The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Are you familiar with the term intergenerational trauma? My guest, Dr. Mariel Buqué, explains intergenerational trauma as "shadows of emotional pain that has plagued families for generations." Whether intergenerational trauma is a new term to you or something you've long been interested in shedding, this week's episode brings to light the complexities of this trauma and explores how to heal from it. Dr. Mariel Buqué is a Columbia University-trained Psychologist, intergenerational trauma expert, and the author of the book Break the Cycle: a book that focuses on healing wounds of intergenerational trauma. Her holistic clinical framework infuses ancient and indigenous healing practices into a modern, comprehensive therapeutic approach. Get ready for an enlightening discussion as we unravel the intricacies of intergenerational trauma with the exceptional Dr. Mariel Buqué. Featured topics include: What is Intergenerational trauma? Is it really a part of our DNA? (8:27) Recognizing triggers, naming them, and having the fortitude to change the behavioral pattern is valuable, but it can take many years of therapy to get to this point (10:25) How our family trauma contributes to our intimate relationship dynamics (26:48) Breaking the cycle of trauma in our lives to develop healthier relationships (34:58) Learn more about Dr. Mariel Buqué: Dr. Mariel Buqué is a Columbia University-trained Psychologist, intergenerational trauma expert, and the author of the book Break the Cycle: a book that focuses on healing wounds of intergenerational trauma. Her clinical framework is holistic and infuses ancient and indigenous healing practices into a modern, comprehensive therapeutic approach. She additionally provides healing workshops to Fortune 100 companies including Google, Twitter, Capital One, and Facebook and lectures within the psychology department of Columbia University. Dr. Buqué is widely sought out for her clinical expertise and trauma healing approach and has been featured on major media outlets including The Today Show, Good Morning America, and ABC News. Resources & Links: Kate's book "The D Word" Dr. Mariel's bookDr. Mariel on Instagram Dr. Mariel on TikTok Dr. Mariel on YouTube Dr. Mariel on Facebook Show link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-247-break-the-cycle-of-intergenerational-trauma-with-dr-mariel-buque/ TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

This week's episode focuses on the impact of significant life transitions on relationships and mental health, emphasizing the need for open communication and understanding. Alessandra Torresani is my special-guest. She is a multi-hyphenate actress, host, creator, and mental health advocate. In this episode, Alessandra's candidness extends to societal stigmas, the fear of judgment, and the importance of recognizing mental health challenges in both men and women. By sharing her journey with Bipolar 1 Disorder, Alessandra aims to break down barriers and encourage others to seek help, fostering a community of support and understanding. Tune in for a conversation about postpartum struggles, mental health challenges, and navigating parenthood with vulnerability and strength. Featured topics include: Alessandra discusses the physical, emotional, and identity changes of being a new mom. (4:36) The impact of significant life transitions, such as becoming a parent, on marriages (5:33) We explore the question, "Why does stating you want a divorce seem like such a surprise to a partner?" (17:00) What to know when it comes to creating a parenting plan as a new mom (18:55) Alessandra shares her experience living with Bipolar 1 Disorder and navigating motherhood and marriage while not being medicated (24:26) Mental health and relationships: Some advice for those in relationships where someone has a mental illness and is not doing anything about it (40:09) Learn more about Alessandra Torresani: Alessandra is a multi-hyphenate actress, host, creator, and mental health advocate. She is dedicated to de-stigmatizing mental health by spreading kindness, compassion and hope. She brings tons of fun and laughter to her mission with sharing her story about living with BiPolar 1 Disorder on her podcast EmotionAL Support. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" EmotionAL Support Pod Alessandra on Instagram Show Link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-246-mental-health-relationships-and-lifes-transitions-with-alessandra-torresani/

In this engaging discussion, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley, an Associate Professor of Counseling and author, introduces the concept of relationship styles derived from attachment theory. She describes four distinct styles—security guard, networker, firefighter, and investigator—and their unique strengths and challenges. Dr. Kuhnley highlights how self-awareness can transform relationship dynamics and emphasizes the importance of embracing our individual styles for emotional well-being. Plus, she connects the lessons of Mr. Rogers to modern relationships, showcasing the enduring power of kindness and connection.

This week's episode revisits a fan-favorite conversation about coercive control with the incredible Dr. Christine Coccihola. We explore how coercive control serves as the bedrock for a majority of domestic abuse cases, often manifesting in non-physical forms, and discuss the insidious nature of control, including its impact and how to get help if you are a victim. Whether you're revisiting this powerful episode or hearing it for the first time, Dr. Cocchiola's insights are invaluable in navigating the complexities of relationships. Listen to hear (or re-hear) this conversation about coercive control. Featured topics include: What is coercive control? The global impact of high-profile cases that revolve around coercive control DARVO: an acronym used to describe a common strategy of abusers How coercive controllers gain and retain control How to avoid coercive control and other abusive situations Learn more about Dr. Christine Cocchiola: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is a Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher & Survivor. Coercive Control, the foundation of most domestic abuse, is often non-physical with offenders using "power over" to abuse their victims psychologically, legally, financially, and sexually and where children are involved, use of the children as pawns. She is a college professor teaching social work at CT Community College for the last 20 years and also an adjunct instructor at NYU. Her expertise is in the areas of intimate partner violence, trauma, and child abuse, developing and presenting workshops on these topics both nationally and internationally. Christine, a Board Member of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, has supported policy codifying coercive control and has a small private practice, primarily serving victims and survivors of coercive control. She is the creator of the Protective Parenting Program, supporting protective mothers on their journey of healing their children. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" and Grab Your Bonuses! Dr. Cocchiola's websiteDr. Cocchiola on InstagramDr. Cocchiola on FacebookDr. Cocchiola on TwitterDr. Cocchiola on LinkedInInstagram Live with Dr. Christine about Depp v HeardWhat Happens After You Leave Your Abusive Marriage? with Leanne Oaten Episode Link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-244-coercive-control-with-dr-christine-cocchiola/ TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Nicole Sodoma joins me on the podcast this week! Nicole is a marriage-loving divorce attorney, founder of Sodoma Law, and author of "Please Don't Say You're Sorry." In this episode, Nicole shares empowering advice from her book, offering a unique perspective on gracefully navigating the challenges of divorce. Discover the thought-provoking concepts and questions that will compel you to lift your head out of the sand, look closely at your relationships, and help guide you as you take the steps toward divorce. Our conversation covers essential topics such as preparation for divorce, understanding the work required for a successful and happy future, and the actions and steps one should take when considering divorce or separation. Tune in to gain a fresh perspective on the complexities of love and separation and learn how humor and introspection can guide you toward a brighter, more informed journey. Featured topics include: What would your partner say is the reason you want a divorce? Uncover the importance of open communication about the motivations behind this life-altering decision. (8:00) Nicole reveals why the safest place to disclose your deepest secrets is with your attorney. Plus, she offers communication tips for interacting effectively with them. (8:32) We discuss thought-provoking concepts and questions designed to help you confront the realities of your relationship. (27:53) Prepare for the unexpected: Contemplate a scenario where your spouse asks for a divorce. Are you prepared? Nicole helps us think further about the mental and emotional preparations needed to navigate this challenging situation. (33:13) Learn more about Nicole Sodoma: As a marriage-loving divorce attorney of 25 years, Nicole Sodoma has pioneered a way through the often- dreaded field of family law with integrity, compassion, and tenacity. Over the years, Nicole has risen to prominence as a national authority on divorce, custody, and co-parenting. However, Nicole never expected to go through a divorce herself. Through her professional and personal learnings, Nicole authored her first book, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY in 2022. The book is a witty, honest, and wildly relatable account of the stripped-down realities of marriage, separation, and divorce. While there's no denying that divorce sucks, PLEASE DON'T SAY YOUR'E SORRY serves as a reminder that although the journey can be wholly overwhelming and emotionally exhausting - it also doesn't have to be the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Nicole's new PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY Workbook is the perfect companion to the book or audiobook, featuring thought-provoking questions, inspirational quotes and must-have relationship worksheets, perfect for anyone navigating marriage, separation or divorce. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" Nicole's websitePlease Don't Say You're Sorry Book and Workbook Nicole on LinkedIn Nicole on Instagram Nicole on Facebook Episode Link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-243-preparing-for-divorce-with-nicole-sodoma/ TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage...once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go? DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

