Therapist Uncensored Podcast

“Regulate, then relate, then reason” -Dr. Bruce Perry In this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Dr. Bruce Perry, a renowned neuroscientist, psychiatrist, clinician and researcher on children’s mental health. They discuss staging intervention based on brain develop in a technique called the Neurosequential Model. Who is Dr. Bruce Perry? Bruce Perry, MD, PhD is the Senior Fellow of The ChildTrauma Academy, a not-for-profit organization based in Houston, TX.  He also serves as adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago. In addition, he is the inaugural Senior Fellow of the Berry Street Childhood Institute. Dr. Perry wrote The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, with Maia Szalavitz, which is a bestselling book based on his work with maltreated children. Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered, BRIEF: Reflections on Childhood, Trauma, and Society and RESILIENT: Six Core Strengths for Healthy Development are among his well respected work.   Over the last thirty years, Dr. Perry has been an active teacher, clinician and researcher in children’s mental health and the neurosciences holding a variety of academic positions. The Concept of Resilience Defined as the capacity and basically the capacity to tolerate stressors and challenges and maintain function Resilience is built; children are not born with it, and it can also be tapped out How is Resilience Built? Resilience is built through relationally mediated experiences of moderate challenge where there’s predictability, consistency and some degree of controllability. These experiences activate the stress response system. Because of neuroplasticity, neural networks are changeable but only when the neural network itself is activated, meaning the stress response system can only become more flexible, strong, and capable when activated. We can only become more resilient when stressed but in a certain pattern – needs 3 things: predictability, moderation, and controllability. The Underdeveloped Stress Response System Without adequate stressors, example helicopter parenting, the stress response system does not become resilient, which leads to difficulty coping with the increasing complexity and demands taking place through development. The Neurosequential Model Developed to explain the behaviors Dr Perry saw in children with overactive and underdeveloped stress response symptoms Looks at where the individual is cognitively w/ regard to self-regulation in comparison to their age chronologically Those who have not had the social learning experiences that correspond with their age in years do not have those skills. If given developmentally targeted opportunities, they can catch up Bottom up approach Particularly effective w/ complex trauma, can be used to treat adults and children Clinical Application of the Neurosequential Model View maladaptive behaviors as a form of self-regulation Create a Daily Regulatory Plan Regulatory activity Predictability Spacing Dosing Intentional Guided Imagery For Building Resilience Creating an internal world where a specific role and scenario are played out – we have more control over our internal process of imagining than we realize Doing this helps to desensitize an overactive stress response system when dosed properly Build empathy by reading novels Ideal Parent Protocol Kids and cartoons Thoughts on the attachment sciences, infant attachment, and adult attachment The early relational experiences are the major determinants of the set point for the stress response It is the quality of the caregiving that literally helps build in the capacity to be resilient or sensitized. In context of early caregiving, the attentive attuned responsive carer is essentially building into the brain a triune association between the reward neurobiology in the brain, the stress response to biology and the relational neurobiology. Hope and Change The brain continues to be malleable. if you’ve got a system in your brain that appears to be dysfunctional, you can’t change that system unless you activate that system. And so many of these systems that were impacted earlier in your life that may be continuing to play a disorganizing role in how you function are lower and lower in the brain and they’re going to be much easier to access through somatosensory routes Then do the work of repairing self-esteem around the secondary and tertiary problems caused by the initial dysregulation Resources: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, a bestselling book based on Perry’s work with maltreated children, and Born For Love: Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered by Dr. Bruce Perry Dr Bruce Perry’s Website Neurosequential Network Child Trauma Academy Video: 60 Minutes With Oprah Winfrey 2018 Neurosequential Network “Best Hits” Slides Child Trauma Academy Clinical Practice Tools Video: The A List with Alison Lebovitz 2019 Video: Explore Health: WTCI PBS 2018 Video: Born For Love Article: Child Abuse On the Brain LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences – A Roadmap to Understanding and Treatment TU47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Guest Tina Payne-Bryson TU101: Treating Attachment Disruptions in Adults With David Elliott (Replay)   Who doesn’t love special offers? Enroll in our signature course at a discounted price – over 4 hours of content CE’s available. Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these show notes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ______ We are on Patreon! You can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to grow!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month (or become a Co-executive Producer for $25/month)! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!  

