The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

This week's episode explores intuition and its role in decision-making with guest Dr. Carolyn Kurle. If we always followed our intuition, life would be sooo easy, right? Not exactly, but getting in touch with your intuition, what lights you up, and looking at hard data, can help you make decisions with clarity and peace.  Dr. Carolyn Kurle is a Biology Professor at the University of California, San Diego. As a scientist, Carolyn relies on logical thinking. Still, she also values quieting the false stories in our minds and fully integrating our feeling and intuitive selves to navigate the flow of life from a place of wholeness.  Featured topics include: Recognizing when you are in an unproductive groove is the first step to harnessing the power of intuition (7:35) Instead of running away from your inner critic or fear, get curious about it - that’s where the transformation can happen (12:44) “You have the agency to leave, change, and make different choices moving forward. It is powerful and amazing.” (15:34) How to work through disconnecting or disassociating from the information you don’t want to face (24:52)  Finding a way to get into a productive and intuitive groove (41:20) Learn more about Dr. Carolyn Kurle: Dr. Carolyn Kurle is a Biology Professor at the University of California, San Diego. As a scientist, Carolyn relies on logical thinking, but she also values quieting the false stories in our minds and fully integrating our feeling, intuitive selves to navigate the flow of life from a place of wholeness.  Carolyn’s work with hundreds of outstanding students at UCSD, many of whom paradoxically struggle to find ease, motivated her to write the book, The Guidance Groove: Escape Unproductive Habits, Trust Your Intuition, and Be True. Her book is an invitation to question the truth of the stories you’ve been conditioned to believe so you can more easily connect with the wisdom emanating from your intuitive guidance, increase your personal authenticity and contentment, and make choices from love instead of ego and fear. Resources & Links: Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-223-the-science-of-intuition-with-dr-carolyn-kurle/ Grit and Grace Coaching with Kate Carolyn’s website   Carolyn’s book Carolyn on LinkedIn TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM   An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.  In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?   DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

This week’s episode is especially for the women who have had their heads in the sand about their finances.  That’s okay because we’ve got you covered. Jennifer Lee, the founder of Modern-Wealth, a Sarasota-based financial firm focusing on helping individuals experiencing transition, joins me in this episode. Our conversation focuses on empowering women to take control of their finances, understand their money story, navigate divorce, and build a purposeful and legacy-driven financial life. Jennifer has over 27 years of expertise in the financial services industry and is also the author of Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy. Our hope is that this episode helps you to get clear on where you are and figure out how to move forward.  Featured topics include: Why thinking about and determining your money story is important (4:56) Even if your partner handles most of the marital assets, it’s imperative you know what is going on and have an understanding of your finances (12:17) If you’ve never managed the money, but have access to financial information, Jennifer explains where to begin when it comes to the divorce process (17:03) Collaborative divorce: what it is and how it works (25:16) Recommendations for women who want to understand and manage their finances better (35:38) Learn more about Jennifer Lee: Originally from Maryland, Jennifer brought her over 27 years (44 years if you count going into the office with her father as a child) of expertise in the financial services industry to Florida. Jennifer has found that a relationship with an advisor is most critical at the intersections in life where emotions collide with financial events. She enjoys facilitating her clients through challenges as they experience life’s upsets such as divorce, the loss of a spouse, or business to retirement transition. Whether you are experiencing divorce, a business client expanding or selling your operation, or a couple wanting to make sure they have provided for their family, Modern-Wealth may be a good fit. Jennifer provides a fresh perspective to the financial planning process by digging deep to understand what drives her clients. At Modern-Wealth, they build long-lasting relationships. As part of their process, they encourage clients to communicate their values to the most important people in their lives by writing a family love letter. This led her to write “Squeeze the Juice: Live With Purpose-Then Leave a Legacy.” Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-222-get-your-head-out-of-the-sand-and-take-charge-of-your-finances-with-jennifer-lee/ Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Jennifer’s websiteJennifer’s bookJennifer’s Facebook Jennifer’s LinkedIn Jennifer’s InstagramYouTube Excerpts from Squeeze the Juice: Live with Purpose, then Leave a Legacy Schedule a Squeeze the Juice Call with Jennifer TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM   An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all.  In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you’ll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?   DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Do you spend most of the time feeling like you are doing parenting all wrong? Are you often doling out punishments but really wish you had more connection and calm with your kids? Michelle Kenney, a parenting coach, returns for a conversation about how to let go of punishments and find peace in parenting instead.  Parenting without the use of threats, bribes, and consequences is possible. But can you raise a great kid without using these parenting tactics? The answer is “Yes!” In this episode, Michelle breaks down how to parent without yelling or using manipulative methods. And, y’all, I learned so much from this conversation. I hope you will too!  Michelle is a mother of two, and after years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. Today Michelle has helped herself and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems.    Featured topics include: Parenting without yelling or consequences starts with creating a connection with your child (3:48) Mutual cooperation is the goal (8:21) How to co-parent with someone who has a different parenting style (9:10) Punishment erodes trust and engagement; instead, aim for empathy and holding boundaries (14:32) Some ways to build and foster connection with your children (22:54) How to take care of yourself while parenting (27:48) Learn more about Michelle Kenney: Michelle lives in Los Angeles with her two girls, 12 and 15. Before becoming a Hand in Hand certified instructor in 2015, she worked for 12 years in public schools as a teacher and counselor. None of which prepared her to be a mom. After years of consequences, bribes, and star charts, she found Hand in Hand parenting, created by Patty Wipfler. It reshaped her relationship with her daughters, and she credits it with changing her life. She is passionate about helping others find their way through the murky business of being a connected parent. She loves leading groups and finds the dynamic transformative.  Michelle also strongly believes that listening partnerships are the cornerstone to overcoming difficulties. Michelle has helped herself, and others make meaningful connections, work on sibling rivalry, and alleviate school problems.  Aggression, fears, withdrawal, and sleep issues are just some of the struggles she has shared and helped others rectify. She holds a Master’s Degree in Education, speaks fluent Spanish, has been trained as a Council in Schools Facilitator, and is an ADL Trainer fighting against bias of all types on school campuses. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-221-parenting-with-peace-letting-go-of-punishments-and-finding-connection-with-michelle-kenney/ Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Michelle’s website Unpunished: How to Let Go of Punishments and Find Your Parenting Peace ========= DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.  

Zawn Villines returns to the show this week. Together we explore how men use the family court system to continue to abuse women. Zawn shares the harrowing story of Caroline Youseff Kassenoff, who experienced post-separation abuse in its most extreme form and who the family court system failed horribly. We discussed Kayden’s Law, double standards around mental health and infidelity, and how to quietly quit your marriage if you simply can’t leave. Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism and limits women's lives and futures.   Featured topics include: DARVO and how it plays into coercive control and post-separation abuse within family courts (15:48) The double standard around mental health and infidelity between men and women (19:57( Why men must hear, “Being an extraordinary husband gets you an extraordinary wife. It gets you a better life.” (31:40) “Marriage is a huge and dangerous gamble that is not worth undertaking for most women.” (35:11) Quiet quitting: If you can’t leave, how can you still make a meaningful life? (35:35) Kids know what is happening and eventually discover the truth - there often is justice down the line. (50:20) Learn more about Zawn Villines: Zawn Villines is a feminist activist and writer who focuses on misogyny in motherhood and marriage. Her work argues that mothers are central to the feminist project, and that fathers must participate equally in household and parenting labor. She believes that inequality in marriage is a primary driver of sexism, and that it limits women's lives and futures. Inequality at home is a form of abuse, and Zawn teaches women to push back on this unacceptable treatment and claim their rightful place in the family, at work, and in their communities.   Her weekly Feminist Advice Friday series advises people about how to live better and more just lives and how to use their relationships as pathways to liberation and joy.   Outside of her activism, Zawn has written full-time about science, medicine, politics, and the law for two decades. She writes a weekly reproductive justice column and runs a nonprofit childbirth justice organization.  She hopes to see more mothers claim the power and dignity of motherhood and end notions of mothers as irrelevant. Mothers are raising the next generation of resistance.   Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-220-post-separation-abuse-and-the-failure-of-the-family-court-system-with-zawn-villines/ Zawn’s website Zawn on Facebook Zawn on Instagram Subscribe to Zawn’s newsletter!988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline‘Do not let my demise be in vain,’ Jess Taylor  TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

When it comes to divorce and our children, there are things that, as adults, we are not thinking about. Wouldn’t it be great to understand a kid’s perspective as we traverse divorce? This week, Grace Casper, a child of divorce, joins me to share insights and practical tools parents can use to guide children before, during, and after divorce.   Grace became a child of divorce at age eight. Since then, she’s wanted to help families through the divorce process. She is now 24 years old and runs Divorce Tips from Kids. She is also the host of the podcast, “Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew,” and author of the upcoming book, "Dear Parents: Notes From a Child of Divorce.”  Featured topics and insights include: Parents set the tone for the home and the divorce. (5:58) Divorce tip! “Send a piece of yourself with your kid when they visit their other parent.” (8:15) Allow your child to miss their other parent when they are with you. (12:11) Dismissing your child simply because of their age is a huge disservice to them. (22:47) Your kids get to decide what divorce means for them (like, it sucks, it’s good, or even a coexisting of both good and bad). (32:29) Divorce tip! “Empower and coach your kids about how to speak to their other parent.” (39:21) Reminder: Your child is not responsible for caring for your happiness. (44:45) Learn more about Grace Casper: Grace Casper became a child of divorce at age eight. By age 10, she had already written her first manuscript draft for her book. Ever since then, she’s wanted to help families through the process of divorce. She is now 24 years old and runs Divorce Tips from Kids. This includes posting on social media, sending out emails to parents, and hosting her podcast, “Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew” (the first podcast created from the child’s perspective). She is also the author of the upcoming book, "Dear Parents: Notes From a Child of Divorce," which comes out June 20th.  She is a Baylor University alumni; however, her hometown in Colorado will forever have her heart. When Grace isn’t creating content about divorce, she works as a full-time elementary school librarian. She lives in Waco, TX, with her tiny maltipoo, Teddy, and two best friends. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-219-divorce-tips-from-kids-with-grace-casper/ Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Private Coaching with KateGrace’s websiteGrace on Instagram Grace on TikTok Grace on Facebook DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

This week we are talking about hoovering. If the term is new to you, hoovering is a tactic an ex-partner might use to suck you back into the relationship. When you try to leave a toxic relationship, it can be scary, unknown, and you may start second-guessing yourself. Dr. Heidi Brocke returns to help us understand what hoovering is and shares the signs so you can avoid being lured back into a toxic relationship. Dr. Heidi Brocke is the perfect person to talk about hoovering because she is a toxic relationship awareness and healing specialist. She has turned her past into her passion as she provides hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors. Featured topics and insights include: If you feel like shit all the time in your relationship, something is wrong. (8:00) The three things seen during the love-bombing stage and how that connects to hoovering. (9:19) As soon as an ex starts feeling insecure about the loss of the relationship, that is when the hoovering typically begins. (13:13) The tactics and signs of hoovering. (13:57) This has nothing to do with you or the relationship, it has everything to do with the fact your ex feels insecure and is looking to regain power and control. (30:19)  Learn more about Dr. Heidi Brocke:  As a Toxic Relationship Awareness & Healing Specialist, Dr. Heidi Brocke has turned her past into her passion as she provides hope, healing, and freedom to those whose lives have been affected by toxic relationships, emotional abuse, and narcissistic behaviors. After 24 years in healthcare, she has now moved on to use her life experience and her education to be the person she needed when she herself was trapped in the darkness of an unhealthy relationship. Through education, Dr. Heidi presents to her clients the understanding they need to empower themselves to walk through fear and into freedom. She has been featured in Forbes, Time Magazine, and Thrive Global for her dedication to her clients and her work in the toxic relationship area. Her podcast, “It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic,” has reached clients and followers worldwide, now with over 1 million downloads. She plans to continue her mission to educate as many as possible on the effects of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-218-hoovering-how-your-toxic-ex-can-suck-you-back-in-with-dr-heidi-brocke/ Private Coaching with Kate Dr. Heidi Brocke’s websiteIt’s Not Normal, It’s Toxic Podcast Become a member of the We're INNIT Together Community Dr. Heidi on Instagram Dr. Heidi on Facebook Episode 178: From Toxic to Free with Dr. Heidi Brocke   TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Annette Oltmans, the founder of The M3ND Project, returns to the show to discuss Double Abuse®. Together, we explore what Double Abuse® is and how it can exacerbate the trauma a victim is already experiencing from their abuser.   Double Abuse® happens when seeking help becomes a harmful encounter, where instead of supporting you, a person belittles your experience or disregards what you are telling them about your abuser.  When you are in the middle of trauma, you need someone who will say, “I’ve got you,” understands what you are going through, and can help advocate for you.   We created this episode because it is important to: understand what Double Abuse® is,  know what to do if you think it’s happening to you, and learn how others can be safe people for you.  Featured topics include: Understanding covert emotional abuse and its destruction (4:15) Double Abuse®: what it is and how it exacerbates a victim’s trauma (15:48) Why it’s important for victims to recognize when Double Abuse® is happening to them so they can gently exit the conversation and find a new circle of support (24:24) Some examples of Double Abuse® in the media (34:29) How to support and show up for a victim using the healing model of compassion (37:36) You cannot take care of yourself if you are being traumatized by Double Abuse® (52:08) Learn more about Annette Oltmans: Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities."  Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-217-understanding-double-abuse-with-annette-oltmans/ Private Coaching with Kate The M3nd Project WebsiteTools and Resources from The M3ND ProjectThe M3ND Project on FacebookThe M3ND Project on InstagramThe M3nd Project on YouTubeThe M3nd Project on TwitterAbuser. Narcissist. Sociopath. with Annette Oltmans Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans ========= DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.  

Tracy Coenen returns to the show to talk about hidden money, secret spending, and how to win the money you deserve in your divorce. Tracy is a forensic accountant and has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years. She finds money in corporate fraud cases, high-net-worth divorces, and other financial shenanigans. In this episode, she shares information about the ways money can be hidden and how to assert your autonomy, take control, and reach a fair and deserved settlement.  Featured topics include: Why it is important to be mindful of the language used around money and divorce. (4:16) Tracy talks about her new book, Find Me The Money!, and how it aims to empower women to win a fair divorce settlement. (7:39) How to know if your spouse is hiding money, and some ways money can be hidden (such as a secret credit card) (9:59) The five secret thieves of divorce: shame, betrayal, isolation, insecurity, and overwhelm (15:06) Innocent spouse relief: what it means and how it plays into the divorce process (26:20) How to reconcile winning the money you deserve versus the hurdles you’ll need to jump to win it - is it worth it? (35:19) Learn more about Tracy Coenen: Tracy Coenen has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-216-find-me-the-money-with-tracy-coenen/ Join me TOMORROW, May 12th, for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Tracy’s website Tracy on InstagramTracy on TikTokEpisode 190: Becoming Your Own Forensic Accountant with Tracy Coenen DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Gabrielle Hartley returns to the show to discuss the secret to getting along with others! Gabrielle is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee, a divorce attorney, online mediator,  founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book, “The Secret to Getting Along and Why It’s Easier Than You Think,” is available for pre-order.  Gabrielle says that when you learn the steps of getting along, there is nothing more satisfying than being in agreement. Listen to this episode to hear how meeting your deepest emotional needs will lead to resolving conflict. Featured topics include: The framework of Gabrielle’s YES Method and how it encourages people to get along (12:50) Knowing when to shelve a conversation and take space (19:30) If you can understand what the other person really needs, you can settle almost any argument (24:47) Gabrielle explains what she means when she says, “Defensiveness is the enemy of resolution.” (32:42) The VIR protocol: visualizing how you want things to be (36:14) Learn more about Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.: Gabrielle Hartley is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee, a divorce attorney, online mediator,  founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book “The Secret to Getting Along and Why It’s Easier Than You Think” will be released this May. She offers a weekly newsletter, The Conflict Code” and hosts The Better Apart Blog and is a frequently quoted media expert in the peaceful divorce realm (The New York Times, Vice, WNYC, Forbes, Psychology Today,etc.) Gabrielle is former court attorney to NYS Supreme Court Judge Jeffrey Sunshine.   While writing her first book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (HarperCollins2019) she realized that we all need to get along better in all facets of our lives. Gabrielle developed the YES Method based on more than 25 years working as a top divorce lawyer and mediator. The Secret to Getting Along was recently selected as a Next Big Idea Club must-read and her Tedx Talk on her strategy has been viewed over 62 thousand times. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-215-the-secret-to-getting-along-with-gabrielle-hartley-esq/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Gabrielle's website Gabrielle on Facebook Gabrielle on Instagram The Secret To Getting Along and Why It's Easier Than You Think The Secret To Getting Along is Easier Than You Think TEDx Talk TODAY’S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: COZY EARTH Cozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code “DSG” at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show! DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

