The Ready For Polyamory Podcast

"In this structure now, I have been able to figure out who I am and what I want. That isn't to say I haven't gone on dates - I've tried it - but my polysaturation point really is 1, and this way I have time for myself." "A lot of the time, people don't know what they will want yet - and they say and ask for what makes them feel safe. So it can make sense to not want to date a monogamous person if you're polyam. But also, give each other a chance to see how it works out if the connection is real and you have the emotional space to do it, when this is someone you really like. Because maybe they'll break your heart or you'll break theirs. But maybe you won't." On today's podcast episode, we discuss one of the most contentious segments of the polyamorous community: the Mono + Polyam relationship, where one partner truly feels monogamously oriented but is happy to engage with their polyam partner, who sees others. Phi of the Polyammering Blog and Monocorn Sanctuary facebook group is our guest today, talking about her essential beliefs that mono + polyam relationships work best when everyone approaches them from a relationship anarchist lens, when the monog person is essentially polyamorously-minded but polysaturated at one, and when communication is extremely open between partners. With a hint of "dating isn't fun, but polycules can be!" and a discussion of how polyamory freed her from codependent patterns in previous relationships where she lost herself in couplehood, Phi shares a lot of intimate relationship history about her last several years in mono + polyam relationships. Phoebe "Phi" Philips of polyammering.blog is a self-proclaimed Monocorn who has been writing, supporting, and educating on begalf of mono plus polyam relationships since 2015. She was recently named one of the top ten creators to follow on TikTok for polyamorous education.Special Guest: Pheobe "Phi" Phillips.

Today's episode contains frank discussion of sexuality and kink dynamics, listener be aware. "I feel like no one really talks about the ins and outs of intimacy that involves marks and BDSM dynamics, and it's worth talking about." Laura sits down with Annie Undone to talk about kink dynamics, polyamory from both sides of the slash, the pros and cons of kitchen table and parallel polyam dynamics when combined with kinky relationships, and the changes that shifts in these dynamics can cause within a polycule. To read more of Laura's takes on kink & polyamory and deescalating relationships, see these blog posts and past podcast episodes: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/relationship-anarchy-applied-friends-with-benefits-and-play-partners https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/combining-d-s-relationships-and-polyamory https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/why-de-escalation https://readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm/powerexchange https://readyforpolyamory.fireside.fm/raapplied AnnieUndone is a writer and artist seeking to normalize diverse sexual and love experiences because people deserve to be themselves. She speaks on the topics of polyamory, kink, and queerness. She began this work in earnest as a way to feel more enfranchised around the theme of kink, and then quickly realized that she was also polyamorous. She, her husband, and their partners are sharing their journeys of opening relationships and learning to let in more love so that people feel less alone in their humanity and desires to live outside the box. Follow her on Instagram at @Annie_Undone or join her Patreon here for more content only available to subscribers. As always, you can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the book is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle formats, and we'd love to have you with us on social media - there's the facebook [page](www.facebook.com/readyforpolyamory) and group www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory; or Laura is on tiktok and instagram @readyforpolyamory and Twitter @lauracb88. You can help keep the blog and podcast ad-free by becoming a $3/month ko-fi supporter at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory, and find details about upcoming classes and 1-1 peer support [here](www.readyforpolyamory.com/events).Special Guest: Annie Undone.

"Nothing I do ever goes viral, but one of my posts that did pretty well recently said 'I want my polyamory to be less about compersion and more about compassion,' and I think that applies here." The only certainty in any relationship is that there will absolutely be change. Laura's guests this week are polyamorous event coordinators and educators who recognize that from their own experience as well as seeing it in the community they've built online. She sits down with Lea and Shai of Leveled Up Love to talk about changing polycule structures and relationship rules to focus on the needs and growth of the people involved, rather than trying to make people fit a pre-determined structure, and the ways that we can destigmatize this process of change for ourselves to make relationships a space where we the people in them thrive, rather than a task we carry out. If you want to know more about Shai and Lea after this episode, see their guest page at the podcast site for more details, or visit [Leveled Up Love](www.leveleduplove.com), where they are offering a free 30 Day Trial of their Secure Poly Collective at: www.LeveledUpLove.com/VIP, which includes multiple workshops to support more conscious and sustainable open relationships. In Ready for Polyamory Housekeeping, there's still time to [get tickets](www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop) to the Polyamory and Parenting class on April 23 (with encore q&a after recording available all week on April 30). As always you can find the blog at [readyforpolyamory.com](www.readyforpolyamory.com), the book at Amazon, and me on Tiktok and Instagram @readyforpolyamory and twitter @lauracb88. Special Guest: Shai and Lea.

"I'm relationship style agnostic - I don't think there's one right way to do relationships, but gosh are there a lot of really crappy ways to do relationships." On today's episode, Laura and Dr. Joli Hamilton, a certified sex educator and jealousy researcher whose writing focuses on couples for whom nonmonogamy works for some phases of their lives but not all phases, discuss what lessons nonmonogamy can teach people who decide to intentionally pursue monogamy instead. This is the episode you can share with your sister, cousin, or monogamous friend who wants to "get it" but isn't sure they do - it's about how the personal growth and lessons of being nonmonogamous (forever or temporarily) can improve our interpersonal connections with friends as well as a partner. They chat about communication, gender roles and scheduling, discovering how many cultural scripts you've bought into, trauma and co-regulation, and the joys and challenges of building poorly defined and unlabeled relationships with non-romantic partners. Find Dr. Joli Hamilton at drjoli_hamilton on Instagram or listentojoli.com, or read more about her on the guest page on the podcast's website. Coming up later in April, join Laura for a class on Polyamory and Parenting running live on April 23 at 3 pm Eastern, or with a second live q&a on April 30 at 11:30 pm Eastern following a week of the class recording being available to purchasers; tickets are available at https://ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop. As always, you can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the facebook group at www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory; Laura on tiktok and instagram @readyforpolyamory or Twitter @lauracb88. Special Guest: Dr. Joli Hamilton.

"You have to take the space to take care of yourself and notice if you haven't made space for yourself outside of parenthood in a long time - because making space for your non-parent identity is important." "Why would we stop doing the things that make us happy and make us better as humans if we're trying to raise good people, a task that means we need to show up as our best selves?" To open season 5 of the podcast, Laura and Jessica Levity Daylover of Remodeled Love sit down to talk about being polyamorous parents of young children - the benefits of having multiple partners to help with these phases, the realities of occasional judgement from the monogamous folks in our lives, difficulties of scheduling and Jes's Time-banking system with her husband, some of Laura's experiences being out to school, doctors, etc, as well as hopes for our families's futures. Later this season, there will be an episode with guests with teenaged kids talking about those different stages and the unique challenges therein. Jessica Levity Daylover is a mom of two who has been with her husband, Joe, since 2009, and married and polyamorous since 2013. Jessica is a live event and digital media producer and entertainer. Their journey into polyamory was rocky because they had no mentors, no cultural script, and no support. They launched their podcast & platform "Remodeled" as a way to change that path for others. Jes and Remodeled Love are on all the social media - you can find her on IG @remodeledlove, on TikTok @homesliceproductions, on Twitter @RemodeledLove, on Patreon at www.patreon.com/homesliceproductions, or find her podcast, peer support, and upcoming projects at www.remodeledlove.com. You can find some of Laura's Polyamorous Parenting FAQs on the blog here, and tickets to her upcoming Polyamory and Parenting class ($15 for as many members of your polycule as care to share the screen, live on 4/23 at 3pmET with included recording and a second live q&a on 4/30 at 11:30pm ET to hopefully accomodate all the timezones and bedtimes) here. As always, the podcast's music is by Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com. You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the book on Amazon in kindle and paperback here; links to first appointments for peer support with Laura here; and we'll be back next week with a new episode.Special Guest: Jessica Levity Daylover.

Laura and her friend Abbie K. (Tiktok's @Polyanarchy) talk about a variety of fiction they've read that contains CNM &polyamorous relationships, trends they see in polyamorous literature, and favorite books with polyam relationships. When Abbie (she/they) isn't writing, reading or creating content for TikTok(@Polyanarchy), she hangs out with her polycule and her two crazy dogs or helps with direct action in her community. They have been polyamorous for 4 years and practice non-hierarchical Kitchen Table Polyamory. Laura's post on Polyam in Fiction: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/polyamory-in-fiction Laura's review of I am My Beloveds: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/book-review-i-am-my-beloveds Laura's review of Iron Widow: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/iron-widow-book-review Post including Abbie's Polyam Reading List: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/podcast-season-4-episode-9-polyamory-in-fiction Links to upcoming classes and events Laura is teaching at: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/events Links to support the podcast and blog financially, find merch, and the link to buy the book: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory Special Guest: Abbie K.

"Once or twice a year hotels are an adventure... more than that it just becomes an expense" Laura and her friend Corwin met because they both were cohabiting polyamorous people who went to a meetup for polyam families. They have a conversation about the various pros, cons and considerations of polyamorous cohabitation. The literal book on polyam cohabitation is "the polyamorous home" by Jess Mahler https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N3KT3E2/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 Laura and Corwin will both be teaching at Tethered Together in March; find tickets and detailed info at [tetheredtogether.net](tetheredtogether.net) Laura's classes in January and February can be found at [ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop](ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop) Special Guest: Corwin.

"There's a great series on TikTok by Claire of PolyPages comparing unicorn hunter bios to tech startup ads and I think that says a lot." In today's episode, Laura disambiguates the terms "unicorn" and "Unicorn Hunters" and talks about the differences between unicorn hunting and simply dating in a triad dynamic. She talks about challenges of the triad dynamic, how power imbalances exist and can be mitigated or not, and how choices around those power imbalances define the unicorn hunting dynamic. Some related blog posts: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/triad-questions https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/new-triads-relationships-on-hard-mode https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/what-is-a-one-penis-policy-and-what-are-unicorn-hunters New Class Announcement: Registration is open for two digital classes in January! On January 9, 2023, at 3pm Eastern, join me for a Polyamory 101 class. Find detailed class info and registration link https://ko-fi.com/s/57252fbae7. On January 23, 2023, I'm running my most popular class, Beyond the Kitchen Table, an examination of metamour relationships, boundaries, and healthy parallel polyamory, also at 3pm Eastern. You can find more information and the registration link https://ko-fi.com/s/bfbca46a40. Each class is $15 or you can get a bundle ticket to both for $20 at https://ko-fi.com/s/23b8499262. You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a new episode.

Assuming that, broadly speaking, polyamory is what you want out of a consensually non-monogamous relationship - that you want multiple, loving relationships - there is still so much ground to cover in terms of how to do that. In the days of old, (ok, that’s enough dramatic old lady voice for me - until the last year or two) we only talked about Kitchen Table and Parallel Polyamory. These are still the most commonly used terms and categories, and can be used as kind of umbrella terms for these structures. So. What is kitchen table polyamory? Different people use many different definitions, but some of the most popular definitions are “the entire network gets along well enough that they could sit down at the kitchen table together” or “the network operates like a family and lives around the same kitchen table” - it’s being expected to have a close-friend or sibling-like relationship with your metas. This definition of kitchen table polyamory covers the parts of the spectrum we’re going to call Communal Polyamory, Lap-sitting Polyamory, Kitchen Table Polyamory, and half of the section Garden Party Polyamory. Now, how about parallel polyamory? For years, parallel polyamory got presented as an “opposite” to kitchen table, or a situation where metamours never spoke, or dyadic relationships are extremely siloed. While all of this is possible - it’s definitely not the only thing that exists within the structures called “parallel polyamory.” Presenting parallel polyamory in stark opposition to a very close-knit and happy kitchen table dynamic can sometimes make it seem in the community like “parallel” is a dirty word - but that’s a changing phenomenon, and people are embracing alternate terms for portions of the parallel spectrum. It doesn’t say anything in particular about the relationships between the metamours or telemours - some of them may be friendly with one another - but it says there’s no particular effort to bring the polycule together in a greater entanglement than necessary, and there may be some relational or emotional distance between members of the polycule. That definition of parallel covers the rest of Garden Party Polyamory, Parallel Polyamory, Siloed Relationships, and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Today, Laura discusses the various structures of polyamorous relationships, why you might select one over another, and benefits of different structures. Find some related content at the blog here: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/home/categories/relationship-spectrum You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a new episode.

In this episode, Laura examines the cultural reality of couple's privilege - the ways in which pair-bonding is encouraged and rewarded in our mono-normative culture - and the ways that folks sometimes unthinkingly or out of additional cultural conditioning work to uphold that privilege by enforcing hierarchies and prioritizing relationships over the needs of individuals. This episode looks at which parts of that are avoidable or mitigatable in our present society, which parts need "working around," and offers some options for folks who choose to stay within largely couple-based and hierarchical frameworks as well as those who prefer to explode those frameworks in their relational choices. Related articles mentioned in the episode: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/privacy-and-honesty https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/inherent-hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-and-hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/feelings-rules-and-hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/fluid-bonding-feelings-and-risk-profile As always, the music for the show is by the lovely, talented Vince Conaway, who you can find at http://vinceconaway.com . You can find all the links to support Ready for Polyamory in all its forms (blog, podcast, book, social media, everything!) at the linktree: linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory , including the now launched-to-the-public non-monogamy coaching and peer support options, if you're so moved. We'd love to see you in the facebook group or interacting on the social media (@readyforpolyamory everywhere but twitter, where I'm @lauracb88); and we'll be back next week with a new episode before the holiday long weekend. There's a book giveaway on at Tiktok until Thursday 11/18 in the evening, if you follow there and leave a comment on the giveaway video you'll be entered for a chance to win a copy of Ready for Polyamory: A Pragmatic Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy.