The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

“Speaking your mind is an act of rebellion.” This week, Andrea Owen joins me to talk about making some noise, taking up space, and how to be empowered in your life. Andrea Owen is a speaker, life coach, author, hellraiser, and a very close friend of mine. She’s creating a global impact on women’s empowerment with her books being translated into 18 languages and available in 22 countries.  Our friendship has grown over the years and much of it has to do with our shared feminist ideologies and empowerment of women in this space. She's been an integral part of my development, the building of my business, and my fierce feminism.  Andrea helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence and master resilience. Today, we discuss strategies and teachings from her third book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength. Show Highlights What spawned the idea for her third book, which is a bold and unabashed guide to finding your voice, harnessing your true desires, and leading the life you really want. (4:36) What it means for women to make some noise, plus why the idea of shining too bright and taking up space is super uncomfortable. (7:34) Women shortchange themselves and undermine themselves quite often, much more often than men. (21:00) It's important to separate ourselves from patriarchal brainwashing. (26:20) Internalized misogyny and some of the ways it shows up in our lives. (27:17) A call to examine your relationship with power and money; if you had more, would it scare you? (33:49) Learn More About Andrea: Andrea Owen is an author, global speaker, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, and master resilience. She has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to be able to empower themselves to live their most kick-ass life through speaking, her books, coaching, and her wildly popular podcast with close to 3 million downloads.  She is the proud author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness (Seal Press/Hachette Books) which has been translated into 18 languages and is available in 22 countries, as well as her inaugural book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve, (Adams Media/Simon & Schuster). Her latest book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength is coming in August 2021, published by TarcherPerigee/Penguin Random-House.  Andrea is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Coaches Training Institute, a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation, a SHE RECOVERS® coach, as well as a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator; a modality based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. She holds a Bachelor of Science from California State University in Kinesiology with a specialty in Health Science. Andrea has been featured on The Huffington Post Live, xojane.com, NBC, and Entrepreneur.com.   She has facilitated many workshops for girls hosted by Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty whose efforts inspire and empower women and girls to live confidently and change the world around them.  In addition, Andrea has been sober for close to a decade and is active in the world of recovery.  When she’s not juggling her full coaching practice or writing books, Andrea is busy riding her Peloton bike, chasing her two school-aged children or making out with her husband, Jason. She is also a retired roller derby player having skated under the name “Veronica Vain”.  Learn more about Andrea at andreaowen.com and join the fun and wisdom at facebook.com/yourkickasslife and instagram.com/yourkickasslife.  Resources & Links:Show notes and links also at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/make-some-noise-with-andrea-owen Andrea's websiteAndrea on Facebook Andrea on Twitter Andrea on Instagram Andrea on YouTube Andrea on Pinterest Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)

When you are a caretaker on both sides of the coin - caring for your children, as well as, aging adults,  and then throw in going through a divorce; things just can get really overwhelming.  My guest, Laurie James, is a mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author, and transformative coach. In this episode, we get to the heart of what it is like living in the space between holding on and letting go.  Laurie’s debut memoir, "Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding on and Letting Go" captures her story of the eight-year period in her life when she suddenly found herself caring for her parents, managing unruly caregivers, raising four daughters, and trying to understand the choices of her husband she thought she knew.  Show Highlights What it means to be a part of the sandwiched generation. (3:13) Laurie shares her story of divorce amidst being a caretaker for her parents and children. (5:23) When you’re in therapy to “fix him,” and find out, “Oh shit, I only have control over myself.” (16:49) “It took time. Accepting my mom's state and that she was never going to be there for me again. It was also accepting my marriage for what it was. And then it was about learning the importance of self-care.” (18:41) Advice for people going through major life obstacles or being stuck “in between.” (27:36) Why leaving her marriage gave Laurie the freedom to write a book and do all of the things she is doing, today. (38:37) Learn More About Laurie: Laurie James is mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author and transformative coach. She has successfully launched her four daughters into adulthood and has been the primary caretaker for her elderly parents. Laurie has learned through therapy and other healing programs that she has everything she needs within her to create the life she desires, and she wants to bring that knowledge to other women. She is training to become a Martha Beck certified coach and expect to receive her ICF (International Coach Federation) credential in July 2021. Laurie enjoys coaching women who are searching for happiness and helps them discover what that means to them. An active community volunteer, she cochairs a youth program for high school students, exposing them to a variety of career paths before they apply to college. She’s an active member of a collaborative giving circle that pools donation dollars to help Los Angeles-based nonprofits.  Laurie graduated from Cal Poly Pomona with a BS in business and held a position as a corporate recruiter before she stayed home to raise her children. She lives in Manhattan Beach with her adopted husky, Lu. When she is not walking her dog, volunteering, promoting her book or coaching, she can be found skiing, sailing, hiking, doing yoga, spending time with my girlfriends or planning her next adventure.  Resources & Links: Show notes and links also available at: https://bit.ly/3yGdnKV Laurie James website Laurie on Facebook Laurie on Instagram Donate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)

