This week’s podcast topic is trauma bonding and shame. My guest, Dr. Nadine Macaluso, has an incredible story to share. Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two children. So yeah, she knows a thing or two about love-bombing and trauma bonds. While openly sharing her story, she also gets underneath how trauma bonding happens to the best of us.Show Highlights The relationship between attachment trauma and shame. (4:11) We're not responsible for what was done to us as vulnerable children, yet as adults, it is our responsibility to do what we can to begin to heal. (7:23) A clear and concise definition of a trauma bond. (8:25) Nadine shares her experience with love-bombing and trauma bonds with her famed ex-husband “Wolf of Wall Street,” Jordan Belfort (9:44) The design of love bombing is to keep you completely off balance - it is a destabilization technique. (12:04) “My ex-husband took all of my beautiful qualities of loyalty, compassion, trustworthiness, belief in relationships, empathy, and used them against me.” (18:13) Trust your inner voice. Don't drive past the red flags. (27:14) Healing from attachment trauma, and practicing self-compassion. (29:45) “For some reason, I had children with this man. I have to honor that. And take care of their souls first.” (34:24) Honoring your truth and also acknowledging that your ex can still be a good co-parent. (37:23)   Learn More About Dr. Nae:Nadine Macaluso is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. She received her master’s in Counseling Psychology and doctorate in Depth Psychology with an emphasis on Somatic Psychotherapy from Pacifica Graduate Institute in California. Her personal and clinical expertise is in attachment trauma, shame, and relationships. Dr. Nae is also the ex-wife to the infamous Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, with whom she shares two beautiful children, Carter and Chandler. Nadine has been happily remarried for 20 years; she and her husband John share a blended family of five children and two dogs, splitting their time between New York and Florida. When she’s not working with patients or writing about trauma, Nadine spends her time reading, researching, listening to podcasts, going for walks and connecting with her loved ones.Resources & Links:Show notes and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/no-more-trauma-bonding-with-nadine-macalusoNo More Trauma Bonding: A Therapist's Guide to Healing from Traumatic Love Dr. Nae on Facebook Dr. Nae on Instagram Dr. Nae on Twitter Dr. Nae on YouTube Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, Sandra L. Brown Donate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My guest, Tina Swithin, survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane,” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. Tina is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist and the founder of One Mom’s Battle. She continues to champion children’s rights through her family court advocacy and works to raise awareness of the issues in the family court system and to educate the general public on post-separation abuse and narcissistic abuse. Show Highlights Tina shares her journey of becoming an “accidental” author and family court advocate - and how she came to grips with the fact that she couldn’t fix her ex’s narcissism, and would either need to accept this was her life or move on.  “It took me almost six years to really see who my ex-husband was. I can't go into family court and expect that the judge is just going to see that this person is a problem...It's a marathon to get to the point where they do recognize who the problem person [is in the relationship]. ” Family court is simply not equipped to deal with high-conflict divorce proceedings, plus some of the aspects that are broken. The aftermath of divorcing a narcissist: post-separation abuse. Learn More About Tina:Tina Swithin survived a “Category Five Divorce Hurricane” while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family’s life upside down for over a decade. While divorces are never easy, Tina quickly learned that a divorce involving a narcissist takes the term, “high-conflict” to a level that few can comprehend. To articulate what was happening, she took shelter from the storm by chronicling her journey in her (now) internationally recognized blog, “One Mom’s Battle.” Tina’s plight grew from just one mom to a village of tens of thousands who all share the same story. There were different variations and nuances, but the common denominator is toxic, high conflict individuals, and post-separation abuse.  With all odds against her, Tina’s battle came to an end on August 30, 2019, when she successfully terminated her ex-husband’s parental rights. Tina has chosen to assume the title of survivor versus victim and has become an advocate for change in the Family Court System after seeing the flaws first-hand. Tina believes that the courts have lost sight of their primary focus, which should be the best interest of the child and instead, are too focused on parental rights. Tina believes that children are suffering unnecessarily due to the lack of education on the front lines—and behind the judicial bench.    