ruthless, cruel, unyielding, and merciless. • • • Does that describe the nature of the stress in your life? • • That it's constant, that it doesn't stop? • That it just keeps pounding away and pounding away and keeps coming from different sources, • • and then your head's on a swivel to see where that next source of stress is coming from. • • • • And I'll be honest. When I think of the word unrelenting, I think of two things. I think of rain during a hurricane, • • and it just pounds and pounds and pounds against the windows, • • and it just never stops and it never lets up. • • And I also think of some people who have migraines and how they describe the pain • • that it's just unrelenting. • • • • And so when it comes to stress, • • • • you know, stress, • • • I saw a definition that I've never seen before, and I'm going to read it to you. It says, stress is anything that requires our internal systems to burn energy to maintain some kind of internal balance. • • • • • Stress is anything that requires our internal systems to burn energy to maintain some kind of internal balance. I just described • • why you are so tired at the end of the day • • and why you feel like you have very little or nothing left in the tank for your family or for • • yourself. • • • • • And it's because of the unrelenting stress that we deal with as private school leaders • • • • upset parents, needy teachers, student problems, facilities, • • finance, fundraising, athletics, curriculum, the board, transportation, retention budget, admissions, marketing, payroll, student discipline issues. And the list goes on and on and on. • • • • And so, if the stress in your life • • as a private school leader is unrelenting, • • we are going to talk about how to manage • • unrelenting stress on today's episode of the private school Leader podcast. • • How to use verbal judo to have better conversations with parents at school And before we jump into that, I'm excited to share with you a, uh, free resource just as a way to say thank you for listening to the podcast. And this is called how to use verbal judo to have better conversations • • with parents at your school. • • And so what is verbal judo? It's a, uh, communication strategy that focuses on using words • effectively to de escalate conflict and resolve disputes. • And • • • the, um, author of the book • • • • Verbal Judo, the Gentle Art of Persuasion, George Thompson. He's trained over 200,000 law enforcement officers in North America in the art of verbal judo. • • • So I've taken several important strategies from this book and applied them very specifically to your life as a private school leader • • and to help you when you are talking to parents. And so you can get your free copy of how to use verbal judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school • • by just going to the private school leader.com judo. • • And again, a free gift for you there, • • privateschool leader.com judo. • • I have three coaching spots open, and I would really love to help you And one last thing. I just wanted to let you know that I have three coaching spots open right now, and I would really love to work with you one on one. • • And some people that have never been coached before. It's very • kind of confusing and just kind of vague. As far as, well, what is coaching? Well, I see it as two things. It's about transformation, and it's about solving problems. So, for instance, solving problems, what's your biggest struggle at school right now? What's the biggest struggle outside of school right now? Well, I can help make that better. • • • • Um, I can use my 33 years of experience as a private school leader and raising a family and struggling with probably almost all of the same things that you have. And I can help solve your problems. • • • And the other is about transformation. And that comes down to, what do you want? Do you want to feel more energized and happy at school? Do you want to be less exhausted at the end of the day so that you can give more to your family, • that you can feel less guilty about putting the school first? • • If that's the transformation you want, I can help you get that. • • And so if that intrigues you, if you want to know more about working with me one on one and claiming one of these three coaching spots, just head over to theprivateschoolleader.com coaching. • • • The framework that we're going to talk about today was developed by Stuart Shanker All right, so today's topic • • is about unrelenting stress. • • • And the framework that we're going to talk about today • • was developed by Stuart Shanker. And he published, uh, this framework in 2013, • • and it's about self regulation. And originally, his plan • was to have this help educators when it came to students who became dysregulated because of stress and other issues. • • And • • • what, um, we're going to do today, because this is what has happened over the last eleven or twelve years, is that • • this framework has now expanded to be applied to adults, and especially adults who have stressful jobs. • And so • • he, Stuart, um, • Shanker, who, • • um, talks about self regulation, • • um, in his framework, he talks about specifically • m how people manage stress and how much energy we expend and how well we recover. So, let me get that with you. Give that to you one more time. The whole point of the framework is how people manage stress, how much energy we spend, and how well we recover. • • And that sounds pretty good, especially with what we deal with, • • uh, as private school leaders. And so the framework has five steps. Step one is reframe. • Step two is recognize. Step three is reduce. • • Step four is reflect. And step five is respond. • • • And I'll have all of this for you in the show notes@theprivateschoolleader.com. episode 101 I know that most of you multitask when you listen to the podcast, whether you're driving to or from school or running errands or on a walk, • • • whatever, um, • • it might be. • • • And you can't really jot these things down. That's okay. I'll take good care of you in the show notes. And the other thing that I'll link in the show notes is I did an episode back, um, episode 78, and it's called do these four things to feel less stressed at school. And that will be a good companion podcast to today's episode. So, • um, I'll link that in the show notes as well. Reframe behavior when you're under stress to manage stress more effectively All right, so let's get into this framework. • • So, number one is reframe or reframe the behavior. • • So, • • • let's talk about this from the context of just asking yourself a question when you're really stressed out. And remember, it's unrelenting stress. It's coming from all different directions, and it's constant. • • • To just pause and ask, why? And why now can help us just stop and understand our feelings and our reactions. • And the goal is to get out of your, • or to get out of your, um, amygdala hijack • • • • • • area, um, • • and get your brain, get your thinking going into the prefrontal cortex. And so get it out of the • • • cerebrum, where the, • • um, you know, where emotion is ruling, how you feel, and how your body's reacting • • and get it into that prefrontal cortex. • • And so you're like, okay, well, that's easier said than done, and you're right. • • But I want to tell you about just a moment about amygdala hijack and then give you a quote from Victor Frankl and apply it to how we can, when we're under stress, • feel better, feel differently and manage that stress more effectively. So amygdala hijack. Our amygdala is that, • • • um, that • • part of our brain where it controls emotion. • • Um, it is very impactful when it comes to the fight or flight response. And so what happens is there's a stimulus, and then the amygdala responds and floods the brain with cortisol and sends adrenaline to, • um, our, uh, throughout our body. And, you know, that can be very helpful when we're trying to run away from a bear or when we're in danger. But the problem is, is that if we're sitting at our desk and we just hung up with a parent, and we had a really stressful phone call, and amygdala, our amygdala has hijacked our brain. That's not good. • • And then we just have this stress and all the things that you feel, you know, the racing heart rate and the, um, • • • • skin temperature rising, maybe a little bit of sweat, a little bit of a pit in your stomach, um, just your thoughts just kind of, • • um, • • not being able to form a really coherent thought and just some anxiety rising up in you. Um, all of those things are because of the amygdala hijack. • • • And Viktor Frankl, who was a Holocaust survivor and then became a psychologist, • • he wrote a book called man's search for meaning. One of the most important books ever written, in my opinion, • and his most famous quote is, between stimulus and response, there is a space. • • In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. • • So just remember that between stimulus and response, there's a space. • • And I think that as private school leaders, • • we often just feel like we have no agency, that we have no control, • that we are just going to be in that • • tsunami of stress, and there's nothing that we can do about it. And I would like to challenge your thinking on that, because • • every source of stress • is a stimulus. • • • And between that stimulus and how we choose to respond, there's a space. • • • • • And the power to choose a response is the thing that gives us freedom. • • • And when we don't pause, • • we just immediately react. And so it's the idea of responding instead of reacting. And my fear is, • • because I see it all the time with my coaching clients, I see it all the time with students in thrive academy office hours, • • is that we just • react • • and then we react and we react and we react and then we run it back and we keep doing that day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. And that is a recipe for burning out and for being an, uh, unhappy, unfulfilled • • private school leader that doesn't want to do this for a very long time. And that's the opposite of what we want. • • And so • • • • it's basically reframing things, so pausing and then trying to reframe it. And so I'll give you a couple of examples. So let's say that you have a difficult meeting with a parent coming up, • • and instead of viewing it as a confrontation, instead of fretting with anxiety over • • and, um, visualizing how terrible this meeting is going to go, • • • just reframe it as a chance to • • • strengthen a relationship • and serve the child. Okay, so this is just one specific example. So stick with me here. So you're thinking about a meeting with that parent that's coming up, and instead of just immediately, • that's the stimulus. • And then the response is anxiety and dread and doom and gloom. Um, • • and all of the physical reactions and cortisol, I get it. • • • But if we paused • and we reframed it • • as a chance to strengthen a relationship, but more importantly, to serve that child, • • focus on the child. They didn't choose their parents. They didn't choose their parents behavior. Maybe they've adopted some of their parents behavior, but it's about the child. • • • And then you can prepare for that meeting in a different way • and you'll probably be less anxious. • • And another thing, just with reframing, and this doesn't have to do necessarily with stress, but it has to do with a task, is that there will be times where in the summertime, maybe it's a really hot day, and I just don't feel like cutting my grass, and I have a lot of hills in my yard and • • I just don't feel like it. And I'm in my head and I'm just like, oh, have to cut the grass. But several years ago, it occurred to me one time when I was cutting my grass that there's probably a very high percentage of the world's population • • who wishes that they own property, • who wishes, • • and it's a lifelong dream and goal to own a home • and to have a yard. • • And so now when I cut the grass. Instead of fussing to myself that I have to, • • I actually think about how I get to be a homeowner • • and I have a yard and I get to cut the grass. • • And you might be saying, well, that's just, you know, you know, that's just trying to trick your brain and, you know, things of that nature. Listen, • • I'm just saying that there's a space between stimulus and response, and if we pause and reframe the source of the stress, it can make a difference. • • Okay? Number one is reframe. Number two is recognize. So we're going to recognize the stressors. And so • • • this means like, identifying the source of the stress and acknowledging our emotional response. That might sound a little weird, but it's like this. Okay, so let's say that you're in your office and you look up at the clock and you see that it's 02:05 p.m. • and you start feeling really, really • • stressed and you feel anxious, and, um, you start to feel that fight or flight, um, • • • • response welling up inside of you and you're not really even sure why. • • Well, you, you know, we talked about reframing it, but you need to recognize the stress. And there's an old saying, you've got to name it to tame it. You know, your body • • • • • thinks that, uh, in that fight or flight, your body thinks that there's danger. And so when it doesn't see the danger, it doesn't see the bear or the wolf that's chasing you. It's just going to stay in fight or flight. • • But if you can kind of name it and just be like, you know what? • • It's 02:05 p.m. and the reason that I'm stressed out is because • I know that I have this. I, um, have to go talk to this teacher at 03:00 and, um, it's going to be an uncomfortable meeting because I have to hold them accountable for some stuff that they haven't been doing. • • It can actually reduce your stress. When you just acknowledge what I'm feeling in my body is because of x or. Yeah, and just name it, name it to tame it. And so to recognize the stressors, • • and that's hard because we are often bombarded by stress, multiple different sources of stress at the same time. • • • But if we can make a conscious effort to • • think about it and to acknowledge and name it, • • we can then do something about it. And so an example that the, • • um, • • • • • • I told you that this framework, • • • • • um, that we're talking about today • • was developed, • • um, • • in 2013 • • • • • • by uh, Stuart Shanker. And Stuart Shanker, in, um, an article that I read, he gave an example of all of these different sources of stress, but that when he recognized it, then he changed his behavior. So let me just read this to you. Quote, I on a recent morning, I was rushing to an appointment with no time for breakfast. I was worried about being late for my appointment and thinking about, • um, giving feedback to students in an online course that I was teaching. Okay, so he doesn't eat breakfast. That's impacting him biologically. He's worried about being late. So that's affecting his emotions and his social, um, • • anxiety. And then thinking about • the class that he's going to teach is the cognitive load. Okay. So just a lot of different sources of stress that are affecting a lot of different domains. • • • • • • Okay. So what he did was he recognized these stressors allow us to make a conscious effort to address them. And then to finish the quote, he said, as I drove to my appointment, I switched the radio from a news station to quiet music, loosened the grip on the steering wheel, lowered my shoulders, and took two deep breaths. • • • • • • So you get what I'm going for here, right? • Is that our behavior • • • is just going to be our behavior • • • if we don't recognize and acknowledge • • I'm stressed. And here's why. What can I do about it right now? • • • • And you might be very deterministic in your viewpoint about stress, and just be like, you don't understand, Mark. Even you don't work at my school. You're right. Managing your environment can significantly impact your overall well being I don't work at your school. • • • • • But I've been doing this for 33 years, and I've dealt with a lot of stressful situations over the years. • And • • • • if you don't • • • deal with them, um, in a more healthy way, I just don't want you to end up like me. You know, if you've been listening to this podcast, you know that I ended up with ulcers and ended up with burnout and with stress induced vertigo and different things like that. And I just don't want that for you • • because the body will always pull the emergency brake. • • • • But if we can think about it and acknowledge what it is and then try to have a • • response to that, so we're reframing, we're recognizing, and then number three, • on our three steps • • • to manage unrelenting stress, number three is to reduce. Reduce the stressors. And I can hear what you're saying. You're like, yeah, right. You know, that would be great. How am I supposed to do that? • • • • Well, • • there's a few things that we have to think about in the first place. First of all, you have to believe that it's possible • to reduce, not necessarily the number of stressors, although I think that's possible, • • • • • • • but to reduce how much that stress impacts you emotionally. • • • And also managing your environment can significantly impact your overall well being, and it can reduce stress. • • • And so what I talk about a lot on this podcast is being intentional about your day instead of just letting your day happen to you. • • • • So you're saying, okay, so how can I reduce stress? • • By being more intentional and being more intentional about my environment. All right, I'll give you two examples. Number one, • if you find that back to back meetings really drain your energy and they really stress you out because you're trying to wrap up with this person • and then magically get to this next meeting where that person is hovering outside your office, • • then • • I think that in your calendar, that you need to schedule • • five or ten minutes of buffer time, but still stick to the schedule so that • you have that buffer time. But also, you can stand up, you can • • • take a drink from your water bottle, you can maybe actually go to the bathroom for the first time that day. • • Um, • • these things that we don't do • • • • and the things that we just accept as a normal part of our day, • • if we're more intentional about it, just even building in that few extra minutes, • recognizing that that stresses you out and it drains, you can make a big difference changing something on your calendar. And then I have a second example, and this one's something that I do, and it's going to sound kind of silly, but, uh, years ago, I was noticing that in the mornings, I was really stressed out. And I was often just getting to work barely on time or depending on traffic, coming in late, a little bit late. And that was stressing me out. And so I started to just pause and think about, • • • why am I having, • • what am I spending my time on in the morning? And I was realizing that • • • • the decision making of, okay, picking out which shirt and which tie and which pair of pants, • finding socks that match the pants and so on and so forth, and then sometimes the shirt needs to be ironed and ironing the shirt and so on and so forth. And then it was like, you know, the cascade of just that stress, but also the time that it would take to find clothes and get dressed wasn't helping. And so I changed my • and managed my environment. • • And so what I did, and like I said, it's going to sound kind of silly, but on the weekend, um, I would. And at the beginning of a month on a weekend, I would just figure out all of my shirts and ties, • um, socks, everything for • • • • • • • the month and actually make a little calendar. • • • Um, • but then on a weekend, on the Saturday or the Sunday, usually the Sunday afternoon, • • I, um, would iron my five shirts for the week and put them in my closet and have the shirt, the tie, the pants, the belt, the socks, the undershirt, and everything was there. So that then the next morning, on Monday morning, all I would have to do is just reach for the hanger and get dressed. • • • • • • • Five steps to managing unrelenting stress include managing your environment That is managing your environment to reduce a stressor in your life. But the very first step in that is noticing and then figuring out what can I do • • with my environment to reduce that. Okay, so we're talking about the five • • ways, five steps • • to managing unrelenting stress. Number one, reframe the behavior. Number two, recognize the stress. Number three, reduce the stressors. • And number four, • • reflect and enhance stress awareness. • • So sticking with our alliteration of the letter r, we're going to reflect in step four. • • In today's society, many people confuse screen time with being calm And so, • • um, • the author • of an article that I read said that in today's society, many people no longer know what calm feels like or they confuse the mindfulness of screen time, the mindlessness of screen time with being calm. M • • and I wonder how true that is for you. I know it's kind of true for me that • • • I was born • • • • in the late sixties, grew up in the late seventies and the eighties, and there were only three channels and we didn't have phones, uh, cell phones. And we knew what it was like to • • • entertain ourselves or to just have it be kind of calm and kind of quiet. And I think that today • • we have so many technological advances. I'm not trying to be an, ah, old man and say, get off my lawn. I love all the technological advances that we have. But I also think that it is true that it's rare for us to know what it feels like to be calm or to be quiet. • • And the other thing that we've got going against us is the hustle. Culture equates inactivity with laziness. • • And so sometimes we view being busy, busy, busy as an indicator of our importance, our worth and our value that we add to the school. • • And I used to brag about, um, I'd be going to warm up my lunch at 230 or 03:00 and someone would make a comment. A teacher passing by in the hall would make a comment. I'd be like, well, you know, gotta, you know, grinding away and busy, busy and blah, blah. And then I realized, you know what • • • • I'm setting a terrible example for my teachers. And I'm not saying that there are days where I, • • you know, there are still days where I don't get to eat lunch or I eat lunch late, but I certainly don't brag about it. Um, and I really try to crush that hustle culture mentality at, um, my school. • • • And so my point in painting that picture about us not knowing what it means to be calm or quiet most of the time, • and then the hustle culture equating inactivity with laziness, • • • • • • • we have to reflect and pause and think. Not just the pausing with that space that Viktor Frankl talked about, but • • to reflect. • And I did not used to be very good at reflection. You know, our, um, head of lower school that's been at our school for five or six years, um, she actually is the one that, um, taught me a lot about being more, • • uh, reflective and thinking about things after the fact. • • And, you know, I think that it's so important, • • because if we • • can just take • • • • that self regulation that I've been talking about, • • and it will bring us one step closer to being calm if we can think about our reactions to stress • • and how effective our coping strategies are • • or maybe aren't. • • • And so let's say that, for example, uh, after a particularly stressful event, like, let's say it's a board meeting that didn't go well, is to just maybe on the drive home • • or the next morning, is to just take just a couple minutes and ask yourself questions like, what went well, • • and what could I do different the next time? You know, • • • Navy SEALs, when they go on a mission, they do the same exact thing after every single mission since the Navy SeALs began. • • And that's called an aar after action report. • • And they debrief, and rank goes out the window. And the least, um, you know, the lowest ranking, • um, soldier in the SEALs in that team or the commander, they're all able to say whatever they want • • and to say what went well, • um, what didn't go well, and what would we change for the next time? It happens after every single, • • um, seal mission. And so • • what we need to do is to stop, reflect, and adjust. • • • And I'm going to say that one more time. We need to stop, reflect, and adjust. And I know we're busy. I know that we're on to the next thing. But that's part of the problem, because here's the thing that happens when we don't stop, reflect, and adjust. We just run it back again and again and again • • for weeks. That become months, that become years. And you're living that same unrelenting stress now that you were four years ago. • • • • And I don't want you to be doing that four months from now or four years from now. • • These are all things that contribute to • people wanting to get out of private school leadership, • because no one was ever designed to stay in flight or fight or flight for months at a time or years at a time. Our bodies aren't designed that way. • • And the end result of staying in fight or flight for too long is burnout. • • • And so all of these • • • • strategies, this self regulation strategies, these five R's, • • if we can just try to do them, • • it will make us more intentional • • about where is that stress coming from? Why am I stressed? What went well? What didn't go well? What was my reaction? How can I adjust that and what can I do better the next time? Because if we don't, we're going to do it the same way that we've always done it. • • • • • Our goal is restoration and resilience after a stressful situation All right, that brings us to number five. Step number five is to respond. • • • • And so, • • • um, when we think about • responding instead of reacting, • • • responding to • • stressful situations, • • • • • what our goal is is restoration and resilience. • • • • Our goal is restoration and resilience • • after a stressful situation. Yes, it's bad. Your heart rate is going and all the things. And then sometimes you have, like, an adrenaline dump afterwards, especially if it's like the injury of a student or, you know, some kind of really high • • stress situation that involves, um, a crisis or a safety issue at the school. • • • • • But after that stressful situation, whether it's a crisis, whether it's a parent meeting, a board meeting, an, uh, interaction with a student, interaction with a teacher that didn't go well. Whatever the source of stress is, • • • maybe it's financial stress about the school or financial stress at home. You know, I've been talking about and giving examples of mostly things that are applicable to life at school. But what about all the stress outside of school with • • • • paying the mortgage and with getting to our kids activities on time and to, • um, you know, trying to, • • • you know, spend some time with the love of our life and just the things that we, as private school leaders, often struggle with? • • There's stress in school. There's stress outside of school. • We've got to do something to • • • • • • pump the brakes. • • And • • that's what these five r's are about. And so if the goal for respond is restoration and resilience, • • • • we want to build resilience after a stressful situation, or that stressful situation just exists in a vacuum. And we didn't really learn anything from it. We didn't really grow from it. And that's a mistake. And so we need to • build our personal toolbox of self regulation strategies. • They'll help us feel calm, they'll help us feel more alert. You know, that cortisol makes us dumb. It makes us slow in our decision making. • • It does the opposite of, uh, uh, us feeling calm. • • And so one of the ways to go forward with this is to • • think about, well, how can I refill my tank when it's empty? • • • And to consider some restoration strategies. You know, I said it's about restoration and resilience. So I want to give you a very specific example. • • • You're all stressed out. • • • • • The people that I coach, the thrive academy students that I have office hours with, • • I would say that about 85% of them do not do the thing I'm about to talk about now. They eventually do through coaching or through office hours. But when we start, • • they typically • • • are stuck. • • • • They're stuck in their office. • • And I tell them, listen, Joy is happening all over your campus, • • but it rarely comes to you. And you have to go to the joy and you need to put it in your schedule. • • • And this is, I think, probably the most important part of this episode. And so I'm going to say that again, • • Joy is happening all over your campus. • It rarely comes to you. • You have to go to the joy and you have to put it in your schedule. And so whether that's reading a story to kindergarteners or sitting down at the 6th grade lunch table and telling the girls that, you think that, you know, 1989 is objectively the best Taylor Swift album, • • um, and seeing what kind of reaction you get, or whatever it is, there's joy all over campus. • • You have to go to that joy, and that will restore you, because that's why you got into this in the first place. But the longer you're a school leader, the less time that that happens. And then we get into this hamster wheel, we've got to schedule it and then make it happen, • • • and it will restore you. • • • And remember Victor Frankl, that quote again, between stimulus and response, there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose our response. That's the key, is that we're going to respond. We're not going to react. • • And so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? Well, Shanker's self regulation framework is, number one, reframe the behavior. Number two, recognize the stress. Number three, reduce the stress. Number four, reflect and enhance stress. Awareness. And number five, respond. And so if we just hit just the r's. Number one, reframe. Number two, recognize. Number three, reduce. Number four, reflect. And number five, respond. • • • And those will all be in the show notes for you@theprivateschoolleader.com. episode 101 • • and your call to action this week is to try to ask yourself • • when you're feeling stressed, to ask yourself the question, why am I feeling stressed right now? • • • • And action. Step number two is to decide how you are going to respond • • in that space between stimulus and response. When you think about it as a space, • • often it will make you pause. And then at least you can choose how you respond • • instead of just reacting. Mark Minkus: Five strategies to help you work with difficult parents Okay, so to wrap it up, I just want to remind you, I said at the top of the episode that I have three coaching spots open right now, and I'd love to work with you one on one. So go to theprivateskeleter.com coaching, and I have another free gift for you to say thanks for listening. And it's five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. And the parents at our school, most of them are great, but some of them can be really demanding and difficult. And so this guide will give you the tools you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. And so if you head over to theprivateschool leader.com parents, you can grab this free guide called • • five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. Again, that's the privateschool leader.com parents. And that's free for you just to say thanks for listening. • And I'd love to hear from you. • • • Shoot me an email at mark dot o dot minkusmail.com. • • and if you, um, would please • • rate and review the podcast wherever you listen to it, it helps the algorithm push it out to private school leaders all over the world. Um, this podcast is being listened to in 59 countries around the world. And just want to get that word out and this content to those leaders that really need it. And one of the best ways to do that is, if you • • have ever gotten any value from this podcast, if you would just please share the link with another leader at your school, • • another leader in your life, or an aspiring leader at your school. Because I want to just get this word out there that there are strategies available. • There's, • • uh, this is a hard job. The stress is unrelenting. • But there are ways to make it better. • • So I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I just want to say I appreciate you so much and all your hard work that you do for your school and for those kids. And thanks for taking some of that precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the private school leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.

Sep 14, 2024 • 41min

Episode 100: Your Email Inbox Is A Chronological List Of Everyone Else's Priorities

So, I want to ask you a question about something that you do several times each day. Let’s say that you are out and about in the school, walking around, solving problems, handling student issues, talking to teachers and maybe attending a meeting. So here’s the question: When you finally come back to your office and sit down at your desk, what is the first thing that you do? About 90% of private school leaders do the same thing. They open their inbox and respond to a few emails. There are some very valid reasons we do this. Your brain is craving a dopamine hit because you just expended some emotional energy and some physical energy while walking around your school. You also have a little decision fatigue and your cognitive load has increased. Unfortunately, your brain doesn’t know the difference between a high value task and a low value task. Your brain just knows that it really needs a dopamine hit. On today’s episode of the Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to help you understand why dipping in and out of your email inbox is the least productive thing that you can do because Your Email Inbox Is A Chronological List Of Everyone Else's Priorities. Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference! Mark Minkus If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible. I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1. Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode100 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks! TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to the private school leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the private school leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Benkus. • • So I want to give you a scenario, and then I want to see if you, • • um, do the thing that 90% of school leaders do • • in this same scenario. So here's the situation. You're out in the school, • you're doing things. • You're perhaps dealing with a discipline issue. • • Um, maybe you're supervising a class change, • popping into a classroom. Maybe there's a maintenance issue. • • Uh, maybe someone in the main office has, um, a question. • And so you're out and about in the school doing some things, and then you, um, are out for a little while. You know, half hour, whatever it might be, maybe an hour. Um, you know how these things are. You're out, and you expect to be gone for a few minutes, and you're gone much longer than that. But you come back to your office and you sit down, • • and you're just kind of sitting there, and you're looking at your computer, um, • • screen. • • And my question is, what do you do next? • • • • So I want you to imagine this. You're out in the school, • out and about. You come back to your office, you sit down, you're staring at your computer. • What do you do next? • • • • Well, about 90% of school leaders • • • open their email inbox, • • • and • • that's okay if you're in that 90%. • • But I want to help you see today on this episode why • • • • it's completely understandable • • • why you would do that. It's also a lot of psychological factors that are causing you to do that, • but it's also the worst thing that you can do. • • You want to be productive and actually get work done on your priorities instead of on everyone else's priorities. • • So there is a better way. And on today's episode of the private school leader podcast, I'm going to do two things. Number one, I'm going to convince you that your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. And number two, I'm going to teach you how to engage with your email • in a way that will still allow you to get your important work done. • • • • This is the 100th episode of the private School Leader podcast But before we get into that, I want to celebrate with you because this is the 100th episode of the private School Leader podcast, and I'm super excited about that. I want to say thank you to those of you that have been listening for a long time. I talked to a couple different, uh, listeners this week, • • • • got, um, some emails and just people that have been listening for a long time. • Super excited about it, and just excited to be able to serve you with a hundred episodes of content that's specifically for you, to try to encourage and inspire you as you lead your school. And to celebrate the hundredth episode, I'm excited to tell you that I'm having a special three day sale on Thrive Academy. • • And that's going to be if, um, you're listening to this in real time, we're talking Tuesday, September 16, Wednesday, • September 17 and Thursday, September 18. • And the special sale is $100 off of thrive academy for three days only • and seven weeks of office hours instead of six, which is what you normally get. • And so I want to add to that, that if you're listening to this in real time, • • typically these, uh, podcast episodes • • come, um, • out, um, on a Saturday. • And I just want, um, to make sure that if you're listening and it's not yet Tuesday the 16th and you want to jump on board, it also could be that you are, um, interested in having your school pay for this professional development opportunity for you. And so if you just send me an email at mark dot o dot minkusmail.com and just ask for an invoice, I'll send you an invoice and, um, give you the $100 off price • and the seven weeks of office hours instead of six. So there's a lot of different ways that you can access this. Obviously, the privateschoolleader.com thrive is the, is the place where all of it happens to. There's an introductory video there. There's all kinds of, uh, client testimonials, • students that are in thrive academy that are enjoying office hours, all the different things. And so again, • • I just want to remind you, we're celebrating the hundredth episode of this podcast by having a special three day sale on Tuesday, September 16. Wednesday, September 17 Thursday, December 18, 2024. The deal is $100 off the regular price and seven weeks of office hours instead of six. Get in the door. Get in on it. Theprivatescalier.com thrive. • • Free resource that every private school teacher wants from their leader And to celebrate, I also want to give you a gift, and that is a free resource that I've created called the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. • • And this is a free guide. It's a six page PDF that I think can be a game changer for you. And I guarantee that if you do these six things that the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. And you can get that guide at theprivateschool leader.com guide. Again, that's the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. A free gift is just to say thanks for listening to the podcast. Grab that@theprivateschooleer.com. • • Your email inbox is where productivity goes to die, says private school leader guide • • okay, • • • so I hit you with a quote. It's actually the title of this episode, and I've said it now twice, and I'm going to say it a third time. Your email inbox • • is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. • And if you think about it, • • the reason I say that is because • it is a chronological list. It comes in order, • • um, newest to oldest on your inbox, • • • and it's generally a list of everyone else's priorities. It's not a list of your priorities, but I also like to say that your email inbox is where productivity goes to die. • • • And so if you can remember those two quotes, • • I hope that they'll have an impact on you to just start you to think about a different way to interact with email at school. Because as private school leaders, you're so busy, you have so many interruptions, you have so much task switching and email dipping in, in and out of your email box. Email inbox all day long is actually worse practice when it comes to productivity. And I'm going to teach, um, you today • and help you understand, • • • um, how and why that we can do this differently and actually get some things done that you want to get done. Doesn't that sound great? So let's go with the five. • • Um, I have five points here. This is best practice for engaging with your email inbox as a private school leader. Number one, understand why • • • • you open your email inbox when you sit down. • • I gave you that scenario before about sitting down after being out and about in the school. We're going to talk about that. Number two, • redefine urgency. Number three, the three steps to taking control of your inbox. Number four, create friction. And number five, remember the quote. • • 90% of school leaders open their email inbox when they sit down Okay, so at the top of the episode, I gave you a scenario • • • • where you're out and about in the school and you're walking around and you're dealing with different issues. And then you come back and you sit down at your computer, at your desk and there's your computer and you're just kind of looking at it. • And what most of us do in, uh, my experience, it's around 90% of school leaders, • we open up our email inbox. Well, here's why. • • So when you're out in the school, you're • • using your brain. So there's some cognitive load. • • You're making decisions, so there's some decision fatigue, and then there's also some physical, • • um, aspect to it. Um, walking around and, you know, up and down stairs and so forth. So there's a little bit of physical fatigue, and then you're also very likely expending some emotional energy. And so there's a little bit of emotional fatigue. • And so if you've experienced that fatigue and you come and you plop down at your desk, • your brain is craving a dopamine hit. • • And here's the real key of this part, is that your brain does not know the difference between an important task and a low value task because you will get a dopamine hit either way. And that's why almost all of us open our, uh, email inbox and start responding to emails, because we're feeling productive. We feel productive and we get the dopamine hit. But the problem is that isn't a low value task. And the problem is that our • • • importance, our, um, definition of what we're going to work on that's important to us is now no longer in our control, but it's in the control of whoever happens to be at the top of our email inbox. • And then we make our way through some of those emails. And so the brain, again, it doesn't know the difference. And that's actually called the productivity trap. • Um, I did an episode on that episode 17 called nine ways to avoid the false productivity trap. And I'll link that in the show notes at the private school leader. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • But this just makes us more likely to open email or do other low value tasks. • • Um, the false productivity trap talks about some other things like random rewards and about the rule of reciprocity and not wanting to let people down and • • feeling efficient or feeling like you're a good leader if you get back to people really, really quickly. And I just really want to try and get you out of the false productivity trap. And the first step in changing behavior is understanding why it's happening in the first place. So there's a lot of things conspiring against you. And that's why so many of us open our email inbox when we sit down at our desk, we're not going to do that anymore. So • • • • • that's, uh, point number one is just understanding why we open the email inbox when we sit down. And point number two is to redefine urgency. So I want you to think about this for a minute. And I know most of you are multitasking, and I always strongly encourage that you listen to the podcast while you're driving to or from school or running errands or on a walk or • working, uh, • out. And so, you know, this one might be, this next thing that I'm going to mention might be a little bit harder because, um, you are listening and not seeing this. But I have four categories on my screen with my notes here, and I've divided up • what percentage of your emails are, and then I've put them into four categories. And so this is just a thought exercise to help me prove my point. • And so I'll put this in the show notes as well. But • • the four categories are distractions, what percent? • • Interruptions, what percent? • • Goals and planning, what percent? And crises, what percent? And so there's four different total percents that add up to 100%. So let's be honest, okay, • • distractions and interruptions. • • • • • Um, we could throw in there low value • exchange of information. • • • • Um, that's probably taking up, • I'm gonna guess, 80, 90% • • • our email inbox, because things that are critical to goals and planning. Yes, you might be getting an email back about something about the accreditation and the self study, or something about that new curriculum that you're, um, considering purchasing for math. I'm not saying those aren't in your inbox. I'm just saying that not too many of your emails are containing things about your important goals and your planning. Some of them are, • • • • but also crises. • • • I would go so far as to say that's going to be extremely rare, that someone is going to communicate a crisis • to you in an email. • • It might be that a parent • is defining something as a crisis, and that's why it is in capital letters and has exclamation points. • • • • But a true crisis, • • • • • • I wonder how rare it is. I think it's extremely rare that the way that you would find out • • • about the crisis • is in your email inbox. And so what I'm trying to prove to you is that the percentage of things that are distractions, interruptions, low value exchange of information is very, very high. • And the percentage of emails that are about your true goals and planning and a, uh, crisis is very, very low. • • And so what that means is that we can actually check email less often than we do, and we are not going to be any worse off as far as running the school. And I will teach you why it's actually so much better to have set times when we're checking email instead of dipping in and out of email all day long. • And so just to kind of finish off this point and to drive it home, there are so few things at your school • • • • that are in an email • • that are so urgent that they can't wait until the next time that you are scheduled to look at your emails. In point number three, I'm going to talk about taking control of your inbox And in point number three, I'm going to talk about the three steps to taking control of your inbox. And we're going to talk about having a scheduled time in the morning, a scheduled time in the afternoon, and then a scheduled time before you leave for the day. • • • • • But you're going to be thinking, when I get to that. And you're probably already thinking, oh, my goodness, what about this email or that email? What if it comes in in between times? Listen, I want you to think, • • • how many different ways • can people reach you • • if something is truly urgent at your school? And let me ask you that question again. How many different ways other than email, • • • can people at school reach you if something is truly urgent? • • Okay. They could text you, • • they could call your cell phone, • • they could buzz the phone on your desk. If you have a phone with, um, • • internal intercom, which most of us do, • • • they could get you on the walkie talkie. Most of us have walkie talkies. They could stop by your office. • • There's about five or six right there, different ways that immediately someone could get in touch with you. And if you really stop to think about it, if it's truly urgent, they're not going to put it in an email. They're going to get you in one of those other ways. And so it's actually like an urgency and importance filter • when you think about it, that right off the bat, things that are truly urgent and important are probably not going to be in your email inbox. They're going to use one of these other ways to get in touch with you. So hopefully the first two steps, I've convinced you that • • • there are strong psychological reasons that have to do with your brain craving dopamine, which is why we are in and out of our email inbox all day long. And then also • that I've hopefully convinced you that • • your definition of urgent • • is different than everyone else's definition of urgent most of the time. And if there's something truly urgent and timely that needs your immediate attention, they are not going to let you know that in an email. • • Okay? Three steps to taking control of your inbox are discussed in this podcast And that brings us to point number three, which are the three steps to taking control of your inbox. All right, let me hit you with these. Step number one, this is really important, and I'm going to give you a disclaimer that it's going to sound like, oh, my gosh, I don't think I could do that. Hear me out. Trust me. Trust me that I've been doing this for years. Trust me that I have clients that have been doing this for a long time and that it absolutely changes the way that they lead because it builds margin into their day. Okay? You just got to trust me. 100 episodes in, you've listened to a lot of episodes. Just trust me on this one, okay? • Step number one, you're going to schedule 30 minutes in the morning, probably mid morning, • 30 minutes in the afternoon, probably after the lunch recess block all settles down. And any post, you know, recess issues are dealt with. And then 15 minutes at the end of the day to look at your email. So 30 minutes in the morning, • • • 30 minutes in the afternoon, and 15 minutes at the end of the day to look at email. All right, again, I can hear what you're saying. There's no way I can get through all my emails in, you know, let's see, added up. 30 minutes. 30 minutes. 15 minutes. That's an iron. 15 minutes. First of all, there's no way that I can get through all my emails in an hour and 15 minutes. All right, I'll come back to that in a minute. I'm going to crush that obstacle. • • • Um, also, • • • • you might be thinking that, well, wait a second. Is he saying that I'm not going to check email from the time that I leave • • • until mid morning, the next morning? • • Well, actually, • ideally that is what I'm saying. But also, realistically, • • we're not going to go from • • where you are • • if that is dipping in and out of your email inbox all day long, checking it on your phone at home, checking it on your cell phone in bed when you wake up in the morning before you say good morning to the person that you share a bed with. We're not going to go from • • all in on email • • to being disciplined. • We're going to have to • • • • not go cold turkey here. We're going to have to do it in stages. And so very likely what you're going to do is have to have a couple of other times, • • once in the evening, maybe once, um, in the morning when you arrive at school, but we'll get there. But I just want you to get the broad concept • • • • • and I want you to buy into this broad concept. And then everyone listening will, at their own pace, be able to get to that broad concept. All right, • • 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the afternoon, 15 minutes at the end of the day, that's when you're going to look at email • • • • and you're going to try to • • be very disciplined about this. • • • • And also, I want to tell you one last thing on step one, and that is • • • • • • there's a lot of research on task switching. • • I think private school leaders do more task switching than most jobs, probably very few jobs where there's as much task switching as there is for private school leaders. • • • • • • I just read a report, a research • study, uh, • that showed that it can take up to 23 minutes to fully engage • with the task • that you just switched to. • • • And so if you're in and out of email all day long and then you're on your way to a meeting or on your way to dealing with a student or whatever, I think for private school leaders we're much better and it takes us much less time to, uh, switch back and forth than 23 minutes, • • • but it still takes time • • and we want to make our time efficient and useful and we also want to have some control over how we're using our time. Remember, the title of this episode is that your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. Not only are we talking about how to do it, that's the best use of your time, but we're also talking about how to do it in a way that allows you • • • to do what you want to do as far as working on important tasks instead of working on everyone else's • • • • • needs and asks and tasks and, • • um, you know, the things that they're going to email you about. So that's step number one. Step number two, • • • • when you have this 30 minutes block, • what you're going to do is you're going to open your email inbox. • • • You're going to go through the emails, oldest to newest, unread emails, oldest to newest, using the two minute rule. • • And the two minute rule is as you go through emails, if you can respond to it, give an answer to the question. • • Um, if you can manage that within two minutes or less, you do it right then. • • And if you can't, you mark it as unread and you move on to the next email. • So you're starting with oldest going to newest • • • and then what you'll find is, as you get, we know this, that when you are doing one task and you're not switching, and I know, I can hear what the naysayers are thinking right now. You're thinking, you don't understand, you don't know how hard it is at my school. • • I don't. I don't. I do know what it was like to be the head of school with 400 students in the school • and I was the only administrator. • • • Um, and I know all about those interruptions. And at that time, was I using this method? No. I wish I had been. But I'm just saying that when you are designating time for email and that's the only thing that you're doing, • • • • • I know the interruptions will happen, • but if you're working on email, you're going to be so much more efficient at getting through your emails more quickly, oldest to newest and responding to them, than if you're in and out of your email all day long. And so step number two is go through your emails, oldest to newest. Use the two minute rule. Mark it as unread if it takes more than two minutes. And then once you get to the newest email, go back to the bottom and then work on the one that's unread. Work on that one until it's handled. And then go to the next one. And then go to the next one. And this will keep your unread emails list short. It will be eliminating a lot of the, um, • • • emails that are just pouring into your. It won't eliminate the emails that are pouring in, but it will help you more efficiently deal with them. • And one other thing that's kind of just like a bonus tip, • • • you need to unsubscribe from a lot of the stuff that you're getting. Okay. You know, I get a lot of emails a day. You get a lot of emails a day. But there's a lot of stuff • that we just need to be honest. And it's sort of like that deal where, um, I forget her name, but, uh, there's a woman who has a show on Netflix and talks about a few, you know, haven't touched the shirt or the outfit, the blouse or whatever in a year. Or if you pick up an item and it doesn't bring you joy, you know that you get rid of it. • • If this is a thing that's coming into your email inbox and you just really don't engage with it, hardly ever, you need to unsubscribe because we can cut down on the total number of emails that come in to our email inbox significantly if we just pause and take a look as we go through and just start hitting unsubscribe. Step number three is to build your self discipline with email Okay, step number three, • you build your self discipline • to • be, have fidelity with these 30 minutes time windows in the morning, in the afternoon, and before you leave at the end of the day. • • And it's going to take time, but you're going to build your self discipline and you're going to train everybody else. So you're going to train your teachers, you're going to train you. If you have a personal, if you have an administrative assistant, • um, if you have an administrative assistant, um, you need to have a conversation with that person, • • um, • • about this new system that you're going to use. And so that that person knows, so that he or she knows that uh, they are going to um, that's how you're going to interact with email. And when I say that you're going to train everyone else, I don't just mean you're administrative assistant if you have one. I mean your teachers. How many times have you been walking down the hall and someone comes up to you and say hey, did you, did you see that email I sent you? Um, • and you say well when did you send it? And they say um, about 15 minutes ago. • • • And so now what you say is you don't have to say, well I only check email three times a day. Don't say that. • • • Just say, you know what, I will check on that later this morning or I will get to that this afternoon. Like whatever is your next time that you're scheduled to do email and I'll get back to you. And let me tell you something, as a school leader, • • it is a uh, completely, • • • completely valid • • • • • • answer. • It is a completely reasonable expectation • • • • that there's going to be a little bit of lag time and we're talking about a few hours at most. If you're checking it three times a day. • • We've trained everybody else • • • that they're going to expect an answer immediately from us • • and then the more that we do that, • • the more they expect it. And so we need to adjust their expectations and then that is also part of what I call don't feed the beast. And so what I mean by that is • • • let's say that • • • you didn't get to all of your emails and you are looking at emails, um, in the evening or maybe you have young children and • • um, after you put the children to bed, then you're going to check email for 30 minutes or whatever the case might be. Well listen, when you're doing an email at 930 at night, schedule friend is your best friend. Schedule send is your best friend. Don't just hit send. A, it's interrupting that person's evening and b, the message that you're sending is that you're available. Twenty four seven. And so, um, in Gmail, which is what I use, and I'm sure for other email platforms, they have something similar. Just schedule send for 08:00 the next morning. And then, um, if you continue to let people know, hey, I'll look at that • • next time I check my email when I'm in my office. You'll find that in not too long of a time, it'll be within a few weeks that people will stop asking that question and they'll start changing their expectations for you about how quickly you get back to them. But part of it is you. All right? Part of it is you. • • I know we all want to get back to people really, really fast, and somehow that shows that we're efficient leaders, but really what it shows is that the tail is wagging the dog and we need to be working on the things we choose to work on instead of constantly, • um, • • just living by how many, um, emails we have in our email inbox. And I know all of this might sound a little foreign to you, and it might sound unbelievable. I'm telling you, I've seen it work with dozens of people. • I've seen it work for me for more than three years. • • It works. Just give it a try, please. Step one is to turn off email notifications on your smartphone and smartwatch Okay, we're on to number four. • Point number four. • • • • So number four is create friction. So if you have a. If you have. Buy some apples at the store and you want to eat some apples. Okay, • • • two scenarios. One is that the apples are in a bowl on the kitchen table. • • The other is that the apples are in the bag in the crisper drawer inside the, um, refrigerator. • • Which apples are getting eaten? • • You all know the answer. It's the apples that are in the bowl, because you just walk by and absentmindedly pick up an apple and you eat it. Okay. Conversely, • so there's no friction there. No friction with that bowl of apples. Lots of friction with the bag of apples in the, uh, refrigerator. • • Halloween candy, you know, a big bowl of Halloween candy, that's, you know, what, whatever is left from what you didn't give out at your front door or maybe what your kids gathered, um, and it's sitting there on the kitchen table • • • versus if that candy • • was in a cupboard where you had to get out, uh, from the pantry, a little step stool, climb up two steps and get that bowl out to get the candy down and then put it back up there. I can tell you right now, if you have to get the step stool out to grab that candy, you're not going to eat any of that candy, because that's too much friction. • • But if it's sitting there on the table, you're going to be eating candy until that bowl is empty. Okay? And one last thing to prove the point, and then I'll apply it to your, um, email, is that there was a hospital in the United Kingdom, over in England, that did a study. Um, they wanted to sell more water and less soda in their, uh, cafeteria. • • • • And they didn't change prices. The only thing they did was they changed the location of the displays, • • and they put a display of water, um, right next to the cash register. They made it easier to reach the water at eye level. • Um, they made the soda a little bit more difficult to reach. They didn't hide it, but they made it more difficult to reach. They changed the location of the water bottles. • • • • And you probably already know what happened. Um, the sale of water went up by, like, 300%. • • And so it's about friction, and so we want to create friction between you and the ease by which you can check your email. So step one, and this is huge, is to turn off email notifications • • on your smartphone and your smartwatch. This is a, uh, non negotiable for me. If you believe or listen to anything that I say, please, please, please turn off • email notifications for your work email on your smartphone and your smartwatch. That's step one. There's two more. • And some of these might make you cringe or be like, oh, my goodness, there's no way I could do that. Uh, • • and we're going to go through withdrawal a little bit, because we're so used to a certain way of doing things, it's going to take a little time to do things a different way. • • • • • When you open up, when you push the button on your smartphone and the home screen • lights, um, • up, how many swipes • • • until you get to your work email icon? • • • • • • • When you open up? When it lights up, how many swipes • • until you get to your work email icon? For most of us, it's one or zero. Okay. • • And so if you add one additional swipe, you move the icon off of that either first page or the second page. If you make one more swipe to get to your email, • • • um, from my coaching clients, it typically reduces how often you check email by about 70% to 80% just by that one thing, • • because you're thinking about it. The key is to think about it. I have one coaching client. What she does is she has a little, tiny, skinny rubber band, and when she leaves for the day, she puts it around her phone • • • • • • and around her smartphone and that tiny rubber band is just to remind her to pause and • do I really need to check email? Okay, that's the big thing, is that when the notifications are coming and we are just reflexively • checking email, • • • • • that's why we need to turn off notifications when it's so easy to just tap the icon and see if we got any email. • • • • • That's why we need to create friction. M um, I talked about the email icon on your smartphone M • • • • • um, • I talked about the email icon on your smartphone, • • • and then the last thing is, um, about your laptop. So • a lot of people say, well, it's just right there. The tab is open. It's so tempting. Okay, so what we're going to do is we're going to close the tab and open a window. And so, • um, whether you have • • • • • chrome, um, • • or whether you have safari or Firefox or whatever it is, I have chrome. If you hover over the, um, logo at the bottom of your screen and you right click, it'll pop up and it'll say, new window. • • Open a new window, • • • open your email • • • in that window, • • and then go back to the screen that's almost always open on your laptop or on your desktop and close your email tab. • Because when it's open, you can see the little parentheses and you know subconsciously how many unread emails you have, and you come back from somewhere and you're like, oh, my gosh, I have this many more emails. We're clicking, clicking, clicking on our email inbox. Let's create some friction. • • Hover over the logo. Right click open a window and • • put your email in there. And then when it's time on your schedule, you're putting this on your schedule as an appointment with yourself. That 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon when it's time, then you go there and you open that window and you work on your email. • • What I described to you are some systems to build in around your email inbox And that brings us to step five, • • and it's. Remember the quote? And here's the quote. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, he says, you do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. • • • • What I described to you are some systems that you're going to build in around your email inbox. • • If I just told you, well, let's just use your self discipline and try really hard and make a new year's resolution, no matter what time of year it is, and you're going to try really hard and you're going to do better with email. It's not going to happen • because • there's too many things conspiring against us, especially those psychological forces that I mentioned in, um, point number one. • • • • But if you have some systems, • • it's just like you as the school leader up on that trapeze • and you're flying around • • and you know that those trapeze artists • • that they have that big net, and when they miss, they fall, • • but they don't fall the way to the concrete. They fall all the way to the net. And then they bounce up and down a couple times and they climb the ladder and they start doing the trapeze again. That's what you're going to do with your email inbox because now you have some systems and you don't rise to the level of your goals or your self discipline. You fall to the level of your systems. And so when you have a couple days, when you mess up and you're in and out of email all day long, • • • you're going to have a system and you're only going to fall as far as the system. You're not going to fall all the way to the concrete. • • • • You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. • • And I want to hear from you. I want to hear when you do this, • • I want you to email me at mark dot o dot minkusmail.com and tell me about your successes. Because I want to beat the drum. I want to preach the gospel of these systems for doing your email, um, inbox. This way, • • • • it can definitely, definitely, definitely change, • • um, how productive you are, because your email inbox is where productivity goes to die. • • So let me hit you with the, uh, main points again. Best practice for engaging with your email inbox. • Number one, understand why your email inbox, why we open our email inbox when we sit down. It's those strong psychological factors, especially that strong craving for a dopamine hit when you have used some cognitive • energy, emotional energy, physical energy, and you have some decision fatigue. Number two, redefine urgency. • • • • That email inbox is a list of everyone else's urgent things, and they're not going to they at school. The people that need you at school are not going to get you through your email inbox. There are like five other ways they're going to get you your attention. • • • Number three, the three steps to taking control of your inbox. • I told you that. Number one is to • • • • create, • • • um, • • schedule. Ah, • • excuse me, into your day. 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the afternoon, and 15 minutes at the end of the day. That's when you're going to work on email. Step two, go through your emails, oldest to newest, using the two minute rule. Mark them as unread. When you get to the newest, go back to the unread ones and work through them until they're done. And then step number three is to build your self discipline. Train everybody else. Don't feed the beast. Okay. Number four is to create friction. And number five is, remember the quote • about we don't rise to level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. And here's the thing. You now have a system • • • and you're, um, going to use that system and it's going to make a difference. And then you're going to email me at Mark o. Mincus. Ah. • • • • • • And your call to action • • for this episode is to create friction by turning off email notifications to your smartphone and your smartwatch. • • • Make it more than one swipe to get to your email icon on your smartphone. • • And then, um, open a window on your laptop to and then close the tab that's open all day long. And then part two of your call to action is to schedule those three times • • day to look at email and then just start. • • And so I just gave you a system. And if you want systems that will work as a private school leader, that's what thrive academy is all about. Thrive academy is everything that I've learned over 33 years of being a school leader. • • And • • whether it's productivity and time management or sustainable boundaries between work and home, • • um, • • leadership, • • um, skills, um, how to energize relationships, how to actually leave at a certain time at the end of the day, how to work on your goals instead of everyone else's priorities. How to feel better at the end of the day. How to leave at the end of the day with more energy and more left in the tank. • • • That is what thrive Academy is all about. And so, to celebrate the 100th episode of this podcast, • • • • remember Tuesday, September 16 Wednesday, September 17 Thursday, September 18, 2024 $100 off. Off. Seven weeks of office hours instead of six. • • All that information is there for you@privateschooleer.com. thrive. And if you, if your school is going to pay for this as a PD opportunity for you, then just shoot me an email at Mark dot o dot minkusmail.com. • • • um, and I will send you an invoice for that. • The private school leader podcast celebrates its 100th episode with a free gift And I want to give you one more free gift before we go. And that is • the seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. This is eleven page PDF. It's a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. • • • Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Wouldn't it be great to have a plan when you sit down with an upset parent? Well, now you have a plan. • • Theprivateschooleer.com meeting a free guide for you theprivateschoolleader.com meeting • • and get the seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. So don't forget about, um, the show notes, the privateschoolier.com episode 100. • • And please, please, please don't forget about this big three day sale for thrive academy. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, • • and you know, go to thrive academy or go to theprivateschoolleader.com thrive. Shoot me an email if you have a question mark. Dot o dot minkusmail.com. i want to get this into your hands. I want it to change your life. I want it to change the way that you lead. • And I just appreciate you so much. You inspire me to keep creating these episodes week after week, and I'm just going to keep going. • Thank you so much for being here since the beginning. And as we celebrate the hundredth episode, I just want to say thank you and how much I appreciate you and all of your hard work that you're doing for those lucky kids and teachers at your school. • So thank you for joining me. Thank you for taking precious time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the private school leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.