This week’s podcast topic is trauma bonding and shame. My guest, Dr. Nadine Macaluso, has an incredible story to share. Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two children. So yeah, she knows a thing or two about love-bombing and trauma bonds. While openly sharing her story, she also gets underneath how trauma bonding happens to the best of us. Show Highlights The relationship between attachment trauma and shame. (4:11) We're not responsible for what was done to us as vulnerable children, yet as adults, it is our responsibility to do what we can to begin to heal. (7:23) A clear and concise definition of a trauma bond. (8:25) Nadine shares her experience with love-bombing and trauma bonds with her famed ex-husband “Wolf of Wall Street,” Jordan Belfort (9:44) The design of love bombing is to keep you completely off balance - it is a destabilization technique. (12:04) “My ex-husband took all of my beautiful qualities of loyalty, compassion, trustworthiness, belief in relationships, empathy, and used them against me.” (18:13) Trust your inner voice. Don't drive past the red flags. (27:14) Healing from attachment trauma, and practicing self-compassion. (29:45) “For some reason, I had children with this man.  I have to honor that. And take care of their souls first.” (34:24) Honoring your truth and also acknowledging that your ex can still be a good co-parent. (37:23)   Learn More About Dr. Nae: Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. She received her master’s in Counseling Psychology and doctorate in Depth Psychology with an emphasis on Somatic Psychotherapy from Pacifica Graduate Institute in California. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two beautiful children, Carter and Chandler. Nadine has been happily remarried for 20 years; she and her husband John share a blended family of five children and two dogs, splitting their time between New York and Florida. When she’s not working with patients or writing about trauma, Nadine spends her time reading, researching, listening to podcasts, going for walks and connecting with her loved ones. Resources & Links:Show notes and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/no-more-trauma-bonding-with-nadine-macaluso No More Trauma Bonding: A Therapist's Guide to Healing from Traumatic Love Dr. Nae on Facebook Dr. Nae on Instagram Dr. Nae on Twitter Dr. Nae on YouTube Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, Sandra L. Brown Donate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program) TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.

