Episode 245: The Four Relationship Styles with Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley

Dec 14, 2023

In this engaging discussion, Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley, an Associate Professor of Counseling and author, introduces the concept of relationship styles derived from attachment theory. She describes four distinct styles—security guard, networker, firefighter, and investigator—and their unique strengths and challenges. Dr. Kuhnley highlights how self-awareness can transform relationship dynamics and emphasizes the importance of embracing our individual styles for emotional well-being. Plus, she connects the lessons of Mr. Rogers to modern relationships, showcasing the enduring power of kindness and connection.

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INSIGHT

Attachment-Based Relationship Styles

Relationship styles are attachment-based patterns activated under stress and shape how we connect across the lifespan.
Dr. Anita Kuhnley labels them firefighter, investigator, security guard, and networker to highlight movement toward or away from connection.

ADVICE

Start With An Assessment

Take the Relationship Styles Test (REST) to identify your primary and secondary styles before working on change.
Use the mini-quiz on DrAnitaCoonley’s site as an accessible first step if you can't do a full Adult Attachment Interview.

INSIGHT

Strengths Become Vulnerabilities

Each style develops adaptive strengths: firefighters gain resilience, investigators gain analytical attunement.
Overused strengths become challenges like emotional numbness or losing touch with personal needs.

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Do you know what your relationship style is? In this enlightening podcast episode, we delve into the fascinating world of relationship styles with Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley, Associate Professor of Counseling at Liberty University and author of "The Mister Rogers Effect" and "The Four Relationship Styles: How Attachment Theory Can Help You in Your Search for Lasting Love" (releasing January 2024).

Dr. Kuhnley, drawing from her extensive experience, shares valuable insights on identifying and understanding your relationship style, navigating relationships, and exploring the strengths and challenges inherent in each style.

This episode uncovers the profound impact of our relationship styles on our emotional well-being and teaches us to embrace the strengths within each style for a more thriving and fulfilling life.

Featured topics include:

What are relationship styles? (2:46)
How and where to find out what your relationship is (7:19)
The attributes of the four relationship styles: security guard, networker, firefighter, and investigator (10:00)
As we become more self-aware, we can change the relationship style we have (21:44)
“The way we do relationships is the way we do emotion.” (33:10)
Every relationship style has tremendous strengths; embracing them can help us thrive. (39:02)

Learn more about Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley:

Anita is an author, esteemed scholar, expert counselor, and speaker. She is passionately committed to her mission of sharing simple psychological techniques that empower counselors and individuals to improve their own lives and make a positive impact on others. She has authored or co-authored nine books, including the acclaimed “The Mister Rogers Effect” (2020), which unpacks the incredible influence of Fred Rogers through a psychological lens. In her upcoming book, “The Four Relationship Styles: How Attachment Theory Can Help in Your Search for Lasting Love” (January 2024), she integrates classic attachment theory to provide readers with valuable insights into understanding both themselves and those with whom they aspire to build meaningful relationships. She resides in Florida.

Resources & Links:

Pre-order Kate’s book “The D Word” Anita’s website Pre-order Anita’s book “The Four Relationship Styles.” Anita on Instagram

Show link: http://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-245-the-four-relationship-styles-with-dr-anita-knight-kuhnley/

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