Sep 7, 2024 • 39min

Episode 99: Do You Want Happier Parents? STOP Doing These 4 Things

I want to ask you a question. Are the parents at your school happy? I can hear what you are thinking: “It depends on which parent, the time of day, depends on if report cards just came out, if their kid is getting enough playing time on the soccer team, etc., etc.” So, let me ask you an easier question. Do you want happier parents?Of course you do! On today’s episode of the Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to tell you how you can have happier parents at your school. You just have to stop doing 4 things. Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school. Thanks for all you do! Mark Minkus If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible. I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1. Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode99 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks! TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to the private school leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the private school leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Menkes. • So I want to start by asking you a question. • • • Are the parents at your school happy? • • • So let that sink in, and I'll ask you the same question again. Are the parents at your school • happy? • • • • And you probably are thinking, well, • • depends on the parent, depends on the time of day, depends on if report cards just went out. And it depends on a lot of things. • • Whether or not the parents are happy. • • Well, that one's a complicated answer, but I think I have a question that has a pretty simple answer. • • Do you want to have happier parents at your school? • • And of course, the answer is yes. • So on today's episode of the private school leader podcast, I'm going to teach you how to have happier parents at your school • • by showing you the four things that we need to stop doing. So if we stop doing these four things, you'll have happier parents at your school. • • Thrive Academy is celebrating 100th episode with special sale next week But before we start that, I just wanted to tell you I'm really excited about something that's coming up next week. And we are on episode 99 of the podcast. And I just want to say a sincere thank you to everyone that's been listening since, um, the beginning. Many of you have come • • and joined along the way, but we're coming up on 100th episode. And to celebrate that, there is going to be a special three day sale on Thrive Academy to celebrate the hundredth episode. And so, • • uh, if you're listening to this in real time, it's a week from now, September 16, 1718 2024. • And the deal is $100 off Thrive academy, and you get seven weeks of office hours instead of six weeks. And so again, that's next week, September 16. 1718. • • $100 off thrive academy and seven weeks of office hours instead of six. You can check out more about that@theprivateschoolleader.com. thrive and I just want to mention one last thing about that. You know, I say at the top of every episode that I truly believe that you can have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. Well, Thrive academy is me taking everything that I've learned over the past 33 years and breaking it down for you into strategies that actually work. And so I'd love for you to check that out and I'd love for you to celebrate with me the hundredth episode and to get this special deal next week. September 16, 1718 $100 off. Check out more at, uh, theprivatesgleiter.com um, • thrive. Private school leader podcast gives away free guide on keeping parents happy And while I'm saying thank you, I want to thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a free guide. And this is called five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. Today's topic is keeping parents happy. And so I thought, what better guide to give you than this? And so we know that working with parents is part of the job and that most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding. But this guide will give you the tools you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So if you go to theprivateschool leader.com parents, you can grab this guide. It's a, uh, PDF to download. And again, it's the five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. That's free for you. Over@theprivateschoolleader.com • parents and then finally, again, lots of exciting stuff going on at the private school leader podcast. • • I want to tell you that I've got a few coaching spots open right now I want to tell you that I've got a few coaching spots open right now. • • Again, if you're listening in real time, we're talking to you in, um, early September 2024. • • Um, I'd love to work with you one on one. Um, I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome and to set boundaries between work and home. • • How to get a hold of the tyranny of the urgent and actually get important things done. • Um, how to have more left in the tank when you leave at the end of the day. I know some of that sounds impossible, but it's not. And I can teach you how to make it possible. And so if you want to just learn a little bit more about what that would look like working with me one on one, just check out the privateschoolleader.com coaching. And like I said, a few spots left. Um, they're going to go fast, but, um, if you can get over there and check that out, um, I'd love to work with you. Being defensive with parents can shut down meaningful conversations, Caleb says Okay, so today's topic is • how to make, how to have happier parents. And we're going to stop doing these four things. All right, ready? Here they are. Number one, stop getting defensive. • • • Number two, stop interrupting. • • • Number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. • • And number four, stop assuming that they know what's happening at school. • • • So I'm going to break down each one of those and give you an example, give you, um, a strategy, hopefully, that you can use at school. And again, these will. If we stop doing these four things, we can have happier parents at our school. • • Happier parents mean less headaches for you. It means higher retention. • • Um, there's so many, uh, things that we can benefit from by keeping our parents happy. And so let's start. Number one, • • • the four things we're going to stop doing to our parents. • • • • • Number one, stop getting defensive. • • • So it's a natural reaction for us as school leaders to feel defensive when a parent questions a decision • • that we made about, um, a, um, class assignment as far as, um, who's their homeroom teacher or I, um, perhaps a detention. • • And, you know, the parent is expressing dissatisfaction, and our natural instinct is to get defensive. • • And this is especially true because we're passionate about what we do. I've said often that what we do is emotional work. And • • • if we're emotional about what we do and it's meaningful, we're going to be passionate about it. But being defensive with parents can immediately shut down • • • meaningful conversations. • • • • And getting defensive can create a barrier between you and that parent, • and it makes them feel unheard and invalidated. • • • And lastly, it undermines your credibility as a leader because you are not taking responsibility for whatever it is that they're complaining about. Now, I'm not saying • • that it's your fault. I'm not saying you should take responsibility for it. I'm not even saying that they're right. I'm just saying that when we get defensive, • • we shut down the conversation, we build the wall, uh, that mutual wall of distrust that I've talked about on the podcast, that gets higher, and we're not getting anywhere with this conversation. And so • • • what can we do • • • • instead of getting defensive? All right, so some of this is going to be common sense, but when we're emotional and when a parent, I'll speak for myself. When a parenthood is coming on strong • and everything • • • inside of me wants to be defensive, • • • • these are really hard to do. And so to use your active listening, to listen, actively • • active body language, • listen empathically. • • • • And when, um, that parent raises that concern or that criticism, • • • • • • • this is so hard. But to just try • • and • • see what is it that I can take from this. • • • • • • I'm trying to understand where they're really, what they're really upset about, where they're coming from, what their perspective is. • • And so what I found works like magic • • is that instead of getting defensive • • • • • is that if you acknowledge their feelings • • • • and validate their feelings. • • • • • • • Even if you don't agree with what they're saying, • • • • • you are going to be able to continue this conversation and it diffuses them • almost • all of the time. • • And so • • • acknowledge their feelings by • • • • saying, well, first of all, that sounds dot, dot, dot. I'll give you an example in a moment. Um, • • • • ask clarifying questions, • • um, demonstrate that you're, that shows that you're open to, um, feedback • and validating their feelings. Just you're acknowledging • • what they're saying and you're validating what they're saying. • • • And that shift in mindset that instead of getting defensive, • • • • I mean, I've, uh, seen it change what could have possibly been a negative interaction or just completely shut down a conversation into something constructive and then focusing on the future. Okay, so I want to give you two examples that you can • • • apply very easily to your school. Alright? The first one is, let's say that a parent • • • is really upset • about their, um, 6th grade son is not getting very much playing time on the soccer team, okay? And let's say that they come up to you at the soccer game on the sideline • and uh, they're talking to you about this, okay? So whether it's at the game, which isn't great, or if it's on the phone, whatever the case might be, and they're going on about like, the coach doesn't like my kid. And, you know, I thought this school was, you know, all about sportsmanship and, you know, this, that and the other thing. • • And so • • • • in that moment, if you say, you know what, • • • • let's say the kid's name is Caleb, you know, • • • um, • • • • • I hear what you're saying. First of all, I want to say thank you for sharing that with me. • I, um, really appreciate that. And • • • • • that sounds really hard for Caleb. I could see why • • if he comes to practices and if he comes to the games, • • um, • • • • • • • that would probably feel, um, a certain way for him to not get very much playing time on the team, I could see why that would be upsetting to him. • Um, um, so here's what we're going to do, dot, dot, dot. Okay? So what I just did is instead of getting defensive, I could have been like, well, • you're going to need to talk to the coach or you're going to need to talk to the athletic director. And maybe that is the next step, is for them to speak with the coach or for you to speak with the coach. But if I would immediately get defensive and be like, well, you know, um, um, • • playing time and the student, the athletic handbook and this that and the other thing, and just start getting defensive. • • • • They're going to feel like they weren't heard. But • • I acknowledge their feelings, validated their feelings, and then that focuses the conversation forward. Okay, so that's one example. Here's another example that, um, just happened, um, within the past few weeks. So it was the third day of school, • • and • • • one of the local public school districts that buses kids to our school. They had a substitute driver on that bus, • • and he didn't know the route, he didn't know the kids. • And so parents are calling, they're emailing the school, it's 05:00 p.m. their kids still aren't home. • • Um, our school gets out at 03:35 p.m. • • um, they called the bus garage, um, and it just rang and rang, or it went to voicemail. • • Um, one parent later said that it was a really, really hot day. It was like 95 degrees that day. And one of the children's 78 year old grandma, she was out waiting for the bus in the heat and waiting and waiting. • • And, um, you know, it was because the substitute driver had the wrong list, didn't know the kids got lost, didn't radio the garage, all kinds of • • • things, um, • • that caused this • • situation that the parents are upset about. All right, so here's what we as a school could have done. What we could have done was been every email that we got and every phone call that we got could have been like, well, you know, I mean, that's not us. Um, we don't have anything to do with that. And, • um, that's the bus company. And, well, you know, they have a reputation sometimes of not really being on the ball. And here's the phone number. You just need to call the bus company. Okay? That's what we could have done. • • • • • But let me tell you what we actually did, okay? Every email, every phone call. You know what? We are so sorry that your child experienced this. • • That must have been really scary for you. For your child. • • That sounds like that was really uncomfortable and scary for grandma. • • Um, our school counselor, tomorrow morning, we're going to have, um, her check in with every child that was on that bus just to make sure that they're okay. • • Um, we will call the bus garage first thing in the morning, and we will get back to you with what they had to say. • • And, um, you know, we'll, um, work with them to make sure that this kind of thing doesn't happen again. • • • • So • • • I just. Again, here's the thing. It's not about right and wrong. Like, was the bus company messed up. • • But these parents are. They're not. Number one is stop getting defensive, and number two is stop interrupting They're not able to get through to the bus company. They're upset. Their kid is really upset. They're calling us. And so we could get defensive and start getting the blame thrower out and start pointing fingers and maybe even accurately pointing fingers. But that's not what we did. • • • It immediately diffused the situation. It increased the parents confidence in the school. And then we followed through, and the counselor did check on the kids. And, um, the bus garage, we did contact them. And then there was, you know, some phone calls that went out from the bus garage to some of the parents with a better plan • and a backup plan, and we move forward. And so, again, we want happier parents. One of the things we need to stop doing is stop getting defensive, because, • um, • being defensive just undermines our credibility. And, um, one last thing before we go on to number two • is that • • • • I'm going to link in the show notes@theprivateschooleater.com. episode 99. • • Um, I'm going to link episode 42, which is called leadership lessons from a Navy seal. And it's about extreme ownership. And you want to talk about, um, taking responsibility • for a situation, even if it's not completely your responsibility • as the leader. It is your responsibility. And so episode 42 really goes deep on that. And I'll link that in the show notes for you. Okay, so number one is stop getting defensive, and number two is stop interrupting. • • So I want you to stop and think for a moment, • • and I want you to picture this. So you're at the auto mechanic dropping off your car, • • and it's making a noise. • • And so you're there at the counter, and you're telling the person what's wrong with the car. I mean, you don't know what's wrong with the car. You're telling the person what the car has been doing, • • • • and as you're trying to tell them, they keep interrupting you, and they keep talking over you, and they keep, um, not letting you finish your description of what's going on. And, • • um, when they talk over you, they're guessing what's • • wrong with the car, and they're, um, guessing maybe what it'll cost. • • And they just keep interrupting you. And you finally get frustrated, and you're just like. You just kind of stop talking. • • So in that moment, how do you feel? • • • • • Well, • • certainly you don't feel heard. Certainly you feel frustrated. I would assume that you also feel like. • • • I'm not so sure that they get it as far as, like, what actually, my car is doing. And I wonder if they're really going to get to the root of the problem • and it's because they weren't listening. They were just talking over you. • • And I think that as school leaders, we have a bias towards action, we have a bias towards brevity, where we want to get to the solution as quickly as possible. • And sometimes if a parent's communication style is actually more, they talk a little more slowly and it's really hard for them to get to the point. It's really tempting to just jump in with a solution. Or if they say something that isn't true, to interrupt them and correct them and clarify and say, well, that's not exactly what happened. Um, • • • • • • • • • • • • • and then listening with the intent to respond leads to more interrupting because we feel like we know the answer and we just, boom, we want to get to that solution as quickly as possible. And sometimes we think that we're actually doing a good thing. Bye. Quickly. Providing a solution to the parent. But if that means interrupting, we're really just • going against and kind of like we're causing it to be bankrupt. As far as the thing that we think we're doing, we're doing the opposite. You know, we think that we're solving the problem, but really what we're creating is, ah, a frustrated parent. • • Um, • • so if we wanna. If we're eager, you know, to provide those solutions, • • • sometimes we might interrupt, but boy, it makes them feel like their concerns are just being dismissed or that their viewpoint doesn't matter, that they're not being heard. And it's just really frustrating. I mean, again, just stop and think. How much do you like to be interrupted? • • • • And so let me give you an example. Let's say that a child is expressing frustration. A, uh, parent is expressing frustration about their child's experience with the new math curriculum. Let's say, okay, • • and they're talking and they're saying, you know, things like, well, I don't think that, • • you know, it doesn't really seem like it spends enough time on, • • • um, adding and subtracting positive and negative integers. And I don't like the fact that this thing spirals so much. It seems like they never really get to a topic where they really understand it. And then boom, they're on to the next thing or whatever it is. The parent might be saying, well, in your head, you know the curriculum way better than they do. Because • if it's a new math curriculum, you were probably, • • um, involved in, uh, selecting it. And if it is replacing the former math curriculum, you know why? It's not only new, but it's better. • And so there's such an inclination to interrupt, • to correct, to justify and be like, oh, no. They do a lot of, uh, work with, um, adding and subtracting positive and negative integers. And let me explain to you how the spiral thing works. And blah, blah, blah, and you didn't even let them finish. • • • • • And that's why, • • • when it comes to • • • meeting, um, • with a parent, • • • • • • • um, I have another guide for you, • • • • um, called the seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. Um, you can get that@theprivatescluder.com meeting. And one of the big things is to let the parent talk and not interrupt. Jot down a couple notes, and then when they stop talking, then you respond and it increases the communication so much better. • Um, and I'll mention that guide again at the end of the episode, but, um, we need to stop interrupting. Um, • • • that example that I gave with the math curriculum, and just. They're not going to feel heard, and they're going to feel, like their concerns, that you're invalidating their concerns. And then they make it personal, because it is personal. Everything about school is personal. It's their child. It's their child's math experience. It's their child's frustration level. • • • But if we stop interrupting and we really listen, again, active listening, then we're showing them that we value their input. And it takes patience, • • it takes practice to give parents space when they're saying stuff that you know isn't true. You're gonna get your chance. Just don't interrupt. • • To respond. You're gonna respond. You're not gonna react. You're gonna respond. • • • You're showing them respect by letting them finish their points Um, you're gonna let them finish their points. You're showing them respect. • • It helps you gain a complete understanding of their concerns and also their misconceptions. All right. Instead of interrupting, • • and then you can address them more effectively when it's your turn to talk. • • And then you can just say, you know, thank you for sharing your perspective. Let's talk about this, um, further and see how we can address them together. I want to partner with you those kinds of words where it's forward focused. • • Three little words can change the way you lead, professor says And speaking of words, the power of words, I'm going to include, uh, in the show notes, • episode 29. And the title of that episode is these three little words will change the way that you lead. And those three little words are, first of all. And that was a game changer for me probably about two years ago when I found that I was listening with the intent to respond. • And so then when a parent is talking, and then they stop, and it's my turn to talk, I always say, well, first of all. • • And then it just forces me to acknowledge • what they just said. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that. That sounds really frustrating that your child, that your child is reporting x, y, and z about the mathematic. And, um, • • I can tell that you're frustrated by that. Stop treating parents like customers and start treating them like clients Let's talk about some of the things that you brought up, some of your concerns, and so on and so forth. And so, first of all, • • • • being the first three words that you say • • when it's your turn to talk can be a huge game changer. So if we want happier parents, • • • we need to stop doing four things. Number one, • stop getting defensive. Number two, stop interrupting. And number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. • • • So I know that this can be a little bit touchy with our teachers, okay? And that's because when teachers think about the school as a business and they think about parents as customers, sometimes they think about that, saying, the customer is always right, • • and that, • I get it, okay? But I think that what can really move the needle with your teacher's mindset about parents is for them to think about • • • the parents as clients. Because professionals, your teachers are professionals, and professionals have clients. Attorneys have clients. Financial advisors have clients. Therapists have clients. • • • We have clients. And so • • • let m me tell you the difference between a customer, uh, and a client. So, a customer, the interaction is very transactional. You're at the convenience store. You buy your gallon of milk and your bag of chips, and you, um, • • lay down the money, and they give you the stuff, and they give you the receipt. Very transactional. And it's also very low stakes. • • Um, • • you can get that milk and those chips anywhere. It's really low stakes. But with a client, • • instead of it being transactional, it's really relational, • • and the stakes are generally higher. Things that attorneys and financial advisors and therapists do are higher stakes than things that someone, um, that is doing an important job, which is, • • um, I don't want to minimize anybody's work, that they're out in the workforce doing work. But from a stakes standpoint, what we're doing with these children, the stakes are higher than it would be for situations where that parent is playing the role of a customer, • • where it's a transactional interaction. Okay, so let's go from transactional to relational with our parents. • • And if our parents feel like their interactions with the school are transactional, they pay for a service, they expect satisfaction they rate and review the service, • • then they're going to feel like customers. And we don't want our parents to feel like customers. We want them to feel like clients. Because clients, on the other hand, they're engaged in a relationship. • • • • • We're valuing their needs and their expectations. We're trying to understand them, and we're trying to cultivate a relationship that's going to last over time. • • Think about a financial advisor. A younger couple comes and meets with that financial advisor. Let's say they're in their late twenties and they have a baby on the way. They just bought a house. • • Um, • and they are trying to get things squared away. Well, that financial advisor, they want to cultivate a relationship where this couple and the growing family that they have is going to be their clients for years, for decades. And so it's higher stakes. • It's intentional relationship building, • • valuing the person and trying to build a long, long overtime relationship. That's what a client is, not a customer. And so when we think of the parents as our partners in this educational journey of their children, then we start thinking about them differently, about how we engage with them. They're not this nuisance. And I know that sometimes parents can be a nuisance, but if we paint with a broad brush • and think that all parents are the same, • • and really it's the five percenters that are the ones that are making you nuts. • • The 95%, if we can build that client, • • professional client relationship with them, they're going to stick around and your retention numbers are going to skyrocket. So build those genuine relationships. Go deeper, collaborate with them, partner with them. That client centered approach, it just really fosters trust and it creates those connections, and it doesn't feel transactional, it feels relational. And that's what we're going for when we stop treating our parents like customers and • • start treating them like clients. • • • Let me give you one quick example. So let's say there's a parent who's regularly contacting the school, and they're expressing concerns about how their child is integrating socially. At recess, for example, okay, if you treat them like a customer, they're going to get a quick transactional response, maybe not much of a response, and they're just going to feel like they're one of many like that they don't really count, that their concern doesn't really matter because it was kind of dismissed with kind of a pat, quick answer. Okay, but contrast that with treating the parent as a client. • • And so again, the parent is concerned about their child's social integration at recess. And what are we going to do? We're going to approach that with a personalized touch, and we're going to at least make a call, um, • • • • • or maybe have a meeting, and we want to hear more about their experience in detail. • • • Um, we'll look into it with the teachers that are on duty at recess. What are they noticing? • • • • • Are there things that we can do to help increase that and help manufacture some more positive interactions at recess with this child? And what we're doing is we're demonstrating that we're invested in the child's success and their well being and that it's not just a, uh, transactional service that we're providing. And when we show that we care, • • • • then they feel • • like a client and not a customer. And I'll say it one more time, this is a huge retention issue. I just think that one of the main differentiating factors between a private school and a public school is the level of personalized attention that the parent and the child receive from the school. • And that's so important, I'm going to say it again. I believe strongly that one of the main differentiating factors between a private school and a public school is the level of personalized attention the parent and the child get from the school. • • • • • And if a parent ever thinks to themselves, well, I can get that for free. In the public school, • • they have already developed a wandering eye. That's what I call it, the wandering eye. They start thinking about, well, what would life be like? What could we afford if we didn't have to pay this tuition? Or what would life be like at that private school? They get this wandering eye, uh, you know, how to keep them from having the wandering eye, treat them like clients and build relationships. Don't make it transactional, make it relational. • • And so if we want to • • • • • have happier parents at our school, what are we going to do? We're going to stop doing these four things. Number one, stop getting defensive. Number two, stop interrupting. Number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. And number four, • • stop assuming that they know what's happening at school. • • • So what do I mean? Okay, • so let's say it's carpool and the kid is in the backseat, or it's the dinner table, • • and the parent says, how was your day? And the kid says, fine. • • What did you do today? • • • Nothing. • • • • • Your parents are paying a lot of tuition dollars for fine and nothing. • • Now, • • was the kid's day fine or was it great? Most of the days. Uh, most of the time it was probably great. • • What did they do today. They did a lot of stuff. • • • But kids generally, especially the older that they get, once they get into, you know, 4th, 5th grade, starting into those tween years especially, • • • • • • they're not going to report out what their day was like. • • • • • Parents are paying a lot of money for fine and for nothing. And so you and your teachers need to fill that narrative void. Make sure your teachers fill narrative void before your parents do And I'm going to link in the show notes at the private school leader.com, episode 99. I'm going to link episode 39, which says, make sure. The title is, make sure that your teachers fill the narrative void before your parents do. • • And the gist of that episode is, is that when a narrative void exists, it will always be filled. Always. • • And so if you don't fill it • with communication from your school about what happened at school today, the fun stuff, the cool stuff, the interesting stuff, the stem, the. The social, um, • interactions, the leadership opportunities, the service opportunities, all the things that make you different, all the things that are on your website, if you're not sharing that out to the parents and all they're getting is fine and nothing in carpool and at the dinner table, then they're going to fill that narrative void with, well, I guess I don't really know what's going on at school. • • • I think we assume that parents know what's happening at school, and we need to get intentional about filling that narrative void. And so • • • how are we gonna do that? Well, I'll just tell you what we do at our school. Um, just as an example, in fourth through 8th grade, every homeroom teacher, or, excuse me, every content teacher is required to send to the parents of their students a start of unit email. So let's say at social studies, • • um, • we just • • finished, um, • • up, • • • um, • • • • • the battle of Gettysburg, and, um, the kind of that to the end of the civil war. And, um, we're moving on to • • • XYZ. • • • • • And I encourage teachers, I remind them that they have a very expensive camera in their pocket or sitting on their desk in their smartphone. • • And that if they can send. And again, it's not some big newsletter, it's not some big long thing. • • Um, • you know, it can be four, five, six sentences. And then if they put a couple photos in there of the kids doing a group project or, you know, when they were making, uh, a map of the, of the battle of Gettysburg, • um, you know, a couple photos. Photos are so powerful. We live in a digital age, and images are so much more powerful than the words on the screen or words on a page. • And so the start of unity, email, is something that they, every teacher sends a. Then once a trimester, the homeroom teachers send what I call an I get your kid • • • rockstar email. Um, the trusted adult that really knows the kid, • um, • • shares an anecdote. You know, I'm checking in with, um, Jimmy, and, um, just wanted to let you know that he's really rocking it with this. He's struggling a little bit with that. • • Um, • and so that's something that, um, comes once a trimester, • • teachers, um, • • have to post homework assignments by 04:00 p.m. so that, that's the reliable parent facing piece. Because you want to talk about frustration is when the kid says, I don't have homework. And the parent says, are you sure? And then there's not a reliable parent facing piece of what the assignments are and it's not posted at an acceptable time. • • • That is really crappy communication and it causes stress at home. • • Um, and then also our teachers are required to update their gradebook every two weeks or less. Almost all of them do it probably weekly. • • And then in lower school, at our school classdojo, • • • um, some of you have that. And so • • whatever it is, um, some of our teachers have school Instagram accounts. I have a school Instagram account. And then in my welcome back emails at the beginning of the year, I send individual ones to each of the fourth through 8th grade classes. All their parents put a link to my Instagram page at the bottom in the PS and then put a couple photos at the bottom of that welcome back email of smiling, happy kids. • • • And then the last thing that I'll remind you, and I've told you this before, is that I send surprise and delight emails when I'm warming up my microwavable lunch every day, six minutes, I pull out my phone, look at my photo gallery from the previous 24 hours from walking around the school, and then, you know, send it to, • • • • • uh, the Smith family, • • punch in those, um, email addresses, and then just put, you know, Amanda or Alison or whatever on the subject line or the word recess or the word soccer or the word, um, fun or whatever. Attach the photo. Boom, send, um, surprise and delight. • • • • • But here's the thing. • • • You have happy, smiling kids at your school doing interesting things. • • If your parents never see • • photos or hear information or both • about happy, smiling kids and the cool things that they're doing at the school, • then that narrative void exists and it will be filled, and it's not going to be filled in a way that you want it to be. • • And so for you, • • big picture at the school that could look like a weekly parent, um, memo or weekly parent newsletter. And it doesn't have to be heavy on copy. It doesn't have to have blog post kind of articles, maybe, • • um, a little blurb from you, but a lot of photos and upcoming events. • • Um, • • • • • with canva and with so many, the tools are just so readily available, so inexpensive, so user friendly that, um, someone on your campus could • • create, • • • um, something without it becoming a part time job. So that you're once a week getting that out there. And then if you're going to send it, make sure you send it on the same day at the same time. You know, let's say it's Friday at 09:00 a.m. for example. • • Um, you know, lots of color, lots of photos. And then they have the information that they need and they feel connected to the school community, and you're feeling that narrative void. And we need to stop assuming that our parents know what's happening at school. All right, so do you want happier parents? Of course you do. We're going to stop doing these four things. Number one, stop getting defensive. Number two, stop interrupting. Number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. And number four, stop assuming that they know what's going on at school. • • • And your call to action for this week is to take ten minutes this coming week and ask yourself two questions. Number one, which one of these things do I need to stop doing? And number two, which one of these things do my teachers need to stop doing? And then stop doing that. And get your teachers to stop doing that. So just reflect, decide, and then get them to stop. Mark Minkus: This is episode 99 of the private school leader podcast All right, so I wanted to remind you one last time that, um, this is episode 99. I'm super excited about episode 100 coming up, and we're going to celebrate episode 100 together • • by me giving you a special three day sale on Thrive Academy. And it's going to be $100 off • and seven weeks of office hours instead of six. • And that's going to be on September 16, 1718 2024. Only those three days at that price, and then the price goes back up. • And again, I've told you, I say all the time about being a happy and having a happy and long and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • • I've taken everything I've learned over 33 years about how to do that, • put it into an online course with modules and lessons and, • • • • um, • guided notes and all the just chunking it step by step for you so that if you • • use what's there, • • • I believe strongly that it can change • • • you. It can change your life at school. It can change your life at home. • • And again, that three day sale is happening • • • • • next, um, • week, September 16, 1718 if you're listening in real time 2024. And one last thing. I just want to give you another gift. Um, • • I mentioned it a little earlier in the show seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. • This is an eleven page PDF that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. • • Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. But too many private school leaders don't have a plan when they sit down with an upset parent. Well, now you have a plan. And this is free for you over at theprivateschool leader.com • • • meeting. • • • And I'm just so thrilled that you're here. • Um, I'd love to hear from you, Mark. Dot zero dot mincusmail.com is my email address. • • Um, I've already mentioned that the privateschool leader.com episode 99 is where you can find the show notes • • if you would write a review wherever you listen to the podcast that helps the algorithm push out. This is suggested content to private school leaders all over the world. And I'm on Instagram at the private school leader and on Twitter at the PS leader. • And if you get value from the podcast, please just send the link to another leader, school leader in your life or an aspiring leader at your school. • And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I appreciate you so much and all the hard work that you're doing at your school. And just thank you so much for being here this week and taking some precious time to join me here today. • • And I will see you next time right here on the private school Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.

