Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 Your Weekly Hug

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresJust under half a million teenagers will start university this autumn in the UK alone. Whilst it might be an exciting time for the teenager, the family left behind can be left reeling with a sense of grief and loss.  We talk about what you might be feeling and how best to deal with it.  Also, Alex has asked us to take a look at what we should be saying to our teens about manners. We talk about what they are and what they say about you as a person.   RESEARCH SOURCES:  EMPTY NEST: https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/parenting/a11692/empty-nest-syndrome/#:~:text=Don't%20make%20them%20feel,OK%20and%20coping%20without%20them. https://www.theguardian.com/education/2013/sep/18/parents-coping-when-children-leave-home https://psychcentral.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/  MANNERS: https://gt20.org/life-resources/etiquette-manners/rules-of-etiquette/ https://www.wisebread.com/12-lessons-in-manners-from-around-the-world https://mannersadvisor.com/whats-the-difference-between-etiquette-and-manners/ https://www.verywellfamily.com/manners-your-teen-should-use-and-how-to-teach-them-2608864 https://harappa.education/harappa-diaries/etiquette-and-manners/ https://www.familyeducation.com/life/manners/how-rude-age-age-guide-teaching-kids-mannersExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresCan you imagine a TV presenter wearing the same blue suit on-screen for 12 months and nobody noticing, or commenting?  Well in Australia, Karl Stefanovic did exactly this to make a point about the different standards men and women are held to.  He says whilst his female colleagues were often messaged about what they were wearing, in his case nobody even mentioned his clothing. All the messages were about how he did his job. This is the difficult world our teenage girls have to navigate. So they soon realise that what they wear has immense power, but also marks them out and exposes them to criticism. It's a tricky path to tread even for an adult woman. Given that our teen girls are growing up in a world in which many of their icons dress in a very provocative manner, the question of how we talk to our own daughters about the clothes they chose has never been more important. So how do we tread the line between making sure that they feel confident about themselves, without triggering our own fears and prejudices?Also, a housing crisis in Sarah's area has meant their family have had to downsize their home. She's concerned about how she should talk with her teenagers about the situation. We look at how she can handle it in a way that stops the situation from having more of an impact than it needs to. RESOURCES USED:Girls clothinghttps://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/teen-talk/why-you-should-let-your-teen-wear-what-they-want/https://bellamag.co/dress-code-conversation-teen/https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/what-youre-wearing-too-revealing.htmlhttps://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-clothes/Change of circumstancehttps://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-get-better-at-dealing-with-changeExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresIn all honesty, very few of us thought about our partner's possible parenting style when we began dating them. I know that I didn't. It's mostly romance and blind hope at that stage. By the time the subject really comes into focus we're already in the thick of parenting. Louise has asked us to talk about this, and we loved the topic because so many of us lack the skills to successfully navigate a happy path with a partner who sees things differently. We talk about why consensus is so important in parenting, but also when disagreement can actually benefit your teenager. Finally, we give some top tips on how to go about finding a path to agreement that works for everyone. Also, as the world shifts in the direction of a knowledge economy - and increasing automation of jobs - our need for new skills has made a college education seem vital. But is that the right path for our teens? Gaelle asked to discuss how we talk to our teens about their future careers in a way that supports them.BOOKS MENTIONED:Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel KahnemanWEBSITE LINKS:*https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/discipline/parents-disagree-on-disciplinehttp://teentherapycentersv.org/2015/03/24/consistency-the-toughest-and-most-important-part-of-parenting-2/https://childmind.org/article/conflicts-over-parenting-styles/BOOKS MENTIONED:Thank You for Being Late: An Optimist's Guide to Thriving in the Age of Accelerations by Thomas Friedman WEBSITE LINKS:hExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresDrugs are everywhere; whether they are being peddled by pharmaceutical companies to fix medical problems, used as performance enhancers, or just for kicks, there's a really high chance that our teens will be offered them by someone. The big question is how can we talk to our teens about them in a way that discourages dangerous habits or situations whilst letting them know that they can come to us for help and advice about what they're seeing and doing?We discuss what drugs are, how to think through the subject as a parent, and how to talk with your teens to keep them safe.Top tips from Sharon Levy MD:1: Make your values and rules very clear, don’t be vague.2: Ask and listen, but  resist the urge to lecture. 3: If your teen has used substances explore the reasons.4: Intervene earlier rather than later. It’s hard to spot when it’s becoming a real problem.5: Be mindful of any history of substance abuse in the family. It increases the risk. To show your teen: https://www.kctv5.com/video/2022/09/21/mom-talks-about-son-fentanyl-overdose/Also, divorce can be incredibly painful but one of the big problems parents can hit in the teen years is the teenager who decides they don't want to see the other parent. We talk about why this happens and how you can support your teen through it. Resources: Starting with our favouritesWebsite for finding out about drugs being used by teens, and their possible side-effects: https://www.talktofrank.com/https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/teens-and-drugs-5-tips-for-talking-with-your-kids-201808161456https://childmind.org/article/mental-health-disorders-and-substance-use/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=neExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingAs a parent, have you ever felt overwhelmed by the sheer size of your job and the range of the responsibilities it involves? Do you ever feel like you've done enough, or are you always suffering with the nagging feeling that you are falling short and it's your fault that things aren't perfect? Well Clare certainly has, so she asked us to talk about Mom guilt. What we discovered has blown our minds. Also, have you ever had that horrible feeling that your teenager is getting too friendly with the wrong kind of people? What do you do if you don't like their new friends? We researched what the experts say about it and talk about things that you can consider before wading in. References: Helena Morrissey, Good Time to be a Girlhttps://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/why-mom-guilt-is-the-biggest-lie-of-all/https://www.choosingtherapy.com/mom-guilt/https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-teen-doctor/201605/10-tips-when-you-dont-your-teens-friendshttps://grownandflown.com/what-not-say-dont-like-teens-friends/https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/does-your-child-have-toxic-friends-6-ways-to-deal-with-the-wrong-crowd/Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresHave you ever caught your teenager lying to you?  