My guest, Tina Swithin, survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane,” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. Tina is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist and the founder of One Mom’s Battle. She continues to champion children’s rights through her family court advocacy and works to raise awareness of the issues in the family court system and to educate the general public on post-separation abuse and narcissistic abuse.  Show Highlights Tina shares her journey of becoming an “accidental” author and family court advocate - and how she came to grips with the fact that she couldn’t fix her ex’s narcissism, and would either need to accept this was her life or move on.  “It took me almost six years to really see who my ex-husband was. I can't go into family court and expect that the judge is just going to see that this person is a problem...It's a marathon to get to the point where they do recognize who the problem person [is in the relationship]. ” Family court is simply not equipped to deal with high-conflict divorce proceedings, plus some of the aspects that are broken. The aftermath of divorcing a narcissist: post-separation abuse. Learn More About Tina: Tina Swithin survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. While divorces are never easy, Tina quickly learned that a divorce involving a narcissist takes the term, “high-conflict” to a level that few can comprehend. To articulate what was happening, she took shelter from the storm by chronicling her journey in her (now) internationally recognized blog, “One Mom’s Battle.” Tina’s plight grew from just one mom to a village of tens of thousands who all share the same story. There were different variations and nuances, but the common denominator is toxic, high conflict individuals, and post-separation abuse.   With all odds against her, Tina’s battle came to an end on August 30, 2019, when she successfully terminated her ex-husband’s parental rights. Tina has chosen to assume the title of survivor versus victim and has become an advocate for change in the Family Court System after seeing the flaws first-hand. Tina believes that the courts have lost sight of their primary focus, which should be the best interest of the child and instead, are too focused on parental rights. Tina believes that children are suffering unnecessarily due to the lack of education on the front lines—and behind the judicial bench.     Tina Swithin is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist (series) and founder of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program. Tina Swithin has been awarded honors such as the “Top 20 Professionals Under 40” and the “Top 40 Professionals Under 40” in several regional California newspapers. Tina resides in San Luis Obispo, California with her husband and her two daughters. Resources & Links:Show notes and links can be also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/high-conflict-divorce-and-family-court-advocacy-with-tina-swithin/ Tina's website Tina on Facebook  Tina on Instagram Donate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)

Today we’re talking about boundaries with my good friend, Amy E. Smith. If you have a history of constantly putting everybody first, giving in, or not speaking up when something is bothersome to you, then you, my love, need to set some boundaries. In this episode, Amy shares her three-step process for boundary setting, shares some thought-provoking lessons like, “You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your boundaries,” and talks about how to stand up for yourself without being a dick.  Amy is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth. When you learn how to set boundaries and speak up for yourself you can even ask for a divorce with the utmost grace and kindness. Calmly and assertively. Yes, you have the freedom to choose a different approach. Show Highlights How to speak up for yourself! (2:48) Boundary remorse, plus we're told disproportionately, as women, “Don't rock the boat, sweep it under the rug.” (7:18) Boundaries and speaking up for yourself don't involve an ultimatum. (13:30) If you want to be heard and understood, you have to deliver your request in a way in which people can hear you. (16:40) The biggest boundary anyone can ever set  is to say, “I don't want to be married to you anymore.” (17:40) You are responsible for your intention, not your reception. (18:14) Change your perspective on what equals success: Success is being proud of the woman you were when you delivered the boundary or information. (36:40) Not sure which boundaries you need to set? Create an inventory of the things you constantly complain about. (37:52) If you are afraid about hurting someone’s feelings when having hard conversations, then share that fear and express your vulnerability. (41:55) Amy’s three-step process to creating boundaries. (43:43) Learn More About Amy: Amy E. Smith is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Owner and founder of Joy Junkie Enterprises, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals beyond limiting beliefs and sabotaging mindsets to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth.   With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, Amy uses her popular weekly podcast, The Joy Junkie Show, to address issues of worthiness, self-confidence, and letting go of people-pleasing to assist listeners in creating and living radically joyful lives. Amy has been instrumental in aiding hundreds of women in stepping into their authentic power and crafting lives they desire. She is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert in Inspired Coach Magazine and on Fox 5 San Diego.  Start stalking Amy at www.TheJoyJunkie.com and grab a free copy of her eWorkbook/Audiobook, Stand Up for Yourself Without Being a Dick: 9 Proven Challenges to Radically Improve Your Self-Confidence and Self-Worth.  Resources & Links:Show notes and links also available at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-speak-up-for-yourself-with-amy-smith/ Amy's website The Joy Junkie Podcast Grab Amy's free workbook "How to Speak Up For Yourself Without Being a Dick"  Amy on Instagram Amy on Twitter Amy on FacebookDonate to the Thrive Fund