Freeze Appease Dissociate… Appease is Fawning when it comes to C-PTSD Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven to not take up much space, to not impose… and you don’t have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today’s episode talks to you, friend. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start at any time by CLICKING HERE! No sales, no gimmicks, just 4 supportive email over a month to support you in changing an emotional health habit that no longer works for you. Shout out to all those on the 30-day Challenge! You’ve been getting a series of emails…. this show discusses a topic that will help MANY of you with your personal emotional growth challenge. Fawning This is actually an old term coined by Peter Walker in 2003 discussing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences and boundaries. – Peter Walker on his website. You may be familiar with fight flight and freeze – the 3 common threat responses that our autonomic nervous system unconsciously engages when it perceives danger. If not, there is a TON of information about this in many previous episodes of Therapist Uncensored. We are interested because it affects how we relate to others and makes us act really stupid at times. 🙂 Well, it’s smart from an old survival perspective but can be really bone-headed in our adult lives when the reaction is triggered and yet the threat doesn’t warrant such survival response. Well, when we can’t escape the trauma and thus fighting or fleeing isn’t an option, our bodies will freeze, appease or dissociate. The appease portion of the response is what Walker refers to as “Fawn.” It is another survival response which is often associated with complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It occurs when survivors recognize danger signals and stay safe by complying and minimizing confrontation. Freeze, Appease or Dissociate – Fawning refers to Appease. People-pleasing Being unable to say how you really think or feel Caring for others to your own detriment Always saying “yes” to requests Flattering others Struggling with low self-esteem Avoiding conflict Feeling taken advantage of Being very concerned about fitting in with others Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder C-PTSD Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. While this course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), it is also for all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationship!. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It  

30-Day Emotional Health Challenge Update In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by CLICKING HERE! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change! Positive, Humbling, and Frickin’ Hard Ann discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge. Sue shares about the Challenge of the Emotional Health Challenge  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning Working on Changing Adaptations From Early Childhood The consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we’re picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it’s not necessarily helping us now. The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn’t necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc. This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame. Relief and Frustration These behaviors are implicit (unconscious) not explicit (conscious), which makes them really hard to change. The Process:  Community connection  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us  Just learning about it and becoming more aware Not trying to repress or change it Try something new and continue to learn  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc Adjusting the Emotional Health Goal Sue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation.  Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the Conference We can’t know our unconscious Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves. But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat. Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more. State Dependent Learning When we’re in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information. As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity. We have these learnings that are on their own neural network. Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic Behavior There are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit. This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings to improve emotional health. How Do We know What’s Changing? It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you’ve gone much more internal and you’ve named one part of it. In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you. Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these episodes related to emotional health: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!

Sue & Ann laughing at themselves, probably at our bumbling efforts on our 30-day emotional health challenge! Enough theory – it’s time to choose JUST ONE emotional health goal to work on for the next 30 days. Let go of what no longer serves you. Join us for our 30-day emotional health challenge! In this episode, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP are walking the walk. They personally challenge you to pick one thing to work on for the next 30 days – something challenging but within reach. Show Notes – 30 day emotional health challenge Backstory It’s February – this is not a new years resolution because they typically don’t work past about now. You hear about weight loss goals and fitness goals, but the most life-changing skills for long-term happiness and health is actually having close relationships. No matter how secure you are, how much therapy you have had, what letters are behind your name or how old you are, there is always something we can do to improve our sense of ourself and our close relationships. You pick! We give lots of ideas but the upshot is you know your own bad emotional habits. Self -Inventory With love and compassion first – reflect on what you know you need to work on Pick something that if you could change, it would have real meaning to you Pick something that is clear enough to be measurable – if others can see it that’s even better Tell someone what you are doing – gain accountability When you fail, this is a true challenge, remember? When you fail learn a bit more about what happened, where the bad habit or self talk is coming from, what triggers the behavior and ideas for intervention Earned Security and Internal Working Maps – Reviewed What is emotional health? Ann & Sue’s personal challenges Ann shares her personal 30 day challenge goal and how it developed – implicit emotional learning Sue shares her 30 day emotional challenge goal and what her implicit emotional learning she’s trying to unlearn and replace with something more adaptive for today How to identify your old IWM (adaptations to your early environment that are usually based on things that are no longer true) and replace them with new, more accurate IWM Earning Security – a cool club to be a part of 🙂  Examples of what you might try based on where you fall on the Attachment-Regulation Spectrum Resources for this Episode – Recommended Books Self Compassion Workbook A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer Mindful Path to Self-Compassion  by Christopher Germer Neuroscience of Human Relationships by Lou Cozolino Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon! Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. BOOK of the MONTH  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb. If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!   LIKED this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these: TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It Tweet We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today!

