In this two-episode examination of various ways religion and spirituality may impact people's practice of polyamory, Laura discusses the topic with guests from several different backgrounds to see how the processes of coming out as polyamorous, unpacking mono-normativity and purity culture, partner selection, and inhabiting the normative culture vary based on their early and ongoing religious experiences. In the first part, we hear from Purity to Polyamory, a podcaster/instagrammer/educator who is trying to create community for other ex-vangelicals, about her transition from 19-year-old bride in a purity culture to 30-something nonmonogamist. You can find her podcast, discord, and more here: https://campsite.bio/puritytopolyamory or follow her on Instagram @puritytopolyamory. We also have a conversation on the other end of the religious spectrum of experience, with Laura's metamour Daniel GreenWolf (friend of the show) - who was raised and remains Wiccan, or as he says in his show, is "a pansexual, polyamorous pagan." He discusses with us how being the latter in a largely Christian-flavored culture prepared him for coming out as polyamorous as an adult, and why his coven's leadership, and especially his mom, were and are great for supporting him in being a unique individual. You can find him at https://danielgreenwolf.com and https://celticmagicshow.com . And since we mention her in the show and she's awesome - Daniel's mom Judy sells super-cool crochet things at https://rhiannonshook.weebly.com. As always, the music for the show is by the lovely, talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at http://vinceconaway.com . You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with Part 2 of this series. Special Guests: Daniel GreenWolf and Purity to Polyamory.

What does it mean to be codependent? Does the pop culture usage and the polyamorous culture usage match, and should we throw the term around? Laura analyzes the way the term gets used in general vs the medicalized and popular history and suggests an alternative lens to view relationships often vilified as 'codependent.' A blog post about the type of relationship for which this term gets used in polyamorous circles: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/independence-is-important As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

Today's episode is a discussion of when saying "no" is healthier for us as people, especially in interpersonal relationships, and why we generally are conditioned to say "yes" anyway. We cover: Reasons it's hard to say no. Signs we may need to be saying 'yes' less often in particular relationships How this applies to polyamory in particular How this applies to relationships and sexual situations How to stop owning others' emotional and physical "stuff" and focus on our own through "no" and its substitutes How ask v. guess culture may play into our ability to receive no in a way that makes others feel safe to tell us no within relationships Why being a safe person to tell no is a goal we should strive for in relationships, romantic and otherwise. Resources: My favorite reminder to guard my yes, the article by René Brooks that gave me that concise phrase for the idea: https://blackgirllostkeys.com/adhd/how-to-guard-your-yes/ . She meant it for ADHD folks to keep us from going off the deep end of overcommitment to activities, but it applies equally to polyamorous folks who want to be there for every moment of every partner's life and need. Dr. Judith Sills on when and why saying No is good for us: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-power-no?collection=135500 As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

"Pear...Fruit...technology...devices!" There were some live video technical difficulties during this livestreamed episode (in video! too!) so I'm releasing the audio now and fixing the video up after some more coffee (it's too early Saturday morning) so there was a little bit of my very android partner cursing all my fruit based technology but not wanting to get me in trouble with one of the biggest podcast hosts. It was adorable. It is our podcastiversary! Last year, S1 E1 of the Ready For Polyamory Podcast released. So we did a kind of silly laugh along retrospective to celebrate. To more seriously answer some of the questions about favorite episodes (and get down the answer about episodes I think are most important that got cut off mid-ramble because...well... technical difficulties and I ramble: My favorite episodes to record were: S1E5 on Compersion S1E6 and S2E5 tearing apart trashy tv with Corwin S1E11 on media portrayal of polyamory (Where, contrary to his assertions, Ken tries to correct me in public) S2E7 & 8, the coming out episodes S3E1 talking about Disability&Polyamory with Rachael Rose and S3E3 talking about emotional processing with Orphne and the episodes I think came out the best and do the clearest job of sharing really important information are: S1E1: Polyamory 101 (which is a re-record but now has the info AND sounds great) S1E3: Triads S2E4: Off Escalator Relationships [S2E7 &8: Coming Out Part 1](readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm/comingout) and 2 (I'm especially partial to part 2, but that whole conversation was great and came out how it was supposed to, and both at once is very rare) S3E3: Emotional Processing S3E5: FWB and Play Partners didn't come out just how I want but is a really good jumping off point to start talking about the topic, which I think is an important one. It's been a great year and I hope to have an even better one to share with you next year! As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.Special Guest: Ken Briodagh.

