This is the last week of domestic violence awareness month, so I wanted to explore the topic of narcissistic trauma and recovery. Caroline Strawson helps us understand the complexities of narcissistic trauma and the healing journey that is necessary for those of us who have suffered from it. Caroline Strawson is a multi award winning narcissistic trauma informed therapist and coach and best selling author of Divorce Became My Superpower. She has completely transformed her life from being at rock bottom after her divorce to a narcissist; and now works on helping others process the trauma of narcissistic abuse for post traumatic growth.Show Highlights Caroline shares her story of divorce from a narcissist and her transformation. (7:45) The narcissist is the abuser. Trauma is what you hold in your body about the narcissist. (15:20) You can’t change the abuse, but you can change your experience and what you say to yourself about the abuse. That’s the key element to healing. (18:29) Caroline explains the traffic lights of tolerance analogy and how it ties to our normal nervous system response to trauma or abuse. (20:01) The root of codependency and narcissism is trauma. (27:56) How to support a friend or loved one as they heal from narcissistic trauma. (38:07) The three stages for healing from narcissistic trauma. (42:25) Why Caroline says you can’t co-parent with a narcissist. Instead, she says choose parallel parenting. (44:41) Learn More About Caroline:Caroline Strawson is a multi award winning Trauma Informed therapist and coach, #1 best selling author and #1 iTunes rated podcast, The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast. She specialises in helping heal the trauma of narcissistic abuse at a deep nervous system level. She uses a unique integration of therapy and coaching including EMDR, Brainspotting, RTT, Breath work, Internal Family Systems and positive psychology. She was diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression, anxiety and self harm in 2011 and was in over $100,000 debt and had her home repossessed after a narcissistic marriage. She has now helped thousands of women globally with her Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Programme and her Narcissistic Trauma Unlocking Method™. She has appeared in national newspapers, magazines, television and BBC Radio to give hope to others and lift the guilt and shame associated with the trauma of narcissistic abuse. Resources & Links:For links and resources also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/narcissistic-trauma-recovery-with-caroline-strawsonThe Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase! Caroline’s website The Narcissistic Trauma Recovery Podcast Caroline on Instagram Caroline on FacebookTODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAMAs one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I’ve been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade.AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM.This program is 100% for you if… You’re a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won’t destroy your kids You’re looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You’re willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you’re ready to ‘go there’ Are you ready to learn from one of the world’s top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y’ARE!!!JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Betrayal is a broken promise. And oftentimes when you are faced with the decision to stay or go, you are forced to decide if you can work through the betrayal or if it’s better to walk away. Further, a betrayal leads to erosion of your sense of Self. So, how can you move forward—whether you remain with your partner or not—and come out the other side with your heart and sanity intact? This week I am joined by Gilza Fort Martinez to talk about what it takes to heal from a betrayal and how to recover your sense of Self in the aftermath. Healing will take effort and it will take willingness, but there is a way out. Gilza specializes in family therapy, women's transitions, as well as marital and premarital therapy. Her work focuses on helping women overcome the devastation of betrayal in order to restore their self-trust and help with the decision to re-engage in relationships. Listen to hear this informative and important conversation.Show Highlights Infidelity is not the only form of betrayal. At betrayal’s core it’s a broken promise. (3:42) Some red flags that signal that you should seek therapy with your partner or explore what may be going on. “If we pay attention a little sooner, we can intervene.” (9:27) Losing your sense of Self in relationships: how it happens. (9:53) Why we gravitate toward toxic or mismatched relationships. (12:46) Gilza answers the million-dollar question: why do people cheat? (16:10) The difference between discovered infidelity versus a partner disclosing they have cheated. (22:33) How to determine if the betrayal you’ve felt is something you can work through or walk away from. (26:06) The essence of a sincere apology. Hint: it’s about ownership. (30:18) The emotional hits your partner must be willing to absorb during the healing process. (32:59) How to recover your sense of Self after you’ve been betrayed. (50:55) Learn More About Gilza:Gilza Fort Martinez is a bilingual licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida with over 30 years of experience in conflict resolution, improving interpersonal relationships, and navigating life transitions.  She specializes in family therapy, women's transitions, as well as marital and premarital therapy. Her work focuses on helping women overcome the devastation of Betrayal in order to restore their self-trust and help with the decision to re-engage in relationships. Her approach to helping you rediscover yourself is honest and solution-focused so that you can focus on living a fulfilled life in emotional wellness. Aside from her one-to-one work with clients, she has a woman-owned and run practice and has focused on collaborating and encouraging other women therapists to start and thrive in their own practice! She also has significant experience in public speaking and leading workshops for corporations and organizations about a wide range of topics including stress and conflict management, improving communication effectiveness, leadership, and more. Gilza has been featured in multiple media outlets including Self-Prevention, Greatist, Shondaland, Telemundo, Univision, People in Español, and others. Recently she has participated in several podcasts highlighting women, their challenges, and triumphs.  Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/healing-from-betrayal-with-gilza-fort-martinez-lmftThe Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase! Gilza's website Gilza on InstagramJOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am back with another solo episode this week. October is domestic violence awareness month, so, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about a specific type of domestic violence: emotional abuse. Yes, emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence. Talking about emotional abuse is part of my healing, my personal journey, and my growth. So much of the work that we do in my Facebook group is around helping women identify emotional abuse and come to terms with the fact that that’s what's happening to them.We have to talk about emotional abuse.  We have to talk about it because the more we talk about it, the more we realize we are not alone.  When women talk about abuse and relate to each other's stories, that's when we rise up and say, “Oh, hell no. No fucking more.” Show Highlights Owning your victimhood is very important. It is one of the most powerful things you can do. (2:43) You are never going to agree with your abuser about the narrative. But you get to have your narrative and you get to own it. (8:39) Signs of emotional abuse seen during the traffic stop in the case of Gabby Petito and what the police could have done differently. (11:53) Gaslighting creates and distorts your perception of reality. (13:21) Emotional abuse can look very different from person to person and relationship to relationship. (20:44) Abuse has nothing to do with an abuser’s feelings. It’s about control and entitlement. (23:52) You are not crazy, trust your perceptions! (27:49) Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/shedding-light-on-emotional-abuse/ Divorce Survival Program is here!  Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Parenting is hard, divorce or not. Parenting is a big ask.” When you mix parenting, divorce, changes in family structure, and a complete upheaval of everyday life - parenting becomes even harder. Michelle Kenney, a connective parenting coach, joins me to talk about how to parent your children before, during, and after divorce, with connection, peace, and empathy. Michelle is a divorced mom of two daughters, who are 12 and 15. She is a recovering yeller, control freak, and perfectionist turned connective parenting coach. She was so poignant and soothing during our time together. I can’t wait for you to listen. “I gave up the relationship I share with my ex-husband to focus on the relationship I share with my girls. The relationship I share with my girls is better because I got divorced.” Michelle Kenney.Show Highlights Was parenting always a big ask or did parenting change over time (compared to past generations)? (5:33) How to use connective parenting as opposed to punitive parenting, when your own life is destabilized by the divorce process. (7:39) “It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not perfect, and we can strive to do better.” And...as parents, we have an obligation to our children to apologize when we do get things wrong. (7:52) Connective parenting: what it means and what it looks like. (10:20) When your co-parent continues to punitively parent your child and you don’t. “You need one, good connected caretaker to be a functioning human being, to do well, and to be well-adjusted.” (12:15) How to talk to your children about your different parenting styles without badmouthing your co-parent. (14:30) The importance of empathizing with your child. Plus, why is it so hard to do? “We don’t understand what empathy is because no one did it for us.” (22:06) Adjusting to co-parenting and being without your child while they are with their co-parent. (23:36) Why punitive parenting is bad for children. (28:13) Michelle shares her experience as a former yeller and insight about what parents can do when they do yell or lose their shit. (32:30) Learn More About Michelle:Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped the relationship she shares with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life.She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative. Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to moving through difficulties.Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems. Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify.She holds a Master’s Degree in Education speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator and is an ADL Trainer fighting against the bias of all types on school campuses.Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/connective-parenting-with-michelle-kenney/The Divorce Survival Program is here. Learn more or purchase, here!Michelle's websiteMichelle on InstagramMichelle on FacebookJOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Divorce can be categorized as one of the most overwhelming and emotional breakups there is. Kendra Allen, the Breakup Bestie, joins me this week to offer her insight about how to break up with grace and dignity. I first learned of Kendra’s work through Instagram. She truly has the best relationship breakup advice and often shares about the traps women fall into after a relationship ends.  Kendra Allen is a coach, confidant, best friend, and support for women everywhere going through heartbreak.  Her mission is to help women, like you, see breakups not as an end but as a beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself, love yourself, and rediscover what you want and deserve. Show Highlights Kendra shares about how she got into the breakup space and what led her to become the Breakup Bestie. (6:32) Kendra answers the million-dollar question, “How do you get over a breakup?” And the truth is, “You’ve got to feel the pain.” (12:43) Active participation in a healing process heals your wounds. (15:40) Why Kendra believes you should go no contact with your ex in order to heal. (Exception: if you are in a co-parenting relationship, no contact won’t necessarily be an option). (15:46) Get support and seek help when you need it: a breakup is a good time to work with a therapist, surround yourself with supportive friends, and practice self-care. (27:17) Yes, you should unfriend your ex on social media (and their relatives and friends of friends too). Kendra explains why.  There's a lot to be said about cutting off contact in the short term to preserve the long term. (36:45) Getting back together. Is it ever a good idea? (42:23) Learn More About Kendra: Kendra Allen is your Break Up Bestie- a coach, confidant, best friend, and support for women everywhere going through heartbreak. After going through a series of unhealthy relationships and tough breakups in her 20's, Kendra dedicated herself to figuring out what it takes to go through a breakup with dignity, grace, and growth. Now it's Kendra's mission in life to help women like you see breakups not as an end but as a beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself, love yourself, and rediscover what you want and deserve in a relationship. Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/break-up-with-grace-and-dignity-with-kendra-allen-your-breakup-bestie/ COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list! Heal Your Heartbreak Podcast Kendra on Instagram Kendra's website TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. https://www.soberlink.com/family-law/   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Laura Friedman Williams was a happily married, stay-at-home mom of three children. She had plans to grow old with her husband. Then she discovered her husband was having an affair and found herself single after 27-years. Faced with the choice to consider her life over or reinvent herself, she chose the latter. Today, she shares her explosive story of sex and dating after divorce. Laura is the author of Available: A Memoir of Sex & Dating After a Marriage Ends. In her book, and during our conversation, she shows that it is possible to be independent, a good mother, and have a great sex life all at the same time.Show Highlights Laura shares her story of her marriage ending - almost overnight. (10:49) When a marriage ends, “You think it’s one thing and it never turns out to be that simple.” (13:51) Laura was so focused on her children’s healing, she came to a sudden realization that she could not continue to be who she was for her kids without taking care of herself. So, five months after her marriage ended, Laura decided to begin dating again. (22:05) Laura shares her first experience with sex for the first time after divorce, “I don’t know how this is done. But I am going to make this happen.” (25:27) Sex should not be a subject that is taboo or shameful. (39:22) What dating looks like for Laura three years after her divorce and why commitment is not something she desires. (45:33) Advice for women who are just getting back into sex and dating following divorce. (51:07) Learn More About Laura:LFW is the author of Available, which was a #1 bestseller in books on Divorce on Amazon, and has been featured in The Daily Mail. She has also written pieces for Vogue UK and Best Magazine in the UK. Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/sex-and-dating-after-divorce-with-laura-friedman-williams/COMING SOON: The Divorce Survival Program. Get on the waiting list! A Memoir of Sex and Dating After a Marriage EndsLaura on Twitter Laura on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am talking about the importance of finding and utilizing the proper support tools as you go through the most transitional time in your life. The topic was inspired by my Facebook group, where I’ve been seeing a stream of really long posts. And what that says to me is that women are looking for ways to offload, mirror, and vent about the toxic and oftentimes abusive relationships they are in. But loves, if you are someone who is expressing your feelings in such a way—whether it’s in a Facebook group or to a group of friends, you don’t just need support, you need therapy (or a divorce coach or both). So in this episode, I offer gentle reminders about being present to your own experience, using the right tools for healing, surrounding yourself with those who aren’t energy sucks, and being mindful of how you use your time.Show Highlights When you are in a crisis you need a team - the right team. Guarding your boundaries and being mindful of where you are placing your energy. Consciously lean into the relationships that feed your soul. Focus on yourself and your feelings as you go through this process of healing, transition, and change.  How are you utilizing your time? Are you giving yourself time for rest? Resources & Links:For show notes and resources, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/finding-and-utilizing-the-right-support-tools/The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go? Facebook Group How to Choose a Good Therapist with Katie Thompson, LPC, CEDS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Joining me this week is Seth Nelson, family lawyer and host of the podcast, How to Split a Toaster. He is going to help us break down divorce law in the United States - because not only can it be overwhelming, it can be confusing, and frustrating. The good news is that there are some universal truths to divorce law that can help you maneuver through the court system and work with your lawyer with ease. After law school, Seth found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives - divorce. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through. I am thrilled to welcome him to the show.Show Highlights How to know when you should hire or consult with a lawyer for your divorce. (8:39) All of the items you should consider (and prepare) for your first legal consultation. (10:51) Seth takes us through his PEACE acronym: Parenting plan, Equitable distribution, Alimony analysis, Child support, and Everything else. (11:21) Some state laws require couples to be legally separated for one year before they can divorce. So, what does that actually mean? Seth explains. (20:36) The best way to communicate with your lawyer. (25:02) How to ensure you are receiving copies of all documents that get filed with the court system (and why you should have copies too). (32:38) How to know if you have a really shitty attorney. (34:13) Your primary legal goal: to have great representation, have someone help you through the process as economically feasible, and get a great outcome. (38:20) Learn More About Seth:Seth Nelson is a Tampa-based family lawyer known for devising creative solutions to difficult problems. “I have been through a divorce and have a young child. As difficult as the divorce process can be, especially when there are kids involved, things will get better,” he said when asked about the divorce process. From an early age, he has always wanted to help people. After law school, he found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through. Seth focuses on Florida divorce law, Florida family law, and Florida family law mediation. He earned his Juris Doctorate from the University of Florida’s College of Law. After law school, he clerked for the Honorable John C. Godbold, Senior Circuit Judge for the United States Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals. Returning home to Tampa, he then worked for other Florida law firms before establishing his own practice in South Tampa. Since 2008, he has been the sole shareholder of Nelson Koster. Seth is a registered mediator with the Florida Supreme Court Family Mediator Association and is currently a Member of the Executive Council for the Stann Givens Family Law Inns of Court. He also served as the Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hillsborough County Bar Association and continues to serve on its Executive Council. He has been given excellent ratings by Superlawyers and Avvo Ratings and has been honored to receive Super Lawyer’s2012 Rising Star award and 2014, 2015 2016, 2017, and 2018 Super Lawyer awards. In How to Split a Toaster: A Divorce Podcast About Saving Your Relationships, Nelson and co-host Pete Wright take on the challenge of divorce with a central objective — saving your most important relationships with your family, your former spouse, and yourself. Resources & Links:For show notes and links, also visit: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/how-to-split-a-toaster-and-other-divorce-law-truths-with-seth-nelson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Speaking your mind is an act of rebellion.” This week, Andrea Owen joins me to talk about making some noise, taking up space, and how to be empowered in your life. Andrea Owen is a speaker, life coach, author, hellraiser, and a very close friend of mine. She’s creating a global impact on women’s empowerment with her books being translated into 18 languages and available in 22 countries. Our friendship has grown over the years and much of it has to do with our shared feminist ideologies and empowerment of women in this space. She's been an integral part of my development, the building of my business, and my fierce feminism. Andrea helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence and master resilience. Today, we discuss strategies and teachings from her third book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength.Show Highlights What spawned the idea for her third book, which is a bold and unabashed guide to finding your voice, harnessing your true desires, and leading the life you really want. (4:36) What it means for women to make some noise, plus why the idea of shining too bright and taking up space is super uncomfortable. (7:34) Women shortchange themselves and undermine themselves quite often, much more often than men. (21:00) It's important to separate ourselves from patriarchal brainwashing. (26:20) Internalized misogyny and some of the ways it shows up in our lives. (27:17) A call to examine your relationship with power and money; if you had more, would it scare you? (33:49) Learn More About Andrea:Andrea Owen is an author, global speaker, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, and master resilience. She has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to be able to empower themselves to live their most kick-ass life through speaking, her books, coaching, and her wildly popular podcast with close to 3 million downloads. She is the proud author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness (Seal Press/Hachette Books) which has been translated into 18 languages and is available in 22 countries, as well as her inaugural book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve, (Adams Media/Simon & Schuster). Her latest book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength is coming in August 2021, published by TarcherPerigee/Penguin Random-House. Andrea is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Coaches Training Institute, a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation, a SHE RECOVERS® coach, as well as a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator; a modality based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown. She holds a Bachelor of Science from California State University in Kinesiology with a specialty in Health Science. Andrea has been featured on The Huffington Post Live, xojane.com, NBC, and Entrepreneur.com.  She has facilitated many workshops for girls hosted by Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty whose efforts inspire and empower women and girls to live confidently and change the world around them. In addition, Andrea has been sober for close to a decade and is active in the world of recovery. When she’s not juggling her full coaching practice or writing books, Andrea is busy riding her Peloton bike, chasing her two school-aged children or making out with her husband, Jason. She is also a retired roller derby player having skated under the name “Veronica Vain”. Learn more about Andrea at andreaowen.com and join the fun and wisdom at facebook.com/yourkickasslife and instagram.com/yourkickasslife. Resources & Links:Show notes and links also at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/make-some-noise-with-andrea-owenAndrea's websiteAndrea on Facebook Andrea on Twitter Andrea on Instagram Andrea on YouTube Andrea on Pinterest Should I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you are a caretaker on both sides of the coin - caring for your children, as well as, aging adults, and then throw in going through a divorce; things just can get really overwhelming. My guest, Laurie James, is a mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author, and transformative coach. In this episode, we get to the heart of what it is like living in the space between holding on and letting go. Laurie’s debut memoir, "Sandwiched: A Memoir of Holding on and Letting Go" captures her story of the eight-year period in her life when she suddenly found herself caring for her parents, managing unruly caregivers, raising four daughters, and trying to understand the choices of her husband she thought she knew. Show Highlights What it means to be a part of the sandwiched generation. (3:13) Laurie shares her story of divorce amidst being a caretaker for her parents and children. (5:23) When you’re in therapy to “fix him,” and find out, “Oh shit, I only have control over myself.” (16:49) “It took time. Accepting my mom's state and that she was never going to be there for me again. It was also accepting my marriage for what it was. And then it was about learning the importance of self-care.” (18:41) Advice for people going through major life obstacles or being stuck “in between.” (27:36) Why leaving her marriage gave Laurie the freedom to write a book and do all of the things she is doing, today. (38:37) Learn More About Laurie:Laurie James is mother, caregiver, divorcée, turned author and transformative coach. She has successfully launched her four daughters into adulthood and has been the primary caretaker for her elderly parents. Laurie has learned through therapy and other healing programs that she has everything she needs within her to create the life she desires, and she wants to bring that knowledge to other women. She is training to become a Martha Beck certified coach and expect to receive her ICF (International Coach Federation) credential in July 2021. Laurie enjoys coaching women who are searching for happiness and helps them discover what that means to them. An active community volunteer, she cochairs a youth program for high school students, exposing them to a variety of career paths before they apply to college. She’s an active member of a collaborative giving circle that pools donation dollars to help Los Angeles-based nonprofits. Laurie graduated from Cal Poly Pomona with a BS in business and held a position as a corporate recruiter before she stayed home to raise her children. She lives in Manhattan Beach with her adopted husky, Lu. When she is not walking her dog, volunteering, promoting her book or coaching, she can be found skiing, sailing, hiking, doing yoga, spending time with my girlfriends or planning her next adventure. Resources & Links:Show notes and links also available at: https://bit.ly/3yGdnKVLaurie James website Laurie on FacebookLaurie on InstagramDonate to the Thrive FundShould I Stay or Should I Go (Kate’s Program) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices