The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Today on the podcast I’m talking with Tamara Frankfort Odinec and Shari Joseph, the brilliant creators behind My Next Chapter, a new expert-led digital platform designed to support people through every stage of divorce with guidance, community, and curated content. What started as two women trying to find clarity in their own divorces has become a full-fledged resource hub with everything they wished they had when they were in the thick of it. When I was going through my divorce, I would’ve given anything for a one-stop place to land, a space that wasn’t just filled with noise or horror stories, but real, grounded guidance from experts who knew what they were talking about. That’s exactly what Tamara and Shari have created with My Next Chapter. Tamara is post-divorce, Shari is in the messy middle, and together, they’ve built something I genuinely believe will change the divorce support landscape. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: The origins of My Next Chapter and why having expert-led support is non-negotiable when you're navigating divorce (4:32) What makes this platform different from anything else out there (11:27) How My Next Chapter is designed to meet you exactly where you are and walk with you as you evolve (24:24) How anonymity, mentorship, and community are changing the way we move through divorce (34:43) Learn more about Tamara Frankfort Odinec: Tamara Frankfort Odinec has spent the past 25 years at the forefront of technology and marketing in various leadership roles, most recently as the founder of My Next Chapter, an expert-led platform and community for people going through every stage of divorce. Tamara also founded and runs Monty Media, an app development company that creates innovative apps for adults and kids, leveraging new technologies. Prior to this, Tamara led successful entrepreneurial endeavors for brands such as Real Simple Magazine and American Express and served as Chief Marketing Officer of Flywheel Sports. Tamara lives in New York City with her three kids and is happily divorced. Learn more about Shari Joseph: Shari Joseph is a global brand marketing leader with extensive experience in digital partnerships and social media communications. She is President and co-creator of My Next Chapter, an innovative content and community platform offering resources and support for every stage of divorce. Shari is also the founder and CEO of Smart Digital, LLC, a brand marketing and communications consultancy supporting clients across PR, social media, influencer marketing, and creative campaigns that build online presences and drive engagement. Before starting her consultancy, Shari was VP, Global Digital Partnerships at American Express. She drove the company’s global digital strategies, starting with the very first tweet from @americanexpress. Shari lives in the NYC area and recently started her next chapter as a single mom of two.  Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective My Next Chapter For a limited time, you can sign up for a complimentary founder's lifetime membership, where you can get access to amazing resources and a community to connect with those navigating similar situations. My Next Chapter on Instagram @mynextchapterofficial =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.  

This episode is a fun twist. Alyssa Dineen of Style My Profile and Jennie Young of Burned Haystack Dating Method are back, but this time they’re interviewing me. I’m in the hot seat as we dive into how their work completely shifted my experience re-entering the dating world, what I did differently this time, and how I met my partner, Ethan. I was done with dating. D.O.N.E. I was perfectly content on my own, independent and fulfilled. But I’m also human. I wanted love, connection, and partnership. What I wasn’t willing to do was settle for anything less than something truly extraordinary. This conversation is a behind-the-scenes look at what changed and what becomes possible when you lead with intention, use the right tools, and hold out for the real thing. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: Why I felt stuck in a dating loop for eight years and what finally shifted after interviewing and then working with Alyssa and Jennie (9:10) How intentional profile choices and using the Burned Haystack Method changed everything on the apps (11:51) Matching with my “needle”: Ethan’s profile stood out with pink shorts, shared values, and genuine communication. And let’s not forget those EYES!! (30:23) What it’s been like to break all the so-called rules and build something secure, drama-free, and full of intention after years of doing the work (52:07) Learn more about Alyssa Dineen: With over 25 years of experience as a fashion editor, stylist, and art director, Alyssa established herself as a seasoned leader in the New York fashion world. In the past decade, Alyssa has also emerged as a pioneering figure in the online dating space. Her innovative approach combines her expertise in styling with her insights into dating, guiding clients on everything from personal presentation to effective communication with potential partners. As an acclaimed dating expert, Alyssa has been featured in The New York Times, Today Show, Goop, and Oprah Daily. She is also the author of The Art of Online Dating published by Harper Collins in 2021, which offers valuable strategies for success in online dating. You can find more information about Alyssa and Style My Profile’s services at stylemyprofilenyc.com. Learn more about Jennie Young: Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney’s, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild PasturesSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate’s Dating Profile (video)Blog post about deal breakers vs preferences  Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa DineenStyle My Profile websiteAlyssa on InstagramAlyssa’s Facebook Group Episode 317: Burned Haystack Dating Method with Jennie YoungJennie’s website Jennie’s Facebook Group Jennie on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-325-they-helped-me-find-love-now-theyre-interviewing-me-about-it-with-alyssa-dineen-and-jennie-young/