“Yes means yes is the new no means no!” Often we doubt our gut instinct, question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we’ve experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim their sense of agency. In this episode, Co-host Dr Ann Kelley joins this powerful group of women as they teach us how to find our voice, feel more present and powerful in our bodies, build resilience, and heal trauma. Who is The Safety Team? Christine DiBlasio, Ph.D., is the president and co-founder of The Safety Team, as well as a 4th degree black belt in Karate. For over 15 years, Dr. DiBlasio has coordinated and presented workshops on violence prevention, risk reduction, and self-advocacy skills to middle, high school and college students, as well as to community and corporate organizations. She has been instrumental in curriculum development, with a strong focus on serving survivors of interpersonal violence and trauma so as to promote healing. In addition, Dr. DiBlasio created a college and high school internship program and continues to provide leadership training to these interns as well as to an expanding group of volunteers. Dr. DiBlasio’s dedication to the Safety Team is an outgrowth of both her background in martial arts as well as her extensive experience as a practicing licensed psychologist with 30 years of clinical experience. Dr. DiBlasio is the clinical director of a large mental health outpatient practice, and in the context of this work, has provided psychotherapy services for survivors of interpersonal violence, trauma and sexual assault across the lifespan.   Darcy Richardson, MS, is a forensic toxicologist and Vice-President of The Safety Team, a 501(c)3 non-profit focused on the empowerment of women and the reduction of sexual violence. As a toxicologist she has provided expert testimony in over a thousand cases in both criminal and civil courts at the state and federal level. These cases have included assault and sexual assaults where her expertise is used to discuss the impact of alcohol and drugs on the ability to consent or to react effectively in dangerous situations. As part of The Safety Team she uses this expertise to teach women about Drug-Facilitated Sexual Assault (DFSA), and how to effectively navigate this risk. Research indicates that half of all sexual assault cases involve alcohol and/or other drugs, which means addressing DFSA in Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD) classes and curricula is an integral part of reducing the incidence of sexual violence overall. Darcy is a 2nd degree black belt in Karate and a 1st degree black belt in Arnis.   Christina Allard, PT, is the volunteer coordinator, and instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed Physical Therapist specializing in pediatrics and school-based therapy. She pursued additional training in childhood trauma and its impacts on development. She incorporates her knowledge of neuromuscular and somatic responses to develop movement strategies for emotional regulation in children and teenagers. Her interest in the therapeutic effects of movement sparked her interest in martial arts (brown belt in Karate) and her ongoing commitment to the empowerment model of The Safety Team.   Nancy Keller, MEd, CAS, is the treasurer, co-founder, and lead instructor for The Safety Team, Inc. and a licensed public-school educator with Winooski (VT) School District for more than 30 years. With expertise in curriculum development and instruction, she has created middle school programs for place-based learning in science and mathematics, as well as implemented a school-wide classroom-based program for physical activity. This program was designed to address the movement needs of those children who have experienced trauma, and was built upon her background in the martial arts (3rd degree black belt in Karate and 2nd degree purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). Along with her ongoing training in the martial arts, Nancy is currently a doctoral candidate in the College of Education and Social Services at the University of Vermont. Her research is devoted to women and gender studies, empowerment self-defense, and social justice. She recently completed a qualitative pilot research project that investigated the outcomes of those who have volunteered with The Safety Team.   What Does The Safety Team Do? The Safety Team is entirely female led and female-focused. As such, it enhances the well-being, safety, empowerment, leadership skills and resiliency of women through empowerment self-defense trainings and offers a continuum of specialized, evidenced-based, therapeutic services to women who are recovering from the trauma of sexual assault and other violence. These services promote somatic reprocessing and healing while enhancing victims’ feelings of safety, personal power, and community connection.   Giving Survivors Their Power Back Helping women reclaim their bodies by bringing awareness back into the body and encouraging women to take up space. Affirmative Consent Challenging the “No Means No” culture by shifting the terminology to “Yes Means Yes” in sexual consent. While this is a really subtle change in terminology, it is a huge change effectively. The difference is that with “No Means No”, it means that I have a right to you until you tell me no. With affirmative consent, I have no right to you at all until I get that “Yes”. And in terms of getting that “Yes”, it has to be enthusiastic, it has to be continuous, a0nd it has to be freely given. Watch Tea and Consent-Affirmative Consent for a practical example of affirmative consent.   