The Private School Leader Podcast Episode 99: Do You Want Happier Parents? STOP Doing These 4 Things
I want to ask you a question.
Are the parents at your school happy?
I can hear what you are thinking: “It depends on which parent, the time of day, depends on if report cards just came out, if their kid is getting enough playing time on the soccer team, etc., etc.”
So, let me ask you an easier question. Do you want happier parents?
Of course you do!
On today’s episode of the Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to tell you how you can have happier parents at your school. You just have to stop doing 4 things.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do!
Mark Minkus
If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1.
I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible.
I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode99
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at mark.o.minkus@gmail.com Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the private school leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the private school leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Menkes. • So I want to start by asking you a question. • • • Are the parents at your school happy? • • • So let that sink in, and I'll ask you the same question again. Are the parents at your school • happy? • • • • And you probably are thinking, well, • • depends on the parent, depends on the time of day, depends on if report cards just went out. And it depends on a lot of things. • • Whether or not the parents are happy. • • Well, that one's a complicated answer, but I think I have a question that has a pretty simple answer. • • Do you want to have happier parents at your school? • • And of course, the answer is yes. • So on today's episode of the private school leader podcast, I'm going to teach you how to have happier parents at your school • • by showing you the four things that we need to stop doing. So if we stop doing these four things, you'll have happier parents at your school. • •
Thrive Academy is celebrating 100th episode with special sale next week
But before we start that, I just wanted to tell you I'm really excited about something that's coming up next week. And we are on episode 99 of the podcast. And I just want to say a sincere thank you to everyone that's been listening since, um, the beginning. Many of you have come • • and joined along the way, but we're coming up on 100th episode. And to celebrate that, there is going to be a special three day sale on Thrive Academy to celebrate the hundredth episode. And so, • • uh, if you're listening to this in real time, it's a week from now, September 16, 1718 2024. • And the deal is $100 off Thrive academy, and you get seven weeks of office hours instead of six weeks. And so again, that's next week, September 16. 1718. • • $100 off thrive academy and seven weeks of office hours instead of six. You can check out more about that@theprivateschoolleader.com. thrive and I just want to mention one last thing about that. You know, I say at the top of every episode that I truly believe that you can have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. Well, Thrive academy is me taking everything that I've learned over the past 33 years and breaking it down for you into strategies that actually work. And so I'd love for you to check that out and I'd love for you to celebrate with me the hundredth episode and to get this special deal next week. September 16, 1718 $100 off. Check out more at, uh, theprivatesgleiter.com um, • thrive.
Private school leader podcast gives away free guide on keeping parents happy
And while I'm saying thank you, I want to thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a free guide. And this is called five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. Today's topic is keeping parents happy. And so I thought, what better guide to give you than this? And so we know that working with parents is part of the job and that most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding. But this guide will give you the tools you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So if you go to theprivateschool leader.com parents, you can grab this guide. It's a, uh, PDF to download. And again, it's the five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. That's free for you. Over@theprivateschoolleader.com • parents and then finally, again, lots of exciting stuff going on at the private school leader podcast. • •
I want to tell you that I've got a few coaching spots open right now
I want to tell you that I've got a few coaching spots open right now. • • Again, if you're listening in real time, we're talking to you in, um, early September 2024. • • Um, I'd love to work with you one on one. Um, I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome and to set boundaries between work and home. • • How to get a hold of the tyranny of the urgent and actually get important things done. • Um, how to have more left in the tank when you leave at the end of the day. I know some of that sounds impossible, but it's not. And I can teach you how to make it possible. And so if you want to just learn a little bit more about what that would look like working with me one on one, just check out the privateschoolleader.com coaching. And like I said, a few spots left. Um, they're going to go fast, but, um, if you can get over there and check that out, um, I'd love to work with you.
Being defensive with parents can shut down meaningful conversations, Caleb says
Okay, so today's topic is • how to make, how to have happier parents. And we're going to stop doing these four things. All right, ready? Here they are. Number one, stop getting defensive. • • • Number two, stop interrupting. • • • Number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. • • And number four, stop assuming that they know what's happening at school. • • • So I'm going to break down each one of those and give you an example, give you, um, a strategy, hopefully, that you can use at school. And again, these will. If we stop doing these four things, we can have happier parents at our school. • • Happier parents mean less headaches for you. It means higher retention. • • Um, there's so many, uh, things that we can benefit from by keeping our parents happy. And so let's start. Number one, • • • the four things we're going to stop doing to our parents. • • • • • Number one, stop getting defensive. • • • So it's a natural reaction for us as school leaders to feel defensive when a parent questions a decision • • that we made about, um, a, um, class assignment as far as, um, who's their homeroom teacher or I, um, perhaps a detention. • • And, you know, the parent is expressing dissatisfaction, and our natural instinct is to get defensive. • • And this is especially true because we're passionate about what we do. I've said often that what we do is emotional work. And • • • if we're emotional about what we do and it's meaningful, we're going to be passionate about it. But being defensive with parents can immediately shut down • • • meaningful conversations. • • • • And getting defensive can create a barrier between you and that parent, • and it makes them feel unheard and invalidated. • • • And lastly, it undermines your credibility as a leader because you are not taking responsibility for whatever it is that they're complaining about. Now, I'm not saying • • that it's your fault. I'm not saying you should take responsibility for it. I'm not even saying that they're right. I'm just saying that when we get defensive, • • we shut down the conversation, we build the wall, uh, that mutual wall of distrust that I've talked about on the podcast, that gets higher, and we're not getting anywhere with this conversation. And so • • • what can we do • • • • instead of getting defensive? All right, so some of this is going to be common sense, but when we're emotional and when a parent, I'll speak for myself. When a parenthood is coming on strong • and everything • • • inside of me wants to be defensive, • • • • these are really hard to do. And so to use your active listening, to listen, actively • • active body language, • listen empathically. • • • • And when, um, that parent raises that concern or that criticism, • • • • • • • this is so hard. But to just try • • and • • see what is it that I can take from this. • • • • • • I'm trying to understand where they're really, what they're really upset about, where they're coming from, what their perspective is. • • And so what I found works like magic • • is that instead of getting defensive • • • • • is that if you acknowledge their feelings • • • • and validate their feelings. • • • • • • • Even if you don't agree with what they're saying, • • • • • you are going to be able to continue this conversation and it diffuses them • almost • all of the time. • • And so • • • acknowledge their feelings by • • • • saying, well, first of all, that sounds dot, dot, dot. I'll give you an example in a moment. Um, • • • • ask clarifying questions, • • um, demonstrate that you're, that shows that you're open to, um, feedback • and validating their feelings. Just you're acknowledging • • what they're saying and you're validating what they're saying. • • • And that shift in mindset that instead of getting defensive, • • • • I mean, I've, uh, seen it change what could have possibly been a negative interaction or just completely shut down a conversation into something constructive and then focusing on the future. Okay, so I want to give you two examples that you can • • • apply very easily to your school. Alright? The first one is, let's say that a parent • • • is really upset • about their, um, 6th grade son is not getting very much playing time on the soccer team, okay? And let's say that they come up to you at the soccer game on the sideline • and uh, they're talking to you about this, okay? So whether it's at the game, which isn't great, or if it's on the phone, whatever the case might be, and they're going on about like, the coach doesn't like my kid. And, you know, I thought this school was, you know, all about sportsmanship and, you know, this, that and the other thing. • • And so • • • • in that moment, if you say, you know what, • • • • let's say the kid's name is Caleb, you know, • • • um, • • • • • I hear what you're saying. First of all, I want to say thank you for sharing that with me. • I, um, really appreciate that. And • • • • • that sounds really hard for Caleb. I could see why • • if he comes to practices and if he comes to the games, • • um, • • • • • • • that would probably feel, um, a certain way for him to not get very much playing time on the team, I could see why that would be upsetting to him. • Um, um, so here's what we're going to do, dot, dot, dot. Okay? So what I just did is instead of getting defensive, I could have been like, well, • you're going to need to talk to the coach or you're going to need to talk to the athletic director. And maybe that is the next step, is for them to speak with the coach or for you to speak with the coach. But if I would immediately get defensive and be like, well, you know, um, um, • • playing time and the student, the athletic handbook and this that and the other thing, and just start getting defensive. • • • • They're going to feel like they weren't heard. But • • I acknowledge their feelings, validated their feelings, and then that focuses the conversation forward. Okay, so that's one example. Here's another example that, um, just happened, um, within the past few weeks. So it was the third day of school, • • and • • • one of the local public school districts that buses kids to our school. They had a substitute driver on that bus, • • and he didn't know the route, he didn't know the kids. • And so parents are calling, they're emailing the school, it's 05:00 p.m. their kids still aren't home. • • Um, our school gets out at 03:35 p.m. • • um, they called the bus garage, um, and it just rang and rang, or it went to voicemail. • • Um, one parent later said that it was a really, really hot day. It was like 95 degrees that day. And one of the children's 78 year old grandma, she was out waiting for the bus in the heat and waiting and waiting. • • And, um, you know, it was because the substitute driver had the wrong list, didn't know the kids got lost, didn't radio the garage, all kinds of • • • things, um, • • that caused this • • situation that the parents are upset about. All right, so here's what we as a school could have done. What we could have done was been every email that we got and every phone call that we got could have been like, well, you know, I mean, that's not us. Um, we don't have anything to do with that. And, • um, that's the bus company. And, well, you know, they have a reputation sometimes of not really being on the ball. And here's the phone number. You just need to call the bus company. Okay? That's what we could have done. • • • • • But let me tell you what we actually did, okay? Every email, every phone call. You know what? We are so sorry that your child experienced this. • • That must have been really scary for you. For your child. • • That sounds like that was really uncomfortable and scary for grandma. • • Um, our school counselor, tomorrow morning, we're going to have, um, her check in with every child that was on that bus just to make sure that they're okay. • • Um, we will call the bus garage first thing in the morning, and we will get back to you with what they had to say. • • And, um, you know, we'll, um, work with them to make sure that this kind of thing doesn't happen again. • • • • So • • • I just. Again, here's the thing. It's not about right and wrong. Like, was the bus company messed up. • • But these parents are. They're not.
Number one is stop getting defensive, and number two is stop interrupting
They're not able to get through to the bus company. They're upset. Their kid is really upset. They're calling us. And so we could get defensive and start getting the blame thrower out and start pointing fingers and maybe even accurately pointing fingers. But that's not what we did. • • • It immediately diffused the situation. It increased the parents confidence in the school. And then we followed through, and the counselor did check on the kids. And, um, the bus garage, we did contact them. And then there was, you know, some phone calls that went out from the bus garage to some of the parents with a better plan • and a backup plan, and we move forward. And so, again, we want happier parents. One of the things we need to stop doing is stop getting defensive, because, • um, • being defensive just undermines our credibility. And, um, one last thing before we go on to number two • is that • • • • I'm going to link in the show notes@theprivateschooleater.com. episode 99. • • Um, I'm going to link episode 42, which is called leadership lessons from a Navy seal. And it's about extreme ownership. And you want to talk about, um, taking responsibility • for a situation, even if it's not completely your responsibility • as the leader. It is your responsibility. And so episode 42 really goes deep on that. And I'll link that in the show notes for you. Okay, so number one is stop getting defensive, and number two is stop interrupting. • • So I want you to stop and think for a moment, • • and I want you to picture this. So you're at the auto mechanic dropping off your car, • • and it's making a noise. • • And so you're there at the counter, and you're telling the person what's wrong with the car. I mean, you don't know what's wrong with the car. You're telling the person what the car has been doing, • • • • and as you're trying to tell them, they keep interrupting you, and they keep talking over you, and they keep, um, not letting you finish your description of what's going on. And, • • um, when they talk over you, they're guessing what's • • wrong with the car, and they're, um, guessing maybe what it'll cost. • • And they just keep interrupting you. And you finally get frustrated, and you're just like. You just kind of stop talking. • • So in that moment, how do you feel? • • • • • Well, • • certainly you don't feel heard. Certainly you feel frustrated. I would assume that you also feel like. • • • I'm not so sure that they get it as far as, like, what actually, my car is doing. And I wonder if they're really going to get to the root of the problem • and it's because they weren't listening. They were just talking over you. • • And I think that as school leaders, we have a bias towards action, we have a bias towards brevity, where we want to get to the solution as quickly as possible. • And sometimes if a parent's communication style is actually more, they talk a little more slowly and it's really hard for them to get to the point. It's really tempting to just jump in with a solution. Or if they say something that isn't true, to interrupt them and correct them and clarify and say, well, that's not exactly what happened. Um, • • • • • • • • • • • • • and then listening with the intent to respond leads to more interrupting because we feel like we know the answer and we just, boom, we want to get to that solution as quickly as possible. And sometimes we think that we're actually doing a good thing. Bye. Quickly. Providing a solution to the parent. But if that means interrupting, we're really just • going against and kind of like we're causing it to be bankrupt. As far as the thing that we think we're doing, we're doing the opposite. You know, we think that we're solving the problem, but really what we're creating is, ah, a frustrated parent. • • Um, • • so if we wanna. If we're eager, you know, to provide those solutions, • • • sometimes we might interrupt, but boy, it makes them feel like their concerns are just being dismissed or that their viewpoint doesn't matter, that they're not being heard. And it's just really frustrating. I mean, again, just stop and think. How much do you like to be interrupted? • • • • And so let me give you an example. Let's say that a child is expressing frustration. A, uh, parent is expressing frustration about their child's experience with the new math curriculum. Let's say, okay, • • and they're talking and they're saying, you know, things like, well, I don't think that, • • you know, it doesn't really seem like it spends enough time on, • • • um, adding and subtracting positive and negative integers. And I don't like the fact that this thing spirals so much. It seems like they never really get to a topic where they really understand it. And then boom, they're on to the next thing or whatever it is. The parent might be saying, well, in your head, you know the curriculum way better than they do. Because • if it's a new math curriculum, you were probably, • • um, involved in, uh, selecting it. And if it is replacing the former math curriculum, you know why? It's not only new, but it's better. • And so there's such an inclination to interrupt, • to correct, to justify and be like, oh, no. They do a lot of, uh, work with, um, adding and subtracting positive and negative integers. And let me explain to you how the spiral thing works. And blah, blah, blah, and you didn't even let them finish. • • • • • And that's why, • • • when it comes to • • • meeting, um, • with a parent, • • • • • • • um, I have another guide for you, • • • • um, called the seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. Um, you can get that@theprivatescluder.com meeting. And one of the big things is to let the parent talk and not interrupt. Jot down a couple notes, and then when they stop talking, then you respond and it increases the communication so much better. • Um, and I'll mention that guide again at the end of the episode, but, um, we need to stop interrupting. Um, • • • that example that I gave with the math curriculum, and just. They're not going to feel heard, and they're going to feel, like their concerns, that you're invalidating their concerns. And then they make it personal, because it is personal. Everything about school is personal. It's their child. It's their child's math experience. It's their child's frustration level. • • • But if we stop interrupting and we really listen, again, active listening, then we're showing them that we value their input. And it takes patience, • • it takes practice to give parents space when they're saying stuff that you know isn't true. You're gonna get your chance. Just don't interrupt. • • To respond. You're gonna respond. You're not gonna react. You're gonna respond. • • •
You're showing them respect by letting them finish their points
Um, you're gonna let them finish their points. You're showing them respect. • • It helps you gain a complete understanding of their concerns and also their misconceptions. All right. Instead of interrupting, • • and then you can address them more effectively when it's your turn to talk. • • And then you can just say, you know, thank you for sharing your perspective. Let's talk about this, um, further and see how we can address them together. I want to partner with you those kinds of words where it's forward focused. • •
Three little words can change the way you lead, professor says
And speaking of words, the power of words, I'm going to include, uh, in the show notes, • episode 29. And the title of that episode is these three little words will change the way that you lead. And those three little words are, first of all. And that was a game changer for me probably about two years ago when I found that I was listening with the intent to respond. • And so then when a parent is talking, and then they stop, and it's my turn to talk, I always say, well, first of all. • • And then it just forces me to acknowledge • what they just said. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that. That sounds really frustrating that your child, that your child is reporting x, y, and z about the mathematic. And, um, • • I can tell that you're frustrated by that.
Stop treating parents like customers and start treating them like clients
Let's talk about some of the things that you brought up, some of your concerns, and so on and so forth. And so, first of all, • • • • being the first three words that you say • • when it's your turn to talk can be a huge game changer. So if we want happier parents, • • • we need to stop doing four things. Number one, • stop getting defensive. Number two, stop interrupting. And number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. • • • So I know that this can be a little bit touchy with our teachers, okay? And that's because when teachers think about the school as a business and they think about parents as customers, sometimes they think about that, saying, the customer is always right, • • and that, • I get it, okay? But I think that what can really move the needle with your teacher's mindset about parents is for them to think about • • • the parents as clients. Because professionals, your teachers are professionals, and professionals have clients. Attorneys have clients. Financial advisors have clients. Therapists have clients. • • • We have clients. And so • • • let m me tell you the difference between a customer, uh, and a client. So, a customer, the interaction is very transactional. You're at the convenience store. You buy your gallon of milk and your bag of chips, and you, um, • • lay down the money, and they give you the stuff, and they give you the receipt. Very transactional. And it's also very low stakes. • • Um, • • you can get that milk and those chips anywhere. It's really low stakes. But with a client, • • instead of it being transactional, it's really relational, • • and the stakes are generally higher. Things that attorneys and financial advisors and therapists do are higher stakes than things that someone, um, that is doing an important job, which is, • • um, I don't want to minimize anybody's work, that they're out in the workforce doing work. But from a stakes standpoint, what we're doing with these children, the stakes are higher than it would be for situations where that parent is playing the role of a customer, • • where it's a transactional interaction. Okay, so let's go from transactional to relational with our parents. • • And if our parents feel like their interactions with the school are transactional, they pay for a service, they expect satisfaction they rate and review the service, • • then they're going to feel like customers. And we don't want our parents to feel like customers. We want them to feel like clients. Because clients, on the other hand, they're engaged in a relationship. • • • • • We're valuing their needs and their expectations. We're trying to understand them, and we're trying to cultivate a relationship that's going to last over time. • • Think about a financial advisor. A younger couple comes and meets with that financial advisor. Let's say they're in their late twenties and they have a baby on the way. They just bought a house. • • Um, • and they are trying to get things squared away. Well, that financial advisor, they want to cultivate a relationship where this couple and the growing family that they have is going to be their clients for years, for decades. And so it's higher stakes. • It's intentional relationship building, • • valuing the person and trying to build a long, long overtime relationship. That's what a client is, not a customer. And so when we think of the parents as our partners in this educational journey of their children, then we start thinking about them differently, about how we engage with them. They're not this nuisance. And I know that sometimes parents can be a nuisance, but if we paint with a broad brush • and think that all parents are the same, • • and really it's the five percenters that are the ones that are making you nuts. • • The 95%, if we can build that client, • • professional client relationship with them, they're going to stick around and your retention numbers are going to skyrocket. So build those genuine relationships. Go deeper, collaborate with them, partner with them. That client centered approach, it just really fosters trust and it creates those connections, and it doesn't feel transactional, it feels relational. And that's what we're going for when we stop treating our parents like customers and • • start treating them like clients. • • • Let me give you one quick example. So let's say there's a parent who's regularly contacting the school, and they're expressing concerns about how their child is integrating socially. At recess, for example, okay, if you treat them like a customer, they're going to get a quick transactional response, maybe not much of a response, and they're just going to feel like they're one of many like that they don't really count, that their concern doesn't really matter because it was kind of dismissed with kind of a pat, quick answer. Okay, but contrast that with treating the parent as a client. • • And so again, the parent is concerned about their child's social integration at recess. And what are we going to do? We're going to approach that with a personalized touch, and we're going to at least make a call, um, • • • • • or maybe have a meeting, and we want to hear more about their experience in detail. • • • Um, we'll look into it with the teachers that are on duty at recess. What are they noticing? • • • • • Are there things that we can do to help increase that and help manufacture some more positive interactions at recess with this child? And what we're doing is we're demonstrating that we're invested in the child's success and their well being and that it's not just a, uh, transactional service that we're providing. And when we show that we care, • • • • then they feel • • like a client and not a customer. And I'll say it one more time, this is a huge retention issue. I just think that one of the main differentiating factors between a private school and a public school is the level of personalized attention that the parent and the child receive from the school. • And that's so important, I'm going to say it again. I believe strongly that one of the main differentiating factors between a private school and a public school is the level of personalized attention the parent and the child get from the school. • • • • • And if a parent ever thinks to themselves, well, I can get that for free. In the public school, • • they have already developed a wandering eye. That's what I call it, the wandering eye. They start thinking about, well, what would life be like? What could we afford if we didn't have to pay this tuition? Or what would life be like at that private school? They get this wandering eye, uh, you know, how to keep them from having the wandering eye, treat them like clients and build relationships. Don't make it transactional, make it relational. • • And so if we want to • • • • • have happier parents at our school, what are we going to do? We're going to stop doing these four things. Number one, stop getting defensive. Number two, stop interrupting. Number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. And number four, • • stop assuming that they know what's happening at school. • • • So what do I mean? Okay, • so let's say it's carpool and the kid is in the backseat, or it's the dinner table, • • and the parent says, how was your day? And the kid says, fine. • • What did you do today? • • • Nothing. • • • • • Your parents are paying a lot of tuition dollars for fine and nothing. • • Now, • • was the kid's day fine or was it great? Most of the days. Uh, most of the time it was probably great. • • What did they do today. They did a lot of stuff. • • • But kids generally, especially the older that they get, once they get into, you know, 4th, 5th grade, starting into those tween years especially, • • • • • • they're not going to report out what their day was like. • • • • • Parents are paying a lot of money for fine and for nothing. And so you and your teachers need to fill that narrative void.
Make sure your teachers fill narrative void before your parents do
And I'm going to link in the show notes at the private school leader.com, episode 99. I'm going to link episode 39, which says, make sure. The title is, make sure that your teachers fill the narrative void before your parents do. • • And the gist of that episode is, is that when a narrative void exists, it will always be filled. Always. • • And so if you don't fill it • with communication from your school about what happened at school today, the fun stuff, the cool stuff, the interesting stuff, the stem, the. The social, um, • interactions, the leadership opportunities, the service opportunities, all the things that make you different, all the things that are on your website, if you're not sharing that out to the parents and all they're getting is fine and nothing in carpool and at the dinner table, then they're going to fill that narrative void with, well, I guess I don't really know what's going on at school. • • • I think we assume that parents know what's happening at school, and we need to get intentional about filling that narrative void. And so • • • how are we gonna do that? Well, I'll just tell you what we do at our school. Um, just as an example, in fourth through 8th grade, every homeroom teacher, or, excuse me, every content teacher is required to send to the parents of their students a start of unit email. So let's say at social studies, • • um, • we just • • finished, um, • • up, • • • um, • • • • • the battle of Gettysburg, and, um, the kind of that to the end of the civil war. And, um, we're moving on to • • • XYZ. • • • • • And I encourage teachers, I remind them that they have a very expensive camera in their pocket or sitting on their desk in their smartphone. • • And that if they can send. And again, it's not some big newsletter, it's not some big long thing. • • Um, • you know, it can be four, five, six sentences. And then if they put a couple photos in there of the kids doing a group project or, you know, when they were making, uh, a map of the, of the battle of Gettysburg, • um, you know, a couple photos. Photos are so powerful. We live in a digital age, and images are so much more powerful than the words on the screen or words on a page. • And so the start of unity, email, is something that they, every teacher sends a. Then once a trimester, the homeroom teachers send what I call an I get your kid • • • rockstar email. Um, the trusted adult that really knows the kid, • um, • • shares an anecdote. You know, I'm checking in with, um, Jimmy, and, um, just wanted to let you know that he's really rocking it with this. He's struggling a little bit with that. • • Um, • and so that's something that, um, comes once a trimester, • • teachers, um, • • have to post homework assignments by 04:00 p.m. so that, that's the reliable parent facing piece. Because you want to talk about frustration is when the kid says, I don't have homework. And the parent says, are you sure? And then there's not a reliable parent facing piece of what the assignments are and it's not posted at an acceptable time. • • • That is really crappy communication and it causes stress at home. • • Um, and then also our teachers are required to update their gradebook every two weeks or less. Almost all of them do it probably weekly. • • And then in lower school, at our school classdojo, • • • um, some of you have that. And so • • whatever it is, um, some of our teachers have