I have another solo episode for you this week and maybe a new series. Who knows. As we head into the holiday season, I'm diving into three essential topics—not putting your kids in the middle, creating new holiday traditions, and the concept of "the shifting of primary." Tune in to hear me explore the challenges of co-parenting during the holidays and how to avoid inadvertently putting your children in the middle. I also offer a different perspective on establishing traditions after divorce. I provide a creative (and inclusive) approach to deciding new traditions, making the process enjoyable for everyone, especially your kids. Finally, I share insights on the "shifting of primary" concept and how intentional space creation for new relationships is crucial. This episode helps you navigate these aspects of divorce and co-parenting during the holidays and beyond. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" and Grab Your Bonuses!Private Coaching with Kate Grit & GraceKate's Facebook Group Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-242-kate-unfiltered-important-topics-random-thoughts/ Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you'll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I'll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what's ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

November is Family Court Awareness Month. My friend and colleague, Tina Swithin, has dedicated the month of November to educating people about the family court system: how corrupt it can be, how unfair it is, and how uneducated most people in the family law system are about domestic violence. Tina was a guest on my podcast a few years back to share the truths about the family court system. If you fear you may end up in the family court system, you must listen to this episode. It will help you understand what family court is designed to do and enable you to prepare yourself to battle within the court system, which is not designed to protect you. Listen to hear (or re-hear) this incredible conversation about family court awareness. Featured topics include: Family Court Awareness Month is an opportunity for survivors to raise awareness at a community level. The family court system is abusive. How we can come together to increase awareness. The disconnect between family court and other judicial systems. There is no regulation or checks and balances. Very few states have required trauma-informed or domestic violence training for family court judges. We examine how judges become appointed family law judges. What you can expect when advocating for yourself in the family court system. Learn more about Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin survived a "Category Five Divorce Hurricane" while acting as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family's life upside down for over a decade. Known for her internationally recognized blog, "One Mom's Battle" and her book series, "Divorcing a Narcissist," Tina helps survivors to navigate the family court system against narcissists and other toxic individuals. In 2020, Tina launched two major projects: The High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program and a nationwide campaign, Family Court Awareness Month. The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is to raise awareness and shine a spotlight on one of the most important branches of our judicial system; the family court system. The very system that was established to govern family law cases and make decisions that are "in the best interest" of children, has some undeniable shortcomings that warrant conversations, solutions and ultimately, change. The mission at Family Court Awareness Month is fueled by the desire for a family court system that is trauma-informed and educated on domestic violence, coercive control and post separation abuse. To truly act in the best interest of children, our family court system needs to incorporate empirical data and research into their decisions and rulings. Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-241-family-court-awareness-month-with-tina-swithin/ Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" and Grab Your Bonuses!Domestic Violence Training: Bridging the Gap in Divorce Law with Kate Anthony on The Divorce and Beyond Podcast #318 Family Court AwarenessOne Mom's BattleTina on FacebookTina on InstagramTina on LinkedIn TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Solo episode alert! This is more than any regular solo episode, though, because today I'm super excited to share a chapter from my upcoming book, The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. The book comes out on December 26th, but in this episode, you're getting a sneak peek as I read Chapter 3, "Why Are Women so Unhappy in Their Marriages? How Marriage Exhausts Women and Benefits Men." This chapter explores how systemic issues and inequalities play a significant role in marriage. The unequal distribution of responsibilities, including domestic labor, emotional labor, and the "mental load," places a substantial burden on women within these partnerships. No wonder women are exhausted! Also, in this chapter (and episode), I explore one of my favorite topics, Not Your Fucking Job™. For example, it is not your fucking job to tell a grown-ass human being that the laundry needs to be done or that dinner needs to be made, or that the kids need a bath, or that you're out of toothpaste. I hope you enjoy this special episode and Chapter Three of The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage. There's so much information that I am passionate about and want you to have, and I've tried to cover it all in this book. The D Word is dedicated to my son, but it is also dedicated to women everywhere. It's dedicated to you because you, my love, deserve to be happy. Resources & Links: Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-240-introducing-the-d-word-making-the-ultimate-decision-about-your-marriage/ DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Today, we are tackling the daunting barriers that often prevent people from taking the first steps in the divorce process. Heather MacKenzie, President and Chief Content Officer of Hello