This week I am talking with Meredith Shirey about the do’s and don’ts of therapy - individual and couples therapy alike. Meredith is licensed in New York and Tennessee as a Marriage and Family Therapist is a Clinical Fellow member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Meredith Shirey Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC. In this episode we explore the complexities of therapy including how to know if you should explore individual therapy versus couples therapy, how being disingenuous can sabotage your goals for therapy, codependency, and so much more.  Show Highlights When to choose to go to individual therapy versus couples therapy. (6:46) Why you should have a consultation with a therapist you're interested in potentially working with and talk about your options. (7:06) When going to couples therapy, be sure your therapist is trained specifically in working with couples. (7:55) Do you feel like you're going to be able to be completely honest about what you need and how you're feeling in front of your partner and the therapist? If the answer is no, don't do couples therapy. (10:08) What to do when you are in therapy and know your partner is not being honest. (24:30) The stigma around codependency. (26:56) How to get to the point where you are ready to say, “I want to take back my power and create a strategy for myself that focuses on me instead of my partner’s issues.”  (34:06) The do’s and don’ts of couples therapy. (36:23) Learn More About Meredith: Meredith is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationally-based issues, and the founder of her NYC based private practice. She is a host of the podcast, "Love Me or Leave Me," and a Topic Expert for Goodtherapy.org. She has written for numerous platforms and has contributed to articles featured on The New York Times, Today.com, and NBC.com on guidelines for difficult conversations, communication tips for couples, and guidance for couples planning to cohabitate or marry.   Meredith's approach to psychotherapy is an integrated approach that includes Attachment theory, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, with notes of Psychodynamic theory. She values a holistic approach and understanding how the past impacts what we experience in the present.   Resources & Links:Visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-dos-and-donts-of-couples-therapy-with-meredith-shirey for clickable links Meredith’s websiteMeredith on FacebookMeredith on InstagramMeredith’s podcast, Love Me or Leave MeDonate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)DSG Episode: How to Choose a Good Therapist

Rebecca Zung, one of the top 1% of attorneys in the nation and bestselling author, shares her expertise on navigating divorce with narcissists. She explains the differences between overt and covert narcissists and the importance of recognizing their tactics. Rebecca emphasizes focusing on your case and mindset when negotiating. Discover strategies to disarm a narcissist and learn about the five key areas judges prioritize in divorce cases. Her insights empower listeners to approach challenging negotiations with confidence and clarity.

As co-parents, sometimes we just need a third-party element for communication, especially in a high-conflict situation. The co-parenting app space is growing day by day — and you already know I am a huge fan of these types of apps. So, when I learned about Bianca Balogh’s app, Peaceful Parent Messenger, I was intrigued. It’s a communication tool for all co-parents but especially those in high-conflict situations. Y’all, this app is a gamechanger. This week, Bianca joined me to talk about her inspiration for creating the app, her difficult co-parenting journey, and how it led her to create something positive from her struggle. She designed the app to give users the ability to set boundaries - that’s right, it helps you set boundaries - as well as setting a waiting period between messages to create more harmony and calm for co-parents. Show Highlights How Bianca came up with the idea for Peaceful Parent Messenger. (4:40) Gives you the ability to place a limit on the number of messages you can receive within a given timeframe. (8:09) “You’re setting boundaries that are protecting yourself. It's not a punishment to the other parent.” (11:27) The better solution is you keep the lines of communication open but start limiting it so that you can be a happier person and a happier parent. (15:01) The biggest struggle for high conflict co-parents: communication. (18:35) Bianca offers ideas on how to get your co-parent to actually use the Peaceful Parent Messenger app. (21:57) “I just felt like there was nobody helping me. And I felt really angry about that. So I took all of that emotion, all of that energy; and I put it into this app to create something that would help me and other people.” (28:41) Healthy communication should be at the forefront of co-parenting relationships, because in the end, we all want to be happy, but also for our children so that we can be good guides and be examples. (39:49) Setting boundaries is self-care. (41:54) Learn More About Bianca: Bianca Balogh is the mother of two children and the creator of Peaceful Parent Messenger, a co-parent communication tool for iPhone (and Android in the Fall of 2021).  Bianca was inspired by her difficult co-parenting journey and decided to create Peaceful Parent Messenger to help co-parents with the ability to set communication boundaries. Having been on the receiving end of nasty, inappropriate co-parent communication, Bianca designed Peaceful Parent Messenger to give users the ability to set boundaries such as limiting the length of messages and setting a waiting period between messages to create more harmony and calm for co-parents.  Bianca is a nurse and an entrepreneur who believes in creating the change you want to see in the world. Resources & Links: The Peaceful Parent App: http://www.peacefulparentapp.com Download the App - Available on Apple (and Android in the Fall 2021) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/peaceful-parent-messenger/id1498205091?itsct=apps_box&itscg=30200 Peaceful Parent App on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PeacefulParentapp/ Peaceful Parent App on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peacefulparentmessenger/   JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/