school Instagram accounts. I have a school Instagram account. And then in my welcome back emails at the beginning of the year, I send individual ones to each of the fourth through 8th grade classes. All their parents put a link to my Instagram page at the bottom in the PS and then put a couple photos at the bottom of that welcome back email of smiling, happy kids. • • • And then the last thing that I'll remind you, and I've told you this before, is that I send surprise and delight emails when I'm warming up my microwavable lunch every day, six minutes, I pull out my phone, look at my photo gallery from the previous 24 hours from walking around the school, and then, you know, send it to, • • • • • uh, the Smith family, • • punch in those, um, email addresses, and then just put, you know, Amanda or Alison or whatever on the subject line or the word recess or the word soccer or the word, um, fun or whatever. Attach the photo. Boom, send, um, surprise and delight. • • • • • But here's the thing. • • • You have happy, smiling kids at your school doing interesting things. • • If your parents never see • • photos or hear information or both • about happy, smiling kids and the cool things that they're doing at the school, • then that narrative void exists and it will be filled, and it's not going to be filled in a way that you want it to be. • • And so for you, • • big picture at the school that could look like a weekly parent, um, memo or weekly parent newsletter. And it doesn't have to be heavy on copy. It doesn't have to have blog post kind of articles, maybe, • • um, a little blurb from you, but a lot of photos and upcoming events. • • Um, • • • • • with canva and with so many, the tools are just so readily available, so inexpensive, so user friendly that, um, someone on your campus could • • create, • • • um, something without it becoming a part time job. So that you're once a week getting that out there. And then if you're going to send it, make sure you send it on the same day at the same time. You know, let's say it's Friday at 09:00 a.m. for example. • • Um, you know, lots of color, lots of photos. And then they have the information that they need and they feel connected to the school community, and you're feeling that narrative void. And we need to stop assuming that our parents know what's happening at school. All right, so do you want happier parents? Of course you do. We're going to stop doing these four things. Number one, stop getting defensive. Number two, stop interrupting. Number three, stop treating them like customers and start treating them like clients. And number four, stop assuming that they know what's going on at school. • • • And your call to action for this week is to take ten minutes this coming week and ask yourself two questions. Number one, which one of these things do I need to stop doing? And number two, which one of these things do my teachers need to stop doing? And then stop doing that. And get your teachers to stop doing that. So just reflect, decide, and then get them to stop.
Mark Minkus: This is episode 99 of the private school leader podcast
All right, so I wanted to remind you one last time that, um, this is episode 99. I'm super excited about episode 100 coming up, and we're going to celebrate episode 100 together • • by me giving you a special three day sale on Thrive Academy. And it's going to be $100 off • and seven weeks of office hours instead of six. • And that's going to be on September 16, 1718 2024. Only those three days at that price, and then the price goes back up. • And again, I've told you, I say all the time about being a happy and having a happy and long and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • • I've taken everything I've learned over 33 years about how to do that, • put it into an online course with modules and lessons and, • • • • um, • guided notes and all the just chunking it step by step for you so that if you • • use what's there, • • • I believe strongly that it can change • • • you. It can change your life at school. It can change your life at home. • • And again, that three day sale is happening • • • • • next, um, • week, September 16, 1718 if you're listening in real time 2024. And one last thing. I just want to give you another gift. Um, • • I mentioned it a little earlier in the show seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. • This is an eleven page PDF that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. • • Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. But too many private school leaders don't have a plan when they sit down with an upset parent. Well, now you have a plan. And this is free for you over at theprivateschool leader.com • • • meeting. • • • And I'm just so thrilled that you're here. • Um, I'd love to hear from you, Mark. Dot zero dot mincusmail.com is my email address. • • Um, I've already mentioned that the privateschool leader.com episode 99 is where you can find the show notes • • if you would write a review wherever you listen to the podcast that helps the algorithm push out. This is suggested content to private school leaders all over the world. And I'm on Instagram at the private school leader and on Twitter at the PS leader. • And if you get value from the podcast, please just send the link to another leader, school leader in your life or an aspiring leader at your school. • And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I appreciate you so much and all the hard work that you're doing at your school. And just thank you so much for being here this week and taking some precious time to join me here today. • • And I will see you next time right here on the private school Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.