Jealousy is presented as the mind-killer in polyamory a lot of the time, but it's a presentation of all kinds of other emotions and dealing in a practical way with some of those underlying causes is going to be the best way to get through or past it. While everyone's individual expressions of jealousy will be unique and include their own personal blend of different issues that need to be explored, there are a few strategies that are broadly applicable or transferrable. We look at those in today's episode - strategies for communication before and after activities that are giving you a bit of a jealous or envious wobble; techniques for self awareness or distraction and focus elsewhere during events that are bothering you; reframing techniques for thoughts about missing events to allow partners to attend them; how to build a toolbox of skills you can turn to so the jealous or envious 'freakout' is shorter and the pivot to self care is more instinctual. I've always been a big fan of the Jealousy Workbook, but there's lots of guided meditations and journals that people find helpful for this kind of work. (That's an affiliate link, just fyi.) Some related blog posts are: On envy and FOMO: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/envy-is-real On your partners being there when things are difficult: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/your-partners-can-handle-emotions-when-they-re-hard On Jealousy: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealous On jealousy again: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/the-green-eyed-monster-in-my-life-spoilers-it-s-me Next week we're doing a live episode on June 11 (friday) in the evening Eastern Time for the podcastiversary and I'll be releasing it on the regular places during the weekend. If you have questions you want answered in that show, send them to readyforpolyamory@gmail.com! As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

"You're nesting- like little birds!" Laura this week examines labels for relationships (rather than labels for self-identity) and how they reflect our narratives of relationship and self, and what those have to do with how we identify our polyamorous relationships in particular versus monogamous relationships and relationship escalator style relating. What does it mean to be a partner? What terms do we use for our partners? Are we lovers? boy/girl/joyfriends? Something different? One of the points she examines is the use of connotation in language - primary partner vs. nesting partner, vs. anchor partner as an example - what the differences and similarities of some of these terms are and why one might use one over another. She also examines how hierarchy, non-hierarchy, and relationship anarchy interact in this space and how language and labels for those types of relationships and expression of the emotional state of people in these relationships feed in. All of these ideas are concepts that are being parsed out in individual relationships every day, and that are mentioned in passing on the blog but seldom the center of a piece. Some posts that touch on them are: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/the-relationship-escalator https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/defining-if-it-works-out https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/kitchen-table-and-parallel-polyamory-part-4-kitchen-table-polyamory https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/polyamorous-experts-or-why-i-don-t-call-myself-that https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy-applied-friends-with-benefits-and-play-partners I'll try to get something written that synthesizes my points a bit more concisely and add it when it's ready, but for now, those are what we've got. As always, our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com; the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory; you can join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, I'm on twitter @lauracb88 and instagram @readyforpolyamory.

"I don't remember exactly what I was scared of, but I'm pretty sure it was younger, blonder, and prettier than me, at least." In today's episode, Laura tells the story of two of her earliest non-monogamous relationships as a frame for explaining ways to make relationship agreements (and some really good examples of ways not to). You can get out some popcorn and enjoy the spectacle of her insecure and underinformed early 20s in between listening to excellent advice. Here are some resources she wishes she'd had (or had already read) before several short-lived relationships where terms were dictated to her: The Ethical Slut The Smart Girl's Guide To Polyamory Building Open Relationships The Jealousy Workbook The Relationship Escalator The "Relationship Spectrum" posts from Ready for Polyamory to think about kinds of relationship one might want to have. And here are a couple more related posts from the blog on things to consider when making relationship agreements: What are relationship agreements? https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/what-are-relationship-agreements Agreements when you're both polyamorous? As always, our music provided by the talented [Vince Conaway.](www.vinceconaway.com) You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter @lauracb88 & instagram @readyforpolyamory, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.

"So, you know, I have to watch out for standard bad coping mechanisms like drinking too much and getting under someone to get over someone, AND poly dominoes." This week, Laura discusses the ways polyamorous breakups share traits with and differ from monogamous ones, both from her own perspective and using the framework laid out by Kathy Labriola in The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival. Spoilers: most breakups are caused by the same basic reasons as monogamous relationship breakups, but there are some addendums and caveats, and we'll go through them here. Ready for Polyamory's take on polyamorous breakups: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breakups-in-polyamory Kathy Labriola's Polyamory Breakup Book Jess Mahler's The Polyamorous Home As always, our music provided by the talented [Vince Conaway.](www.vinceconaway.com) There's a poll running in the Facebook group about what to do for our podcastiversary! If you want to have a say, join us and vote! You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter @lauracb88 & instagram @readyforpolyamory, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.

"You know, flowers and... I don't know, what's like a flower? Rose colored glasses?" As an expansion of last week's podcast, Laura discusses how to apply the ideas of consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and relationship anarchist theory to friends with benefits and play partner relationships - and the ways each differ and combining them complicate one another. The idea that these relationships can be part of polyamorous folks' networks and shouldn't be dismissed as 'only' anything because they can be rich and fulfilling relationships that create important friendships and connections features, as highlighted in this post from the Ready for Polyamory blog. Strategies for handling jealousy, especially for folks who are previously monogamous or largely monogamish but engaging in play partnerships (as in the kink scene) are suggested, building off of this: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealous Multiamory's RADAR concept is mentioned in the podcast, as a strategy for folks who want to build in some relationship-check-ins. Here are some links to find more info: https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/147-relationship-radar-scrum-20 https://www.multiamory.com/radar No guests today! But as always our music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway who can be found at www.vinceconaway.com You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter @lauracb88 & instagram @readyforpolyamory, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.

"I feel like you're telling me a true story here-" Laura and David answer the important questions about application and theory of Relationship Anarchy in this week's episode. So what is Relationship Anarchy? In the most basic and technical sense it’s the application of political anarchy theory to relationships. It’s anti-hierarchy, anti-government intervention in relationships, pro-autonomy, pro-community interdependence, and anti-monogamy. Generally, this is compatible with non-hierarchical forms of polyamory, but we'll talk a little about the places where you might get hung up and why. We also talk a little about Andie Nordgren's Relationship Anarchist Manifesto and the principles it explicitly outlines about how to conduct relationships - not just romantic relationships but all interpersonal relationships. A relationship anarchist can practice polyamory as a relationship style, but they are still a believer in relationship anarchy. A polyamorist can support some or most of the underlying premises of relationship anarchy and not be a relationship anarchist because the one or two they don’t are A Big Deal in RA; and we examine both and their intersection this week. The RA Manifesto: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/andie-nordgren-the-short-instructional-manifesto-for-relationship-anarchy What is Relationship Anarchy? https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy Relationship Anarchy Applied: Friends with Benefits and Play Partners: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy-applied-friends-with-benefits-and-play-partners Approaching Relationships from Joy, not Fear: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/fear-and-joy You may remember our guest, David Overton, from Season 2 and our "Love in the Time of COVID-19" episode. He is a former event organizer in his area north of Boston, MA, and doesn't currently have any events or projects for me to promote in this space. As always, the intro and outro music is provided by the lovely and talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com. You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, support us and keep the lights on via Patreon or ko-fi at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory, join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory and I'm on twitter @lauracb88.