Aug 31, 2024 • 38min

Episode 98: The 8 WORST Leadership Habits And How To Break Them

Do you have any bad habits? I know that I do! I Googled “most common bad habits” and this is what I found: Bad habits Smoking Too much alcohol Overeating Gossip Hoarding Road Rage Scrolling before bed Procrastinating Saying “yes” to everything Biting your fingernails Bad habits are REALLY hard to break. We know that we shouldn’t do “the thing” and we know all the research and we all know that we really SHOULD stop doing it. As leaders, we sometimes have bad habits as we lead our school. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss The 8 WORST Leadership Habits And How To Break Them. I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference! Mark Minkus If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I would love to take my experience and help you to feel less overwhelmed and frustrated or help you have success if you are a brand new leader. I also work with private school leaders who are aspiring Heads of School and want to accelerate their leadership growth or experienced leaders that are moving on to a new school and they want to get off to a great start. If I’m describing you, then head over to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1. Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode98 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

Aug 24, 2024 • 34min

Episode 97: Overcoming Perfectionism (B+ Is Always Better Than An Incomplete)

I want to hit you with two quotes: “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.’ “Focus on progress, not perfection.” You have likely heard these quotes before. But, I wonder if you have ever heard this quote from Brene Brown: "Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. It's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis." Do you know the difference between “healthy striving” and perfectionism? Does perfectionism ever get in the way of getting your tasks done on time? On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast we are going to talk about Overcoming Perfectionism (B+ Is Always Better Than An Incomplete). Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference! Mark Minkus Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode97 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

Aug 17, 2024 • 34min

Episode 96: These 4 Things Will Help You Crush The Hustle Culture Mentality

You are in danger right now. The problem is that the danger is invisible. The threat is real. You could end up in the hospital with physical problems or mental health issues. The threat is real. Your relationships with your loved ones are at risk. What is this invisible threat? The prevailing hustle culture in America. Here are just a few of the popular sayings associated with the hustle culture: “Sleep is for the weak” “Grind never stops” “Rise and grind” “You are what you do” I know what the hustle culture did to me. I know what the hustle culture does to my coaching clients. I know how hard it is to resist the hustle culture every single day. On today’s episode of the Private School Leadership Podcast, we are going to discuss 4 Things Will Help You Crush The Hustle Culture Mentality. Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school. Thanks for all you do! Mark Minkus If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I would love to take my experience and help you to feel less overwhelmed and frustrated or help you have success if you are a brand new leader. I also work with private school leaders who are aspiring Heads of School and want to accelerate their leadership growth or experienced leaders that are moving on to a new school and they want to get off to a great start. If I’m describing you, then head over to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1. Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode96 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

Aug 10, 2024 • 33min

Episode 95: The 5 Keys To Being A More Visible Leader This Year

I want you to use your imagination. I want you to think about two different prospective parents: Asher and Amanda. Asher lives in Albuquerque, NM and is moving to your city for work. Asher and his wife want to check out the private schools in your area. They have three children enrolled in a private school in Albuquerque. Amanda is a single parent and lives within 10 miles of your school. She has two children (1st & 3rd grade). Amanda has grown unhappy with the public school system and wants to look into private schools for the very first time. What is the first thing that Asher is going to do? What is the first thing that Amanda is going to do? They are both going to do the same thing. Google: “private schools in _______________” How far down the first page of Google does your school appear? How many school’s websites will Asher and Amanda visit before they visit yours? Being at or near the top of the first page of this Google search is critical to your school’s recruitment and long term success. On today’s episode of the PSLP, we are going to discuss 5 Ways To Drive More Traffic To Your School’s Website. I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference! Mark Minkus Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode95 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

Aug 3, 2024 • 37min

Episode 94: How To Drive More Traffic To Your School's Website

I want you to use your imagination. I want you to think about two different prospective parents: Asher and Amanda. Asher lives in Albuquerque, NM and is moving to your city for work. Asher and his wife want to check out the private schools in your area. They have three children enrolled in a private school in Albuquerque. Amanda is a single parent and lives within 10 miles of your school. She has two children (1st & 3rd grade). Amanda has grown unhappy with the public school system and wants to look into private schools for the very first time. What is the first thing that Asher is going to do? What is the first thing that Amanda is going to do? They are both going to do the same thing. Google: “private schools in _______________” How far down the first page of Google does your school appear? How many school’s websites will Asher and Amanda visit before they visit yours? Being at or near the top of the first page of this Google search is critical to your school’s recruitment and long term success. On today’s episode of the PSLP, we are going to discuss 5 Ways To Drive More Traffic To Your School’s Website. I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference! Mark Minkus Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode93 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

Jul 27, 2024 • 31min

Episode 93: What To Do When A Teacher Quits In August

I call it the “August Apology”. I will be sitting at my desk in early August and a teacher walks into my office. They say something like, “I never thought that I would do this, but…..” Then they proceed to tell me that they have taken a job at another school. Typically, it is for more pay and better benefits and it makes logical sense for this teacher to take that job. That said, an “August Apology” is not about logic for private school leaders. It is usually all about emotions. It starts with a sinking feeling and an increased heart rate as we think about the fact that we need to hire another teacher, and fast. It sometimes moves on to the “catastrophizing” phase that typically includes racing thoughts and sweaty palms. I’ve been there. Many, many, many times. One summer, my High School Math teacher resigned the day before the first day of school to take a job at a public High School. I ended up teaching Geometry 9 and Geometry 10 for the first twelve weeks of school until I could find a teacher. I genuinely hope and pray that it doesn’t happen to you. But, if it does, I want you to be prepared. So, on today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss What To Do When A Teacher Quits In August. Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school. Thanks for all you do! Mark Minkus Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode93 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

Jul 20, 2024 • 32min

Episode 92: How To Handle The "Underminer" And The "On The Job Retiree"

We all have them. Difficult teachers. I wonder if you have an “Underminer” or an “On The Job Retiree”. Behaviors of Underminers They agree with you or sit silently in your presence, but engage in negative conversations behind your back. They fail to follow through on a new initiative or work actively to sabotage the effort by stirring up negative feelings among other staff. They undermine your power by recruiting other staff members against the initiative They evoke fear in those who support the change. Behaviors of On-the-Job Retirees Some staff want to do as little as possible and just coast until retirement. They have a poor work ethic, arrive at the last possible minute, and leave as soon as the workday has ended. Because they may openly speak about their desire to coast until retirement, this has the potential to bring down other faculty. It may also add to your workload in dealing with students and parents who complain about these staff members. Do either of those descriptions ring a bell? Well, I’ve got you covered! On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss How To Handle The "Underminer" And The "On The Job Retiree". Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference! Mark Minkus Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget. That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide! I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations. George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week! Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode92 Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!! I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

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