Let's face it, lying is part of everyday life. In fact an entire film was made on the premise of a lawyer incapable of telling a lie for 24 hours. The result is comedy, but we all know that it can be serious. Our challenge is teaching kids to be truthful to us when it matters, and to be able to tell the difference between the sorts of lies that oil relationships in a healthy way and the ones that will ultimately end up destroying trust.We discuss the types of lying, the reasons why our teenagers are doing it, and how to tackle the situation when they're caught out. Also, have you been keeping track of the age at which you give each of your teens specific freedoms? When could they get their ears pierced, when did they get their devices, and when were they allowed out to parties? Have you kept careful notes, or did you just wing it? It can cause real friction between siblings so we share our own stories.RESOURCES:https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/thinking-about-kids/201703/why-do-teens-lie-part-1https://www.researchgate.net/publication/280064789_From_junior_to_senior_Pinocchio_A_cross-sectional_lifespan_investigation_of_deceptionhttps://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/why-do-teenagers-lie/https://www.jstor.org/stable/353854?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents"Other Teens Drink, but Not My Kid": Does Parental Awareness of Adolescent Alcohol Use Protect Adolescents from Risky Consequences?https://www.parenting-hub.com/parenting/teen/consequences-for-teenagers-lying/Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresDo you have a teen at home who's all sweet and loving with one parent, but treats the other like they're a bad smell? Karen says she feels like running away because she's walking on eggshells in her own house, with a daughter who is rude to her but sweet and kind to her husband.Why do they do it and how can we, as both a parent and partner, make things better for everyone? Also, it's been around since the Ancients: Personal expression using hair dyes, make-up, nail varnish, piercing and tattoos is something teenagers gravitate towards, and some parents struggle with. How should we respond to any requests or demands, and what restrictions should we be putting in place?RESOURCES:Favoured parent:https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/you-might-not-be-your-teens-preferred-parent-right-now-but-that-doesnt-mean-they-love-you-less/https://imperfectfamilies.com/child-prefers-one-parent/https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/kid-prefers-parent/https://theweek.com/articles/915007/why-kids-have-favorite-parentTeenage Expression:https://gracieopulanza.com/psychology-of-teenagers-the-tattoo-and-piercing-generation/https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/tattoos-for-teens https://www2.ljworld.com/news/2015/mar/24/double-take-teen-tattoos-are-lasting-expression-wo/Explore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresWhen we covered the issues of friendship groups, with girls in mind, we had a massive reaction from parents who have been struggling to understand what's going on. Now it's the turn of boys. When friendships work, they are extremely beneficial, but what causes boys to struggle with their mates, and how can we help them?Also, how do you deal with swearing in your family? Is it absolutely forbidden, does it matter who's doing it and when, or are you all a bit potty-mouthed? We look at the science and the social side of swearing. References: Teenage Boyshttps://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/the-parent-coach/how-to-help-your-son-deal-with-mean-boyshttps://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2018/11/08/mean-behavior-isnt-just-girls-heres-how-help-your-son-manage-toxic-relationships/https://www.parentsleague.org/blog/listening-project-fostering-connection-boys%E2%80%99-schoolshttps://www.menshealth.com/uk/mental-strength/a32002443/the-importance-of-staying-connected/https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jora.12047https://www.amazon.co.uk/Deep-Secrets-Friendships-Crisis-Connection/dp/0674072421Watch/listen with your teen:https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=enThe Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett PodcastThe 2022 film Close: https://www.festival-cannes.com/en/festival/films/closeReferences: Swearinghttps://www.verywellfamily.com/managing-disrespectful-teens-3974887https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-39082467.amphttps://www.discovermagazine.com/health/worried-about-your-foul-mouth-swearing-could-actually-be-good-for-youExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresThe rate of self-harm among young children in the UK has doubled over the last six years according to recent research compiled by the British Broadcasting Corporation.Keith Hawton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told File on 4 the data on self-harm was “in keeping with what we’re finding from our research databases. It’s almost as though the problem is spreading down the age range. One analysis of self-injury behaviour across more than 40 countries found that the average age of the first incident of self-harm is 13 and adolescents have the highest rate of self-injury behaviour. Given the increasing risk that your teen, or one of their friends, will be impacted by self-harm we decided to delve into what it is and how we can better help our adolescents. One mum says that her 12 year old teen began self-harming due to bullying. She takes her to the swings whenever she needs to soothe herself, and says it makes all the difference. Such a great idea! Resources:https://www.priorygroup.com/media-centre/ten-ways-a-parent-can-help-a-child-avoid-self-harminghttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201803/6-tips-reduce-self-harm-in-childrenhttps://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/for-friends-and-family/https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/10-ways-people-self-harm-self-injurehttps://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/why-pro-self-injury-pro-self-harm-websites-are-dangerousExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingExplore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresThe anxiety epidemic:In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.  Suggested books:·        The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry·       Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz.The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidthttps://www.anxiousgeneration.com/Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer Mindfulness is a key tool:'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.''If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.'·       The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings? ·       Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you?·       What is the result of those behaviours?'When you get into an anxiety loop use:RAIN:Recognise difficult feelings.Accept them and allow them to be there.Investigate the sensations in your body aExplore Worldwide Family HolidaysClick here for adventures your children will never forget. https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventuresSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk