The Ready For Polyamory Podcast

"I feel like you're telling me a true story here-" Laura and David answer the important questions about application and theory of Relationship Anarchy in this week's episode. So what is Relationship Anarchy? In the most basic and technical sense it’s the application of political anarchy theory to relationships. It’s anti-hierarchy, anti-government intervention in relationships, pro-autonomy, pro-community interdependence, and anti-monogamy. Generally, this is compatible with non-hierarchical forms of polyamory, but we'll talk a little about the places where you might get hung up and why. We also talk a little about Andie Nordgren's Relationship Anarchist Manifesto and the principles it explicitly outlines about how to conduct relationships - not just romantic relationships but all interpersonal relationships. A relationship anarchist can practice polyamory as a relationship style, but they are still a believer in relationship anarchy. A polyamorist can support some or most of the underlying premises of relationship anarchy and not be a relationship anarchist because the one or two they don’t are A Big Deal in RA; and we examine both and their intersection this week. The RA Manifesto: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/andie-nordgren-the-short-instructional-manifesto-for-relationship-anarchy What is Relationship Anarchy? https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy Relationship Anarchy Applied: Friends with Benefits and Play Partners: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy-applied-friends-with-benefits-and-play-partners Approaching Relationships from Joy, not Fear: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/fear-and-joy You may remember our guest, David Overton, from Season 2 and our "Love in the Time of COVID-19" episode. He is a former event organizer in his area north of Boston, MA, and doesn't currently have any events or projects for me to promote in this space. As always, the intro and outro music is provided by the lovely and talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com. You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, support us and keep the lights on via Patreon or ko-fi at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory, join us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory and I'm on twitter @lauracb88.

"Externally, I haven't changed much - I'm always going to be a possum in goth makeup - but internally I'm very different than just a few years ago and learning these coping skills is a lot of it." This week, Laura and Orphne sit down and discuss how people process difficult emotions and conflicts, and talk particularly about processing through externalizing problems and working through them with others (partners, friends, therapists) versus working through them internally or with physical coping mechanisms. Just as last time she was on, Orphne can't promote her personal projects because of her job, but she has a charity she'd like to make you aware of if you enjoyed the episode. If you're so moved, please visit http://ripmedicaldebt.org and make a donation, because getting rid of medical debt is punk AF. As always, you can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, you can join us on facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, follow on Twitter & instagram, and if you'd like to support us financially we're on Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.Special Guest: Orphne Sicarius.

"I just want to note, after giving so many lectures the past few months and being asked a lot about being a 'good poly person' - there isn't one - the points don't matter." This week, Laura sits down with Jessica Fern, author of Polysecure , to discuss attachment theory, trauma, and secure relating in polyamorous networks. Their conversation roams across the book and the topic. If you aren't at all familiar with attachment theory, there's a post on the Ready for Polyamory blog with more information to help clarify the concepts: www.readyforpolyamory/post/why-attachment , and if you're intrigued and want to read PolySecure you can find the book here. Jessica's mailing list with information on various free workshops and lectures can be subscribed to at https://jessicafern.com, and she also posts paid events she's hired for there. Ready for Polyamory has a new Facebook home! We've started a group - to better build community and a discussion forum for polyamorous folks we have a private (membership not visible except to other group members) but searchable (you can type Ready for Polyamory to find it and request to join) group at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory . Come join us! As always, you can find us at the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, support us and keep the lights on via Patreon or ko-fi at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory and ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory, and I'm on twitter @lauracb88. Special Guest: Jessica Fern.

"No, no, no - I really like orgasms. We need to bring those back." To kick of Season 3 of the podcast, Rachael Rose of [Hedonish](hedonish.com) is here to talk about sex education, event planning, disability, accessibility, and how her polyamorous journey has been shaped by the conjunction of all of these. We discuss the ways the pandemic has impacted everyday accessibility of certain spaces and activities, and how eager but cautious we are to get back to in person events; how polyamory in general has been a very understanding community for accomodations for our accessibility needs but what steps we would like to see become more commonplace both in this community and in wider society; and how some days it's a bit rough to admit, but taking care of ourselves and not judging based on the productivity of others is most important. Rachael Rose (she/her) is a chronically ill and disabled, bisexual, neurodivergent, and polyamorous Certified Sex & Relationship Coach and Educator whose work focuses on an inclusive, sex-positive, and pleasure-focused approach to sex education and sexual health for all, and specializes in the ways chronic illness, disabilities, and ADHD impact sex and relationships. She is the creator of the award-winning sex-education blog Hedonish, and co-creator of Glittergasm Events, an event company hosting inclusive sex-positive play parties for the LGBTQ+ community. In addition to on her blog at Hedonish, you can find her as @hedonish on Twitter and Instagram, and on [facebook](www.facebook.com/hedonish). You can learn more about Glittergasm events and hear when those restart post-pandemic at glittergasm.com. She's teaching a class on April 24 on "Communicating Your Needs and Disclosing Your Chronic Illness" through The Staying Inn; you can register by signing up for their mailing list here. You can find the Ready for Polyamory blog and Laura's work at readyforpolyamory.com. Support the blog and podcast via Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory or Ko-fi at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory. Catch up with funny or silly things Laura thinks on Twitter @lauracb88, and the blog's social media are on Instagram and Facebook @readyforpolyamory. Special Guest: Rachael Rose.

This week, in the last episode of season 2, I talked with Seva about different ways that polyamory can serve as a format to work through personal insecurities. Obviously, this is a subject everyone approaches in their own way, and we primarily speak through the lens of personal experiences and a little bit through theory in this episode. We focus on: -the concept of security vs insecurity in general; -how meeting metamours to not build them up into personifications of our insecurities can be helpful; -the process of growing in individual relationships over time and returning to those relationships makes each of those relationships more secure; -and choosing individual partners and having them choose us is security building. There are other directions we could have gone in, but we were trying to keep faithful to our own insecurities, envies and jealousies that we’ve grown through over the last several years, and our own experiences. We were also trying to stick to a timeline you might all listen to! Hopefully folks enjoy this episode. If you have some time over the next couple weeks, I’m taking a couple weeks off to record the beginning of Season 3 before starting to release it. In my opinion, Season 2 really got its sea legs in terms of quality, compared to season 1, so if you missed any Season 2 episodes, I’d recommend going back and checking them out, and I’d love it if you left me a review, especially if you’re listening on one of the big platforms like Apple Podcasts. It helps me get more visibility and into more ears. Thanks so much. In case anyone didn’t notice, during the week after last week’s podcast, the ordinance in Cambridge was successfully amended and I have an update here on the blog explaining the exact changes and why they’re positive in [Wednesday’s post. ](www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/cambridgedpordinance) I’ll be teaching my Beyond the Kitchen Table: Modes and Models of Parallel Polyamory class at Tethered to Wifi 2.0, the digital version of Tethered Together, on Saturday March 20 from 11:30am -1pm. The con as a whole runs from the 19-21 and you can get tickets at tetheredtogether.net. Tickets are $30 until sales close the day before the event. There are a lot of great presenters on topics ranging from relationships to movement to rope and a couple cool shows; come play with us! [Like the blog](www.readyforpolyamory.com)? Want to support it and[ the podcast](readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm)? Donate to the [Patreon](www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory), Throw a coin in my hat on [Ko-fi](www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory), or follow on: Instagram @readyforpolyamory Twitter @lauracb88 Facebook Ready For PolyamorySpecial Guest: Seva.

"I'm definitely not a lawyer, but even if I were, you'd give better legal advice than me" - a line I edited out, but Ken did say. Just so you all know. Even his ego has limits. He's only a fake doctor. In today's episode, we examine real legal progress made by polyamorous people and relationships in the USA, and how hypothetical additional progress might work out. Content Warning: There's a little language because Ken struggles with not using blue language and I don't mind it, in appropriate context. We examine the possibilities of how to get to a national standard of more than two person domestic partnership or marriage and why there's a difference between those (and Ken's rant about marriage being an outdated institution that should be abolished is can't-miss! and my eye roll at his being married to not one but two people despite this is AUDIBLE), and have some laughs along the way. I hope you enjoy it. See you next week for the last of this season before a short break between seasons 2 and 3. As always, the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the Patreon is at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; the ko-fi is at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory, and you can find us on facebook and instagram @readyforpolyamory; or me on twitter @lauracb88. Special Guest: Ken Briodagh.

"This episode might have different Venn diagram of listeners than my class usually does." Content warning for allusions to BDSM and sexual interaction, but there is not explicit sexual content in this episode. Laura gives a personal account plus theory discussion of boundary setting and considerations folks might want to take when engaging in power exchange relationships and polyamory at the same time. She's done this a couple times, and has friends who have too, and has some advice and ideas. As always, the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the patreon at patreon.com/readyforpolyamory if you'd like to subscribe and help keep the lights on, the ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory if you'd like to throw a tip in my jar, and you can find Ready for Polyamory on facebook or instagram, and can follow on twitter @lauracb88. I’ll be teaching my Beyond the Kitchen Table: Modes and Models of Parallel Polyamory class at Tethered to Wifi 2.0, the digital version of Tethered Together, on Saturday March 20 from 11:30am -1pm. The con as a whole runs from the 19-21 and you can get tickets at tetheredtogether.net. Tickets are $25 until the end of February, when the price will go up until sales close the day before the event. There are a lot of great presenters on topics ranging from relationships to movement to rope and a couple cool shows; come play with us!

Why We Fight and How We Make Up "What if your partner made you a bouquet of spoons?" This week on the Ready for Polyamory Podcast, Laura talks with Orphne Sicarius, an awesome person who keeps their internet presence pseudonymous because their in-person work as coordinator and clinician for a county-wide Forensic Nurse Examiner Program for living victims of violent sexual trauma requires a certain amount of delicate handling. They've been polyamorous and out in all areas of their life for about five years and were happy to lend their perspective on interpersonal conflict and conflict resolution for this podcast episode focused broadly on Love Languages and Apology Languages, and how these concepts apply in polyamorous networks. They have a broad ranging conversation rolling between general information about love languages and apology languages to trauma informed interpersonal interaction to what different kinds of more and less invested conflict can look like (and whether we agree about only getting in big fights if it's a hill we're willing to die on). It was a pretty great conversation to get to have, and we hope you enjoy listening to it. Related blog posts at Ready for Polyamory include: Love Languages: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/love-languages-and-polyamory Apology Languages: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/apology-languages Is this fight a hill worth dying on?https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/is-this-a-hill-i-m-really-willing-to-die-on Fighting to lose: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/fighting-to-lose Breakups in polyamory: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breakups-in-polyamory As always the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the Patreon at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory; and the ko-fi at ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory and I am eternally grateful for your support. Special Guest: Orphne Sicarius.

"Isn't that cat toes?" Today, in the second half of their conversation, our heroes from last week continue on their epic Quest For Answers About Coming Out. ...Wait, wrong genre. They do have a nice conversation including a bunch of strategies for how to handle situations where folks have negative or shocked reactions to information on polyamory, as well as some funny stories about people getting things Very Wrong because the monogamous programming is strong with them. (that's where the cat's toes come in.) Regardless of whether you come out often, once, or not yet, these two podcast episodes taken together have good information for you. As always, you can click the guest bios below for detailed information on my guests, but for those of you not using my podcast host to listen: Daniel GreenWolf is an Award-winning Magician, writer, creator, & slightly mad Irishman who you can find at www.danielgreenwolf.com . He's also a pagan, pansexual polyamorist who's been in his longest running polyamorous relationship for seven years, and he's an outspoken advocate for polyamory as well as an amazing performer. Corwin is the owner and operator of Upline Studios who you can find at uplinestudio.com . He's been in ethically nonmonogamous relationships for eight years. Seva has been polyamorous for seven years. She is an educator in the non-monogamy and rope communities and helped build the Upline Studio. Jami and Brian Zapata are poly-pagans who've been out all closets for a long time. Brian's a hetero software QA release manager, Jami is a pansexual, non-binary, gender-non-conforming Fire official. They enjoy Renaissance Faires, Dungeons and Dragons, and can't wait to socialize with their friends again. As always, the music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway (www.vinceconaway.com), the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon is at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory, and the ko-fi is at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.Special Guests: Corwin, Daniel GreenWolf, and Seva.

"Did we really need to know this? We knew you were weird." On today's episode, the first half of a really great roundtable discussion on coming out between my metamour Daniel GreenWolf and a group of my friends, Seva, Corwin, Jami, and Brian, moderated by your stalwart host. We try to show a variety of experiences with the process of coming out as polyamorous, altered by sexual orientation, family reaction, age we came out, and other circumstances through our conversation. ...Of course, we're a bunch of chatterboxes who are all friends so we talked for about three hours, so I cut that down to about two and cut that in half to give you two digestible episodes. This first half is who did our panel come out to first (and how, and why), and what reactions they all got. (SPOILER: the tagline is part of one reaction.) l hope that this episode helps people who have come out and it didn't go especially well, or who haven't come out yet because they're worried, see that the odds of it going well aren't terribly bad even if they aren't perfect. (and if it goes badly, we have your back next week - we talk all about controlling the message and managing reactions and conversations with someone who isn't understanding or positive in response.) As always, you can click the guest bios below for detailed information on my guests, but for those of you not using my podcast host to listen: Daniel GreenWolf is an Award-winning Magician, writer, creator, & slightly mad Irishman who you can find at www.danielgreenwolf.com . He's also a pagan, pansexual polyamorist who's been in his longest running polyamorous relationship for seven years, and he's an outspoken advocate for polyamory as well as an amazing performer. Corwin is the owner and operator of Upline Studios who you can find at uplinestudio.com . He's been in ethically nonmonogamous relationships for eight years. Seva has been polyamorous for seven years. She is an educator in the non-monogamy and rope communities and helped build the Upline Studio. Jami and Brian Zapata are poly-pagans who've been out all closets for a long time. Brian's a hetero software QA release manager, Jami is a pansexual, non-binary, gender-non-conforming Fire official. They enjoy Renaissance Faires, Dungeons and Dragons, and can't wait to socialize with their friends again. As always, the music is provided by the talented Vince Conaway (www.vinceconaway.com), the blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the Patreon is at www.patreon.com/readyforpolyamory, and the ko-fi is at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory.Special Guests: Corwin, Daniel GreenWolf, and Seva.