Divorce joins me for a conversation about the complexities of divorce, including the paperwork, timelines, and policies that vary from state to state. This episode equips you with the knowledge and courage to embrace divorce as an opportunity for personal growth, preparing you to emerge from the process lighter and ready to start a new, fulfilling chapter in your life. Featured topics include: Navigating divorce paperwork, timelines, and legal protocols in divorce (5:51) Commonalities and roadblocks in divorce procedures across states (6:15) When skipping financial disclosures becomes a consideration (7:14) The empowering role of a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA) in your divorce journey (11:38) Busting the myth: lawyers and their expertise in financial matters (16:15) Embracing the duration: recognizing that divorce is a journey, not a sprint (20:42) Transitioning from an entitlement mindset to clarity about personal desires (22:37) Serving your spouse with a divorce petition (25:46) Leveraging the marital settlement agreement as a valuable resolution tool (35:01) Learn more about Heather MacKenzie: Heather joined Hello Divorce two months into a planned year-long vacation from the start-up world because she was convinced that the legal world is one of the only things left that truly needed disrupting. Since her expertise (obsession) is making complex, frustrating processes easier – and even enjoyable – for consumers, Heather has taken the lead of the product, customer service, marketing, and content teams to not only cover every touch point consumers have with the company but to create true economies of scale. At Hello Divorce, Heather relentlessly pursues the goal of gaining and keeping consumer trust. In her first year alone, she led the complete digital transformation of the site, implemented scale through technology and systems across teams, added new products and services that extended the company's reach, and transformed the approach of not only the legal product but the huge amount of consumer content Hello Divorce provides to users. Heather holds a B.A. in History and American Studies from the University of Notre Dame and a M.S. in Digital Media from Northwestern University. In 2017, she was chosen to be a member of the prestigious Council of 100 for executive leadership at Northwestern, where she helps with the philanthropy of the school through mentorship and growth for future women leaders. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-239-overcoming-barriers-to-divorce-with-heather-mackenzie-of-hello-divorce/ Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word" Hello DivorceHello Divorce on Instagram Listeners, get $25 off software to generate a Marital Settlement Agreement (regular cost $100) - Use code SURVIVE25 when checking out. Get Your Curated Podcast Playlist! Answer four easy questions and you'll get a curated list of podcast episodes to best support you as you navigate these tricky waters. I'll also help you identify where you currently stand on this journey, and what's ahead, with resources to help you move through this process with knowledge and grace. GET IT HERE DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Today, we delve into the world of Point C Divorce. For well-intentioned parents caught in the complexities of family conflicts, Larry and Joni have devised Point C Divorce as a solution. Their goal is clear: to minimize the effects of fiercely contested divorce battles on children, placing kids at the heart of every divorce. Following his tenure on the Superior Court bench in New Jersey, Larry transitioned from public service to academia. He now teaches at two universities and actively participates in mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Joni holds board certification in psychiatric and mental health nursing and is a certified expert in anger management. Featured topics include: Larry and Joni provide the origins and principles behind Point C Divorce. (3:44) How to protect your children when one spouse manipulates the legal system during divorce and continues to abuse you and your children. (8:18) The concept of heartfelt forgiveness and how it differs from conventional forgiveness. (16:19) Drawing from his extensive experience as a family court judge, Larry shares that children overwhelmingly desire two critical things during their parents' divorce. (19:33) The long-lasting impacts on children placed in the middle of a contentious divorce. (29:04) We explore the complexities of co-parenting, one of the most intricate relationships one can experience. (40:20) Learn more about Larry and Joni Jones: Larry and Joni are a caring and dynamic couple who have dedicated their lives and professional outreach to helping families navigate the oft-times difficult journey through mental health issues, special needs and family law. After serving on the Superior Court bench in New Jersey, Larry retired from public service, began teaching at two Universities, and became significantly involved in mediation and alternative dispute resolution. Joni is board certified in psychiatric and mental health nursing, and is a certified anger management specialist. She is also a mediator as well. Larry and Joni actively advocate on a variety of issues including, autism and special needs, co-parenting, cultural competency, domestic violence/ IPV issues, and animal-related legal issues. They have recently relocated to New Mexico and are involved in a multitude of online social education projects. Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-238-point-c-divorce-with-larry-and-joni-jones/ Pre-order Kate's book "The D Word"Grit and Grace The Divorce Coalition The Divorce Coalition on Instagram Watch the Point C Divorce Video and visit the website Point C Divorce on FacebookPoint C Divorce on Instagram Point C Divorce on YouTube TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system comprises a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.