My friend and colleague Tony Overbay is back, and we’re unpacking one of the most transformative concepts in relational healing: differentiation. At its core, differentiation is the ability to say, “This is who I am” and to stay rooted in your identity, beliefs, and emotions, even when others might pressure you to conform. It’s about holding onto yourself while staying connected to others, without relying on external validation to feel okay. In this episode Tony and I talk about what differentiation really means, and how developing a solid sense of self—what Tony calls a “90% solid, 10% flexible” ratio—can change how you navigate conflict, boundaries, intimacy, and even sex.  Differentiation isn’t something you do to fix the relationship. It’s something you do to help you hold onto or come home to yourself. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: The truth about interdependence and how it is the opposite of codependence (14:03) Tony breaks down the four points of balance in differentiation: building a solid sense of self, self-regulating emotions, managing reactivity, and sitting with discomfort for growth (17:22) The dangers of chasing external validation instead of developing self-worth from within (20:08) Why “constructing your crucible” is both hard and necessary (39:15) Learn more about Tony Overbay:  Tony Overbay is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Mindful Habit Coach, and host of two award-winning mental health podcasts, The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism, with over 12 million downloads across 150+ countries. He also co-hosts Love, ADHD with author Julie Lee, The Mind, The Mirror, and Me with his daughter Mackie, and Murder on the Couch, a true-crime-meets-therapy podcast with his daughter Sydney. Together, Tony, Mackie, and Sydney offer live weekly relationship advice to over 20,000 viewers across TikTok (@virtualcouch), Instagram (@virtual.couch) and YouTube. Tony’s first book, He’s a Porn Addict, Now What?, was an Amazon best-seller in Sexual Health and Recovery and he currently has two books scheduled for a late 2025 release. One is based on his “Waking Up to Narcissism” podcast, and the other is on couples communication based on his “4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation,” which he developed while working with over 1500 couples over the past 20 years. He works with individuals and couples on issues including narcissistic traits, states, and tendencies, emotional immaturity, betrayal trauma, faith transitions, and addiction. He’s the creator of The Path Back, a faith-based online pornography recovery program, and offers courses on couples communication, parenting, and navigating faith journeys at tonyoverbay.com (https://tonyoverbay.com/). Tony has four adult children, recently became a grandpa, and has been married to his high school sweetheart, Wendy, for 34 years. Before becoming a therapist, he worked as a software executive and wrote a humor column for nearly eight years. He’s an avid runner with over 100 marathons and ultramarathons under his belt, including a dozen 100-mile races. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with KatePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Tony’s websiteTony on InstagramTony on TikTok =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-324-the-power-of-differentiation-with-tony-overbay/

When you’ve finally left a toxic marriage and your kids, especially adult kids, have spent years steeped in that same environment, the guilt can be crushing. You wonder: How do I help them heal? How do I set them up for success when I feel like I already failed them? Dr. Alexandra Solomon is back, and we’re getting into the deep stuff: parenting through regret, healing alongside our kids, and what it means to let our children hold their truth, even when it wrecks us a little. And, when you’ve walked through fire and come out whole, you get to show your kids that love can look like mutual adoration, and that being single is better than being stuck. Here are some truths you’ll hear: Your healing is the best gift you can give your child. Witnessing their pain doesn’t mean narrating their story. You’re allowed to screw up, and still be a good parent. This one’s for every mother who wonders if it’s too late to get it right. It’s not. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: Why witnessing your child’s pain is step one to their healing (7:25) How healing ourselves supports our kids more than trying to fix them (9:37) Why modeling a healthy post-divorce relationship can be life-changing (22:49) The danger of “I don’t want my kid to make the same mistakes I did” (35:44) How to have emotionally safe relationship talks with your kids (39:59) Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon, PhD: Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is internationally recognized as one of today's most trusted voices in the world of relationships, and her framework of Relational Self-Awareness has reached millions of people around the globe. A couples therapist, speaker, author, and professor, Dr. Solomon is passionate about translating cutting-edge research and clinical wisdom into practical tools people can use to bring awareness, curiosity, and authenticity to their relationships. She is a clinician educator and a frequent contributor to academic journals, and she translates her academic and therapeutic experience to the public through her popular Instagram page, which has garnered over 200K followers. She is on faculty in the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University and is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. Her hit podcast, Reimagining Love, reaches tens of thousands of listeners across the globe each week and features high-profile guests from the worlds of therapy, academia, and pop culture. She is the award-winning author of two books: Taking Sexy Back and Loving Bravely, which was featured on the TODAY show. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodesFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Alexandra’s websiteIntimate Relationships 101Reimagining Love Podcast Alexandra on Instagram Alexandra on FacebookMasterclass Anxiety Toolkit =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link:  https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-323-parenting-through-regret-and-repair-with-dr-alexandra-solomon/  