Caroline Dooner has written one of my favorite books, The F*ck It Diet. This book is for chronic dieters who want to heal their relationship with food. Yes, hello! She joined me on the podcast this week to talk about her book, rejecting diet culture, and why, as a culture, we are so addicted to dieting. The majority of our culture is stuck in a brainwashing assumption that food is bad and dangerous.  If you’ve been on a million diets, and feel out of control with food, this episode (and Caroline’s book) is for you. Show Highlights What drives our obsession and addiction to dieting. (5:27) Why it's counterintuitive to our nature to restrict food and not trust our body's appetite and cravings. (10:30) Do diets actually work? Here’s a hint: NO! (13:44) Restricting food is really bad for your mental health. (21:17) Weight stigma is outright unhealthy. (38:21) The patriarchal influence on women’s bodies, diet culture, body image, and intuition. (40:50) Why it is unhelpful for us to have guilt and self-punishing beliefs about food and about eating. (53:14) Learn More About Caroline: Caroline is a writer, humorist, and the author of The F*ck It Diet, a book for chronic dieters who want to heal their relationship with food. She is currently writing her second book on toxic self-help and burnout. Resources & Links: Caroline’s website: http://thefuckitdiet.com Caroline on Instagram: http://instagram.com/thefuckitdiet Read the beginning of The F*ck It Diet for free from thefuckitdiet.com/free: http://thefuckitdiet.com/free TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKhttps://www.soberlink.com/family-law Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/

Jordan Shapiro joins me to talk about being a feminist dad. Jordan is an author, educator, and researcher. He’s Senior Fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and Nonresident Fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. Finally, he is the author of Father-Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad.  In this episode, we discuss gender essentialism and how men can begin to change habits, behaviors, and ideas in order to behave differently in the world.  Seriously, Jordan is paving the way for what it means to be a man today. Ladies, all of the men in your life need his new book. And they need to listen to this episode, so share it with them too! Show Highlights Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad: what it means to be a feminist dad, plus Jordan’s response to his son when asked, “Dad, are you appropriating feminism by being a man and writing this book?” (5:25) The familiar assumptions about the origins of so-called traditional parenting roles. (10:33) “We live in a world where gender is being renegotiated.” (17:59) Men should interrogate their behaviors and habits of mind so that they can make their own decisions about how to behave differently in the world.  (19:46) We talk in-depth about male privilege, toxic masculinity, and the patriarchy. (22:32) From narcissistic patriarchal authority to responsive fathering. (30:32) The psychology of a father from an archetypal perspective. (37:30) Learn More About Jordan: Jordan Shapiro, PhD, is an author, educator, and researcher. He’s Senior Fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and Nonresident Fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. He teaches in Temple University’s Intellectual Heritage Program, and he wrote “The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World” (Little Brown Spark, 2018), which received wide critical acclaim and has been published in 11 languages. His upcoming book, “Father-Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad” (Little Brown Spark, 2021) offers a norm-shattering perspective on fatherhood, family, and gender essentialism. Resources & Links: Jordan’s book: Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad: http://www.feministdadbook.com/ Jordan on Instagram: http://instagram.com/jordosh Jordan on Twitter: http://twitter.com/jordosh Jordan on Facebook: http://facebook.com/jordosh JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/