The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Betrayal can affect your entire life - work, health, and even your relationships.  In a previous episode, I explored how to heal from betrayal in your relationship. This episode focuses on how to heal from betrayal within yourself. Joining me to discuss post betrayal syndrome and post betrayal transformation is Dr. Debi Silber.  Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of Trust Again, and is a 2-time #1 International bestselling author of The Unshakable Woman and From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life You Love. You’ve heard it before, “Time heals all wounds.” But,  Dr. Debi Silber has proof that this is not true. It doesn’t matter if your betrayal happened decades ago, you can still experience Post Betrayal Syndrome today.  However, if you are willing to do the work, you can move through all five stages of healing in order to get to post betrayal transformation and experience freedom on the other side. Show Highlights Betrayal is different from other life crises. (7:27) Post Betrayal Syndrome: a collection of symptoms that are very common in betrayal. (10:48) Why do we get stuck after we have been betrayed? (17:02) If you are going to fully heal from a betrayal, you will go through five predictable stages. Dr. Silber shares these five stages. (22:08) When you face it, feel it; you can heal it. (31:44) After the shattering of trust, it cannot be repaired. But it can be rebuilt. (37:34) The difference between resilience and transformation.  (38:07) What to look for in a therapist for post-betrayal healing. (49:51) Learn More About Dr. Silber: Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of Trust Again, and is a 2-time #1 International bestselling author of The Unshakable Woman and From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck and Create a Life You Love. Her recent Ph.D. study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that change how long it takes to heal. In addition to being on FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz Show, TEDx (twice), and more, she’s an award-winning speaker and coach dedicated to helping people move past their betrayals as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, relationships, confidence, and happiness they want most. Resources & Links: Should I Stay or Should I Go - Money Survey by Kate Anthony and Amanda Steinberg Dr. Debi Silber's websiteDr. Silber on Facebook Dr. Silber on Twitter Dr. Silber on LinkedinDr. Silber on InstagramDr. Silber on YoutubeAre you healed or hardened? Take the quiz TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!!

This week I am pulling the curtains back and giving a glimpse of what it takes to build a business, post-divorce. You’ll hear the lessons I learned, the pivots I made (and re-made), as well as how I faced some of the hard truths of business building (d-e-b-t) and life.  Plus, this episode is a celebration of the culmination of so many things: first and foremost, it celebrates you! The show has reached one million downloads and that’s because you keep tuning in week after week, sharing episodes, and being part of The Divorce Survival Guide Community. There is a special announcement in this episode for you - so be sure to tune in. And, thank YOU! I am also celebrating how this podcast has helped me to build my audience and grow my business. It has transformed the landscape of divorce and has been one of the top resources that women and men turned to in their time of transition. Finally, I am celebrating how the podcast, and listeners like you, have given me the strength and courage to own my story and share it openly with you. This podcast has been and continues to be a place for reciprocal healing and support. This episode is my thank you to you for helping me get here. Psst...did you hear? This episode includes a contest announcement - yay! Here are the contest details: 5 winners will be randomly selected and the prizes are 1 private coaching session with Kate, 1 Should I Stay or Should I Go full scholarship, 1 Divorce Survival Program full scholarship, and 2 Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide winners. To enter, they will need to leave a review of the podcast on their podcast platform of choice (Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts), take a screenshot of their review, and email it into us at info@kateanthony.com. The deadline to enter is November 20, 2021 at midnight Pacific. Winners will be contacted via email. Resources & Links:For resources and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/one-million-downloads-my-gratitude-and-a-peek-behind-the-scenes Divorce Survival Program is here!  Uncage Your Business by Rebecca Tracey