Beverly Engel is back, and I’m so grateful to talk with someone who’s spent decades helping people break free from trauma-driven relationship patterns. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same story - same red flags, different partner - you’re not alone. In this episode, Beverly brings clarity to the messy, courageous work of breaking free and putting your past in your past. Beverly is a renowned psychotherapist and author of 27 self-help books, including her latest, Put Your Past In Your Past. In this conversation, we get into how hard it is to break lifelong patterns, especially when you were never taught how to feel your feelings, let alone trust them. But that’s where the work is and that’s how we begin to change everything. Healing is messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also liberating as hell. Here’s what else we discuss in this episode: What trauma reenactment actually is and how to begin interrupting the cycle (7:56) How to create a “triggers list” and begin connecting the dots between past pain and present-day reactions (10:51) Why you can’t heal what you don’t feel and what to do when the emotions finally surface (18:44) The fear of naming your trauma in relationships (and how to work through it) (40:08) Tools for building self-compassion and protecting yourself moving forward (43:40) Learn more about Beverly Engel: Beverly is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and expert on trauma. She has written 27 books on the related subjects of abuse, shame, and empowerment, including The Emotionally Abusive Relationship and Healing Your Emotional Self. Her books have been translated into many languages, including Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Greek, Turkish, and Polish. She has a blog on Psychology Today titled The Compassion Chronicles and her writing has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, The Chicago Tribune and The Washington Post, to name a few. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Beverly’s website Heal My ShameBeverly on Instagram =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-322-put-your-past-in-your-past-with-beverly-engel/

Valerie Jones joins me for a powerful conversation about something so many of us need to hear: redefining what it truly means to be selfish. Valerie is a life coach, host of The Selfish Woman Podcast, and the author of the upcoming book The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself, hitting shelves in September 2025. In our conversation, Valerie shares the transformative experience of her own "selfish year" after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship — a year that challenged her to get radically honest with herself and stop outsourcing her self-worth. We also dive into dating as a self-growth experiment (yes, really!), how emotional safety shapes our experiences of sex and intimacy, and why centering ourselves is not only radical, but absolutely necessary. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: Why Valerie chose “selfish” as her word of the year and how it became a life-changing framework (5:38) What Valerie’s recovery from people-pleasing looked like, and how it shows up in her work and life today (15:26) Emotional safety is non-negotiable for sex and intimacy (25:39) How to start trusting yourself again after emotional abuse (32:25) Learn more about Val Jones:  Valerie Jones is a Life Coach for women who are ready to create the life they truly desire. She is on a mission to redefine the word selfish, and help women learn how to prioritize themselves. Through her proven methods based in neuroscience, Valerie has helped thousands of women create better lives and relationships. Valerie is host of The Selfish Woman Podcast and author of The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself. She is known for her direct approach and relatability combined with humor and compassion. Resources: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild PasturesSubmit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Valerie’s websiteThe Selfish Woman Podcast Valerie on TikTok Valerie on Instagram Valerie on YouTube ====== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

If you’re stuck in endless loops with a high-conflict ex, Brook Olsen wants you to stop expecting them to change, and start changing how you respond. Brook is a Certified Parenting Educator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict. In this conversation, we get real about what happens when you stop feeding the conflict, why parallel parenting is often the only way forward, and how choosing not to engage isn't weakness, it’s clarity.  Plus, Brook offers a framework that isn’t just theory, it’s deeply practical and actionable, especially when the legal system or co-parenting landscape isn’t exactly on your side. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: Why disengagement is a laddered process, and how to stay in it (8:50) The nervous system’s role in conflict and how to regulate your response (10:27) What conscious competence looks like in high-stress situations (28:57) The difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting (32:52) How to stop pushing back and start reclaiming your energy (36:10) Learn more about Brook Olsen: Brook Olsen is a Certified Parenting Educator with the International Network for Children and Families, a Certified Divorce Mediator, Divorce Coach, and author of The Black Hole of High Conflict, which offers perspectives and strategies for navigating a high conflict divorce. Brook’s knowledge of how the nervous system works and understanding of the role it plays in psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict and anxiety brings a holistic approach to his work with families caught in the High Conflict cycle. Brook teaches classes in the High Conflict Diversion Program and trains instructors to teach the Program throughout the U.S. and Canada. He also leads workshops in communication for couples and is a peer consultant for fellow professionals. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family Wizard Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Brook’s websiteBrook’s podcastThe Black Hole of High ConflictBrook on InstagramBrook on Facebook Brook’s Facebook Group for High Conflict Divorce Support  =================== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-320-the-black-hole-of-high-conflict-with-brook-olsen/  

April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse. In this conversation, April shares her experience involving a retreat led by Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?, a book many of us have clung to in our darkest moments. April’s story isn’t just one of personal harm, it’s a call to action.  As a survivor of both spiritual abuse and high-conflict divorce, April recounts how her initial fan-girl admiration of Bancroft shifted into something far more troubling after an encounter that left her reeling. She shares what unfolded during and after that retreat, the red flags she noticed, and the courage it took to speak out despite the risks. I'm holding space for April as she brings forward not only her own experience, but those of others who have come to her with eerily similar stories. Her insight challenges us to re-examine what it means to trust "experts," and the danger in handing over our vulnerability to uncredentialed individuals cloaked in guru status.  Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: The red flags that emerged during and after the retreat (6:03) The emotional fallout of being targeted by someone seen as a “healing” authority (26:24) How April is building a support network for other survivors (28:35) Why separating the author from their work is no longer an option (36:22) Learn more about April Worthington: April Worthington is a teacher, mother of five, minister, and author of The Debriefing Workbook: Hope and Healing after Spiritual Abuse. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate  Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveApril on FacebookApril’s YouTube video: A Warning to Women- RUN GIRL! Lundy Bancroft is not your friend! A Cry for Justice: Lundy Bancroft is a Predator ====== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-319-when-the-healer-harms-speaking-out-against-lundy-bancroft/

Dr. Kerry McAvoy returns to talk about what it means to heal from narcissistic abuse. Not just from an intellectual standpoint, but healing your nervous system, in your relationships, and in your relationship to yourself. Healing is not quick, it’s not tidy, and it’s definitely not linear. Dr. Kerry and I talk about how women have been conditioned to serve, to disappear, to manage the emotions of everyone around us just to maintain the illusion of peace. We explore what emotional fusion looks like, what healthy relationships look like, and what it means to reconnect with Self throughout your healing journey. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: How and why so many of us learned to believe our needs are “too much” (3:59) Discerning between, “Are you being loved and respected or just useful?” (18:03) What healthy love actually looks like (spoiler alert it includes messiness and mistakes) (28:04) Healing doesn’t have a finish line and why that’s okay (29:35) Learn more about Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D:  Dr. Kerry, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media. Resources & Links: Thank you to today’s podcast sponsor: Our Family WizardUnbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Dr. Kerry’s websiteDr. Kerry on Facebook  Dr. Kerry on Instagram Dr. Kerry on YouTube Dr. Kerry on TikTok Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, David Schnarch PhD| ====== DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

Finding a partner after divorce can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. This week’s guest, Jennie Young, suggests a bold alternative - burn the haystack. Jennie is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis, designed to push back against the toxic norms built into many modern dating platforms. In this episode, Jennie shares practical, no-nonsense strategies for using dating apps more intentionally, treating them as tools (not lifelines), turning off notifications, and yes, burning the haystack. We also explore the common rhetorical patterns many men use on apps and how to recognize and respond to them when they show up. Tune in for an eye-opening conversation that puts you back in control of your dating life, no algorithm required. Here’s what else we get into, in this episode: How Burned Haystack Dating Method came to be and the story behind its name (5:22) The 10 essential rules that make up the Burned Haystack Dating Method (13:06) What critical discourse analysis actually is and how it can help you navigate dating apps with confidence (37:10) The rhetorical red flags to look out for, like “Test and apologize,” “Are you my mother?” and “Where were you on January 6th?” (38:58) Learn more about Jennie Young:  Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney’s, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others. Resources & Links: Thank you to this episode's sponsor: Wild Pastures Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025 Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Jennie’s website Jennie’s Facebook Group Jennie on Instagram Jennie on Bluesky Jennie on LinkedIn Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa Dineen DISCLAIMER:  THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE.  YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. Episode Link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-317-burned-haystack-dating-method-with-jennie-young/