"I need to have a word with the people at Netflix about teasing polyamory" "Books are just leaps and bounds ahead of tv in representation, so my standards are way higher" In today's episode, Laura and Abbie of PolyAnarchy discuss polyamorous representation in various tv properties and books. Their favorites include the book To Shape a Dragon's Breath and they universally pan what they term "all the Netflix reality shows that use the word throuple and don't give us one." Special Guest: Abbie K.

"You need the self-awareness and the meta-communication to make using the tools easier for you. It's about waking up to doing it intentionally." "In my romantic relationships and my friendships, I feel so empowered in my communication - we have so many tools we can turn to." The new book from Dedeker, Emily and Jase of Multiamory is a tool kit for communication in relationships of all kinds. In today's podcast episode we focus on one in particular that they delve into - microscripts - but we also range through topics like conflict resolution, our peeves in relationship advice, and which two of the four of us have been to therapy with our moms. Find the Ready for Polyamory review of the Multiamory book here: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/recent-reading Jase, Emily, and Dedeker created the Multiamory Podcast in 2014 to raise awareness, provide approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with hundreds of episodes, millions of downloads around the world, and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools, grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. Multiamory has been featured in numerous publications, including NPR, Vice, Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, Cosmopolitan, and Elle. In addition to their national tours, they have presented at the Google campus in Seattle and have been keynote speakers and presenters at numerous conferences. For more information and links to buy the book, please visit: https://www.multiamory.com/book.

Laura speaks with Jessica Fern and David Cooley about their new book, PolyWise, paradigm shifts for folks making changes in non monogamous relationships, and restorative rather than punitive views of conflict. They discuss why the authors included so many different psychological modalities and approaches in their book, the value of different tools for folks encountering big transitions in relationships, and more. "It's about intentionality - being willing to lead with your feelings, hearing when your partner does as well, and keeping in mind that healing and relating are verbs." "Paradigms were an important focus for us because we're all so steeped in them - and getting to a place where we identify our values and shift them intentionally is really powerful." PolyWise is available at all booksellers August 25, 2023. Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. Jessica is the author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polyseucre Workbook: Healing Your Attachment and Creating Security in Loving Relationships. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com. As always you can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory @readyforpolyamory on social media and at [readyforpolyamory.com ](www.readyforpolyamory.com). New podcast episodes will be up Thursdays all fall!Special Guest: Jessica Fern.

"The relationship they need to feel secure is not always the one you need to deescalate to the 'good parts' of your relationship with them." "It can be really triggering to watch someone greive so outwardly about someone else and their relationship while you're still with them." Leanne Yau of PolyPhiliaBlog guests on this week's episode to discuss her recent breakup and breakups in general, and when they end up being necessary over de-escalations, with Laura. We talk about breakups when you're 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon or less from your former partners by staying in community, how these can be even more difficult than leaving a relationship, that people sometimes stay in relationships to "prove the haters wrong," and more. The episode includes a section on Related blog posts at the Ready for Polyamory Blog include: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breakups-in-polyamory https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/breaking-up-is-hard-to-do https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy (on automatic promotion to primary) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201809/how-respond-people-in-crisis-comfort-in-dump-out (Grief ring theory dump in comfort out) Leanne Yau, aka Poly Philia, is a polyamory educator and sex-positive influencer on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Patreon, and YouTube. She creates and curates humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity, and was named #1 in Cosmopolitan's '10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok'. You can find her on all social media as @polyphiliablog; and her patreon and shop at http://patreon.com/polyphiliablog; http://polyphiliashop.Redbubble.com. Special Guest: Leanne Yau.

"Start the revolution from your affections is an imperfect translation, but it's as close as we could get to the idea that we don't want freedom from our bonds, we want freedom made by our bonds" "Relationship Anarchy is essentially the everyday decision to make visible and question all of the presumptions that underlie all our relationships." If you find discussions of Relationship Anarchy to be dismissive, surface level, or fail to explain what the political anarchist principles that are being applied to relationships ARE, this book may be for you. We discuss the idea that self-care is useless without community care, that the idea is to make all relationships more valuable, not romantic relationships less so, and other overarching themes. The concept of the book, originally published in Spanish in 2020, is to clarify a more radical framework for sustainable interpersonal relationships based on communication and free conscientious commitment, based on alternatives to hegemonic monogamous patriarchal systems. It argues, among other points, that the difference between "nonhierarchical polyamory" and "relationship anarchy" is a willingness to engage in the political meaning of our relationship choices. Get the Relationship Anarchy book and more information here: https://relationshipanarchybook.com/ As always you can find the latest happenings for Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com ; on the ko-fi shop at www.ko-fi.com/readyforpolyamory/shop there are newly uploaded class copies.

Content Warning: we discuss abusive relationships, and (without details) sexual assault and the process of reporting and discussing such incidents in community and with organizations that were around us at that time. Folks should use their discretion in deciding if this is an episode they can listen to and when they should do so. "A lot of survivors get given the impression they can't be non-monogamous. That isn't necessarily true." "Trauma-informed non-monogamy and non-monogamous spaces can be harder to find than we want them to be." Sydney Rae Chin is a chef, pleasure curator, and sex worker. They nourish people through body, mind, and soul through curated pleasure centered experiences. Sydney's work is informed by their ancestral roots in Guangdong/Hong Kong, non-monogamy practice, and experiences with survivorship (intimate partner and sexual violence). If you want to book Sydney's alter ego, head to eatwithlydialim.com to experience the more submissive and spicier side of their life. Links: eatwithlydialim.com and sexysoupdumplings.com incoming soon https://msha.ke/sexysoupdumplings/ https://onlyfans.com/smexysoupdumplings

"The definition I prefer to use is that abuse is a pattern of behavior with the design, intent, or consequence of making someone unable to leave a situation." "We need to expand our conceptions of abuse because so many support systems are using methods of understanding that are heteronormative and based entirely on married people, much less mononormative." CW: this episode speaks about patterns of behavior and harm that can comprise abusive relationships, and while it strives not to be explicit, it may be triggering for some survivors of abuse. Use your discretion for if or the timing of when you listen. Laura speaks with Claire Travers of Poly Pages regarding abuse in polyamory, resources for folks who believe they may be in abusive relationships, and the most well known examples of abuse in polyam relationships. Claire Travers runs events, a podcast, webcasts, and research hubs for Poly Pages, an academic-focused resource on polyamory, which you can find at www.polypages.org. You can also find her on instagram and tiktok @polypages. Poly Pages is partnered with The Network La Red in the USA and Refuge in the UK to expand definitions and understandings of abuse outside of hetero-mononormative views. You can find The Network La Red at https://www.tnlr.org/en/ and they have a Zoom event "Coffee with The Network La Red" this sunday about the nuance in "the myth of mutual abuse" and some of the "flying monkey" and "DARVO" issues Claire and I discuss in this episode as well as the "no perfect victim" issues Alicia and I discussed in the previous one on March 26 at 10 am. You can find the registration link and more at their linktree here: https://linktr.ee/thenetworklared Refuge for those in the UK can be found here: https://refuge.org.uk/

Content Warning: throughout this episode, we speak frankly of forms of emotional, financial, and physical abuse. There is no particularly graphic content and the episode is "safe for work" in a traditional sense, but it may be triggering to some listeners and begins with a similar audio content warning. Listen at a time and in a place when you have the capacity to care for yourself, especially if you are a survivor of abuse. "There are several conversations our community should be having about abuse but the first step should be to acknowledge it happens in polyamorous relationships." "Mainstream polyamorous discourse is simply not trauma-informed and therefore is mostly ridiculous. It ignores people's reality and becomes a richer tool for abusers." In this episode, Laura sits down with Alicia Bunyan-Sampson, of Polyamorous Black Girl, to discuss abuse in polyamorous relationships and the conversations the polyam community needs to be having around this challenging topic. They go over the ways the polyam community's wider conversation fails survivors by implying that polyamory is "more enlightened" than monogamy; the ways being a subculture can begin the work of isolating a victim for an abuser; the fact that there is no such thing as a "perfect victim" and that this complicates public perception of abuse; some conversations the community needs to have more often; and more. You can find a listing of all Alicia's websites and social media at https://bio.site/polyamorousblackgirl, but she is frequently posting on instagram @polyamorousblackgirl on tiktok @polyamorousblkgrl and on twitter @polyamblackgirl. As always you can find Laura and Ready for Polyamory at readyforpolyamory.com and the full links to all her social media and upcoming projects at linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory. Special Guest: Alicia Bunyan-Sampson .

Non-monogamy is a big umbrella! polyamory isn't the only thing that falls under it. Often, folks can be a little Holier-than-thou (polier-than-thou?) about their nonmonogamy, implying that polyamory is more evolved than other kinds of consensual non-monogamy or being decidedly sex-negative when they learn that folks entered their nonmonogamous journey from opening to swinging or being "monogamish" instead of polyamorous. So on today's episode we're going to talk about the kind of middle spaces that many folks actually continue to exist in (eg, polyam people with ongoing relationships who also have casual encounters or attend sex parties, or swingers who play with the same people for many years and become exceptionally close), as well as what these communities can learn from one another. Our guests today are Emma and Fin of the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast, who interview hundreds of non-mono individuals to share the extremely broad variation in the realities of nonmonogamous folks' lives. They share their own story with us here. You can find their podcast on most podcast platforms and their site here: https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/ https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/community

"It's really just a matter of making sure people really see me, Ebony, and me includes non-binary identity as well as the experience of Black womanhood." "It's been one thing to have issues in dating, but more than wrong pronouns or disrepect from partners, it's been metamours seeing me as a woman because of shared partners." In response to listener questions about non-binary experience in a polyamorous relationship landscape, Laura sits down with Ebony of Marjani Lane to gain first person perspective on this issue. Ebony shares their perspective on the ways being non-binary can narrow dating pool, how other privileges and marginalized identities intersect with nonbinary identity, and ways that the polyam community tricks itself into thinking it's more inclusive while not walking that talk. You can find Marjani Lane the account on Instagram @MarjaniLane as well as using the Direct Me page to find other social media, ways to tip Ebony, and a subscribe button to hear when they update. If you're interested in following Laura and readyforpolyamory, check out the website [readyforpolyamory.com](readyforpolyamory.com) or [her linktree ](linktr.ee/readyforpolyamory)to find all social media, the book, and peer support options.