This is the last week of domestic violence awareness month, so I wanted to explore the topic of narcissistic trauma and recovery. Caroline Strawson helps us understand the complexities of narcissistic trauma and the healing journey that is necessary for those of us who have suffered from it.  Caroline Strawson is a multi award winning narcissistic trauma informed therapist and coach and best selling author of Divorce Became My Superpower. She has completely transformed her life from being at rock bottom after her divorce to a narcissist; and now works on helping others process the trauma of narcissistic abuse for post traumatic growth. Show Highlights Caroline shares her story of divorce from a narcissist and her transformation. (7:45) The narcissist is the abuser. Trauma is what you hold in your body about the narcissist. (15:20) You can’t change the abuse, but you can change your experience and what you say to yourself about the abuse. That’s the key element to healing. (18:29) Caroline explains the traffic lights of tolerance analogy and how it ties to our normal nervous system response to trauma or abuse. (20:01) The root of codependency and narcissism is trauma. (27:56) How to support a friend or loved one as they heal from narcissistic trauma. (38:07) The three stages for healing from narcissistic trauma. (42:25) Why Caroline says you can’t co-parent with a narcissist. Instead, she says choose parallel parenting. (44:41) Learn More About Caroline: Caroline Strawson is a multi award winning Trauma Informed therapist and coach, #1 best selling  author and #1 iTunes rated podcast, The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast. She specialises in helping heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse at a deep nervous system level. She uses a unique integration of therapy and coaching including EMDR, Brainspotting, RTT, Breath work, Internal Family Systems and positive psychology. She was diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression, anxiety and self harm in 2011  and was in over $100,000 debt and had her home repossessed after a narcissistic marriage. She  has now helped thousands of women globally with her Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme and her Narcissistic Trauma Unlocking Method™.  She has appeared in national newspapers, magazines, television and BBC Radio to give hope to  others and lift the guilt and shame associated with the trauma of narcissistic abuse.  Resources & Links:For links and resources also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/narcissistic-trauma-recovery-with-caroline-strawson The Divorce Survival Program is here.  Learn more or purchase! Caroline’s website  The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast Caroline on Instagram Caroline on Facebook TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!! JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Betrayal is a broken promise. And oftentimes when you are faced with the decision to stay or go, you are forced to decide if you can work through the betrayal or if it’s better to walk away. Further, a betrayal leads to erosion of your sense of Self. So, how can you move forward—whether you remain with your partner or not—and come out the other side with your heart and sanity intact? This week I am joined by Gilza Fort Martinez to talk about what it takes to heal from a betrayal and how to recover your sense of Self in the aftermath. Healing will take effort and it will take willingness, but there is a way out. Gilza specializes in family therapy, women's transitions, as well as marital and premarital therapy. Her work focuses on helping women overcome the devastation of betrayal in order to restore their self-trust and help with the decision to re-engage in relationships. Listen to hear this informative and important conversation. Show Highlights Infidelity is not the only form of betrayal. At betrayal’s core it’s a broken promise. (3:42) Some red flags that signal that you should seek therapy with your partner or explore what may be going on. “If we pay attention a little sooner, we can intervene.” (9:27) Losing your sense of Self in relationships: how it happens. (9:53) Why we gravitate toward toxic or mismatched relationships. (12:46) Gilza answers the million-dollar question: why do people cheat? (16:10) The difference between discovered infidelity versus a partner disclosing they have cheated. (22:33) How to determine if the betrayal you’ve felt is something you can work through or walk away from. (26:06) The essence of a sincere apology. Hint: it’s about ownership. (30:18) The emotional hits your partner must be willing to absorb during the healing process. (32:59) How to recover your sense of Self after you’ve been betrayed. (50:55) Learn More About Gilza: Gilza Fort Martinez is a bilingual licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida with over 30 years of experience in conflict resolution, improving interpersonal relationships, and navigating life transitions.   She specializes in family therapy, women's transitions, as well as marital and premarital therapy. Her work focuses on helping women overcome the devastation of Betrayal in order to restore their self-trust and help with the decision to re-engage in relationships.  Her approach to helping you rediscover yourself is honest and solution-focused so that you can focus on living a fulfilled life in emotional wellness.  Aside from her one-to-one work with clients, she has a woman-owned and run practice and has focused on collaborating and encouraging other women therapists to start and thrive in their own practice!  She also has significant experience in public speaking and leading workshops for corporations and organizations about a wide range of topics including stress and conflict management, improving communication effectiveness, leadership, and more.  Gilza has been featured in multiple media outlets including Self-Prevention, Greatist, Shondaland, Telemundo, Univision, People in Español, and others. Recently she has participated in several podcasts highlighting women, their challenges, and triumphs.   Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/healing-from-betrayal-with-gilza-fort-martinez-lmft The Divorce Survival Program is here.  Learn more or purchase! Gilza's website Gilza on Instagram JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

I am back with another solo episode this week. October is domestic violence awareness month, so, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about a specific type of domestic violence: emotional abuse. Yes, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence.   Talking about emotional abuse is part of my healing, my personal journey, and my growth. So much of the work that we do in my Facebook group is around helping women identify emotional abuse and come to terms with the fact that that’s what's happening to them. We have to talk about emotional abuse.   We have to talk about it because the more we talk about it, the more we realize we are not alone.   When women talk about abuse and relate to each other's stories, that's when we rise up and say, “Oh, hell no. No fucking more.” Show Highlights Owning your victimhood is very important. It is one of the most powerful things you can do. (2:43) You are never going to agree with your abuser about the narrative.  But you get to have your narrative and you get to own it. (8:39) Signs of emotional abuse seen during the traffic stop in the case of Gabby Petito and what the police could have done differently. (11:53) Gaslighting creates and distorts your perception of reality. (13:21) Emotional abuse can look very different from person to person and relationship to relationship. (20:44) Abuse has nothing to do with an abuser’s feelings. It’s about control and entitlement. (23:52) You are not crazy, trust your perceptions! (27:49) Resources & Links: For show notes and resources, also visit:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/shedding-light-on-emotional-abuse/ Divorce Survival Program is here!  Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft

“Parenting is hard, divorce or not. Parenting is a big ask.” When you mix parenting, divorce, changes in family structure, and a complete upheaval of everyday life - parenting becomes even harder. Michelle Kenney, a connective parenting coach, joins me to talk about how to parent your children before, during, and after divorce, with connection, peace, and empathy.  Michelle is a divorced mom of two daughters, who are 12 and 15. She is a recovering yeller, control freak, and perfectionist turned connective parenting coach. She was so poignant and soothing during our time together. I can’t wait for you to listen.  “I gave up the relationship I share with my ex-husband to focus on the relationship I share with my girls. The relationship I share with my girls is better because I got divorced.”  Michelle Kenney. Show Highlights Was parenting always a big ask or did parenting change over time (compared to past generations)? (5:33) How to use connective parenting as opposed to punitive parenting, when your own life is destabilized by the divorce process. (7:39) “It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not perfect, and we can strive to do better.” And...as parents, we have an obligation to our children to apologize when we do get things wrong. (7:52) Connective parenting: what it means and what it looks like. (10:20) When your co-parent continues to punitively parent your child and you don’t. “You need one, good connected caretaker to be a functioning human being, to do well, and to be well-adjusted.” (12:15) How to talk to your children about your different parenting styles without badmouthing your co-parent. (14:30) The importance of empathizing with your child. Plus, why is it so hard to do? “We don’t understand what empathy is because no one did it for us.” (22:06) Adjusting to co-parenting and being without your child while they are with their co-parent. (23:36) Why punitive parenting is bad for children. (28:13) Michelle shares her experience as a former yeller and insight about what parents can do when they do yell or lose their shit. (32:30) Learn More About Michelle: Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped the relationship she shares with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative.  Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to moving through difficulties. Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems.  Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify. She holds a Master’s Degree in Education speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator and is an ADL Trainer fighting against the bias of all types on school campuses. Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/connective-parenting-with-michelle-kenney/ The Divorce Survival Program is here.  Learn more or purchase, here! Michelle's website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Divorce can be categorized as one of the most overwhelming and emotional breakups there is. Kendra Allen, the Breakup Bestie, joins me this week to offer her insight about how to break up with grace and dignity. I first learned of Kendra’s work through Instagram. She truly has the best relationship breakup advice and often shares about the traps women fall into after a relationship ends.  Kendra Allen is a coach, confidant, best friend, and support for women everywhere going through heartbreak.  Her mission is to help women, like you, see breakups not as an end but as a beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself, love yourself, and rediscover what you want and deserve. Show Highlights Kendra shares about how she got into the breakup space and what led her to become the Breakup Bestie. (6:32) Kendra answers the million-dollar question, “How do you get over a breakup?” And the truth is, “You’ve got to feel the pain.” (12:43) Active participation in a healing process heals your wounds. (15:40) Why Kendra believes you should go no contact with your ex in order to heal. (Exception: if you are in a co-parenting relationship, no contact won’t necessarily be an option). (15:46) Get support and seek help when you need it: a breakup is a good time to work with a therapist, surround yourself with supportive friends, and practice self-care. (27:17) Yes, you should unfriend your ex on social media (and their relatives and friends of friends too). Kendra explains why.  There's a lot to be said about cutting off contact in the short term to preserve the long term. (36:45) Getting back together. Is it ever a good idea? (42:23) Learn More About Kendra: Kendra Allen is your Break Up Bestie- a coach, confidant, best friend, and support for women everywhere going through heartbreak. After going through a series of unhealthy relationships and tough breakups in her 20's, Kendra dedicated herself to figuring out what it takes to go through a breakup with dignity, grace, and growth. Now it's Kendra's mission in life to help women like you see breakups not as an end but as a beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself, love yourself, and rediscover what you want and deserve in a relationship. Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/break-up-with-grace-and-dignity-with-kendra-allen-your-breakup-bestie/ COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list! Heal Your Heartbreak Podcast Kendra on Instagram Kendra's website TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. https://www.soberlink.com/family-law/  

Laura Friedman Williams was a happily married, stay-at-home mom of three children. She had plans to grow old with her husband. Then she discovered her husband was having an affair and found herself single after 27-years. Faced with the choice to consider her life over or reinvent herself, she chose the latter. Today, she shares her explosive story of sex and dating after divorce.  Laura is the author of Available: A Memoir of Sex & Dating After a Marriage Ends. In her book, and during our conversation, she shows that it is possible to be independent, a good mother, and have a great sex life all at the same time. Show Highlights Laura shares her story of her marriage ending - almost overnight. (10:49) When a marriage ends, “You think it’s one thing and it never turns out to be that simple.” (13:51) Laura was so focused on her children’s healing, she came to a sudden realization that she could not continue to be who she was for her kids without taking care of herself. So, five months after her marriage ended, Laura decided to begin dating again. (22:05) Laura shares her first experience with sex for the first time after divorce, “I don’t know how this is done. But I am going to make this happen.” (25:27) Sex should not be a subject that is taboo or shameful. (39:22) What dating looks like for Laura three years after her divorce and why commitment is not something she desires. (45:33) Advice for women who are just getting back into sex and dating following divorce. (51:07) Learn More About Laura: LFW is the author of Available, which was a #1 bestseller in books on Divorce on Amazon, and has been featured in The Daily Mail. She has also written pieces for Vogue UK and Best Magazine in the UK.  Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/sex-and-dating-after-divorce-with-laura-friedman-williams/ COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list! A Memoir of Sex and Dating After a Marriage Ends Laura on Twitter Laura on Instagram

This week I am talking about the importance of finding and utilizing the proper support tools as you go through the most transitional time in your life. The topic was inspired by my Facebook group, where I’ve been seeing a stream of really long posts. And what that says to me is that women are looking for ways to offload, mirror, and vent about the toxic and oftentimes abusive relationships they are in.  But loves, if you are someone who is expressing your feelings in such a way—whether it’s in a Facebook group or to a group of friends, you don’t just need support, you need therapy (or a divorce coach or both). So in this episode, I offer gentle reminders about being present to your own experience, using the right tools for healing, surrounding yourself with those who aren’t energy sucks, and being mindful of how you use your time. Show Highlights When you are in a crisis you need a team - the right team. Guarding your boundaries and being mindful of where you are placing your energy. Consciously lean into the relationships that feed your soul. Focus on yourself and your feelings as you go through this process of healing, transition, and change.  How are you utilizing your time? Are you giving yourself time for rest? Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/finding-and-utilizing-the-right-support-tools/ The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go? Facebook Group How to Choose a Good Therapist with Katie Thompson, LPC, CEDS

Joining me this week is Seth Nelson, family lawyer and host of the podcast, How to Split a Toaster. He is going to help us break down divorce law in the United States - because not only can it be overwhelming, it can be confusing, and frustrating. The good news is that there are some universal truths to divorce law that can help you maneuver through the court system and work with your lawyer with ease. After law school, Seth found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives - divorce.  Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through. I am thrilled to welcome him to the show. Show Highlights How to know when you should hire or consult with a lawyer for your divorce. (8:39) All of the items you should consider (and prepare) for your first legal consultation. (10:51) Seth takes us through his PEACE acronym: Parenting plan, Equitable distribution, Alimony analysis, Child support, and Everything else. (11:21) Some state laws require couples to be legally separated for one year before they can divorce. So, what does that actually mean? Seth explains. (20:36) The best way to communicate with your lawyer. (25:02) How to ensure you are receiving copies of all documents that get filed with the court system (and why you should have copies too). (32:38) How to know if you have a really shitty attorney. (34:13) Your primary legal goal: to have great representation, have someone help you through the process as economically feasible, and get a great outcome. (38:20) Learn More About Seth: Seth Nelson is a Tampa-based family lawyer known for devising creative solutions to difficult problems. “I have been through a divorce and have a young child. As difficult as the divorce process can be, especially when there are kids involved, things will get better,” he said when asked about the divorce process.  At Nelson Koster, the motto is “Helping good people through difficult times.” This is Seth's aim in every case, though how he works to achieve it varies greatly with each family’s unique situation.  From an early age, he has always wanted to help people. After law school, he found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives.  Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through.  Seth focuses on Florida divorce law, Florida family law, and Florida family law mediation. He earned his Juris Doctorate from the University of Florida’s College of Law. After law school, he clerked for the Honorable John C. Godbold, Senior Circuit Judge for the United States Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals. Returning home to Tampa, he then worked for other Florida law firms before establishing his own practice in South Tampa. Since 2008, he has been the sole shareholder of Nelson Koster.  Seth is a registered mediator with the Florida Supreme Court Family Mediator Association and is currently a Member of the Executive Council for the Stann Givens Family Law Inns of Court. He also served as the Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hillsborough County Bar Association and continues to serve on its Executive Council. He has been given excellent ratings by Superlawyers and Avvo Ratings and has been honored to receive Super Lawyer’s2012 Rising Star award and 2014, 2015 2016, 2017, and 2018 Super Lawyer awards.  In How to Split a Toaster: A Divorce Podcast About Saving Your Relationships, Nelson and co-host Pete Wright take on the challenge of divorce with a central objective — saving your most important relationships with your family, your former spouse, and yourself.  Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-split-a-toaster-and-other-divorce-law-truths-with-seth-nelson How to Split a Toaster Podcast Kate's Interview on How to Split a Toaster Seth's Firm on Facebook Seth's Firm on Instagram Seth on Twitter Seth's Firm on LinkedIn Seth on LinkedIn Andrea on The Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)