Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 Your Weekly Hug

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresWARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. Pornography is probably as old as art itself.  Whether you indulge, or wouldn't go near it, there has never been a time when it is more graphic, or readily available to children and teens, with the knock-on impact on their own attitudes towards sex and relationships. Just for context, an unbelievable 42 billion individual visitors accessed Pornhub in 2019, averaging more than 115 million visits per day, and that was before Covid-19.That's why it's critical that we all find a way to have conversations with our teens about what they might access, whether deliberately or by accident, and how to put it into context in a way that will protect them from the harm it can cause. In this episode we looked into the statistics, the science, and the reality of how we talk to our teens and what we need cover. How to talk about it:Www.culturereframed.orghttps://fightthenewdrug.org/lets-talk-about-porn/https://protectyoungeyes.com/10-before-10-time-to-make-porn-a-normal-talk/Resources used:Boys and Sex - Peggy Orensteinhttps://parents.culturereframed.org/https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/watching-pornography-rewires-the-brain-to-a-more-juvenile-state/?fbclid=IwAR1_G3WTO_CkM5FYwONmKd5VN6Pja7UYwFzBPiB6oxEEjhWz6V9kNYBOZCMhttps://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/02/03/brain-chemicals-and-porn-addiction/Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresA definition of bullying:  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims. What researchers have learned about it:There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others.Solutions to bullying are not simple. Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches.Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied.Studies have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modelling kindness and respect, and seeking help.WHAT PARENTS CAN DO:     Ask questions of everyone, write everything down and become the most pleasant nuisance you can be until it is resolved.Beforehand: Parents create trust with children by initiating open, honest discussions. Communicate values and learn about your child’s experience. Make it easier for your children to turn to you if they witness or experience bullying. A bully's preferred method of intimidation is to keep his victim isoExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresLone parenting:One of Susie’s superpowers has been raising three kids alone, so this time we look at some of the issues of lone parents, and some top tips for managing well.We talk about positive modelling of the opposite sex, the stresses on teenagers and how to support them, and how to use mindfulness to find your way through the stresses of doing it alone. Links to resources I dipped into are below. We’d love to hear if there are any specific issues you’d like tackled.Moody teenagers:Simon’s son’s moods are bringing down the whole family. He asked us what he can do about it and how to know when it’s something more serious than just being a typical teenager.We talk about the science behind what’s happening, the way in which it can trigger our fears as a parent, and what to do to coach a teen through moody phases so that it doesn’t impact the entire family.We also give the top things to consider when wondering whether it’s something more serious that needs professional help.   Resources used for single parenting:http://www.ymresourcer.com/model/brhome.htmhttps://www.outbacktreatment.com/effects-divorce-teen/ Resources used for dealing with moody teenagers:https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/why-are-teenagers-so-moody-a6874856.htmlhttps://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/tweens-teens/moody-teenagerDan Siegel The Adolescent Brainhttps://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gut-feelings-how-food-affects-your-mood-2018120715548https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/shows.php?shows=1Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresIf you know the film Mean Girls you're no stranger to the concept that teen friendship groups can be fraught with problems. Whilst the film illustrates an extreme version of the issue any parent of girls will be familiar with the angst they can cause. With the help of the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, Susie and I look at how you can coach your daughter positively through this tumultuous time. Below are top tips I gleaned from the book: Wiseman breaks down the structure of these groups into roles. The Queen Bee - the one who sets the tone for the group, and holds control.The Sidekick - the one who backs up the Queen Bee.The Banker - The one who collects information on members and uses it like a currency.The Messenger - The one who passes on information to try and make peace between girls.The Pleaser/Wannabe - The one who tries to please the others regardless of what she loses in the process.The Torn Bystander - The one who sees what's happening but feels powerless to say anything.The Target - The one who is undermined to consolidate power.The Champion - The one who manages to have friends in different groups.Power is wielded through teasing and gossip.An excellent video to watch with your teen:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zx11-9RU2UThe job of the parent is to help your daughter recognise what's happening and help her to strategise.How to do this:S: Stop and strategise.E: Explain to 'mean girl' what it was that she doesn't like about the way she has been treated.A: Affirm her right to exist without being humiliated.L: Lock in/Lock out of the relationship.Bill of Rights:·       What does she wantExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresMore than half of UK parents in one study were concerned that excessive screen time while schools were closed could cause addiction later down the line, so if you feel the boundaries have shifted you're not alone. Don't panic: Common Sense Media and the WHO (when adding gaming disorder to their list of diseases) say it's not how many hours are spent on screens, it's what your teen is using screens for and the impact it has on how they feel and the other areas of their life. Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ Key Resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-your-selfie/202105/teens-and-technology-guide-digital-detoxing https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/screen-time-in-the-age-of-the-coronavirus https://socialmediavictims.org/effects-of-social-media/Lawsuits against Meta (Facebook and Instagram) for the harm they cause users - https://socialmediavictims.org/meta-lawsuits HEALTHY EATING: Our knowledge and understanding around eating disorders is far more developed than it ever was in the past. Most of us know that developing a disorder can be harrowing and life-threatening, and needs professional intervention. As a result, many of us are fearful of saying anythiExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Sibling rivalry isn’t just a nuisance; it’s a vital part of growing up! The podcast discusses how these conflicts teach kids about boundaries and self-awareness. You'll learn practical strategies for reducing tensions, like avoiding labels and encouraging communication skills. Plus, the importance of cultivating sibling bonds is highlighted, as well as tackling the tricky issue of vaping. Open dialogue about health risks is emphasized, helping parents navigate both challenging behaviors and lifestyle choices effectively.

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresCovid has given everyone a real bashing. For teenagers, one upside is that we now talk more about mental health, but at the same time our teens have been stuck in their rooms on digital devices. The number using social media for four hours or more has increased dramatically. Seeing people who aren't in lockdown having fun or looking glamorous just at the time when they want to be branching out is very difficult for teens.   A recent analysis for the BBC says there’s been a 77% rise in severe mental health cases in under 18’s and that head teachers are also reporting a huge rise in less severe mental health issues.In a recent survey of over 200 of Place2Be’s frontline mental health professionals the common themes that young people have been raising are·        Loneliness & isolation (55%) ·        Academic worries (48%) ·        Juggling schoolwork (45%) ·        Loss of rituals like end of year activities or exams (43%) ·        Family relationship difficulties (42%)A very touching, emotional BBC documentary that helps to see the world through the eyes of school kids and teachers:https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0g8c10s/helping-our-teens-series-1-episode-1WHAT CAN YOU DO?  Tips – www.place2be·        Remind your child about everything they want to achieve and encourage them to look ahead.·        Remind them of how valued they are.·        Acknowledge how hard it has been not seeing their loved ones and friends. Help them find ways to do that.·        Respond calmly and in a resilient way and your child will take their cue from you.·        Encourage them to try new things in something they enjoy.·        Check in with your teen. It's really important to find time to connect with them AND to encourage them to talk about their feelings.Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresA healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do. An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it. Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group.Influences:Family environment,Ability/disabilityAttitudes of peersSocial mediaCultural background  Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image.How to prevent body image issues as a parent:Psychologists Jean Baker Miller and Irene Stiver 1997 study said that what gives us self-esteem (the opposite of shame) isn’t a terrific outfit or success, it’s forming and maintaining relationships which makes people feel sure of their value. Talk to your teenager about images in social media. Help them to see how fake they are and how digital manipulation is rife, also how everyone doesn’t look like that. Praise your teenager for what they can do, not what they look like. Sharing the knowledge that shame is a normal experience helps the teenager feel that they aren’t alone. Be kind to yourself. Expecting perfection from ourselves makes us expect it from others. Be proud of things about yourself that aren’t about your appearance.Avoid negative talk about your diet/crash diets.As a parent, be proud of what your body can do.What to look out for:The teenager belongs Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresWe'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?And our listener’s question comes from Emma: '‘My fourteen year old is very musical, but wants to stop playing the piano now she’s grade four. I’m so upset about it, because whenever she seems to be good at something she goes so far then just gives up and wants to hang out with her friends. What should I do?"TED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=enBooks referenced: The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned JohnsonThe Gift of Failure by Jessica LaheyThrivers by Michele BorbaExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresOur teens are growing up in a world of TikTok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable from that of their parents.In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator. Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org: 1 in 7 under 18’s sends sext messages; 1 in 4 receives them. 1 in 8 who received a message has sent it to others without the sender’s consent. Internet Watch Foundation, confirmed 68k cases of self-generated imagery that needed to be removed in 2020 – up 77% on the previous year.In 80% of these cases, the victims were 11 to 13-year-old girls. Fewer than 8% of young women send nude pics because they genuinely want to.Book: When You Lose It, Roxy and Gay Longworth. Why do they sext?Seeking someone’s approvalLong distance/online relationships, where there is a desire to have a sexual relationshipFeeling confident in their looks and they want to share with other peoplePeer pressureFunAs a result of harassment, threats or blackmailWhat to do?Having regular talks about relationships, sex and consent. Use open questions, actively listen, and never be shocked. What do they post about themselves?What sites do they use and what draws them there? What types of attention are they looking for online and from whom? How do they decide what information to share? Set clear guidelines and firewalls.Boys?Adolescent boys are under enormous pressuExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk