The Ready For Polyamory Podcast

"It's really just a matter of making sure people really see me, Ebony, and me includes non-binary identity as well as the experience of Black womanhood." "It's been one thing to have issues in dating, but more than wrong pronouns or disrepect from partners, it's been metamours seeing me as a woman because of shared partners." In response to listener questions about non-binary experience in a polyamorous relationship landscape, Laura sits down with Ebony of Marjani Lane to gain first person perspective on this issue. Ebony shares their perspective on the ways being non-binary can narrow dating pool, how other privileges and marginalized identities intersect with nonbinary identity, and ways that the polyam community tricks itself into thinking it's more inclusive while not walking that talk. You can find Marjani Lane the account on Instagram @MarjaniLane as well as using the Direct Me page to find other social media, ways to tip Ebony, and a subscribe button to hear when they update. If you're interested in following Laura and readyforpolyamory, check out the website [readyforpolyamory.com](readyforpolyamory.com) or [her linktree ](linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory)to find all social media, the book, and peer support options.

"My relationship structure now is significantly less hierarchical than it was when my partner and I came back to polyamory with one another." "Dangling possibilities for years is just so much worse than admitting 'this is a thing that I cannot offer." Laura and Amy discuss the practical applications of hierarchy - whether strictly applied or tacitly existing, and ways that it can be both positive and negative depending on treatment, in this week's episode. They also make some commentary on the most common issues they see brought up online in large polyam groups and the commonalities of those. Amy Norton is a sex writer who can be found talking about polyamory on Twitter @AmyisPolyam.

"It's just been wild to see the explosion of representation of polyamory on tv the last few years." "When I started my polyamory in media series there were like 2 movies and me digging for 30 year old comics and 60 year old books, and now there is so much available." Laura and Abbie sit down to talk about recent tv series portraying polyamory (and other nonmonogamy and how the two get conflated in media), as well as the proliferation of content referencing these shows in a positive way, and casual mentions of polyamory in "non-polyam" tv becoming more common. Listen to understand why they love Trigonometry, find You meh but fine, and enjoyed the Gossip Girl reboot, among other shows. When Abbie (she/they) isn't writing, reading or creating content for TikTok (@Polyanarchy), she hangs out with her polycule and her two crazy dogs or helps with direct action in her community. They have been polyamorous for 4 years and practices non-hierarchical Kitchen Table Polyamory. Follow Abbie @polyanarchy on tiktok to get their detailed takes on books, movies and tv featuring non-monogamy. As always you, can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com, on Instagram and Tiktok @readyforpolyamory, and on Twitter @ready4polyamory; and her book on Amazon & Audible.Special Guest: Abbie K.

“I find that minimizing other relationships doesn’t do what people think it will- you have to move through discomfort anyway.” “If you can’t talk about a kind of sex or a relationship style with the people you want it with, you may not be ready to have it.” On today's podcast, Laura sits down with Yana Tallon-Hicks, LMFT, to discuss the comforts and complications of polyam relationship networks when it comes to communicating our needs and wants, especially regarding our sex lives. From communicating with partners and polycule members about STI status to changes in relationships, she's got lots of useful advice for the practicalities of having these conversations. They also discuss nonmonogamy while parenting and communicating bandwidth to new and potential partners. Yana Tallon-Hicks, LMFT, is a couples and relationships therapist and a consent, sex, and sexuality writer and educator living in Western Massachusetts. Her work centers around the belief that pleasure-positive and consent-based sex education can positively impact our lives and the world. Connect with her socially on Instagram @the_vspot and professionally at [yanatallonhicks.com](yanatallonhicks.com). Order your copy of Hot and Unbothered (out August 16) at [yanatallonhicks.com/preorder](yanatallonhicks.com/preorder) or wherever you buy books. As always you, can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com, on Instagram and Tiktok @readyforpolyamory, and on Twitter @ready4polyamory; and her book on Amazon & Audible.

"We don't automatically or invisibly put expectations on each other - that leads to resentment and conflict." "To heck with the hyper independent BS - community and the autonomous individual existing together is where it's at." Laura and Michelle Hy of Polyamorous While Asian chat about solopolyamorous dating, creating symbolism in your relationships, and the cocreation of expectations within a relationship. Learn about Mchelle's dating approach of "High standards, low expectations," ideas about community focus and coregulation in relationships while maintaining autonomy, and the possible radical and anticapitalist applications of polyamory as a framework for relationships. You can find Michelle at https://polyamorouswhileasian.com/ and on Instagram @polyamorouswhileasian. The original "High Standards, Low Expectations" post can be found at https://polyamorouswhileasian.com/articles/high-standards-low-expectations As always you can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com, on Instagram and Tiktok @readyforpolyamory, and on Twitter @ready4polyamory.

"Sometimes a particular adult's involvement ebbs and flows but there isn't the kind of sudden disappearance or 'revolving door' that serial monogamists imagine with polyamorous dating because we've built a lot of community." "We were really anxious about coming out to the kids, and did, and asked if they had questions, and one of them, very in character for him, said 'Yes - can I have another hamburger?'" In today's episode, Laura sits down with her friends Jim Miles and Shanon Murray to talk about what it's like being the polyamorous parents of five kids between the ages of 2 and 19. They share the story of coming out to their 4 older children, what various family reception of this information was like, and advice for other polyamorous parents of tweens and teens in talking about nonmonogamous relationships with their kids. Jim is an engineer with a large media company; Shanon is a parenting coach with professional training in art therapy and marriage and family therapy; they live in Southern CT with their 5 children and maintain an extended polycule of partners and chosen family locally. Shanon Murray is a parenting coach in Stratford CT, helping families reach their full potential utilizing art along with other techniques and strategies. She is a nationally certified art therapist, and holds a certification as an early childhood educator in Montessori education. She is accepting new clients, and is happy to work with families virtually or in person. She can be reached by phone: 914-388-7343 email shanon.murray@yahoo.com Or though her Facebook page: https://m.facebook.com/329129277228489/ You can find some of Laura's Polyamorous Parenting FAQs on the blog here. As always, the podcast's music is by Vince Conaway who you can find at www.vinceconaway.com. You can find the blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; the book on Amazon in kindle and paperback here; the audiobook can be found here; links to first appointments for peer support with Laura here; and we'll be back at the end of the summer with Season 6.

"Acknowledging compersion isn't denying our jealousy. You can have a lot of different emotional 'foods' on your 'plate' at once." "We shouldn't beat ourselves up if we don't feel compersion the first day, just like we don't beat up our gardens for not sprouting the day we first plant and water the seeds." Laura and Dr. Liz Powell talk about how to interpret your jealousy, use it as information to keep yourself moving toward your values even when it's hard, and to see compersion as a non-required but aquirable skill that you can work on if you want to. Polyamorous references often make jealousy into a sort of boogeyman spectre and compersion into its antidote, and neither of these things are true - pretty much at all. Emotions are a lot messier than the idea of putting them on opposing spectrums makes it sound, and relationships are a lot more fluid than blaming all problems on "you're just jealous" and all solutions on "being more compersive" could ever cover. So join us for today's podcast episode for a discussion of some of the why and some of the how of both parts of this issue. Ready For Polyamory links that touch on Jealousy and Compersion: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/hard-won-compersion https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/podcast-episode-5-compersion https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/compersion-is-not-mandatory https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/emotional-ergonomics-boundaries-and-self-compassion https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-insecurity-and-nesting https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/season-3-episode-9-practical-solutions-for-jealousy-and-fomo https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/but-don-t-you-get-jealous https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/jealousy-and-hierarchy Link to Dr. Liz's compersion slides and worksheets that they were kind enough to make available: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15wgY-uA33jwiHXZ80y7tfYXQKRiIEOLK Dr. Liz is a sex educator, therapist, speaker, and author who works with singles, couples, and polycules across the sexual spectra to improve their lives - including the sexual portions of them. They work with anyone who wants to cultivate healthy, consent-driven, and autonomy-focused relationships, although non-monogamists, non-binary folx, kinksters, and queerdos are a special focus. You can learn more about their therapy practice (licensed in CA and OR) and coaching at their site, become a backer of their Patreon for early access and exclusive content at their Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/drliz, buy their book "Building Open Relationships" here or follow their social media for more information on their future work. The Indiegogo for the audiobook version of their book Building Open Relationships is running now, check it out: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/building-open-relationships-audiobook#/ As always the Ready for Polyamory blog is at www.readyforpolyamory.com; you can find Laura at Twitter @lauracb88 and IG and TikTok @readyforpolyamory; the Ready for Polyamory facebook group at facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, links to peer support sessions with Laura here, and the Ready for Polyamory Audiobook here, as well as paperback and Kindle on Amazon. Special Guest: Dr. Liz Powell.

"I really think we could de-escalate the use of de-escalation as a term. Let's talk about transitions and changes maybe instead. It's more accurate." "De-escalating literally implies stepping down, a level lower, that something is less or worse, but often what is happening is a re-calibration so that relationships suit the needs of the people rather than preferencing a label over the humans using it." Many polyamorous and other nonmonogamous people (as well as some monogamous folks, especially separating coparents) are beginning to refer to major relationship changes or ends as de-escalations, regardless of the kind or intensity or direction of the change in the relationship. Laura and Roy of Open Relating talk about the mononormative implications of "break up" that seem to be driving this within the polyam community, and about alternative frameworks that don't give so much preference to relationships that are consistently romantic and sexual over long periods of time - because change is the only certainty in long term relating. The RfP blog on deescalation: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/why-de-escalation Roy Graff is a relationship coach and trainee psychotherapist based in London, who works with individuals, dyads, and polycules of various configurations and relationship styles. You can find Roy at [openrelating.love](openrelating.love) and see his upcoming in person and digital events; he runs a digital support session and London, UK based in person events. His Instagram and Twitter are @openrelating As always, you can find the Ready for Polyamory blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com; Laura at Twitter @lauracb88 and IG and TikTok @readyforpolyamory; the Ready for Polyamory facebook group at facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory, links to peer support sessions with Laura here, and the Ready for Polyamory Audiobook here, as well as paperback and Kindle on Amazon.

"The purpose of a pride flag is unification and visibility for the represented group - and the current polyamory flag does neither." "If you say polyamory or kink or leather can't be at pride 'for the kids,' then it's your choice where to bring them, not our responsibility to celebrate differently for your comfort." In today's episode, Laura talks to Kristian of Polyamproud, the not-for-profit tryign to update polyamory's pride flag, about the polyam flag, pride parades, the purpose of pride, history behind different Pride events, and why any of this is important in the first place. We also have a pleasant little vent about people trying to gatekeep who can attend Pride events and how and why, and there is a bit more foul language than usual on my (Laura's) part in that bit, because as those of you who follow my Twitter (lauracb88) know, I really can't stand the "every Pride event must be appropriate for my five year old and my banker" crowd. Essentially, we're here, many of us are queer, and we'd like a better flag, please, and today we talk about why. I hope you enjoy the ride. There's a lot of good background info on this at polyamproud's site listed below, and at their [linktree here](linktr.ee/polyamproud). Polyamproud is a volunteer-operated not-for-profit organization aimed at updating polyamory’s pride flag. Focusing on representation, inclusivity, and transparency, polyamproud is dedicated to ensuring as many polyamorous and non-monogamous people as possible have their voice heard in the democratic selection of an all-new pride flag. You can find them at [polyamproud.com](polyamproud.com) or @polyamproud on Instagram and Twitter. In Ready for Polyamory news, the AUDIOBOOK IS HERE!! I'm excited about it and I know podcast listeners are a big chunk of who asked me about when it would be available in audio, so I'm glad to say, now! As always, you can visit the blog for weekly new posts or our archive of 250+ articles on polyamory at www.readyforpolyamory.com, and follow @readyforpolyamory on Instagram and Tiktok, as well as following the facebook page or joining the [Group](www.facebook.com/groups/readyforpolyamory). Peer support sessions are available, to book a single session to meet and see if we're a good fit use the link at my linktree or here or if you know you'd like to work with me longer term, send an inquiry to readyforpolyamory@gmail.com and we'll discuss a plan that meets your needs.

"Solopolyamory flies in the face of this idea that if you love someone you'll want to be with them 24/7. It's just not true. We're here in defiance of it." "it's about this extreme representation of maintaining your personhood within relationships and re-inforcing that with your lifestyle choices." Today, the podcast discusses solo polyamory - what is it? How do solopolyam people live? What are some of the equivalent changes and balances in a space to accomodate partners that solopolyam partners can make, like the accomodation of partners discussed in our polyam cohabitation episode from Season 4, which ended up being unnecessarily couple-centric. With details like logistics of Ro's space as an example of how to lay out your boundaries for partners who come to your space, roommates and shared spaces, and answering listener questions that followed off of the cohabitation episode, this episode disambiguated solopolyamorous living for listeners who don't practice their polyamory this way. Ro Moëd is a relationship coach and passionate advocate for polyamory and relationship anarchy awareness. On their instagram (@unapolygetically) they use their background in adult education and linguistics to blend text, video and illustration, in order to cover various topics including conscious relating, solo polyamory, the language we use about relationships, and common issues in non-monogamy. You can also find them on Twitter @unapolygetic and find their coaching calendar at calendly.com/romoed. As always, you can find the Ready for Polyamory blog at www.readyforpolyamory.com, the book at Amazon, Laura on Instagram and TikTok @readyforpolyamory and Twitter @lauracb88. The audiobook has just released and you can find it at audible .