Tina Swithin is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist (series) and founder of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program. Tina Swithin has been awarded honors such as the “Top 20 Professionals Under 40” and the “Top 40 Professionals Under 40” in several regional California newspapers. Tina resides in San Luis Obispo, California with her husband and her two daughters.Resources & Links:Show notes and links can be also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/high-conflict-divorce-and-family-court-advocacy-with-tina-swithin/Tina's website Tina on Facebook  Tina on Instagram Donate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we’re talking about boundaries with my good friend, Amy E. Smith. If you have a history of constantly putting everybody first, giving in, or not speaking up when something is bothersome to you, then you, my love, need to set some boundaries. In this episode, Amy shares her three-step process for boundary setting, shares some thought-provoking lessons like, “You are not responsible for other people’s reactions to your boundaries,” and talks about how to stand up for yourself without being a dick. Amy is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth.When you learn how to set boundaries and speak up for yourself you can even ask for a divorce with the utmost grace and kindness. Calmly and assertively. Yes, you have the freedom to choose a different approach.Show Highlights How to speak up for yourself! (2:48) Boundary remorse, plus we're told disproportionately, as women, “Don't rock the boat, sweep it under the rug.” (7:18) Boundaries and speaking up for yourself don't involve an ultimatum. (13:30) If you want to be heard and understood, you have to deliver your request in a way in which people can hear you. (16:40) The biggest boundary anyone can ever set is to say, “I don't want to be married to you anymore.” (17:40) You are responsible for your intention, not your reception. (18:14) Change your perspective on what equals success: Success is being proud of the woman you were when you delivered the boundary or information. (36:40) Not sure which boundaries you need to set? Create an inventory of the things you constantly complain about. (37:52) If you are afraid about hurting someone’s feelings when having hard conversations, then share that fear and express your vulnerability. (41:55) Amy’s three-step process to creating boundaries. (43:43) Learn More About Amy:Amy E. Smith is a certified and credentialed life coach and hypnotherapist, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Owner and founder of Joy Junkie Enterprises, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals beyond limiting beliefs and sabotaging mindsets to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-worth.  With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, Amy uses her popular weekly podcast, The Joy Junkie Show, to address issues of worthiness, self-confidence, and letting go of people-pleasing to assist listeners in creating and living radically joyful lives. Amy has been instrumental in aiding hundreds of women in stepping into their authentic power and crafting lives they desire. She is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert in Inspired Coach Magazine and on Fox 5 San Diego. Start stalking Amy at www.TheJoyJunkie.com and grab a free copy of her eWorkbook/Audiobook, Stand Up for Yourself Without Being a Dick: 9 Proven Challenges to Radically Improve Your Self-Confidence and Self-Worth. Resources & Links:Show notes and links also available at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-speak-up-for-yourself-with-amy-smith/Amy's website The Joy Junkie Podcast Grab Amy's free workbook "How to Speak Up For Yourself Without Being a Dick"  Amy on Instagram Amy on Twitter Amy on FacebookDonate to the Thrive Fund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am talking with Meredith Shirey about the do’s and don’ts of therapy - individual and couples therapy alike. Meredith is licensed in New York and Tennessee as a Marriage and Family Therapist is a Clinical Fellow member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Meredith Shirey Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC. In this episode we explore the complexities of therapy including how to know if you should explore individual therapy versus couples therapy, how being disingenuous can sabotage your goals for therapy, codependency, and so much more. Show Highlights When to choose to go to individual therapy versus couples therapy. (6:46) Why you should have a consultation with a therapist you're interested in potentially working with and talk about your options. (7:06) When going to couples therapy, be sure your therapist is trained specifically in working with couples. (7:55) Do you feel like you're going to be able to be completely honest about what you need and how you're feeling in front of your partner and the therapist? If the answer is no, don't do couples therapy. (10:08) What to do when you are in therapy and know your partner is not being honest. (24:30) The stigma around codependency. (26:56) How to get to the point where you are ready to say, “I want to take back my power and create a strategy for myself that focuses on me instead of my partner’s issues.” (34:06) The do’s and don’ts of couples therapy. (36:23) Learn More About Meredith:Meredith is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationally-based issues, and the founder of her NYC based private practice. She is a host of the podcast, "Love Me or Leave Me," and a Topic Expert for Goodtherapy.org. She has written for numerous platforms and has contributed to articles featured on The New York Times, Today.com, and NBC.com on guidelines for difficult conversations, communication tips for couples, and guidance for couples planning to cohabitate or marry.  Meredith's approach to psychotherapy is an integrated approach that includes Attachment theory, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, with notes of Psychodynamic theory. She values a holistic approach and understanding how the past impacts what we experience in the present.  Resources & Links:Visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/the-dos-and-donts-of-couples-therapy-with-meredith-shirey for clickable linksMeredith’s websiteMeredith on FacebookMeredith on InstagramMeredith’s podcast, Love Me or Leave MeDonate to the Thrive Fund Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program)DSG Episode: How to Choose a Good Therapist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rebecca Zung, one of the top 1% of attorneys in the nation and bestselling author, shares her expertise on navigating divorce with narcissists. She explains the differences between overt and covert narcissists and the importance of recognizing their tactics. Rebecca emphasizes focusing on your case and mindset when negotiating. Discover strategies to disarm a narcissist and learn about the five key areas judges prioritize in divorce cases. Her insights empower listeners to approach challenging negotiations with confidence and clarity.

As co-parents, sometimes we just need a third-party element for communication, especially in a high-conflict situation. The co-parenting app space is growing day by day — and you already know I am a huge fan of these types of apps. So, when I learned about Bianca Balogh’s app, Peaceful Parent Messenger, I was intrigued. It’s a communication tool for all co-parents but especially those in high-conflict situations. Y’all, this app is a gamechanger.This week, Bianca joined me to talk about her inspiration for creating the app, her difficult co-parenting journey, and how it led her to create something positive from her struggle. She designed the app to give users the ability to set boundaries - that’s right, it helps you set boundaries - as well as setting a waiting period between messages to create more harmony and calm for co-parents.Show Highlights How Bianca came up with the idea for Peaceful Parent Messenger. (4:40) Gives you the ability to place a limit on the number of messages you can receive within a given timeframe. (8:09) “You’re setting boundaries that are protecting yourself. It's not a punishment to the other parent.” (11:27) The better solution is you keep the lines of communication open but start limiting it so that you can be a happier person and a happier parent. (15:01) The biggest struggle for high conflict co-parents: communication. (18:35) Bianca offers ideas on how to get your co-parent to actually use the Peaceful Parent Messenger app. (21:57) “I just felt like there was nobody helping me. And I felt really angry about that. So I took all of that emotion, all of that energy; and I put it into this app to create something that would help me and other people.” (28:41) Healthy communication should be at the forefront of co-parenting relationships, because in the end, we all want to be happy, but also for our children so that we can be good guides and be examples. (39:49) Setting boundaries is self-care. (41:54) Learn More About Bianca:Bianca Balogh is the mother of two children and the creator of Peaceful Parent Messenger, a co-parent communication tool for iPhone (and Android in the Fall of 2021). Bianca was inspired by her difficult co-parenting journey and decided to create Peaceful Parent Messenger to help co-parents with the ability to set communication boundaries. Having been on the receiving end of nasty, inappropriate co-parent communication, Bianca designed Peaceful Parent Messenger to give users the ability to set boundaries such as limiting the length of messages and setting a waiting period between messages to create more harmony and calm for co-parents. Bianca is a nurse and an entrepreneur who believes in creating the change you want to see in the world.Resources & Links:The Peaceful Parent App: http://www.peacefulparentapp.comDownload the App - Available on Apple (and Android in the Fall 2021) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/peaceful-parent-messenger/id1498205091?itsct=apps_box&itscg=30200Peaceful Parent App on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PeacefulParentapp/Peaceful Parent App on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peacefulparentmessenger/ JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Caroline Dooner has written one of my favorite books, The F*ck It Diet. This book is for chronic dieters who want to heal their relationship with food. Yes, hello! She joined me on the podcast this week to talk about her book, rejecting diet culture, and why, as a culture, we are so addicted to dieting.The majority of our culture is stuck in a brainwashing assumption that food is bad and dangerous. If you’ve been on a million diets, and feel out of control with food, this episode (and Caroline’s book) is for you.Show Highlights What drives our obsession and addiction to dieting. (5:27) Why it's counterintuitive to our nature to restrict food and not trust our body's appetite and cravings. (10:30) Do diets actually work? Here’s a hint: NO! (13:44) Restricting food is really bad for your mental health. (21:17) Weight stigma is outright unhealthy. (38:21) The patriarchal influence on women’s bodies, diet culture, body image, and intuition. (40:50) Why it is unhelpful for us to have guilt and self-punishing beliefs about food and about eating. (53:14) Learn More About Caroline:Caroline is a writer, humorist, and the author of The F*ck It Diet, a book for chronic dieters who want to heal their relationship with food. She is currently writing her second book on toxic self-help and burnout.Resources & Links:Caroline’s website: http://thefuckitdiet.com Caroline on Instagram: http://instagram.com/thefuckitdiet Read the beginning of The F*ck It Diet for free from thefuckitdiet.com/free: http://thefuckitdiet.com/freeTODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINKhttps://www.soberlink.com/family-lawProof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases.JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordan Shapiro joins me to talk about being a feminist dad. Jordan is an author, educator, and researcher. He’s Senior Fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and Nonresident Fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. Finally, he is the author of Father-Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad. In this episode, we discuss gender essentialism and how men can begin to change habits, behaviors, and ideas in order to behave differently in the world. Seriously, Jordan is paving the way for what it means to be a man today. Ladies, all of the men in your life need his new book. And they need to listen to this episode, so share it with them too!Show Highlights Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad: what it means to be a feminist dad, plus Jordan’s response to his son when asked, “Dad, are you appropriating feminism by being a man and writing this book?” (5:25) The familiar assumptions about the origins of so-called traditional parenting roles. (10:33) “We live in a world where gender is being renegotiated.” (17:59) Men should interrogate their behaviors and habits of mind so that they can make their own decisions about how to behave differently in the world. (19:46) We talk in-depth about male privilege, toxic masculinity, and the patriarchy. (22:32) From narcissistic patriarchal authority to responsive fathering. (30:32) The psychology of a father from an archetypal perspective. (37:30) Learn More About Jordan:Jordan Shapiro, PhD, is an author, educator, and researcher. He’s Senior Fellow for the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop, and Nonresident Fellow in the Center for Universal Education at the Brookings Institution. He teaches in Temple University’s Intellectual Heritage Program, and he wrote “The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World” (Little Brown Spark, 2018), which received wide critical acclaim and has been published in 11 languages. His upcoming book, “Father-Figure: How to be a Feminist Dad” (Little Brown Spark, 2021) offers a norm-shattering perspective on fatherhood, family, and gender essentialism.Resources & Links:Jordan’s book: Father Figure: How to Be a Feminist Dad: http://www.feministdadbook.com/ Jordan on Instagram: http://instagram.com/jordoshJordan on Twitter: http://twitter.com/jordoshJordan on Facebook: http://facebook.com/jordoshJOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am joined this week by Dr. Shyamala, Podcast Host, Media Expert for National T.V., and founder of The EQ Code, a coaching program for high-performing women who are ready to transform their relationships, so they can execute on their mission at a whole new level. Dr. Shyamala and I geeked out on emotional intelligence, communication styles, and the importance of focusing on the deep work needed in order to get the relationship transformation you desire. We also talk about how to show up with courage and integrity in your life.Show Highlights Dr. Shyamala helps high-performing women with relationship transformation - she describes her work and what attributes a high-performing woman has. (3:02) Reprogramming your brain and why it is important as a framework for change. (7:56) We know that children are incredibly resilient when it comes to separation and divorce - but what we need to really be aware of is when children are raised inside a home where there are toxic relationship templates being played out. (11:56) Most methods of change fail because most of them are behaviorally centered. (15:22) How to embody a level of transformation in order to live life fully and unapologetically. (21:47) Why toxic positivity is damaging, feeds on our insecurities, and also creates more of them. (26:13) How to Identify beliefs that have been plaguing you for a lifetime. (28:47) Most of us struggle in our relationships because we were never taught to be in one. (32:46) Communication skills become the bridge to relationship management. (36:48) You cannot have a boundary without assertive communication. (37:12) Showing up with courage and integrity in your relationships has nothing to do with the outcome. (45:07) When we are acting out of alignment with our values, integrity, and courage - we become resentment machines. (45:50) Learn More About Dr. Shyamala:Dr. Shyamala is a Clinically-trained Relationship Strategist and has spent the last two decades helping women improve the quality of their lives by transforming their relationships. Her mission is to help women show up as their best self, in every arena of their life. She is the founder of The EQ Code, a high-touch coaching program designed to help high-performing women transform their relationships, so they can execute on their mission at a whole new level. Shyamala is also the founder of the Kiru Psychotherapy Clinic, a mental health practice dedicated to the entire family system. She spent several years on the Board of Directors for the Ontario Association for Marriage & Family Therapy.  As a speaker, Shyamala provides frequent talks and workshops on a local, national and international scale. Shyamala is a media expert, having appeared on a national television show for nearly a decade and makes guest appearances on CTV, CP24 as well as frequent pieces of print media. Resources & Links:Dr. Shyamala's website: https://andreaowen.krtra.com/t/R8OAmzFe6aCpDr. Shyamala's on Instagram: http://instagram.com/dr.shyamalakiru Dr. Shyamala's Facebook Group - The EQ Club: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theeqlab Free 5-day Bootcamp opt-in: Free 5-day intensive: Unlock the Success Habits of High Powered Women: https://pages.shyamalakiru.com/free-event/TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION https://divorce-education.com/The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent.They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more.JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our society has conditioned us to think that money is gendered and that men are more competent when it comes to matters of money. Further, society tells us that women, because we're “nurturing or caretaking” are not strong enough to handle money. Amanda Steinberg joins me to turn that idea on its head, talk about women’s financial empowerment, and share a roadmap so you can become financially free. Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers. I believe you’ll get a lot from our conversation. But if there is one thing you gain from this episode, I hope it’s this: your thoughts and feelings of powerlessness about money are not your fault. As Amanda shares in this episode, “You were socially conditioned to think that you're bad with money. That is how everyone got to continuously take advantage of you for most of your life. And honestly, how you also got rewarded and praised for being a good girl. So don't beat yourself up.”Phew. What a relief, right?Show Highlights What led Amanda to create a company that focuses on women’s financial independence. (5:26) Amanda shares her own story around money, which started at the age of six. (6:43) We have collective money stories and then we have individual stories. (9:21) Amanda’s thoughts on her vision for men and women during this time of change in which we are liberated from these preconceived notions of who we are supposed to be. (13:57) Busting the cultural myth that men are providers and women are caretakers. (15:00) Financial advice for women going through divorce. (16:56) Amanda created DailyWorth because she wanted to connect women's self-worth to their net worth. (18:29) A women’s roadmap to financial independence. (39:17) Learn More About Amanda:Amanda’s founded multiple businesses in finance, media, and politics. In 2009, she founded DailyWorth, a startup focused on women’s financial independence and grew its audience and email list to 1.2M email subscribers. After DailyWorth was acquired, she moved into politics as the lead digital fundraiser for Marianne Williamson for President. Today she's the Cofounder of HigherU, a digital training company for social impact entrepreneurs. She lives in Philadelphia with her partner, 2 children, 2 stepchildren, and 2 large Maine Coon cats.Resources & Links:HigherU Amanda on Twitter Amanda on Facebook Amanda on InstagramJOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices