The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

I am back this week with another Q&A-style episode. Full disclosure, I didn't have a podcast episode prepared for this week because I'd been sick and had to keep canceling interviews, but I had an Ask Me Anything (AMA) scheduled for my Facebook group, so I thought it would be fun to share the recording of that on the podcast this week. In this episode, I answer questions related to co-parenting with an abusive ex, tackling feelings of guilt or anxiety, falling out of love, being triggered in new relationships, and address this really beautiful one, "I just want to know that the children will be okay." There were so many amazing questions asked and I am so thankful to all of the amazing women who showed up for the live recording. At the end of the day the most important thing is that you show up to do the work, and for your kids. When you do that, then yes, the children will be okay. I hope you enjoy this episode! Links: Resources and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/ask-me-anything Kate's coaching, programs, and courses:Grit & GraceThe Divorce Survival ProgramShould I Stay or Should I Go?Tackling Codependence Podcast episodes:Healing from Betrayal with Gilza Fort Martinez, LMFTPost-Betrayal Transformation With Dr. Debi SilberProtective Parenting with Dr. Christine CocchiolaCouples Therapy and Abuse with Annette Oltmans Blog posts:Living Together While Separated? Here's How To Take Back Control Of Your Life Books:Facing Codependence, Pia MellodyParenting Apart, Christina McGhee Other resources referenced:Marriage Recovery CenterChristina McGhee The M3ND Project TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy. Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks. With Worthy, you're in control from start to finish. If your item doesn't sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured. And now for a limited time, you'll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.) JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

I am back with a new episode this week and it is a listener Q&A! You've submitted your questions and stories on topics such as co-parenting, how to make hard decisions about divorce, and how to survive financially, especially if you can't afford to leave your marriage. Tune into this episode to hear my answers to these questions and more. In this episode, I answer these listener questions: My partner and I have had a separation conversation with our children. We've separated and now we're moving on to the divorce process. When do we tell our children about the divorce? How can I create healthy boundaries and life for myself, when my ex-husband and I have a young child together? I cannot afford to leave and am overwhelmed with things like car maintenance, home maintenance, and repairs. How can I survive financially? Should I move back to my home country with my two kids where I have a support system or stay in the country where their life is and their father is, but where I'm alone? How do I cope with the number of decisions I must make while going through a divorce - such as what lawyer to hire, what to do with the family home, and what custody schedule to follow? Links:Desha Kennedy on Instagram @thebrokeblackgirl TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy. Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks. With Worthy, you're in control from start to finish. If your item doesn't sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured. And now for a limited time, you'll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.) JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This week I am re-sharing my episode featuring Michelle Dempsey-Multack which was all about how to survive the holidays pre- or post-divorce. If this is your first Christmas alone or last holiday as a single-family unit, this episode will offer advice about how to create new holiday traditions, how to set boundaries, and how to take care of yourself during this highly emotional and uncertain time in your life. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade – just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie. Resources & Links:Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-spotlight-surviving-the-holidays-with-michelle-dempsey-multack Michelle's website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom's Moving On Podcast TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: WORTHY The Divorce Survival Guide podcast is sponsored by Worthy. Worthy helps you get the most money possible for your diamond jewelry or luxury watch, fast and risk-free. Their experts do all the work for you, and their competitive auctions get you up to 3X what a local jeweler might offer in as little as 2 weeks. With Worthy, you're in control from start to finish. If your item doesn't sell for the price you want, Worthy sends it back to you at no cost, fully insured. And now for a limited time, you'll get an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for over $1,500. All you have to do is register at https://worthy.com/dsg-podcast. (See website for terms.) JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This week I welcome love coach Shaun Galanos to the show. Together we discuss communication tools for better relationships, modern dating, and love. Shaun is also the host of The Love Drive podcast and an online course creator. If you are divorced and thinking about dating - this episode is an invitation to strive for more open communication in new relationships. Every conversation is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and those around you. Show Highlights: Why communication in relationships feels hard or scary (3:42) Modern dating and getting back out there (8:04) We all need external validation, but it does not have to come from a new romantic partner (16:28) Red flags and triggers: how to evaluate red flags and what to do about relationship triggers (20:12) What does fear of intimacy actually mean? (29:31) Sex and dating: the best guideline is "Do I want to and do they want to?" (41:44) Learn more about Shaun: Shaun Galanos is a love coach, host of The Love Drive podcast, and an online course creator. He teaches intimacy and communication tools for better relationships and more love. He holds certifications in Personal and Professional Coaching from Concordia University, Rape Crisis Counseling from BAWAR in Oakland, CA, and a Bachelor's Degree in Interpersonal Communication from UC Santa Barbara. When he's not teaching courses on intimacy and communication or recording his podcast, he's continuing to learn about love, working on this relationship with his partner, and building community in Montreal. Resources & Links: Links and information can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/communication-for-better-relationships-and-love-with-shaun-galanos/ Submit your questions to be answered on a future episode Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open – Join us! Shaun's website Shaun on Instagram Shaun on TikTok Shaun on Facebook Shaun on YouTube TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Adam Dodge and Adriane Nada join me for a conversation about how to empower your children to make good decisions online. Kids today understand how to use technology, but that does not mean they know how to do it safely. The internet was not built for children, but that's where they are growing up. Adam and Adriane created The Tech-Savvy Parent online course to keep parents informed and their kids safe. In this episode, they share some ways parents can lay the groundwork for having safe interactions in an online world. Adam Dodge is an internationally recognized digital safety expert and a parent. You may have heard him on the podcast when he joined me to talk about how to protect yourself from digital abuse. Adriane Nada is Professor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and a parent too. Show Highlights Adam and Adriane explain what they mean by "kids' lives have gone digital, but parenting has not." (5:05) How to be more involved in a child's digital life and keep the conversation open (15:17) Why we need to expand conversations about strangers from the physical world to the online world. Online harm is as serious as offline harm. (17:35) How to teach kids empathy and consent in ways that will be effective during online interactions (27:51) Learn more about Adam and Adriane: Adam Dodge, Esq., is a Digital Safety Expert and Founder of EndTAB.org. The founder of EndTAB, Adam is an internationally recognized digital safety expert who believes you do not have to be a tech expert to stay safe in the digital age. His work is characterized by his dedication to preventing and addressing the ways adults and children are harmed online and via their devices. He has written and presented extensively on digital safety, online abuse prevention, technology-enabled abuse, and co-authored the first safety advisory on the emerging threat of 'deepfakes.' His work and expertise has been featured on CBS and in Vogue, the MIT Technology Review, Washington Post, NBC News, the Verge, Mashable, Wall Street Journal, SELF Magazine, Los Angeles Times, GQ, HuffPost and others. Adam is a licensed attorney in California and prior to founding EndTAB, he spent 9 years leading the legal department at Southern California Domestic Violence Nonprofit. Adriane Nada MS, LMFT, LPCC is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional clinical counselor living in Portland, Oregon. Nada is certified in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. As a clinician in private practice, Nada specializes in healing childhood trauma and anxiety. She believes profound and lasting change emerges through the use of client-centered and holistic methods, integrating traditional psychotherapy theories and practice with mind-body approaches. As an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, her class instruction has included the following courses: Clinical Interventions for Children and Adolescents; Individual Techniques in Counseling and Psychotherapy; and Couple and Family Therapy. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/keeping-your-kids-safe-online-with-adam-dodge-and-adriane-nada/ The Tech-Savvy ParentHow to Protect Yourself From Digital Abuse with Adam Dodge Gabb Cell Phone TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Dr. Christine Cocchiola returns to the show to talk about coercive control and its impact on children. Dr. Cocchiola's goal, and the goal of this episode, is to help you create a more secure environment for your child. Divorcing an abuser is hard, but while you are going through this really tumultuous time, you can still show your children a path to freedom. Yes, it's hard work. Perhaps it's the hardest work you will ever do, but you can reignite the attachment you have always had with your child and be their saving grace too. Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a full-time college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years in CT and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of both adult and child victims, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Show Highlights Coercive control is a pattern of behavior and it can be covert or overt. It is when one person wants to retain power and control over another (4:55) Coercive control is the foundation of most domestic abuse (5:17) If your spouse is abusing you, your child is a victim of abuse too. Children learn how to regulate their behavior to appease an abusive parent. (11:50) You have to be actively working to create a strong foundation so your child clearly knows you are the calm and safe parent (27:21) Abuse is a choice, and there is no excuse for it (41:26) Dr. Cocchiola answers, "Do coercive controllers have the ability to love their children?" (43:44) Learn more about Christine: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. She is a full-time college professor teaching social work for the last 20 years in CT and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of coercive control and the traumatic experiences of both adult and child victims, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey toward healing their children. Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/protective-parenting-with-dr-christine-cocchiola Dr. Cocchiola's website Dr. Cocchiola on Instagram Dr. Cocchiola on Facebook Dr. Cocchiola on Twitter Dr. Cocchiola on LinkedIn Dr. Cocchiola's past episode on Coercive ControlThe Protective Parenting ProgramSurviving the Holidays with Michelle Dempsey-MultackCo-parenting During the Holidays, During a Pandemic with Michelle Dempsey-Multack TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Liz Bailey joins me this week to share her experience leaving an abusive marriage and how that drives her passion for helping women rise up, thrive, and take action steps to move forward before, during, or after divorce. For listeners who feel they are never going to be on the other side of their divorce, Liz's story is a testament that there is "the other side," and that you can get there too—with planned action. Listen in to hear my candid conversation with Liz about her journey thus far, and what she's learned along the way. Show Highlights There are milestones in the divorce process that help you feel closer and closer to getting out (7:25) Abusive behaviors in people do not often change - fundamental values must shift which takes a lot of time and work (years worth). Short-term therapy is not the answer. (15:46) How Liz decided she was ready to leave her abusive relationship and the steps she took to plan her exit, safely (19:38) Your risk of domestic homicide greatly increases when you say you are going to leave. This is why it is imperative to plan and seek resources from domestic violence advocates (19:54) Why hiring a trauma-informed family lawyer is so important for abuse victims (28:00) Domestic Violence Shelters offer a wide variety of resources for you, including advocacy, legal aid, and more (36:08) Surround yourself with people who understand what is happening and can support you (36:53) Liz talks about co-parenting with her ex-spouse: "I believe the history of his behavior and therefore, practice BIFF." (42:25) Learn more about Liz: Liz G. Bailey is a mother, published author, speech-language pathologist, and podcast host who thrives at the intersection of compassion and humor — known for saying some off-the-wall stuff without a filter, all to create a transformative experience for her audiences. With a master's degree in communication sciences and a survivor of Domestic Violence, she knows what it means to use your voice to protect yourself and those you love. After bravely leaving an abusive marriage, she has triumphed over her life's challenges by seeing the bigger picture and raising herself through spiritual growth. Now, as a champion for women and an advocate for prevention and survivors of Domestic Violence, Liz shares her life's experiences on stage, at events, and on podcasts, inspiring her audiences to rise up and thrive, see their inherent value, and take action steps no matter the situation. When she is not writing inspiring articles or teaching others how to use their voices, she is speaking and editing her podcast, The Pretty Truth. She and her best friend connect with thought leaders from around the world on topics ranging from personal and spiritual growth to the power of communication in relationships to living up to your highest self after trauma. We created this podcast to remember and emphasize that we are not alone on our paths and that slowing down to be OK with our perfectly imperfect selves is powerful. Liz's purpose is to empower others and inspire the courage to walk away from victimhood and find wholeness and happiness after trauma. She communicates the truth and leaves people feeling joy, hope, and a desire to take action. Resources & Links: Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open – Join us!Liz's websiteLiz on InstagramLiz on FacebookLiz on LinkedInLiz on TwitterDomesticshelters.org You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero Why Does He Do That, Lundy Bancroft The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk M.D. BIFF for Co-Parent Communication, Bill Eddy How to Communicate with a High-Conflict Co-Parent with Bill Eddy TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE DIVORCE SURVIVAL PROGRAM As one of the pioneers of the divorce coaching industry, I've been helping women (most of whom are moms) navigate the divorce process for the last decade. AND NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, ALL OF MY DIVORCE WISDOM IS AVAILABLE IN ONE ONLINE PROGRAM. This program is 100% for you if… You're a mom looking for a clear roadmap to a divorce that won't destroy your kids You're looking for answers and a roadmap You understand that divorce is a long game You're willing to put away your boxing gloves You want this to be a respectful and collaborative process in service of your kids You understand that divorce is, first and foremost, an emotional process and you're ready to 'go there' Are you ready to learn from one of the world's top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome? YEAH, Y'ARE!!! JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Tracy Coenen is a forensic accountant who has been investigating fraud for more than twenty-five years. This year she released the Divorce Money Guide to help people in the process of divorce take control of their finances. In this episode, Tracy joins me for a conversation about becoming your own forensic accountant. Becoming your own forensic accountant helps you to gain agency, clarity, and understanding—and take back the power of your financial situation. Show Highlights Why you might need a forensic accountant: it all comes down to money shenanigans! (6:18) Don't feel ashamed about anything that happened with marital money - figure out where you are today and take some control back (9:35) What to do if your spouse refuses to answer questions about finances (12:04) Get into gathering mode - gather all of the financial information you can (12:50) Red flags that there might be something amiss with marital finances (15:32) How to objectively assess any red flags you are seeing (19:36) Taking agency and control over the finances in your marriage (22:48) How to know when you need to hire a professional (32:32) If you understand your money, you can get a better settlement in your divorce (35:09) Learn more about Tracy Coenen: Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn't always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/becoming-your-own-forensic-accountant-with-tracy-coenen Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open - Join us!Tracy on InstagramTracy on LinkedInUse Code DSG to get $100 off Tracy's Divorce Money Guide TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the hild in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Mary Ann Hughes is the proud mother of two sons on opposite ends of the autism spectrum. Today she joins me for a conversation about going through a divorce when you have children with special needs. During her divorce, Mary Ann successfully advocated for her children's needs. As a result, she started Special Family Transitions to help families navigate the overwhelm and complexities of special needs divorce to get the best possible outcome, with as little time, money, and stress as possible. Today, she joins me for a conversation about navigating divorce in the midst of parenting (and eventually co-parenting) children with disabilities. Combining her experience and certifications as a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, member of the National Association of Divorce Professionals, MBA, and years of special needs advocacy, Mary Ann is committed to supporting families with children with disabilities as a valued special needs divorce coach and consultant. Show Highlights Transitions can be hard for neurodivergent children – Mary Ann shares how parents approach the decision-making process of divorce The impact of divorce on children with disabilities How to co-parent with kids with special needs when a parent is not engaged or doesn't prioritize the children How and why you may want to set up a trust for your children What you need to know about divorce when you have kids on the spectrum Learn more about Mary Ann Hughes: As a mom of two boys on the autism spectrum who unexpectedly faced divorce after 21 years of marriage, Mary Ann Hughes had to learn how to navigate the complexities of special needs divorce, to effectively advocate for her children's needs and get a great result for her family in my divorce. Mary Ann formed Special Family Transitions and became a Special Needs Divorce Coach and Consultant so other moms of children with disabilities wouldn't have to spend the time, money, and emotional energy she did when faced with divorce. Mary Ann is on a mission to help mothers gain the confidence, skills and knowledge to successfully overcome the overwhelm and challenges of special needs divorce, to achieve the best possible result for their family. Mary Ann combines her experiences as a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Transition and Recovery Coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, Certified Life Coach, member of National Association of Divorce Professionals and NADP Special Needs Chapter, LoneStar LEND Leadership Education in Autism and Neurodevelopmental Disabilities Fellow, MBA with a successful career in Fortune 100 companies (pre-kids), and years of special needs training and advocacy, to help her clients effectively advocate for themselves and their children in special needs divorce. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found here: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/divorcing-with-children-with-special-needs-with-mary-ann-hughes/ Grit and Grace Group Coaching is Open – Join us!Mary Ann's websiteMary Ann on FacebookMary Ann on InstagramMary Ann on YouTube Mary Ann on TikTokMary Ann on LinkedIn Mary Ann's course: Keys to Success in Divorce for Moms of Children with Special Needs – DSG listeners get 25% off with discount code SFT. THE M3ND PROJECT The M3ND Project's mission is to bring clarity and validation to victims and survivors and to provide tools and resources for those who are responding to abuse. Annette Oltmans founded The M3ND Project coming out of her own experience as a survivor of emotional abuse and double abuse and after years of researching academic materials and personally interviewing hundreds of abuse survivors, therapists, and faith leaders. M3ND does this by providing various educational resources and training courses. Sometimes, it can be hard to articulate what you are going through when you try to reach out to a friend or therapist for help, and it can make you feel crazy. As a survivor, I remember feeling this way. When I first came across Mend's Terms and Definitions tool, which names and explains covert abusive tactics, it was SO validating and illuminating. M3ND wants to share this resource with The Divorce Survival Guide Listeners for free!! Go get this tool that I think is so essential: Grab M3ND's Terms and Definitions Tool: https://kateanthony.com/mend JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

October 1st marked the beginning of domestic violence awareness month. On September 30th, I learned that a member of my Facebook community was murdered by her boyfriend, who then turned the gun on himself. There are 11 murder-suicides rooted in domestic violence per week in the United States, so I decided to focus this week's episode on the epidemic of domestic violence and shed light on it with some of my thoughts on how we can attempt to move beyond this in our society. Unfortunately, when I am educating victims, it is already too late. In this episode, I talk about spreading awareness about raising our children to express their pain and feelings in a safe way, what to do if a co-parent is exhibiting toxic behavior, and the importance of educating yourself on domestic violence and abusive patterns or behaviors. Episode highlights: If you are in a toxic relationship where you feel unsafe, create a safety plan before you leave. 75% of domestic homicides occur when a person leaves an abusive relationship. I share precisely how to create a safety plan The importance of healing and doing trauma work after getting out of an abusive relationship Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/solo-episode-one-of-our-members-was-murdered-last-week National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 or TheHotline.org Non-violent parenting classesSafety plan outlineLeanne Oaten