This week, Dr. Jeannette Lofas joins me to discuss why the step-family unit differs entirely from a traditional family. She explains why the science, rules, and roles of the step-family are uniquely distinct. Dr. Lofas also shares insights and advice about how to make the step-family structure work for your changing family, following divorce and remarriage.  Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D., is a pioneering authority in stepfamily relationships, divorce, remarriage, and children. She is also the founder and president of the Stepfamily Foundation -- the first organization in the world devoted solely to the problems and challenges encountered in step relationships.  Featured topics include: The step-family cannot and will not function as an intact family (12:03) Why identifying roles in the step-family system and defining rules is important (13:41) The role of the step-mother or step-parent (15:24) Dr. Lofas shares some of the rules of the step-family (22:19) The issue with the phrase “blended family” (28:07) Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-214-navigating-step-family-relationships-with-dr-jeannette-lofas/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist The Stepfamily FoundationDr. Lofas on InstagramDr. Lofas on LinkedIn A Conversation about the film, Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Learn more about Dr. Jeannette Lofas: Dr. Jeannette Lofas (Ph.D., LCSW) is a therapist specializing in stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas herself is a divorcee, successfully remarried. (She is also a stepchild and a stepmother.) She has been helping stepfamilies for more than four decades and said there is not a question she hasn’t answered. Dr. Lofas believes that the stepfamily does not and cannot function as a biological family. Author of four books, she has deep and specific knowledge of the science of the stepfamily system where the roles and rules are very different from traditional marriages. More an expert consultant than a traditional therapist, Lofas offers an approach which is actionable, practical and solution based to help you succeed in this different dynamic. She defines responsibilities and contributions for every member of the stepfamily and teaches communication skills, focusing on positivity, manners, visitation, the prior spouse, co-parenting and more. Dr. Lofas believes solutions come from education about how to manage stepfamily relationships – and she speaks to everyone in the family. Lofas is also a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Mediator. Lofas is former TV reporter/film critic for ABC, NBC and CBS. In her linked in profile she provides some background as to how she became a stepfamily expert: "When I remarried I found myself lost and in conflict within my own new family. I was amazed to find that my beloved husband sided with his four girls rather than me. Before we got marred his girls and I were best of pals. I was devastated. My husband and I began fighting over his not taking my side, discipline, putting his children before me, and my 10-year-old son. Dismayed I contacted every therapist in the state and then began to call all over the US. There was no one there. Having come out of TV on air broadcast news and being an experienced interviewer I turned to looking for and talking to others in similar situations. From that information I created my first book. LIVING IN STEP: A Remarriage Manual. As a result people started asking me for advice. I decided to make a career transition and to counsel people who had remarried with children. My reputation as a writer and counselor spread so that I was invited as a guest on such TV programs as Oprah, Montel Williams, The Today show, CBS Morning News and Fox. I have also been interviewed by periodicals such as the NY Times, The Ladies Home Journal (Woman of the Month) and Vogue to name a few. I live in constant gratitude and delight watching my client families grow from chaos and conflict to laughter and love." Dr. Lofas is the recipient of a 1995 presidential award for her ‘outstanding efforts in strengthening step relationships across America’ and is president of the Stepfamily Foundation https://www.stepfamily.org/, a not-for-profit that she founded in 1976. She is the author of Living In Step, with Ruth Roosevelt, McGraw-Hill, 1976; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, Tzedakah, 1995; Family Rules, Kensington Books, 1998; and Stepparenting, 3rd Edition May 2004, Citadel Books, one of the largest selling books of its kind. Dr. Lofas counsels clients from around the world.   DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.