Moving Beyond the “Freeze” State Keep in mind here, it is NEVER the victim’s fault. The freeze response is a natural adrenaline response that intends to keep us safe. Through education about the neuroscience behind the freeze state, women understand that this is a natural response and that there is no blame or shame in this physiological response. By empowering voice exercises as a group, women learn to assert themselves and give their brain the extra moment to decide how it needs to react. By practicing strikes over and over, overriding the freeze response by creating muscle memory responses, women are empowered by the fact that their automatic body response will be defensive movements to keep them safe rather than the shut down, reducing re-victimization. Trusting Your Gut Your intuition always has your best interest at heart. Pre-assault cues can help us recognize when we’re in the midst of a predator. We may even subconsciously pick up on the predator’s adrenaline rush! Neuroception is at work here. For a deeper understanding of “The Freeze Response” and Neuroception, listen to TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr Stephen Porges TU94: The Science of Self-Regulation – Breaking down Polyvagal Theory TU110: Story Follows State – Investigating Polyvagal Theory with Guest Deb Dana Future Directions A long-term plan is developing an all gender presentation class that would include cis men. The Safety Team recognizes the need for a cultural shift surrounding consent! We can move toward change through education and community.   Resources Orchowski, L., & Gidycz, C. (2018). Sexual Assault Risk Reduction and Resistance. NY: Academic Press. DeBecker, G. D. (2010). The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence. London: Bloomsbury. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma. NY: Penguin Press. Information and Useful Links: The Safety Team Website Circle of Six Phone App Stalking information: Gavin DeBecker’s Threat Assessment Tools Futures Without Violence Project Unspoken: I Am Tired of the Silence A Parent’s Guide to Teen Dating Violence Jackson Katz: Silence and Violence Students Active for Ending Rape Coaching Boys into Men   Other Episodes That You May Enjoy: TU24: Grief And Our Body’s Wisdom On Surviving It With Candyce Ossefort-Russell TU102: Finding Neurological Safety through Relationships, with Guest Bonnie Badenoch (Replay) TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann   Who doesn’t love special offers?   Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available! And, since you are deep into these shownotes then you are one of us, so get 10% off by putting in code OURCLAN. 🙂 While this course is utilized heavily by clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. It is a full 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   Want to help us keep going? We are now on Patreon and you can become a Neuronerd supporter and help the show continue to improve.  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! NEURONERDS UNITE! Click here to sign up. Tweet

Tori Olds with Deep Eddy Psychotherapy Learn to apply the advances in neuroscience to our lives in a real way – we all want to be able to do that, right? This episode delivers on that for sure – memory reconsolidation is changing how therapists practice and explains why those lightbulb moments can actually transform us if done correctly. 🙂 In this episode, Powerhouse clinicians Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on how memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate on which to build new learning pathways. Saturday February 15, 2020: Introduction to Coherence Therapy, Austin, TX Who is Bruce Ecker? Bruce Ecker, MA, LMFT is co-originator of Coherence Therapy and coauthor of Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Eliminating Symptoms at Their Roots Using Memory Reconsolidation; the Coherence Therapy Practice Manual & Training Guide; and Depth Oriented Brief Therapy: How To Be Brief When You Were Trained To Be Deep and Vice Versa. Clarifying how transformational change takes place is the central theme of Bruce Ecker’s clinical career, and he has contributed many innovations in concepts and methods of experiential psychotherapy. Since 2006 he has driven the clinical field’s recognition of memory reconsolidation as the core process of transformational change and has developed the application of this brain research breakthrough to advancements in therapeutic effectiveness and psychotherapy integration. Bruce is a frequent presenter at conferences and workshops internationally, has taught extensively in clinical graduate programs, and is in private practice in New York City Who is Dr Tori Olds? Tori Olds, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Austin, Texas. She is a co-owner of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy, a counseling center housing seventeen clinicians. She specializes in working with trauma, particularly attachment trauma, and utilizing mindfulness and self-compassion as a resource for personal growth. Alongside her clinical work, she has a passion for training therapists in experiential ways of working. She leads a number of study groups and is developing 10 online courses focused on helping clinicians develop experiential skills, as well as understand human development from an evolutionary, neurobiological, and attachment lens. Show Notes Meeting Tori Olds and Bruce Ecker Tori Olds: Clinician and leader of a training group on how to integrate experiential psychotherapies (AEDP, PACT, Somatic Experiencing) Bruce Ecker: Clinician and author of “Unlocking the Emotional Brain” Emotional Learning Emotional learning happens much as a Pavlovian response We often learn without awareness and become prisoners of emotional learning Emotional truths are a powerful mental model how of how the world works that we don’t often realize are there Low self-esteem works as a protective, adaptive tactic By bringing awareness to these learnings, we can de-pathologize them (therapists can help facilitate this) and begin the disconfirmation process Memory reconsolidation Memory reconsolidation: the brain’s built-in, natural way of using new learning to directly update and re-encode existing old learning This process targets emotional learning Memory reconsolidation can serve as a “unifying framework for the psychotherapy field, which has been so fragmented” Therapeutic Contexts of Memory Reconsolidation Coherence therapy, as well as many other different therapeutic models, can produce transformational change through memory reconsolidation Three stages: 1) Discovery 2) Integration 3) Juxtaposition Resources Primer on Memory Reconsolidation – PDF – READ THIS if you want more! Unlocking the Emotional Brain –– Bruce Ecker Coherence Therapy Practice Manual – Bruce Ecker Depth Oriented Brief Therapy – Bruce Ecker Memory Reconsolidation in Psychotherapy: The Neuropsychotherapist Special Issue (The Neuropsychotherapist Special Issues) (Volume 1) Deep Eddy Psychotherapy Dr. Tori Olds’s Youtube Channel Coherence Institute Clinical Translation of Memory Reconsolidation Article Saturday February 15, 2020: Introduction to Coherence Therapy, Austin, TX   Other Episodes That You May Enjoy: TU49: Five Strategies to Manage Intense Emotions & Why Emotional Regulation Matters & TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It Who doesn’t love special offers?     Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION   We’re on Patreon – dive in and get more involved!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join a kick-ass like-minded community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Tweet

You deserve better!! Are you lost in a narcissistic relationship? The term narcissism is easily tossed around, especially in this world of selfies. However, if you are deeply connected to someone with the personality disorder narcissism it is a very real, painful and a disruptive experience. It is also surprisingly difficult to identify when you are in the middle of it. And, it is really tough to get out of it once ensnared!   We break it down here! This episode is a follow up to Episode 105, on what causes narcissim. In this episode on narcissism, Co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP continue the dialogue on narcissistic relationships from a patron-requested perspective. This episode is about being in a relationship with someone with the personality disorder, narcissism. To hear episode 105 on what causes narcissism, click here. Narcissism Overview Early emotional wound which develops into an inflated sense of self-importance, Self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder. Selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, a personality type. Grandiose narcissism – protect our sense of self by looking better and being better, demands mirroring from others to stay in connection. Depressed narcissism – we collapse on ourselves and feel like we are the worst person in the world. Hey gang, we just aren’t that special – thank heavens. Both stem desire to be loved and cared for & empty sense of self Signs of Being in a Relationship With a Narcissist It’s always conditional You know they are sensitive or vulnerable but they can’t see it or deny it – externalize Can’t take feedback, turn it around on you One-directional relationship – you orbit them not the other way around Inability to accept any type of critique or criticism/accept that they have faults Scripted gestures that aren’t an apology Charming but superficial You feel lucky to be in this “special” relationship You begin to subjigate yourself, lose your self into them in order to keep the connection Gaslighting – manipulative cynical Can you say egg-shells? You are walking on them… Who is attracted to narcissistic relationships? ANYONE can get pulled in – the problem is the controlling manipulative behavior But if you find yourself attracting these kinds of people, or can’t get out of a relationship that involves serious narcissism, it’s better to compassionately find and accept yourself so you can begin to resist their requirement to mirror them Were you raised by someone with narcissism so you know innately how to put self aside and tend to the other A feeling one might be fulfilled if the person (narcissist) “saves” them Internal emptiness and relief around being told who you are, what you should do… Prone to being vulnerable especially around actualizing of self What Does Being In A Relationship With A Narcissist Look Like? Allure of narcissist helping you be your best self Seduction, jealousy, decisiveness – which gives way to controlling, possessiveness, and isolation Giving up freedoms and limiting exposure to avoid upsetting narcissist World orbits around narcissist instead of mutual orbit of a natural relationship Narcissist makes you feel like you are doing something to them, always your fault Ignore your own mind and perceptions to keep connected (dangerous) Always in the shadow of the narcissist Everything is about the narcissist Unable to apologize sincerely and feel remorse Gaslighting Comes from a movie where husband intentionally manipulates wife’s mind – something is happening, wife sees it, husband and others deny that it is happening Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation.  It occurs in when a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group.  This behavior involves denial, misdirection, contradiction and outright lying.  It makes makes others question their own memory, perception, and sanity, all in an effort to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s beliefs. You know something as your reality. However, when you attempt to address it, your partner or somebody you love turns it around as your issue and makes you feel like you don’t understand reality. What To Do About It Begin to get yourself back Don’t let anyone annihilate your feelings Own your reality, stay in it, and hold tight Feel your own pain and disconnection from yourself Stop trying to change the narcissist’s reality Treat yourself with self-protectiveness and compassion Set boundaries Boundary off belittling feedback Get out of an abusive relationship Get into therapy Recognize the emotional exhaustion & take care of self Listen to those who say they don’t like how you’re being treated. If you defend that treatment, really evaluate the relationship Measuring Narcissism Measured on the Likert Scale from a 1-7, some as short as one question Narcissists are likely to self-identify on this written scale (asked directly) even though they don’t want others to perceive they are narcissists. They admit to it because they see everyone as less intelligent than them, but resist a “diagnosis” because there is nothing wrong with them. Associated to some degree to dismissing / avoidant blue attachment.  This makes sense, remember blue is about “self” and need to attend to interpersonal relationships whereas red preoccupied anxious attachment leaning tend to be “other” oriented and need to ground in themself to move toward the balance of green – security.   Resources TU13: Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump Old Therapist Uncensored episode, we cringe but here ya go 🙂 Research study mentioned: Konrath, S.,Meier, B. P., & Bushman, B. J. (2014). Development and validation of the single item narcissism scale (SINS). PloS One, 9(8), e103469. Appendix S1 Psychology Today’s Narcissism Blog Archive Gaslighting 10 Signs Tweet

Deb Dana, a trauma clinician, delves into Polyvagal Theory, explaining how the mind narrates what the nervous system knows. She explores the nervous system's impact on attachment, highlighting the sympathetic and dorsal survival states. By understanding our states and rewriting stories, we can shift towards security and connection in therapy.

Resilience in real-life from a non-Western perspective. (Cover photo, Appleton took responsibility for feeding kids in his village by diving and spearing food from the sea.) “And if there’s any other person that is going through mental health problems or a very hard time in their life, or they have been through something really bad… I just want them to know that they’re not alone.” Alphanso Appleton In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored on Trauma and Resilience, Alphanso Kwame Appleton, a Liberian native, shares his experiences of growing up in a country devastated by civil war, living through the Ebola epidemic, and tragically losing his young daughter. Despite these repeated experiences of trauma, he is healing and has found purpose in his life. This is an incredible story that absolutely captures what resilience looks like and we are pleased that his recovery did not rely on traditional Western approaches. We have so much to learn. Interview by Sue Marriott. Meeting Alphonso Meeting in Liberia through Strongheart and by happenstance, through the work of Dan Siegel. Mentoring youth Surfing Photography Life in Liberia The Liberian Civil War Escaping to Monrovia Child Soldiers Lack of education “Iron Lady” How the love and faith of Alphanso’s grandmother, whom he describes as an “Iron Lady”, protected him from rebel recruitment of child soldiers The Effects of Lack of Education Effects on Society Effect on healthcare industry – and him personally regarding the loss of his daughter The Ebola Epidemic The lack of belief and understanding that Ebola was real The spread of Ebola Alphanso’s photo that went viral thanking science for the Ebola vaccine “…maybe my photo will help young Liberians know science helps the world and become scientists too.” – Photographer Alphanso Appleton Personal Tragedy The loss of Alphanso’s 18 month old daughter, Lisa. Alphanso’s Healing Journey Faith Strongheart – learning a meditation practice Surfing The Universal Language of Photography Resilience through expression of emotion through photos “The Liberia Project” by Apartial featuring Alphanso Appleton “Portraits of Progress” by Alphanso Appleton Moving Forward Current and future endeavors Misconceptions about Africa Words of wisdom “Overall, it’s just finding something you love – something you love doing- something that brings you joy; something that makes you happy. Because that was a really key part of my transformation. That was a really key part of my healing.” Alphanso Appleton Other episodes you may enjoy: TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment Resources “Alphanso Appleton: A Story of Becoming” The Making of Child Surfers, Not Child Soldiers Article in Global Citizen – Surfers Paint Liberia Strongminds.org Alphanso’s contact information alphanso19@gmail.com   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our advanced course on attachment and neuroscience has been recently released and is now available for a discounted price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We’re on Patreon!  Join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Neuronerds for as little as $5 a month! Increase your access, join our community, get discounts on our courses and get exclusive content. Help us create a ripple of security by supporting us in freely sharing the science of relationships around the globe! We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Tweet

Judgment says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee. It’s not Judgement – Bad. It’s Judgment-Interesting. Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time – both positively and negatively. It’s our brains appraisal system. However unchecked it’s also a very handy interpersonal defense. Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgment and harsh self-criticism. It is just one common insecure pattern to think in absolutes and moral righteousness, and before you judge judgers, those of us who’s favorite flavor is self-criticism and self-judgement please be warned that harsh scale extends quickly to those close to us.  Fun times to grow and learn we tell ya!! In This Episode of Therapist Uncensored, Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott break down the big picture of attachment and take a deep dive into just one of the habits of insecure attachment – how we use judgment! Turn on your curiosity and notice your judgments as we go – it’s kinda fun, actually. The Pleasure of Judgement Description of what self-righteous judgment looks like presented in an anecdotal but accurate way. Quick Review Every human being has a system to manage threat. Blue – you down-regulate Red – you up-regulate The Role of Judgment Method of self-protection Response to a feeling of threat 2 types: self-righteous or self-critical Self-Righteous Judgment It’s a great feeling. What’s really going on underneath? Disconnection from threat in our own body Slowing down to experience what we are judging Fortified defense Not pathological, it’s protective Example of Blue Judgment Fear of Vulnerability Judging to keep at a distance Example of Red Judgment Telling others what they are doing wrong Judging to prevent expressing fear of abandonment underneath Non-Judgment Inability to create a judgment can be an indication that we can’t have a sense of self and an essence of threat, and that clearly defining ourselves is too vulnerable. (red-side of insecure spectrum, usually) Judgment Can Be A Healthy Protection Not all judgment is bad Explore it. Righteousness to Relationality Exploring the movie about Harriet Tubman The moral high road Righteousness as the lazy man’s way Making the move Effecting change while staying in the relationship Self-Judgment Also the lazy man’s road Same old negative thoughts No movement and no new neural pathways being built Keeps us stuck Moving from self-loathing to connection Putting our feet to the fire It’s not that it’s pathological – it’s information. We think it’s information about the other person, but really it can be a window into something more interesting if we open up to exploring it.  Why do you judge THAT in particular? What parts of others make your skin crawl? Check if it’s disowned parts of yourself that you are attempting to distance from or stamp out in others. You see…. now it gets interesting and the door opens rather than slams close on the object of our scrutiny. Practice Noticing With Compassion Find your version of what it is that you’re judging. Have a little smile of humor when you catch yourself being judgmental Explore what’s underneath   Resources Healing Your Attachment Wounds by Diane Pool Heller Healing Developmental Trauma Lawrence Heller Self-Compassion, the Hidden Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff Also check out TU73: Building Grit Through Self-Compassion with Kristin Neff   Who doesn’t love special offers? Our course is now available for a deeply discounted early release price! While this course is aimed toward clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are highly interested in deepening the security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. Price increases on October 22, 2019 when it is released to the wider public. CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION We have pledged 50% of all corporate profits & merch sales (very fun swag!) to organizations that support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare.  We can only do that with the help of our Neuronerd private community. By joining as a Neuronerd premium subscriber, you get a dedicated ad-free feed, deeper dives into select content and first shot at very unique study opportunities. If we’ve provided value then please check us out, poke around, make sure you feel comfortable and then join us today! Tweet